Jokes about schoolchildren and teachers. Children's jokes about school Jokes on a school theme

1. Two boys are talking at school: “I did homework with my mother yesterday... Damn, she should have tortured the Germans during the war...

2. As they say, it’s never too late to learn, and if it’s too late, you can turn on the lamp.

3. A mother reprimands her son’s teacher:
- Well, how could you give my son a task in which a bottle of vodka costs 5 rubles? My husband couldn’t close his eyes all night from excitement!

4. In physical education class:
- So, guys, which one of you smokes? Honestly! Dont lie! So. .. means you.. and you. .. I see... So, it’s like this: you and I will smoke, the rest will take five laps around the stadium.

5. – Sema, how much should your mother pay for 2 kilograms of apples, if 1 kg costs 2 rubles?
– I can’t say, Mr. Teacher, my mother always bargains.

6. Diary entry: “Your son is the only one who took vodka on the hike! ... Thank you for your son!”

7. The labor teacher would never have been told that he was drinking at work if he had not come sober one day.

8. At a teachers’ meeting, the teacher addresses Vovochka’s mother:
- Your son drew a fly on his desk! I knocked my whole arm off!
Mother:
- What else! He drew a crocodile in the bathtub, so I flew out of the painted door in fright!
He also drew a barrel of beer on the fence. And my father and his friends stood in line for half a day.

9. The husband returned home angry and tired and said:
- It's all your fault! You send me to a parent meeting and don’t tell me what school our son goes to.

Funny jokes about school

10. The son comes home with a bad mark.
- Dad, don't worry!
- Okay, just don't be offended!

11. A boy who did not study well graduated from school with a red bottom.

12. The inspectorate checks the rural school. Approach the director:
- Why do your students say “having arrived” and “having left” instead of “came” and “left”?
- And they are so used to it with us.

13. Do you have a higher education? Or even two? Do homework with a 4th grade student using modern textbooks - feel like an idiot!

14. The school principal catches a guy smoking in the toilet:
- Which class? Guy blowing smoke rings:
- Bourgeoisie!

15. Vovochka, who would you like to become?
- Lion or tiger!
- For what?
- So that everyone would be afraid of me.
- Even the teacher?
- Oh no! Nothing can scare our teacher.

16. Teacher: - Children, what is five times five?
Children in chorus: - Seventy!
- Well, what are you, children! Five and five will be 25... well, 26, well, 27, well, in extreme cases, 28, but not 70!

17. New cigarettes especially for schoolchildren! “Parental Meeting”, now with a belt flavor.

18. – Children, draw a square with a side of ten centimeters!
- Maryivanna, what kind of square is this - with one side?!

19. The teacher checked the essays and cried: now she knew how to spend the summer, but the years were not the same.

I went to kindergarten with a girl in the same group, to school in the same class, to college in the same group... I look at my classmates - she is 27 years old, and I am 38...

Based on the grades in the school magazine, it is easy to determine each teacher's monthly cycle.

If you go to school in a sports uniform and with a whistle around your neck, you can easily get strong tenth graders to move your furniture.

Remember 3 rules:
1. Don't give up.
2. Don't give up.
3. Not written with verbs separately.

The longest sleep was recorded in a history lesson; the student fell asleep in the 15th century and woke up in the 18th.

21:00 - it is at this time that children admit to their parents that tomorrow they need to bring a craft, a report with photographs and cakes to school for tea.

Leaving the lesson, the boy Fedya slammed the door so hard that Vasya, who was sitting on the windowsill, also left the lesson.

The teacher’s entry in Daria Dontsova’s school diary: “I prepared a report on biology. I've been reading this for three weeks now. I hope the killer is not a zebra..."

From a conversation with a girl.
-Where are you going to study?
– To the Zhment Institute of Economics!
– Excuse me, maybe economics and management?
– (After a short and uncertain thought): No, to the Zhment Institute!

At the end of the year, my father’s belt with buckle was again recognized as the “Best Teacher”!

A boy with the last name Goagramakiskikiryan very rarely comes to the board...

- Well, back to school, right? AHHAHAHAHAHA! – Two hamburgers and a medium cola please.

According to statistics, every third cat dreams of becoming a skeleton in the biology classroom after death.

Many military and political experts are already disappearing from the Internet. They are going to school.

This year in the Chechen Republic, 1,500 graduates will graduate from school with straight A's, 2,000 with B's, and one with her husband, the head of the police department.

-Where is my beloved cow?
- What are you talking about, Mikhailo! 20 years have already passed.
- So I ask, where is my cow?
- What are you talking about, Mikhailo! Cows live 8 years.
-Where is the cow?
– What science are you good at? In zoology or in mechanics?
- In mechanics.
- Your cow broke down.

- Vovochka, why did you come to school with a cat? “Because I heard dad tell mom: “I’ll eat this pussy when the kids go to school.”

- Hello! You have reached the military registration and enlistment office. If you want to serve in the army, click the “star”, if not, click the “hash”...

When I was little, my father sailed on a boat far from the shore and threw me overboard. I swam to the shore and wrote a police report against my father. That's how I learned to write.

Pages: 2

SUBBOTTON

Hello, Vera Stepanovna? It is you? Are you OK? Did something happen?
- Hello, Lyudmila. Everything is good so far, ugh, ugh, it hasn’t happened yet, but it might if you and I don’t cope in time.
- What happened? What can we handle? You're scaring me, Vera Stepanovna.
- Don’t be afraid, Lyudmila, your eyes are afraid, but your hands are doing it. Today the director announced to us that on Monday there will be a school-wide inspection at the ministerial level and most likely they will come to an open lesson in our class. Lyudmila, my hope is only in you. The classroom was more or less clean, they washed what they could on their own, they even washed the curtains, that's just the windows. Have you seen the windows we have?
- I don’t remember anymore. What, dirty?
- That's it. They need to be washed, preferably today at seven or eight o’clock. Gather at least two of the most active mothers and one father, because you still have to drag the stairs from the first floor.
- But why me, and who will I gather? I mean, will I collect it? Yes, and I'm at work. Maybe new ones?
- Lyudochka, honey, I don’t see you often... and who else should I turn to if not the long-standing and most experienced chairman of the parent committee. If we let the director down, then he... You know what he can be like? Lyudmila, my dear, if you can’t do it today after work, then let’s do it tomorrow, Saturday. We won't start too early so you can all get some sleep. About ten o'clock. We'll finish everything by lunchtime. A? There are buckets, all the chemicals are there, gloves too, even gowns. But they're not very rags. Well, Lyudmila, have we agreed? Are you organizing a small cleanup event? Don’t leave me in difficult times, I can’t cope alone.
- Oh, Vera Stepanovna, actually, I was planning to go tomorrow... well, okay, I’ll come.

Vera Stepanovna thanked her sincerely and hung up, and Lyuda thought deeply.
A prank? More likely. But it’s kind of strange, and the class teacher Vera Stepanovna is a teacher since Soviet times and a person without humor, how could she be dragged into some kind of prank? And she played so naturally. Maybe there's going to be a little parental drinking party at school tomorrow. But, about what?
Maybe Vera Stepanovna has really reached her breaking point and has no one else to ask? Horror. Oh times...
The next day, in the morning, when Lyudmila was paying for a set of rags at a hardware store, she felt as stupid as possible. At first, she just wanted to blacklist Vera Stepanovna, so that she would never hear her authoritative and calm old woman’s voice again in her life. But you need to find out - what the hell is this anyway? Yes, and like a fool, I already bought rags, there was no turning back.

By the time Lyudmila arrived, the old teacher had managed to remove flower pots from all the window sills and even move the desks away from the windows.

Hello, Vera Stepanovna, glad to see you.
- I'm glad too, hello. What, are you alone? We agreed that there would be at least three of you.
- Sorry, Vera Stepanovna, but I don’t know how to just call like you. What will I tell them? Now, if only you could. My husband barely let me go anyway.

We changed our clothes, rolled up our sleeves, turned on loud music, and in about three hours, we did quite well, although we were very tired. I especially had to tinker with the stairs; somehow they lifted it from the first floor.

Exhausted Lyudmila walked home from school, and the question kept sticking out like a stake in her head. Why, and most importantly, why did she kill an entire day of her life? And it’s also a day off. It was terribly offensive and sorry for myself. Lyudmila didn’t even dare, even though she was getting ready, to say goodbye that that’s it, period, don’t call me, they say, never again. I could not.

And right in front of the house, the alarmed Vera Stepanovna called and immediately burst into tears into the phone:

Forgive me, old fool! Sorry! Well, why didn’t you tell me right away yesterday? I know it’s high time for me to retire, but I won’t last long without work, and I don’t have sclerosis in mathematics yet. Oh, I'm such a fool. Lyudochka, your phone number has been recorded for many years as “parental committee - Lyudmila”. That's…
- It’s okay, don’t worry. I was glad to help. Contact us if anything happens.
- Oh, how awkward it turned out. Sorry. I didn’t even ask - how is yours, ours, Pavlik? Where did you go?
- Yes, everything is fine, he is a freshman at Mekhmat, thanks also to you, Vera Stepanovna...

My cousin's son went to first grade.
When the bell rang for recess after the first lesson, he jumped up and ran to the door.
The teacher stopped him:
- David, the call was created not for you, but for me. You must not get up until I give permission.
Having explained, the teacher released him and the rest of the students for recess.
Five minutes later the bell rang for second period.
Everyone entered the classroom except David. He walked leisurely along the corridor and looked at the portraits on the wall.
- Why are you walking, David, haven’t you heard the bell? - the teacher called from the threshold of the classroom.
- Roza Mikhailovna, you yourself said that the call was created not for me, but for you.

Recently, it has become very fashionable in Russian society to observe morality. Moreover, observing it occurs in a very specific way. (Spisssy, a previously widely known character would say). An example of this spyness was recently shown to us by the Russian media, which covered the most outrageous story of a teacher who bought underwear in a store. And they described the reaction of the indignant parent, who learned from her offspring about this truly hooligan fact, as terrifying in its cynicism. The teacher is buying underwear! Where is the world coming to! And the innocent little angels see such horror! Personally, I immediately have a question - what was the mentioned angel doing in the lingerie store? Was he alone in this obscene place? Or did you buy panties and stuff with your mom? Or did you buy it for someone? Just looking at the styles? In a word, only questions, and not a single answer. You are observing morality from the wrong end, comrades!
Let's say a poor teacher, caught in the act of a crime, runs away in mental confusion without her underwear. What will prevent an innocent little angel, walking around lingerie stores, from being clever and seeing a teacher without panties, which she cannot buy, so as not to offend the morality of the younger generation? And then something will begin that is difficult to imagine. Especially in the absence of common sense, when any sucker can poison the teacher, the sower of the “reasonable, good, eternal” as she pleases under the pretext of defending morality. The paradox of the situation is that those who care about “morality” have no idea what it is. That is why they consider it immoral to buy lingerie in public. I'll tell you a secret - even queens wear panties. And bras. And it's not immoral. But poisoning a teacher is really not comme il faut. And walking around lingerie stores without adults is also not comme il faut. Although perhaps a new Chikatilo has appeared on the horizon? The boy should have been checked by a psychiatrist, and not be outraged by the teacher. However, judging by the articles in the media, an examination by a psychiatrist would also not hurt the mother of the young talent.
And a bitter question arises after the above. What will society be like in a few years if ideas about morality begin to be dictated to it by people who are not entirely adequate?
What will a society be like consisting of people raised by persecuted and humiliated teachers?

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE NOT LEARNED A PARAGRAPH?

1 September is the day of knowledge. Isn't there enough funny stuff happening at school? Collecting absurdities from students’ essays and blunders from sports commentators is a simple and familiar task. But “eavesdropping” on teachers also turns out to be quite interesting. On this holiday, we offer you, dear friends, a selection of phrases from teachers recorded by a collector of school humor...

To be heard, I have to scream so much that my voice already hurts!

OBZH – does not stand for “There will be lunch. Iron!”, and “Fundamentals of life safety”. So stop chewing!

Well, why are you scattering your thoughts all over the board...

Microbes enter our body through our hands.

If you haven’t learned the paragraph again, then tomorrow morning the class teacher will give you St. Bartholomew’s Night.

This is trigonometry for you, not some kind of physics where you have to do chemistry.

Olya, stop smiling - you are not on Tverskaya!

The blackboard is a fence where you can write the same things, but illiterately.

In physical education: - Sinitsyn, if you don’t jump over the horse this time, you’ll ruin the poor beast.

Petrov, the back of your head doesn’t excite me.

Are you stupid at all or in parts?

When I was a child, I also yawned...

Stop crawling under tables, there's not enough dust there anyway.

Marina always writes with her left hand; her right hand is not her natural one.

Why are you itching all the time - itchy...

Samoilov, like a frog, your tongue is always open!

Unfortunately, everything I said, Smirnov, fell on deaf ears.

Bogomolova, why are you making faces at the board? Is it common in your family... to make faces at the blackboard?

Today I am kind, therefore, when conducting laboratory experiments, I allow you to use those parts of the body that, in general, are not supposed to be used.

The score does not flow under a lying stone!

I am your military commander. You can distinguish me both by my shoulder straps and by my facial features.

You, student, have flat feet of mind!

Don't show off, you're not a green-eyed blond with blue eyes.

Khlerkova, are you licking chalk, are you a cow?

Replaceable shoes are your face!

This week you are on school duty. Please don't destroy it!

The lesson is over. And thank God...

Duties, open the windows and get everyone out of the classroom.

Collected by Dmitry Kozlov.

The son of my parents' friends was a problem child - in the 90s they changed 8 schools, the mother cried, running and looking for transfer options. My son was wildly sociable, but had an ideological hatred of a certain type of teacher of the old Soviet school, which manifested itself in very sophisticated antics. Your humble servant once, out of childish naivety, threw a stone into a fresh cow dung. I still remember how I got home and washed myself off. The son of a friend collected this very cake in a paper bag and put a firecracker with a long wick inside. All this exploded at a teachers' meeting in the principal's office, disguised as something from provisions. The effect was like that of an RGD-5 grenade, or “lemon” in common parlance, exploding in a closed room. For the first time, the expression “we are all in deep shit” became literal for everyone present. The police held educational conversations with my son for a long time, but the mother begged the father and the guy was cleared.
Despite all these antics (in which we must give him his due, there was never any cruelty - only mockery), our hero was the life of the party and the best friend of all his classmates, girls idolized him and the most notorious mischief-makers secretly envied him.

What is the outcome of this story? Quite interesting. Now my son has grown up and turned into a businessman with the widest connections - because he maintains relationships with all his classmates, and is a star at alumni meetings.
He helps a couple of schools, where he was especially distinguished. The old teachers (where they survive) remember him, affectionately reproach him for the past, and he gives them flowers and gifts, asking them to forgive the tomboy :)
By the way, the boy bought everyone who was “deep in shit” thanks to him, with a vacation package. True, not everyone lived to see this happiness, but it’s just like in war....

HOW GRADUATES-PHILOLOGISTS IN THE USSR RECEIVED "DEFAULTING"

For those who decided to enroll in the Faculty of Philology in the late fifties, two difficulties immediately arose.

The first was in close proximity and seemed irresistible - it was admission. If you were not a medalist, an officer demobilized due to Khrushchev’s army reduction, or a peasant scion burdened with work experience in the fields, then you were faced with seven entrance exams that had to be passed with “excellent marks”. The passing score for those not covered by benefits was thirty-five out of a possible thirty-five. The competition of five to seven people per place lasted for years. And there was something paradoxical in this. Everyone was well aware that a career as a rural teacher awaited him - necessary, useful, but by no means attractive - and a meager salary. But it was not even customary to talk about this. It went without saying that everyone would become journalists, have their say in literature, and, ultimately, engage in scientific work. But the work of a primary school teacher, kindergarten teacher or librarian is intended for someone else.

If almost a miracle happened and you overcame all the entrance obstacles, you got the amazing opportunity to do nothing for five years. It couldn’t be considered real work to read your favorite books and skim through your least favorite ones. What years of hope there were and what books! The forgotten “White Birches” and “Cavalier of the Golden Star” are a thing of the past. Our lives were blown up by the novels of Remarque and even more so by Hemingway. And behind them the blocks of Faulkner and Wolfe were already growing. They gave us the concept of the self-worth of the individual and proud individualism, helped us never return, no matter what happened to us, to the recesses of the collective consciousness, and now the unattainable and untouched snows of Kilimanjaro were always somewhere ahead and above us.

Sometimes this tranquil existence was interrupted by excursions into comparative linguistics or historical grammar. And just when you were finally getting used to this interesting and easy life, suddenly the second problem quickly and inevitably approached - distribution.

In the early sixties, there seemed to be—we thought so—weak sprouts of democracy. They announced to us that we would enter the meeting of the distribution commission in accordance with our average score, which gave the former the opportunity to have a small but choice. And although I was in the top ten, everything happened quickly and without options: five minutes later I was again standing in the corridor and looking at a piece of paper on which the place of my new life was written: Ternopil region, the village of Doshchovy Kut, which translated into Russian means Rainy Corner .

And so the last month of vacation or the first month of vacation flew by, and on the first of August I stood in bewilderment on the step of the bus that brought me to this Kut. But it is impossible to stand indefinitely, and I took the first step towards my independent life. That first step led me into a deep pothole filled with sticky mud. The blue sandals were completely drowned in it and, as I immediately realized, were hopelessly ruined. The bus, its joints rumbling, drove away, and I stood in this pothole, my legs crooked and not changing my position, because I was afraid to plunge into the mud even deeper, and I was waiting for an aborigine. Finally, a teenager appeared wearing high rubber boots, which, as I already understood, were all-season footwear here.

When I asked where the school was, he pointed at something behind me and said:

- That axis, to go in vain, the crisis of a long journey...

I looked around: behind the rickety fence, where there were not enough poles, there stretched, apparently, a barnyard. Drowning in the mud, this time mixed with manure, I walked towards a white house surrounded by trees that could be seen through the fence. At first, I looked warily at several cows wandering around the yard. They probably did not have enough strength to reach the pasture. When looking at them, the meaning of the meaningful Ukrainian word “thinness”, which is used to describe cattle, immediately became clear.

Several young women in cotton robes were sitting on the porch of the school, some with embroidery, others with knitting in their hands. They were talking about vegetable gardens and they were all pregnant. The thought flashed through my mind that by the New Year I would be teaching all subjects at school, including biology and chemistry.

– Are you a movnitsa? - asked one of the women. And although there is no such word in either Russian or Ukrainian, it was quite clear that she was asking me if I was a language teacher. My affirmative answer was followed by a second question:

-Where is your boyfriend?

Answering that I didn’t have a husband, I went to the director’s office. On the wall in the hallway hung a schedule for a rabbit breeding competition between classes. This was beyond my competence.

The director, examining my documents, asked the same question:

- Will your husband arrive later?

I began to realize that something was wrong here. Meanwhile, the director explained, trying to slightly intimidate me, that my workload consists of hours at this eight-year school and lessons at the evening school for working youth, which is located at the other end of the village, two kilometers from here.

“Nothing,” I assured him, “that means I need to look for an apartment in the middle of the village.”

“Yes... an apartment...” mumbled the director. − This is not exactly what you imagine. Then he came to some decision, gathered himself together and asked in a different, “director’s” voice:

-Where are you staying? And, in Ternopil, at the hotel... Wouldn’t it be difficult for you to come again tomorrow after twelve o’clock?

In some bewilderment, I returned to the city, walked along the boulevard, and went to the lake. While figuring out plans for my future life, I found strongholds - a theater and a cinema, a bookstore and a library. Some romantic nonsense came into my head: I am needed here... reasonable, kind... a spark of knowledge in this rainy wilderness. By morning I had almost convinced myself.

The next day the director was ready for a conversation.

“You understand,” he said, “how important it is for male teachers to work in the school.” I negotiated with the Oblon for a long time to send a young couple to us, so that they could stay here and build a house. Well, do you understand what I'm talking about? You, of course, are not coming to us for good? - he asked a question that did not require an answer. - And they found such a couple for me - natives of our region, two years after they graduated from Chernivtsi University. But you have an official referral to us...” he said and paused.

I began to see the truth and timidly went to meet it:

- So you can give me an exemption?

It had already been prepared, and all I had to do was go to Kyiv to the Ministry of Education and get confirmation. A few days later, that same “free diploma” - the object of dreams - without the mandatory three years of work as assigned and Komsomol proceedings in case of evasion, was in my hands.

A little optimism

Having read the dreary rantings “it’s already August, autumn” on July 23, I remembered one tiny episode.
***
I'm in the sixth grade. August 30. Summer has passed. The holidays have flown by. The mood is crappy.
Tomorrow - the line, and from September... And even the weekends are far ahead. In general, sadness and the radio drones monotonously.
Then the next program begins and the very first words bring me back to the colors of life. The announcer announces in a cheerful voice: “School holidays continue!..”
“The thirtieth of August! But it’s true...” I was delighted.
Thanks to that unknown journalist who, with a simple phrase, gave me a lesson in optimism, a whole day of vacation and a good kick to recharge.
It still works.

Leo Tolstoy was a restless child as a child: he rushed around Krasnaya Polyana, and only his beard fluttered in the wind!
- According to Yasnaya Polyana, victim of the Unified State Exam!

I teach technical translation. I often go “from the Russian language and understanding of the process”; without this there is no good translation. She promised students an automatic pass if they scored a certain number of points during the semester, answering spontaneous questions on technology and logic at the same time.. Yesterday, two students made jokes.
I say, what is the difference between a dryer and a dryer? (dryer is a machine, drying is a process) The answer is: a dish dryer, and drying is a baked product. I smile. The next one is coming out. I ask, what is the difference between an alloy and a melt? (alloy - composition, melt - state of aggregation) Answers: alloy - when they get rid of unnecessary things, melt is when something is spilled on the floor.
:-) I’ll probably start a notebook and write down these foolish things. At a minimum, I will arrange an extended, harsh test on these same issues with the threat of not allowing you to take the exam. Well, or we’ll organize a skit party in the 5th year, we’ll laugh...
It's sad that guys generally just stare and don't even try to answer... what am I doing wrong??
NOBODY laughed when at the first lecture I asked: who was Boyle-Marriott's wife... what do they teach at school??
No one answered the question - what does lemon have in common with aspirin?
No one answered what Sorge and Pasternak had in common (knowledge of languages). They asked who they were...
No one answered which spatial figure the most simplified shape of the human torso (cylinder) gravitates towards.
No one answered how much fabric is needed to cover a poster stand two meters high and a meter in diameter...
The secretary at the department said, students call me a bore. I'm 30 years old, I come to work on a motorcycle, I'm tall, fashionable, I dance, I laugh, I tell jokes in English... I'm boring, in short. :-)
I ask: why is it nonsense if you write “cholesterol-free” on a bottle of vegetable oil? They don't know and don't want to know. Why did you apply to study to become a technical translator?... I don’t understand.

STILL I WILL NOT LEAVE HIM

Petya sewed the bear’s paw himself. Firstly, he could get into trouble from his parents for a damaged toy, and secondly, as his grandfather Pakhom, a former paratrooper, said, a man should be able to do everything himself.
It was his grandfather who taught Petya to hold a knife, stick and needle in his hands.
“You will always find a stick, and this is a staff, a weapon, and fuel for a fire,” the grandfather said, teaching his grandson simple self-defense techniques.
Therefore, when “Shaolin Martial Arts” flashed across Soviet television screens and the courtyards were filled with children clumsily twirling old shovel handles, the grandson just chuckled. After which he showed a master class with the first picket fence he came across, calling it “bo” in foreign language. Petya immediately received the nickname “Karateka-Bo” and the respect of the school punks. The reputation was enough for the whole school year.
A year later, in early September, a hooligan named Buyan, transferred from another school, immediately approached him and scheduled a fight after school. “Come alone,” Petya answered calmly.
Buyan came not alone, but with two “friends,” boys from another area. Seeing them, Petya phlegmatically turned around and went back.
- Coward! - Buyan was indignant after.
“Let them leave,” Petya said without turning around. He picked up the thrown broom handle with his foot, pushed it into the air and easily caught it with his hand.
“Karateka!” shouted one of Buyan’s friends. - Is it weak without a stick?
- Are you weak with knives? - Petya suddenly turned around, making several turns around himself with the stick.
- Yes Easy! - Buyan took out a knife.
- So go. - The trio moved towards Petya. - Go alone! Or I'll leave. - Buyan shook his head, the friends stopped.
Petya did not knock out the knife with a stick, as Buyan expected. The stick suddenly poked its sharp end into the bully's neck under his Adam's apple. The brawler dropped the knife, grabbed his throat, wheezed, sinking onto the dirty asphalt. Throwing away the knife with a stick, Petya poked the bully in the stomach, forcing him to exhale. Buyan coughed and, breathing heavily, looked at the schoolboy with wild eyes:
- What are you doing? - he wheezed. - So you can kill!
- Don’t interfere! - With a wave of his stick, the schoolboy threw the knife into the nettle thickets.
- Psycho! - Buyan summarized, rising from his squat.
- Psiiiig! - one of the hooligans yelled joyfully, but immediately stopped short when he saw Petya’s boring, cold gaze. - Guys, let's get out of here. He's definitely crazy!
The schoolboy walked towards them, spinning the stick faster and faster, feeling his blood boil. Petya's heart beat so loudly in his chest that he could not stand it.

And I woke up.
Petya opened his eyes, remembered that he did not have a grandfather, a paratrooper, that he did not know how to spin a stick, and that Buyan... Yes, there was Buyan. Caught him behind the school and flagged him down. No way, in the course of life.
The heart continued to beat loudly. Petya got out of bed and lowered his bare feet. The icy floor immediately burned my thin fingers. Something rolled off the pillow and silently fell to the floor, under your feet, warming you with plush warmth.
Bear. An old toy, picked up among the trash of neighbors moving out of their apartment. At the base of the brown paw, white threads were clearly white in the darkness of the night - Petya did not find any others. The toy's eyes, cut from a bottle of detergent, sparkled in the light of the window lights. On the left paw there is a cardboard shield with a heart, on the right paw there is a small sword.
Petya remembered how he came up with the idea of ​​covering the white threads with a cardboard shield, and for a complete look, he built a sword from a pencil and a pair of erasers. Having repaired the toy, the child solemnly placed a kitchen knife on the bear’s shoulder and proclaimed:
- I name you the Knight of the Wonderful Forest and my best friend! - And then he became sad, remembering that he had no other friends.
Petya shook his head, driving away the memory of the dream, and shivered - there was a strong blow from the crack in the window frame. I wrapped myself in a blanket and listened. No, it’s quiet, you can’t hear snoring. This means that mom hasn’t returned from duty yet. He is still alone in the empty apartment. I wanted to go back to sleep. In that world where the grandfather is a paratrooper, where the mother does not drink, where all the hooligans of the area, and perhaps the whole city, scatter at the mere name of Karateka. Which one from Petit Karateka?! Laughter alone!
The schoolboy remembered what he felt in his dream before he woke up. Fury? Where can the downtrodden Petya get his rage? And he didn’t like this feeling. I liked defeating the bullies, but I didn't like the rage.
- I really could have killed him there, in his sleep! - Petya said out loud in a thin voice. - I didn’t even think that it was wrong. Where does this come from in me? I don't want to become like that!
Carefully placing his feet on the icy floor, Petya picked up the toy and returned it to the pillow. He lay down, then stuck his hand out from under the blanket, pulled the toy towards him, and grabbed it with both hands. Together, it's not so scary. In the light of the street lamps swaying in the autumn wind, the pattern on the wallpaper looked like a huge green dragon from some evil old fairy tale. The monster opened its mouth, its eyes bulged terribly, it waved its long, spiky tail, and it extended its vile clawed paws towards the child.
Petya closed his eyes and covered his head with a blanket, but the monster continued to stand before his eyes. Some kind of effect, what you see is imprinted on the retina, they talked about it in biology class. It is strange that a play of imagination, it turns out, can also be remembered by the retina. The funny word “retina” is like a small net in the eye that catches everything a person sees. Petya smiled and the dragon disappeared.
The child hugged Mishka tighter and fell asleep. The hands weakened, the teddy bear slipped out of the children’s hands, fell out from under the blanket, but for some reason rolled not onto the floor, but onto the pillow.
From the wall the pattern crawled onto the white ceiling, hung on Petya, spreading its webbed wings. The little bear stood on its hind legs and raised its head to the ceiling.
- He is mine! - a draft rustled through the room.
- He is one of his own! - whispered the bear cub. - And I am his friend!
- He is mine! - the wind whistled through the cracks in the frame. - May he be my warrior! May my rage awaken in him!
- Never! - The bear cub waved his paw with the sword. - Get out of his dreams! - The shadow from the cardboard shield increased, occupying half the wall and part of the ceiling. - Go away forever! - Bear pointed the sword towards the pattern. The dragon on the ceiling shrank into one point.
- You are not eternal! - the branches, frightened by the wind, scraped against the glass.
- He is good! - the bear pointed his sword at the ceiling. - He won't quit.
The dot darted across the ceiling and, expanding into a light circle along the walls, disappeared. Lowering his paws, the bear cub carefully lay down on the pillow.

Coward! - Buyan was indignant after him. Petya, clutching a briefcase in his hands, walked further and further away from the hooligan and his friends. “If only we don’t run, they’ll catch up!” thought the child. There was a stomp from behind - Buyan gave chase. The knife in his hand opened with the sound of metal.
- What is this being done, good people! - the neighbor who came from nowhere began to wail. - They rush at the child with knives!
- Go away, Antonovna! - the stomping behind him died down - Buyan and his friends stopped.
- Who are you swearing at there, mother? - Petya recognized the voice of the district police officer Vasily. - So, Buyanchik, we’ve arrived. Where?! Where can you get away from me, you sick man!
The sound of four pairs of feet stomping died down after a couple of seconds.
- Where there! - Antonovna grinned. - Vaska is a marathon runner! And it wasn’t the kind of people that mycardia drove to the point of a heart attack.

The heart beat evenly in the chest. Petya was sleeping, and Mishka was lying next to him on the pillow. His best friend.

Today's 9th grade graduations are pompous and pretentious, like the Oscar ceremony: a concert, guest singers, videos, etc. When I graduated from the 9th grade, they simply gave me a certificate and asked me not to go to the 10th grade.

A curious incident during the Unified State Examination this year occurred in school No. 226 in the city of Zarechny, Penza region, whose graduates complained on social networks that there were no doors in the toilet stalls during the exam. Such precautions during the exam seemed somewhat excessive to graduates and their parents.

Call the teacher

The voice is excited. Quick speech:
- Hello! Galina Moiseevna, hello! You probably don't remember me. You were my teacher in elementary school from '66 to '69. Then we left. And all my life I dreamed of meeting and talking with you someday. I told my husband and children about you... And then I heard Oginsky’s Polonaise... You once played it for us in class. We all liked this music. You said that let this polonaise be the password for our class when we decide to meet as adults. And now I typed Voskresensk and your name on the Internet. I found articles about you and was glad that you were healthy and even still working. I called the education department, the school, and asked for your phone number... My name is Irina. I was little and...
- Chernyshova? Irochka Chernyshova!
…
We talked for a long time. We remembered the school, the teachers... Irina will come this Saturday. She has already downloaded “Oginsky’s Polonaise” to her phone.

I remembered here from my distant childhood...
In the school toilet, some young and, in his opinion, promising “rhyme-maker” wrote in clumsy handwriting on the wall right above the toilet:
“I built myself a toilet miraculously,
The people's path to him will not be overgrown!"
And he signed with the original pseudonym “A.S. Pushkin,” forever depriving the author of the opportunity to find out the true name of the author of this “masterpiece.”
“K. Horace” or “G.R. Derzhavin” as a signature would, of course, look more interesting, but in those years we had not yet gone through them.
For two weeks, the “masterpiece” stood alone on the wall, distracting toilet visitors from some thoughts about the eternal - to others.
And two weeks later, a little lower and to the right, in the neat handwriting that is more common to see on the blackboard in a classroom, another creation appeared, this time in the “poet to poet” style:
"Writing on the walls of the toilet,
Alas, my friend, no wonder:
Among the shit - you are all poets,
Among poets, you are shit.
M.Yu. Lermontov"
It was a long time ago. There were no smartphones yet, Smena-19 cameras were, at best, larger than Zenith cameras.
And by a strong-willed decision of the administration, the nascent chat was quickly painted over, so I didn’t have a chance to capture what I saw.
But it stuck in my memory and, now, I remembered.
Thanks to our teachers!

School

We walked through Sholokhov's "Virgin Soil Upturned". Teacher Zinaida Andreevna Ivanova asks the guy a question: “Why did Nagulnov learn English?” He hasn’t read the book, he doesn’t know that Makar Nagulnov took up the English tutorial to help the proletariat of the oppressed countries make a revolution.
So he hesitates to answer, and from the next desk a girl whispers to him a phrase from the film “Gentlemen of Fortune”: “We’ll take the embassy!”
He repeated it mindlessly out loud. Classmates were happy to laugh. Zinaida Andreevna also couldn’t help laughing. I didn’t give him a bad mark, considering his embarrassment sufficient punishment.

My granddaughter came to visit me from another city.
The child is 10 years old. I start asking how things are at school.
“It’s not bad,” he says.
- I just wrote a test, a VPR in music.
(Probably an abbreviation for All-Russian Test Work).
I was surprised: - what kind of questions can there be about music, give an example (regular secondary school, 4th grade).
The child gives an example - to identify Tchaikovsky from a portrait!!!
That is, if mine came across Tchaikovsky, it means that others should have identified him by portraits
Glinka, Shostakovich, Rachmaninov, etc.
Why do our children need this knowledge???
It seems that the school curriculum is far more divorced from reality than it seems at first glance.

Reading the publications on this site, I got the impression that the local community sees life in Europe through a rose-colored lens.
Without thinking that only disciplined, hardworking citizens of European countries have a high standard of living.
It is the Discipline of Labor and Citizenship - I am ready to subscribe to these words and give many examples.

And I publish the first short story, which happened last year, under the tag “Discipline”, for the youngest visitors to the site.

The story happened to a family of Jewish “refugees” from Ukraine who came to Germany in the early 2000s.

Father, Mother are working. The daughter is studying at a prestigious gymnasium and is preparing to enter the Faculty of Law at the University. Live in Bavaria.
For those who don't know, in Germany the system of Public Holidays and School Holidays differs from state to state.
In Bavaria, school holidays usually start on the last Monday of JULY and end on the second Monday of SEPTEMBER.
Only 6 weeks.
Father and Mother have tariff holidays in July and want the whole family to spend a vacation on the sea coast, and then a tour with a VERY good discount turned up.
And they don’t want to leave their Daughter alone at home, you never know what thoughts are running through a teenager’s head, she’s 17 years old after all.
And there are ONLY 2 weeks until the end of the school year, and although all the tests were passed perfectly, you MUST attend school.
But our people are no strangers to cunning)). And so a certificate of illness is “taken” from a doctor they know, the whole family happily packs their bags and rushes to the Munich Airport. Two weeks of luxurious vacation at a prestigious resort loom ahead.
The rosy prospects are slightly overshadowed by the interest of the Vigilant Police Officer when checking in for the flight: “Isn’t your Daughter required to attend an educational institution, since the school year is not over yet?”
To which the Father of the Family politely laughed it off with a smile, and mentally sent the Employee many times....

The troubles began with the beginning of the new school year, when the Daughter and her Parents were summoned to the Director of the gymnasium.
It turns out that the Vigilant Officer drew up a complaint and sent it to the authorities. Everything is in the German spirit: “I (so-and-so) noticed a violation, not related to my direct responsibilities, committed by a student (so-and-so, (was not too lazy to copy the data)). Namely, this student was noticed when crossing the EU border in towards warm countries." etc.

The director did not hide his irritation, because he received a warning from the Ministry of Education and a directive to approximately punish the culprit.
In general, so as not to bore the reader, I will list the punishments:
For violation of Discipline and Cheating.
1. Expulsion from the gymnasium for a period of 1 academic week with entry into Zeugnis (analogous to Characteristics).
2. A fine of 149 Euros was imposed on parents for each missed school day.
3. A warning that in case of repeated ANY violation of discipline, permanent expulsion from the gymnasium will be applied.
Well, he privately informed the parents that with such a characteristic, the girl was unlikely to be accepted into a decent law school.

The parents do not talk about the further development of the story, I only heard that they hired a lawyer, they are trying to at least “clean” the Characteristics.

In a week I’ll publish a story under the “Labor” tag, if I don’t get banned again)

It was still at school. In our class there were two geeks - Yurka and Vitalik, who mocked the children whose parents did not earn much... They called them beggars, did dirty tricks on the sly, and spoiled things. In general, they tried in every possible way to humiliate those who could not defend themselves. Why didn't they get together and beat him up? Their parents were some kind of serious bosses from the city administration, and when someone hit back, the little animals ran to complain, the school administration took the side of these freaks and those who dared to defend themselves received more from there... In our class, one girl who was raised was especially hard hit grandma and me. Due to poor eyesight, I always sat on the first desk, and during class all kinds of garbage and chewed paper flew into the back.
On the next independent test on pieces of paper, Vitalik received a bad mark, after the lesson he loudly complained about this injustice to Yurka, but instead of sympathy he heard only a malicious laugh, upset by these two circumstances, he gave his friend a kick, for which he immediately received an answer - in short, these two idiots fought.
After class, I was on duty in the classroom and while cleaning up I discovered this piece of paper, and a worthy use for it was immediately thought of. The next day, on the way to school, I found a hefty, freshly frozen dog poop, picked it a little with a stick, broke it off from the ice and wrapped it in yesterday’s notebook paper. In the classroom before the lesson, while Yurka was hanging out in the corridor, I stuffed a poop mummy into his open briefcase and wisely walked away, hoping that no one had seen me. By the middle of the lesson it thawed... and smelled). There was unrest in the class and a search for the source, which was quickly discovered - Yurka. He snapped and declared that - you yourself farted all over here, the teacher tried to calm the class, the class did not want to calm down, looked askance at Yurka and pointedly pinched their noses. After some time, he began to sniff himself and look at his soles. Meanwhile, the lesson was over, he reached into his briefcase and found something that wasn’t there before, pulled it out and unfolded it. A softened, stinking sausage fell imposingly from the sheet of paper back into the briefcase, and in his hands was left a dirty piece of paper written in the hand of his friend, and even with his first and last names. Along with the swearing, pieces of ammunition taken from the briefcase also flew towards Vitalik. Everyone immediately ran away from the class and crowded in the corridor, watching what was happening through the open door, only the teacher, stunned by what was happening, and these two shit-throwers remained.
They were not forgiven for this behavior - they were forced to clean the classroom, their parents were called to the school. How they screamed... these insane screams could be heard even in classrooms behind closed doors. They accused each other, the opponent's children, the school, the teacher and the director personally. As a result, they seated Yurka and Vitalik in different parts of the class, they didn’t communicate with each other, and they were apparently afraid to pester the others one by one, so there was a lull, only pieces of paper continued to fly at the back, although not so often, but still terribly unpleasant.

One girl saw a photo of a teacher in a swimsuit and grew up as a prostitute.

The most golden time of any person is the time of studying at school. This includes meeting new people, studying the world around us, and preparing for future adult life. Therefore, it is not surprising that various jokes about school, students and teachers appear.

School is a second home

Funny people don't appear by chance. After all, each class has its own “Vovochka”, its own “fat trust” and “nerd”. Being different from others makes them an object of ridicule from other children. And the teacher, who looks like a scientist, with glasses and a folder under his arm, also becomes the butt of jokes. Let's take a closer look at what the funniest jokes about school are.

Children's pranks

In every class there is sure to be someone who likes to make fun of their classmates or teachers. There are even films where very funny jokes about school are described. Pranks include placing thumbtacks on the teacher's or another student's chair, smearing the board with soap, giving a classmate a bottle of sparkling water, shaking it vigorously beforehand, and so on. In the first case, for some it will be very funny, but for others not so much. In the second case, the teacher will not be able to write anything on the board, in the third, someone will be covered in a large carbonated wave right in the face. A very popular joke is when students tell the teacher that his entire back is white. A teacher who knows how to accept such humor will, of course, laugh it off himself. Well, if he is not a fan of such pranks, then the schoolchildren might get into it.

Short funny jokes about school

Jokes can be both long and short. For example, one short expression can make listeners (readers) laugh a lot. Here are some of them:

1. The rubber ball was still flying into the window of the director's office, meanwhile the children had already hidden.
2. The school year is like pregnancy: it lasts nine months, and toxicosis begins in the second week.
3. Studying at school is a sentence to an eleven-year regime without the right to early release. The supervisors are the principal and teachers.
4. A student comes home from school and joyfully shouts to his mother: “Mom! Today you’re lucky - we only got reading.”
5. The teacher told the parents to cut their son’s bangs, otherwise she wouldn’t know his face.
6. School meeting - entry is free, but exit is allowed only for a certain amount.
7. Homework done. The mother is hoarse, the son is roaring, and the neighbors have learned the multiplication table.
8. Due to the lack of books on anatomy, the Minister of Education approved the hole in the wall of the bathhouse as a subject for its study.

Vovochka is the main character of jokes about school

Anyone knows who Vovochka is. This is a typical schoolboy who doesn’t do his homework, doesn’t listen to adults, is a bully, lazy and a loser. At the same time, he always has witty answers to the teacher’s questions. Such a character is very necessary in funny jokes about school for children. Thanks to him, children begin to understand what they shouldn’t be. That is, such jokes about school are instructive.

1. The teacher asks Vovochka why he was late. The answer was shocking. The boy said he was attacked and his homework books were stolen.
2. To the question of which five years of her life Vovochka considers the happiest, the answer was received: studying in the first grade.
3. Vovk got a bad mark. The father went to find out why. The teacher says that the boy did not do it himself, but copied it from his neighbor at his desk. Indeed, we checked both notebooks. Both answered the first question correctly, and both answered the second question incorrectly. The father is indignant that this is quite possible. The teacher showed the third question, to which the girl answered that she did not know. And Vovochka wrote: “Me too.”

Jokes lift your spirits

There are too many hectic days and various problems in everyday life. Therefore, it is not surprising that people are drawn to jokes and humorous programs. The subject matter varies. But it is jokes about school, short or long, that are perceived with warmth and nostalgia for school life. Every adult has their own memories of their school days.

In addition to the usual jokes, there are jokes about school in the form of skits. They will cheer you up and allow you to relax both soul and body. Let's look at some of them:

1. One schoolboy tells another that he doesn't believe the earth is round. The explanation is simple: otherwise the sea would have completely splashed out.
2. During a lesson on the surrounding world, the teacher asks to explain why it snows in winter and not in summer. One of the students says: “If it snowed in the summer, it would melt.”
3. The Russian language teacher asks the children: I work, you work, she works - what time is it? “Heavy,” one of the guys answers.
4. A second grader comes home. His mother takes his diary to check. There she discovers a "deuce". It has been crossed out and corrected to a “four”. The mother begins to scold the schoolboy. And he calmly replies: “The teacher told us that we can, if we wish, correct a bad grade to a good one.”
5. The American delegation came to the Russian school to exchange experiences. One of them asks: “Do children use computers at school?” “Of course,” the teacher answers. Everyone enters the office. There are six computers on the windowsill. The teacher gives the task to Petrov: “Petrov, take two computers and put them on the table. How many computers are left on the windowsill now?

Exams are a special topic

Exams are the time when the fate of students is decided. Therefore, it is not surprising that jokes also appear about this period. There are especially many interesting statements about the Unified State The following selection about it:

1. One student who passed the Unified State Exam asks another: “Were you able to answer all the questions?” He answers that no. “What do you hope for then?” The second answered: “For chronic flat feet or poor vision.”
2. Some of the test takers suggested that the Unified State Exam should have items like those in the program “Become a Millionaire”: help from the audience, calling a friend, or 50/50. In extreme cases, the opportunity to pick up the certificate.
3. About those who do not have an education, we can now say that they are “victims of the Unified State Exam.”
4. After passing well, some people need to be given an “Atistat on Middle Abrasion.”
5. Children used to be frightened by Babai, now from the very first grade they are frightened by Egei.
6. Every student deep down dreams that the one who invented the Unified State Exam will be killed.
7. Baba Unified State Exam is a scary character.
8. To find out how lucky you are, you need to give answers at random in the Unified State Exam.
9. I wonder what it will be like for the Minister of Health to be treated in a village hospital? Will the Minister of Education be able to pass the Unified State Exam himself?
10. A monkey escaped from one circus and accidentally ended up in the office where they were taking the Unified State Exam. Choosing answers at random, she went to study at Moscow State University.

There is also such a sign when a student taking an exam must be strongly cursed. Supposedly this will help pass it. A joke on this topic: one student passed the exam with a bad mark and came home complaining to his parents that they didn’t swear at him much. They immediately corrected themselves and scolded him severely.

Diary entries

In addition to jokes about Vovochka, about exams, and so on, jokes about school include various inscriptions in students’ diaries. Some of them are quite funny and absurd. Below are a few options:

1. “For days now he’s been throwing dead cockroaches at his classmates.”
2. “There is no diary” (the absurdity was that this was written in the diary itself).
3. During a geography lesson, apparently, the child could not remember his address; the teacher wrote the following inscription: “I forgot where he lives.”
4. “Criticizes the furniture in the English classroom” (the critic is growing up).
5. The student had apparently seen enough thrillers or action films. In his diary there is an inscription: “I convinced my classmates to go down to the bunker.”
6. "He comes in through the window." On this inscription the student himself wrote below: “Coming out through the wall.” (Apparently a fan of the film “The Chronicles of Narnia”).
7. The girls are no better: “She acted like a dog and was gnawing on a bone.”
8. “I made eyes at my classmates.”
9. “I farted in front of the whole class.”
10. “I went to the toilet and came back drunk.” (Someone at school has a cafe instead of a toilet).
11. “Brought a homeless man to class.” (Compassionate student).

An endless number of such examples can be given. It’s strange that this is all true, and sometimes teachers themselves become the object of ridicule. Let's take, for example, a physical education or labor teacher.

"Worker" and "athlete"

1. On the first of September, all teachers receive a bouquet of flowers, and the Trudovik receives a “Bouquet of Moldova.”
2. The athlete commands: “Inhale, exhale! Ugh, Anton, you’re breathing through the wrong hole again!”
3. Physical educator: “Who smokes?” Sees three raised hands. “So, we’ll smoke, and the rest will be five laps around the stadium!”

Afterword

Of course, there are a lot of funny jokes about school (short or long). The reason is that school time is the most wonderful and fun time for everyone, without exception. Funny stories happen in every class. They are similar to each other and at the same time different from each other.

School life will always be invented. After all, this is what brings students and teachers together. Without funny stories, school itself would be boring and monotonous.

Short jokes about school are read very quickly, but, nevertheless, they are just as funny as all the others. The school theme is very fun in itself. After all, memories of childhood and school life bring a smile to many of us. In short jokes about school you can recognize yourself, your friends and remember all the cute pranks that happened at school.

Brevity is the sister of talent - this proverb has long been known. Therefore, to come up with short jokes about school, you need to have incredible talent. There is a lot in this topic. Take it for example - although they are not so short, they are no less funny.

I'd like a double whiskey, please.
- Girl! This is the school cafeteria!
- Oh, sorry, I got lost in thought. Compote, please...

Your son is very weak in geography!
-Doesn't matter! You can't go far with our income...

No one has ever died from knowledge. Although the skeleton in the biology classroom is alarming.

Sidorov! Write legibly! - the teacher says sternly.
- Yes? Maybe you will also say: “write without errors”?!

Leaving the lesson, the boy Fedya slammed the door so hard that Vasya, who was sitting on the windowsill, also left the lesson.

Dear students, I know that during lessons you send text messages to each other, because no one just looks between their legs and smiles...

Class teacher:
- The topic of the next lesson is “The structure of the human brain.” Bring a hammer, chisel and brilliant green with you tomorrow.

After spending a long time on Odnoklassniki, the teacher at school automatically gave everyone a “5+” and drew hearts in her diary.

Physical education teacher:
- Like going to a physical education lesson, everyone without a uniform! And when walking around the area, everything is in Adidas.

The son of a bell ringer at a church school pulls the pigtails of 7 girls at the same time.

At school they gave grades for the quarter, the child, looking into his mother’s eyes, said: “The main thing, mom, is that we be healthy, right?”

The Ministry of Education officially approved the topic of the essay: “HOW I SPENT THE END OF THE WORLD.”

School graduation every year becomes more and more like Paratroopers' Day.

A new decisive step by the Ukrainian government aimed at protecting motherhood and childhood: pregnant schoolgirls were allowed not to take exams.

The boy who learned to kiss on tomatoes, out of habit, ate
classmate...

“Are you late again, baby?” – said the cleaning lady and affectionately slapped the schoolboy in the face with a rag.

Exam. Literature.
Question: The first female pilot in Russia?
Answer: Baba Yaga!

The basic rule of the Russian language.
If you don't know how to write "here" or "here" - write "here".

A conference of mathematics teachers ended in a fight. Something wasn't shared.

Parents at family council:
- Son! We all start a new life on Monday! I'll stop losing weight, dad will stop smoking. And you?
- I can quit school...

Russian language lesson:
- Sidorov, what consoles do you know?
- Playstation3, Nintendo Wii, Xbox360...

Do you have higher education? Or even two?
Do homework with a 4th grade student using modern textbooks - feel like an idiot!

A Russian language teacher, checking children’s essays on the topic “How I spent my summer,” gave not “3”, “4” and “5”, but 18+, 16+...

Physical education teacher Sidorov still believes that after the number “4” comes the number “finished.”

Students remember nothing better than the mistakes of their teachers.

On the program "The Smartest" to the question - "carrots, onions, potatoes, Lexus, what's extra?" - fifth-grader Izya answered “carrots, onions, potatoes.”

The school principal catches a guy smoking in the toilet:
- Which class?
Guy blowing smoke rings:
- Bourgeoisie!

It seems that those who write school textbooks do not do homework with their children.

From the Russian language textbook for the second grade: Constructing sentences; (What) (who) led us into this (what) forest?

On the literature exam:
- What can you say about the heroine of the novel?
- How did you know?

A first-grader walks to school for the first time past a kindergarten. Behind the fence, preschool children are playing in the sand. He approached them, looked, and sighed:
- I would love to join, but my education and age do not allow it.

The schoolchildren wrote a dictation. When Alla Grigorievna was checking the notebooks, she turned to Antonov:
- Kolya, why are you so inattentive? I dictated: “The door creaked and opened.” What did you write? "The door creaked and fell off."

Based on the grades in the school magazine, it is easy to determine each teacher's monthly cycle.

How do you know the Armenian language so well?
- Our English teacher at school was Armenian.

Respect your parents. They graduated from school without Google or Wikipedia.

Young mother before September 1st:
- Phew, it seems like I bought everything for school: an ABC book, notebooks, pens, valerian, a belt...

The longest sleep recorded in a history lesson,
the student fell asleep in the 15th century and woke up in the 18th.

In gym class:
- So, boys, which one of you smokes? Honestly! Dont lie! !! So. .. means you.. and you. .. Clear. .. So, it’s like this: you and I will smoke, the rest will do five laps around the stadium.

At school, a physical teacher and a Trudovik got into a fight at graduation. Trudovik won, because karate is karate, and a hammer is a hammer.

The teacher’s entry in Daria Dontsova’s school diary: “I prepared a report on biology. I've been reading this for three weeks now. I hope the killer is not a zebra..."

A boy with the last name Goagramakiskikiryan very rarely comes to the board...

If you decide to gather your classmates for the 25th anniversary of graduation, you don’t need to look for them all, find one - the last bad student and hooligan, and he will find everyone else through his deputy channels...

A technician who has worked at a school for 20 years can hit a moving target with a rag from a distance of 50 meters.

Those who finish school don't laugh at the circus...

One of the most unprofitable mistakes in the life of a school teacher is having a birthday during the summer holidays.

A New York teacher earns more than a Moscow teacher, but he cannot live on his salary in Moscow.

The Russian language teacher was checking the essay and saw an error in the phrase: “Experience in life comes with reptiles,” but then she thought about it and decided not to correct it.

3000 year. Russian language lesson.
- And remember, children, the main rule of punctuation: there is no comma after an emoticon...

We were taught black accounting from school, when they said: “We write one, two in our minds!”

In Moldovan schools, at parent meetings, the phrase “Let’s chip in for repairs” causes general laughter.

The schoolboy found a million bucks and handed them over to the police. The sobbing mother insisted that she was proud of him.

Went to an alumni reunion, 20 years after graduation. All evening the song from the movie "Mary Poppins. Goodbye" was spinning in my head: "Thirty-three cows, thirty-three cows..."

At one time, we threw a wet rag at recess. I’m sure there is now a special program for iPhone for this.

The morning after graduation, the parents again found their son in the cabbage.

My husband is 40 years old, and in Odnoklassniki his classmates are 25-30... Lord, how difficult it was for him to study!

To help children remember the multiplication tables better, it was decided
print it on packs of light Marlboro.

New cigarettes especially for schoolchildren! "Parental Meeting", now with a belt flavor.

It's the cool 17-year-old freshmen who shout loudest about the stupid 16-year-old schoolboy.

At the first lesson after the May holidays, the Trudovik announced that he would give an “A” to the one who would saw the quietest...

Modern literature lesson at school. Teacher:
- And now, children, let’s write comments on “War and Peace”...

In Armenian schools, classmates pull girls' mustaches.

Do you like going to school?
- Yes, but these hours between walking are the most disgusting.

The teacher said that he would let us go early. But they didn’t let us go...

Why are there lessons at school and couples at the institute?
Yes, because they study at school, but they sweat at the institute!