What happens to the body during adolescence. Teenagers: a difficult age. How to help your child during the transition period? What physiological changes accompany adolescence?

Growing up, boys change beyond recognition. Changes in behavior also appear. In order not to lose mutual understanding with their children, parents should know How long does adolescence last for boys? You don’t have to be a professional in psychology to understand your son and help him during the most important period of his life. You need to be close.

The behavior and appearance of teenage boys is explained by the hormonal explosion occurring in the body. This is a real test for a person who just yesterday lived in a carefree childhood. Parents and teachers should know.

• Boys grow rapidly from 11 to 17 years of age. All organs, bones and joints change.
• Voice loss occurs and lasts 3-4 months.
• Hair appears on the body and face.

During this period, it is important for parents to provide enhanced nutrition to allow the child’s body to develop without pathologies. The health of the spine, heart, joints, and hormonal system during the period of growth is ensured by feasible physical activity, a healthy lifestyle and good nutrition. For example, a lack of calcium, as a rule, leads to pathological changes in the spine, and a lack of protein leads to impaired growth and development. Lack of vitamins and minerals will negatively affect the heart, brain and blood composition. Bad habits, which many teenagers fall under the influence of, are especially harmful to a growing body. Parents and teachers should promote sports and health by their own example and by creating favorable conditions.

Changes in hormonal levels lead to increased activity of the sebaceous glands. Acne appears on the face, back, and shoulders. Teenagers are embarrassed about their appearance because of acne. But they need to explain that it is important to maintain hygiene in order to localize any inflammatory processes on the skin. For example, washing with warm water and soap in the morning and evening will help avoid purulent inflammation and, as a result, scars that can ruin your appearance for life.

There are special products for teenage skin with an anti-inflammatory effect. The active release of hormones is marked by the peculiarities of the smell of sweat. It is necessary to take a shower more often, change your underwear and bed linen. There is no need to worry too much. Acne will go away after eighteen. But just enough how long does adolescence last for boys, acne will cause trouble. If the inflammation is purulent, you should contact a dermatologist who will prescribe medications.

During adolescence, not only the child’s appearance changes, but also the child’s psyche. Yesterday's children have to be men and the boys understand this. But for some reason they are more capricious, susceptible to criticism, prone to self-flagellation, dissatisfied with themselves, and withdrawn. A little time will pass and self-confidence will appear, almost like in childhood, but differently. Revaluation of values ​​changes the perception of the world. Childhood is over, and adult life lies ahead. Having overcome endless tests and exams, the boys will begin to create their own world, build relationships, a family. Parents and teachers should support teenagers during this difficult period for them with fair treatment and well-deserved praise. school days will tell you a lot. Peers and other people should know about victories in sports competitions, studies, and achievements in creativity. Videos of class celebrations, school events, and of course prom.

Advice from a psychologist on crises of different ages in children Komarovsky video

It is important for teenagers to evaluate their achievements to develop determination and responsibility. A sense of self-worth forms a strong character and a desire for leadership. And on the contrary, failures, ignoring the teenager’s personality by those around him, form fear and uncertainty, which does not allow the personality to be strong.

Did you think you knew your son, but recently you don’t seem to recognize him? All your advice is received with hostility, he does not hear what you tell him, and does everything as if out of spite, and even is rude to you. Don't be alarmed, this is adolescence for boys.

For teenage boys, the arrival of this period in life means changes not only external, but also internal. The boy gradually becomes a man. For some, this transformation occurs quite painlessly and is practically unnoticeable. But such lucky ones are few. Or rather, the luckiest of all, of course, are the parents of such young people. But more often than not, a boy has to go through a difficult period of his life before becoming a man.

When does adolescence begin in boys?

The period of adolescence in young men usually occurs at the age of 14-15. At this time, an increase in physical strength and a hormonal explosion lead to the boy trying to prove to everyone that he is already an adult. But such a desire during adolescence runs up against psychological unpreparedness to lead an adult life and perform truly adult actions.

Adolescence leads to the fact that a once calm and, perhaps, obedient boy becomes aggressive, stubborn, and uncontrollable.

At what age does a beard grow?

All teenagers want to look more mature and courageous at some point. Around this time, young people become interested in when a beard begins to grow. You will have to disappoint teenagers; facial hair begins to appear after the age of 16. For some, later, at 17 or even 19 years old.

Loss of voice in boys

Another sign that a boy is becoming a man is a man's low voice, which replaces the child's treble. At what age do boys’ voices break is a question that worries both parents and teenagers themselves.

In reality, the voice does not break, but undergoes characteristic changes that are caused by both the growth of the larynx and the action of hormones. The vocal cords become longer and thicker. The pitch of the voice becomes lower, the timbre becomes thicker. At first the young man “gives cock,” but later his voice becomes established, changing completely.

Puberty

Puberty is the ability to have children. Puberty in boys is associated with the production of the hormone GnRH. This occurs starting at about 11 years of age. At first, the hormone is produced by the body only at night during deep sleep. Later, the hormone is released regardless of whether the young man is sleeping or awake. This hormone then affects the formation of sperm and male sex hormones.

Problems of adolescence

This age is often called problematic. It is very important to find a common language with a teenager during this period; even better, for parents to be an authority for him.

Many difficulties are related to the psychological side of the issue. Teenagers, even being calm and balanced before, begin to behave completely differently. They are rude and can even be rude to their elders. A passion for denial awakens, youthful maximalism coupled with teenage nihilism is a real test for parents; here they should be wise.

The other side of the coin is external changes during adolescence, which do not always carry positive emotions. We are talking about the appearance of pimples and acne on the face at this time, which can truly become a disaster for young men who dream of becoming adult men as soon as possible. This trouble is caused by the active work of the sebaceous glands during adolescence.

Puberty in boys

Puberty, which is also called the time of puberty, occurs differently for all young men. Some people have to experience all the problems of this period, which were mentioned above, while others experience it much easier. Typically, the preparatory period for puberty starts at the age of 10 and ends with full puberty by the age of 20-21.

How to survive adolescence

Adults who do not find time for their own children regret it later. At the same time, you need to trust your already growing child. Don’t babysit, communicate with him as with an adult, but at the same time don’t get carried away with controlling his free time, give him a certain freedom. The last nuance is especially difficult, since parents are afraid of how their growing son will manage his free time; hobbies, sports, music, this is what can help spend his free time profitably.

I would like to recommend that parents be patient. It is very important to be attentive to your son going through this age period. Often children themselves do not mind talking about their problems with their elders, but they always have no time. It is necessary to know with whom the teenager communicates, what he lives with, what he is interested in, and what he loves, finally.

Your child ceases to be small, trying on this feeling of being an adult. Many parents are afraid of the onset of this transition period, often remembering themselves at this age and believing that problems cannot be avoided as their child grows up. Adolescence is a difficult time, not only for parents, but also for the children themselves. What is happening in this difficult, difficult time, how to understand the psychology of a teenager?

What it is

Transitional age, or adolescence, is a period of human development in the process of transition from childhood to adolescence. Adolescence lasts from 10-11 to 15 years. This transitional period, also called puberty, is a critical period, since at this age not only rapid growth and puberty of the youth occurs, but also cardinal changes in the sphere of consciousness and the system of relationships. There is detailed information about this in social studies textbooks.

Adolescence begins with puberty - the production of hormones that stimulate the development of the reproductive system, brain, muscles, bones and skin. This age is characterized by a “sense of growing up”, the development of self-esteem and self-awareness. At the transitional stage of ontogenesis, interest in oneself as an individual develops. If the conditions for the realization of opportunities and individualization are absent, the self-realization of a teenager at a crisis age can take an unfavorable form.

Signs of adolescence:

During puberty, at approximately 10 years of age, a person begins to actively grow - up to 10 centimeters per year. Girls stop growing by the age of 16-18, and boys can continue to grow until they are 22 years old. External signs of the beginning of the transition period are the growth of testicles in boys, breast growth in girls, and growth of hair in the armpits and groin in both sexes.

Girls' physical development progresses faster than boys, but it's not just physical changes that are considered a sign that your child has entered adolescence. Among the changes are changes in character. An affectionate, obedient child of this age can become rude, categorical and touchy. It is best to consider the signs of maturation in more detail in representatives of different sexes separately.

For boys:

Parents' knowledge of what happens to their son during transition will help them and the boy cope with this difficult burden of a difficult age called adolescence. Signs of maturation in boys are divided into three main groups - physical, emotional and sexual. All of them are interconnected, flowing from one another under the influence of the production of testosterone - the hormone with the help of which a boy gradually turns into a man. What are the main signs of this transformation?

1. The muscles begin to develop dramatically.
2. Shoulders widen.
3. Hair begins to grow in the armpits, face and groin; at this age it is still vellus hair.
4. The voice breaks.
5. Acne appears on the back and face.
6. The smell of sweat becomes more pungent.
7. Mood swings, aggressiveness, absent-mindedness and inattention, and maximalism characteristic of this age appear.
8. The genital organs actively develop and sexual desire appears.
9. Uncontrolled ejaculation at night is possible - so-called wet dreams, which will pass with age.

For girls:

In girls, adolescence begins when the production of sex hormones increases, around 10-11 years. The girl’s reproductive organs begin to change and prepare for motherhood. The hormonal surge characteristic of the transition stage leads to an imbalance in the nervous, endocrine and vegetative-vascular systems. The first signs of a girl growing up appear:

1. The pelvic bones expand, the buttocks and hips become rounded.
2. By the age of 10, pigmentation around the nipples becomes pronounced. The nipples themselves become swollen and protrude.
3. By the age of 11, the mammary glands develop more noticeably, the armpits and pubic area are covered with hair. Menstruation may begin at this age. For some it comes earlier, for others later. Upon reaching the age of 16, the cycle should stabilize and become regular.
4. Due to the increase in body weight characteristic of the transition period, girls may begin to experience depression and severe dietary restrictions. Therefore, carefully monitor how your daughter eats so that restrictions do not lead her to a serious mental illness - anorexia.

Why is adolescence called transitional?

Adolescence represents the transition to adulthood from childhood, which is how it got its name. The crisis of adolescence is largely associated with the transition period in ontogenesis (human development). During this transitional time of personality formation, the child becomes “difficult” - he is characterized by instability of the psyche and behavior, inadequacy.

Human development during the transitional stage undergoes a qualitative restructuring and puberty occurs. A person grows rapidly - and during this period, skeletal growth proceeds faster than muscle mass. The cardiovascular system is actively developing. During the process of restructuring, a young person may develop depression, anxiety and other signs.

Problems and difficulties in teenagers

Difficulties in the transition period are often associated with active hormonal changes in the body. Due to a sharp surge in hormones, frequent mood swings occur. This age is characterized by depression or aggression, anxiety or isolation. Often a teenager becomes simply unbearable, causing a lot of problems not only for his parents, but also for himself.

A growing organism needs personal space - it wants to be independent, strives to get out of parental control. Against this background, conflict often arises between parents and children. It is better to allow your growing child to be alone with himself, and not to get into his soul. If a teenager thinks that you should be trusted, he will tell you what he sees fit himself.

Difficulties also arise when a guy or girl joins any team, where there is a kind of struggle for leadership. In the company of people with similar problems and complex personalities, there is rarely equality. The same desire for leadership can push one to rash actions - for example, getting attached to bad company, and as a result - becoming addicted to drinking, cigarettes, hooliganism, and sometimes even drug addiction.

It’s hard for outcasts among peers; such an outcast withdraws, becomes uncommunicative, experiences stress and a feeling of humiliation or self-abasement in the company of peers. In this case, parents need to help their child adapt to society in order to avoid serious psychological problems in the future.

For a growing guy or girl, the problem of appearance is of great importance. Girls experience this especially hard - after all, all the attention goes to the beautiful, bright and self-confident. Plus, teenage acne, oily skin and other attributes of adolescence appear. Therefore, the first task of parents in this direction is to teach their son or daughter to take care of themselves, their appearance, instill good taste in clothing, and develop a sense of self-confidence, which they will subsequently need in any period of life.

Problems also arise against the background of unrequited love. First love, fueled by various TV series, is often very strong, and failure, coupled with the increased emotionality of a teenager and the tendency of this age to paint all life moments with bright colors, can undermine mental health. It is best if parents explain to their children in love that the best is definitely ahead of them, failures are quite survivable, and with age they will perceive their feelings differently.

Types of teenage depression

Depression is difficult to recognize, since the behavior of young children of this age is often caused not by negative emotions, but by mood swings caused by the process of puberty. But a constant bad mood, deterioration in school performance and some other manifestations of a difficult age may indicate the presence of depression. It should be borne in mind that this is a disease, and it is not a type of mood, but a mental disorder. In general, there are several types of depression:

Classic depression. During this period, young people often feel sad, depressed, and anxious. A person stops experiencing pleasure from his usual activities. Favorite films, photos, food cause an attack of irritability. Symptoms of classic depression in a teenager include slowness of movement and thinking, and external lack of will.

Neurotic depression. This type of depression, sometimes characteristic of adolescence, occurs as a result of a long-term situation that traumatizes the psyche. The disease begins with a decrease in mood, tearfulness and a feeling of unfair treatment. Symptoms of neurotic depression may include problems falling asleep, anxious waking up, weakness, morning headaches, and low blood pressure.

Psychogenic depression. Develops with the loss of vital values ​​for a teenager (and not only others). This could be the death of loved ones, a break in relationships. Psychogenic depression can develop in a short time. Its signs include internal tension, anxiety about fate, melancholy and lethargy, and complaints about one’s worthlessness. When such symptoms appear, you must immediately pay attention to the guy or girl and take them to a psychologist before they consider suicide to be the best way out of the situation.

Features of contact with a teenager

When a child reaches adolescence, all the requirements placed on him are conditionally divided into three groups: non-discussable (for example, the time of returning home), discussed (planning free time) and accepted by him independently. These groups are necessarily subject to preliminary discussion.

Uniform family requirements for a growing child are of considerable importance. The young man himself craves rights more than he strives for responsibilities. If the younger generation realizes that too much is expected of them, they will try to shirk their responsibilities. Therefore, serious arguments must be given to all demands - simply imposing them on a teenager at the stage of personality formation may not work.

It is worth considering that the growing generation often acts under the influence of momentary emotions characteristic of the transition period. Therefore, you should not have a conversation or discuss a teenager’s behavior or words when you see that your child is excited, irritated or upset. In addition, one should take into account the unstable state of the psyche; at this stage, do not find fault too much. A teenager's sense of adulthood requires special attention. It is very important to support a sense of significance and independence at this difficult age in various ways.

Allow the child to understand the objects of his affection or love and make his own decisions in this direction, even though this is not quite an adult age. And do not forget that even if a teenager needs the help of his parents, at the same time he is trying to protect his own world from invasion, and he has the right to do so. Try not to control his behavior and treat your child with respect, while at the same time indirectly influencing his actions.

But it is not always worth paying attention to the opposition characteristic of this period - the teenager still feels the need for support from adults. It is best to have an adult act as a friend. In this way, you will make it easier for your child to find himself during self-knowledge. With such interaction, it becomes possible to create deep spiritual contact.

How to survive a crisis

1. Pay close attention to your child's development. Don't miss the first, even weak, signs of his entry into adolescence.
2. Take seriously the fact that every person develops at an individual pace, which does not always correspond to a specific age. A growing youth should not be considered a small child. But don’t try to make your child a teenager before he is ready for it, even if his age as such is considered transitional.
3. Take seriously all your child’s statements, no matter how stupid they may seem.
4. Give the maturing body maximum independence - as much as it can withstand for its age. Try to consult with your children on any matter - even the most trivial. They should feel like you are an equal member of the family.
5. Do what you want to achieve from your daughter or son yourself - for example, always call if you are delayed.
6. Try to correct mistakes in upbringing made earlier. At this age, all mistakes tend to creep out.
7. Show interest in everything that matters to your son or daughter. In a transitional age, rich in surprises, they undergo a reassessment of interests and values, and it is better if you take direct part in this process.
8. Use incentives, discuss rules. But some things, especially those related to safety, at any age, and especially at a transitional age, must be observed unquestioningly.

To make such a difficult and difficult transition period for your child more painless, both for him and for you, you can seek help from a psychologist. True, few teenagers will do this, believing that there is no problem as such. As an option for help, you can read a book on the psychology of adolescence or watch a video.

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Everyone knows the concept of “adolescent age,” but few have the opportunity to say exactly what it is and how it is characterized. And most importantly, most parents are concerned at what age does this age begin?

It is not possible to give specific numbers, since for each child the beginning of adolescence depends on individual characteristics: for some, changes in the body occur at 11, for others at 14, and the number of years is not always considered the main sign of the onset of the transition period.

Many parents are frightened by the moment when a child enters adolescence, since stereotypes create only a negative image of this period in the mind. Quarrels, scandals and child behavior - all this frightens adults. But if you learn how to treat such a child correctly, the risk of conflicts will be minimal. Any teenager is extremely irritated during this period; he needs maximum support to divert attention from unpleasant situations.

Beginning of adolescence

Adolescence is a period of change, both physiologically and emotionally, in other words, the child becomes a teenager. The main point during this period is puberty. The onset of adolescence depends on the child’s genetic predisposition and lifestyle.

Changes in the body can begin at 9 years old and at 15. The duration of the period is determined individually, and if for some the period is limited to 2-3 years, then for others the transitional age sometimes lasts up to 7 years.

Teenagers are usually called girls from 10 to 15 years old, boys from 11 to 17 years old. Puberty in females occurs earlier and lasts a short period of time.

Do not confuse “adolescence” with “puberty”. The last concept is one of the phases that a child goes through in the process of maturation.

There are three stages in total:

1. The prepubertal period is when the body is preparing for rapid changes.
2. Puberty - the formation of secondary sexual characteristics should begin.
3. The postpubertal period is the final phase of adolescence.

Different countries define the beginning of the transition period in their own way; this is influenced by terrain, religion and local traditions. In the south, for example, children are considered teenagers at age 10, while in other countries the end of this period occurs at age 19.

Features of adolescence in boys

At the age of 11-13 years, boys' voice changes due to the growth of vocal cords and the development of throat muscles and cartilage. The voice becomes rougher. This process lasts for two years. The size of the testicles and penis increases. The first stubble begins to grow on the face. Over time, the hair on the legs becomes thicker, and hair is observed in the armpits and groin. Hair growth continues until the end of adolescence.

The chest begins to grow, muscles appear, and the shoulders become wider. There is involuntary ejaculation while the boy is sleeping, so-called wet dreams: this is considered normal.

An important period of adolescence in boys is considered to be the age from 14 to 18 years, when the rapid formation of sexual functions begins. At this time, the body produces hormones, which is why the young man experiences a sharp change in mood, he often behaves aggressively towards his parents and friends. Any event during this period is perceived especially acutely. Sexual desire in particular causes great discomfort for young men.

Features of adolescence in girls

Girls begin adolescence at the age of 10, but there are those who are of the opinion that this period can begin at 8.

The first thing is that the pelvic bones expand, the hips and buttocks become more rounded. For this reason, body weight increases. This process can continue beyond the transition period and is completed by age 22. The nipple circle swells and becomes more noticeable.

Like boys, hair appears on the pubic area and in the armpits, but in girls it is not as thick. The mammary glands increase in size.

The first menstruation can occur either at 11-12 years old, or much later - at 14-16. At first, the menstrual cycle is not stable, but after a year, periods occur regularly, at a certain time every 21-35 days. Armpit and pubic hair continues to grow. The absence of secondary sexual characteristics at age 13 or menstruation at age 16 is a reason to visit a doctor.

Psychological problems

Going through adolescence, a child becomes a teenager, but not an adult. He is well aware that his body and organism are changing, which is why he has conflicting emotions. The teenage period indicates that he is no longer a child, and this is normal, but this gives rise to fear of changes in the body, especially often children experience embarrassment if they reach adolescence earlier than their friends.

The teenager tries to hide changes in his body under clothes that are in trend among young people; he chooses things that will divert all attention to himself. The teenager adapts his behavior to the way his older comrades behave, thus identifying himself with them. During this period, he needs all the best, like all fashionable youth.

At the same time, the teenager tries his best to assert himself, showing that he is no worse than others, and in some talents he is superior to his peers. Often a teenager begins to compete not only with friends, but also with parents. Losing does not suit him, and failures that do not happen so often will cause severe pain, which will cause deep depression, reluctance to communicate, or irritability and causeless aggression.

External changes bring a lot of worries into a teenager’s life: he is worried about everything, from unevenly growing stubble on his face to what he considers to be excess weight. The teenager still begins to criticize those parts of the body that have not undergone changes. His ears or nose seem ridiculous, too big or small. Often many boys' experiences are based on the fact that they are still thin, but their body has stretched upward.

Sexual attractiveness of the body worries teenagers no less than anything else. During this period, they pay all their attention to how beautiful their skin is and whether their genitals correspond to the ideal parameters. These problems are perceived especially acutely due to the fact that interest in the opposite sex begins to grow, the teenager tries in every possible way to please his first love.

All this becomes the cause of conflicts with family or peers, neurosis. Girls often develop anorexia during this period due to dieting. Often, dissatisfaction with one's appearance became the reason for suicide.

During this period, any careless remark causes mental pain to the teenager, especially if it concerns his appearance. As a result, he begins to feel flawed and inferior.

Silence is not always a sign that a teenager does not care about how he looks, so parents are advised to support their child and not allow him to live with insecurities.

Problems begin with parents who still perceive the teenager as a child and do not allow him to make serious decisions. Many children during this period desire independence and recognition. For example, teenagers begin to imitate adults, often get into arguments to defend their interests, and out of spite do what they are not told to do. But despite this, they are still not ready to take responsibility for what they have done, and do not always realize that everything has consequences: many thoughtless actions lead to big problems.

The transitional age is most difficult for girls. They early begin to perceive themselves as adults, they have a desire to prove to everyone their independence, despite the lack of opportunities. Because of this, girls are forced to ask their parents for help, which damages their pride. This is the most common cause of internal conflict in girls while growing up.

Like girls, boys feel the need to prove to everyone that they are already adults. This is associated with a feeling of increased physical strength and the beginning of sexual activity. The need for self-affirmation makes it impossible to remain calm and make informed decisions. During this period, the teenager’s character becomes difficult to control.

Low self-esteem and the feeling that no one cares about his problems lead a teenager to deep depression. Statistics show that every tenth teenager, going through adolescence, thinks about suicide. Psychological problems bring suffering to both boys and girls. Feelings of inferiority and loneliness are dangerous for a teenager. According to data obtained during a study among adolescents, one in four in a hundred experienced serious depression. If measures are not taken, the teenager’s condition worsens: his thinking and behavior changes, and the risk that he will harm himself increases.

What should parents do if their children are going through adolescence?

During this period, parents need to talk with him and explain that changes in the body are temporary. It would be a mistake to tell a teenager that his problems are ridiculous and frivolous, much less mocking them. Parents should listen to the child’s words, give advice and help on the path to the right decision. Reading lectures and using force will lead to nothing: the teenager will become withdrawn or aggressive.

A close-knit family rarely faces problems when the child begins to grow up and goes through a transition period. Parents can easily provide help in overcoming problems. For example, a hobby is an excellent way out of a crisis situation. Experts advise sending your child to some section where he can develop his talents.

In addition to clinical depression, there is a danger of developing drug addiction. Children start trying drugs even at the age of ten, and this problem often affects wealthy families. The reason for this is that teenagers are easily suggestible and take drugs for the first time only out of curiosity. To avoid this, parents must have a confidential conversation with the child and explain to him that drug addiction is a serious disease that often ends in death.

If a teenager does become involved in drugs, the following signs will indicate this:

• A sharp drop in school performance.
• Lack of interest in hobbies.
• Things and money disappear from the house.
• Aggressive behavior, unpredictability.
• Unsociability.
• The teenager begins to lie all the time; he does not see anything strange in his behavior.

In such a situation, the help of a competent specialist is needed: the teenager should make an appointment with a narcologist and psychologist. It is not recommended to scold him and show aggression; to help him, it is important to find out the reason why he is addicted to drugs and provide assistance in treating the addiction.

Parents need to monitor their child so as not to miss the transition period, so they will have time to change their behavior towards the child in time, without traumatizing his psyche and allowing the teenager to experience this time in a calmer environment. Each child has his own beginning of adolescence, and it does not always coincide for everyone, but the age at which adolescence begins does not make the teenager less likely to have fewer problems. During this period, support and advice are required, and the sooner parents begin to provide care for their children, the easier this period will pass.

Just yesterday your son and daughter were obedient, good children and suddenly became rude, harsh, uncontrollable? Do you feel that you cannot cope with your offspring, that you are losing control over him? Yes, the transition period is a very difficult stage in the life of a teenager and the whole family. How to improve relationships and not miss the child?

Just yesterday your son and daughter were obedient, good children and suddenly became rude, harsh, uncontrollable? Do you feel that you cannot cope with your offspring, that you are losing control over him? Yes, the transition period is a very difficult stage in the life of both a teenager and the entire family. How to improve relationships and not miss the child?

Rampant hormones

Scientifically, this period is called puberty. It represents the transition from childhood to adulthood and lasts from 12 to 16 years (with some fluctuations in one direction or another). This stage is very difficult and dramatic for teenagers.

One of the main reasons for these difficulties is puberty, explains psychologist Elena Shramko. Teenagers become extremely sensitive to how others evaluate their appearance, and this is combined with arrogance and categorical judgments about others. Attentiveness coexists in them with amazing callousness, painful shyness with swagger, the desire to be recognized and appreciated by others with ostentatious independence, the struggle with authorities and generally accepted rules with the deification of idols, the psychologist emphasizes.

At this age, teenagers begin to dislike their appearance and their own body. Just a year ago, the child didn’t think about it, everything suited him, but now he often repeats: “I’m ugly/freak!” (although in fact everything happens the other way around). The teenager is embarrassed to show his body, makes you leave the room when he is changing clothes, forbids you to enter the bathroom when he is washing, refuses to be photographed, although he used to willingly pose for the camera.

All this happens because serious hormonal changes are occurring in his body, and all organs and systems are undergoing a restructuring. During this period, adolescents need material for the construction of tissues, so they eat a lot (especially boys). At the same time, they experience changes in appetite.

Adolescents 13-14 years old often experience alternating bursts of activity, says Doctor of Psychology, Professor Anna Prikhozhan. Either the child is alert and active, then suddenly he becomes tired, to the point of complete exhaustion. The phenomenon of “teenage laziness” is connected with this (you can often hear complaints from adults that a teenager is lazy, wants to lie down all the time, cannot stand straight, and constantly strives to lean on something). The reason for this is increased growth, which requires a lot of strength and reduces endurance. Teenagers become awkward and often break things. It seems that there is malicious intent here, although, as a rule, this happens against the wishes of the teenager and is associated with a restructuring of the motor system, says Anna Prikhozhan.

This is how the child gradually turns into an adult. All this requires a lot of physical and mental strength. At the same time, it happens that a child does not want to grow up; on the contrary, he wants to linger in childhood. He subconsciously feels that he is moving from the usual childhood state into something else. He doesn’t yet know what this will bring him, but now he only feels discomfort.

Challenging behavior

The child’s behavior also changes dramatically. He is constantly rude, locks himself in his room, and does not let anyone come to him. He often has mood swings. He does not allow himself to be hugged or kissed. When you try to do this, he pushes you away and behaves like a hedgehog.

Refuses to clean his room (it’s impossible to go there, everything is scattered on the floor, the closets are wide open); refuses to perform household chores (take out the trash, walk the dog, etc.), and if he does it, it’s with a squeak and through endless reminders.

It’s as if he’s deliberately making you angry, provoking you into a scandal. He stops obeying and becomes so harsh that it is impossible to communicate with him. And it even happens that he starts calling him names, using, among other things, obscene language...

You feel confused and powerless: is this really your child? Do not be surprised. This behavior is expressed in the desire to develop one’s own (and not dictated by parents or society) view of things. At this age, teenagers have already accumulated tension from pressure from parents and school, says psychologist and psychotherapist Elena Savina. The teenager believes that he is able to live independently and make decisions. And adults often continue to talk to him as if he were a young child. Hence the huge protest against the world of adults. The teenager thus declares himself to the world, while his life goals have not yet been determined, there is no emotional stability, and the state of “dreams” is stronger than the consciousness of the need to learn and grow up.

Birth of personality

And how to behave? What to do? We must understand that during this difficult period the child becomes an individual. Under no circumstances should he be humiliated. Moreover, swing! Treat him as an individual, no matter how difficult it may be sometimes.

Although a teenager strives for independence, in problematic life situations he tries not to take responsibility for decisions made, and expects help from adults, says Elena Shramko. The teenage “sense of adulthood” is expressed mainly in a new level of aspirations that is ahead of the position in which the teenager actually finds himself. It is very important for him that his maturity is noticed by others, so that his behavior is not childish. His ideas about norms of behavior provoke a discussion of the behavior of adults, which is usually very impartial, and this is where conflicts arise, explains the psychologist.

Now the main thing for a teenager is understanding and support. He needs your love more than ever, although outwardly he pretends that he doesn’t need adults. In fact, he needs a trusting relationship with a loved one who will listen to him, support him, approve him, and say the right words.

Despite the fact that the teenager protests against you, he painfully lacks communication with adults who can answer the questions that concern him, explains Elena Savina. But he accepts this communication only when they speak to him on an equal footing, without moralizing, shouting, simply sharing his observations from life and describing that in this case the result will be like this, and in this case like this. Give him the opportunity to think for himself, and you, as someone looking forward, lay out a map of life in front of him. Your interest in the child’s life should be truly genuine, and not just in the part where you need to ban or track something. It is the acceptance of the child as an adult that should form the basis of your relationship with the teenager, says the psychologist.

A teenager needs to know that you love him, that he is dear to you. What does this mean? In the ability to forgive. If there was a conflict yesterday, don’t remember it, don’t itch, don’t lecture. The teenager remembers what happened, he himself is worried. So don't stir up yesterday's things. Say once what you think about this and close the topic.

How to resolve conflict

The famous American psychologist J. Scott advises not to throw accusations and insults during conflicts, but to talk only about your feelings. Therefore, if you want your child to truly understand you, say only what you feel at the moment. For example, refrain from using an offensive tone, do not say: “You are behaving disgracefully, you are being rude, you are being rude!”, “You have made a mess in your room! How many times can you repeat!..”, etc.

Instead, voice your feelings, say what you feel at the moment. For example: “When you talk rudely to me, it depresses me, I worry that you don’t love me,” “When your room is such a mess, I feel that my request is unimportant to you, and it makes me feel bad.” hurt". Perhaps the child will respond by saying: “I don’t care!” But this is just a mask. In fact, he will remember your words, they will have an impact on him. But insults addressed to him will cause him even greater aggression. And your feelings are very important to him, although he tries to hide it. By talking about how you feel, you will stop the conflict and prevent it from developing further.

Avoid criticism

During adolescence, a teenager has a very vulnerable psyche. He overreacts to everything. His emotions are running high, so his reaction may be disproportionate to the offense. It can be the most acute and unpredictable when adults try to humiliate him and hurt his pride.

The child’s psyche is now unbalanced, there is no life experience. If he does not find understanding anywhere, he may end up in the wrong company, where, as it seems to him, he will be understood. And the worst thing is that a child can do something irreparable...

The Russian Commissioner for Children's Rights, Pavel Astakhov, considers the situation with child suicides in Russia extremely alarming. In terms of the total number of suicides, the Russian Federation is in sixth place in the world. However, in terms of suicide rates among adolescents aged 15-19, Russia ranks first in Europe and one of the first in the world. In our country, the death rate among teenagers from suicide is almost 3 times higher than the world rate! And this happens because children sometimes simply have no one to turn to for help. “Teachers and guardianship authorities do not always pay attention to the difficult situation in which the child finds himself,” says Pavel Astakhov.

Just in case, write down the phone numbers of all your child's friends and, preferably, their parents. Know the contacts of teachers, teachers of clubs that your child attends.

We have to get through this period

While your child is going through a transition period, stock up on great patience, love, and most importantly, the ability to forgive. To get through this period without losses, you will need diplomacy, flexibility and agility.

Don’t coo with your teenager, don’t pester him with unnecessary questions. Be patient and tactful. Your child is very vulnerable now, take care of him. Focus on the future, move forward together and remember that this period will pass. You just need to be patient and wait. And all will be well!

Inna Kriksunova, for Fontanka.ru