Quotes from the film Ivan Vasilyevich changes his profession. “Ivan Vasilyevich is changing his profession”: favorite phrases from his favorite movie What else do you want dog

— When you speak, Ivan Vasilyevich, the impression is that you are delirious.

- And I, Zinaida Mikhailovna, was robbed - the dog and the police promised to come.

- You're lying, dog! I am the king!

“I’m leaving my husband—this holy man with all the comforts!”

- They tell him that his wife is leaving him, and he says “so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so”! Even somehow impolite!

- If you were my wife, I would... hang myself!

- Oh, what a beauty! Lepota!

- Why are you looking at me like that, dear father? There are no patterns on me and flowers don’t grow.

- Hang up!

- Oh, you are rehearsing...
- We're rapping...
- It’s natural how you play... And your king is so... so typical! Looks like our Bunshu...

- This is what the life-giving cross does!

- Everything that was acquired through back-breaking labor has perished!

- You will still answer for your antisocial experiences, hooligan!

- And also put on glasses! Yes Yes. Let's help, let's help! Unhappy intellectual! They taught you on their own - everyone went bald!

- Citizens! Keep your money in a savings bank! If, of course, you have them.

- Yes, we, kings, should be given milk for free for being harmful!

- Take the demons alive!

- Take the impostors alive!

- I am... my life...
- What is your life, you stinking dog?

- At whose expense is this banquet? Who will pay?
- At least not us!

-Where is the king?
- You need to have a snack!

- Walled up, walled up, demons!

- Hello, boyar!

- Black, red caviar... Yes! Overseas caviar..., eggplant!

- And you will be cured... and you will be cured too... and I will be cured.

- How do you submit a petition to the king?!

— Did you make such a car?
- Yes I.
“I had one like that too—I made wings.” I put him on a barrel of gunpowder - let him fly!
- Why is it so cool?

- You see, he has a smarter face!
- I ask you not to touch your face!

- Leave me, old lady, I’m sad...

-Taste from my cup.

- So what should I tell my king?
- Give your king my warm regards.

- Tell me, what is my fault, boyar?
- The Tambov wolf is your boyar!

— Tell me again, you’re not a demon?!
- Ivan Vasilyevich, I’ve already told you a hundred times who I am! I'm not a demon!
- Oh, don't lie! Oh, don't lie! You are lying to the king! Not by human will, but by God’s will, I am a king...
- Fine! I understand perfectly well that you are the Tsar, Ivan Vasilyevich...
- Woe to me, alas to me, Ivan Vasilich! Woe is me!
- Do you drink vodka?
- Anise...

“Why did you offend the noblewoman, smerd?”

- Ay, noblewoman - sculpt with beauty! Red with lips, united with eyebrows... What else do you want, dog? ...So get married, you little bastard, the prince lets her go!

- I am again tormented by vague doubts... Shpak has a tape recorder, the ambassador has a medallion...
- What do you mean? I ask you - what are you hinting at, royal face?!

- Tsar, very nice, hello, Tsar!

- What Boris the Tsar?! Boriska for the kingdom?! So he, the evil one, paid for the kindest thing with despicable things?! He himself wanted to reign and rule everything?! Guilty of death!

— Did you take Shpak’s apartment?!
- Shpaka?
- Yes!
- He took Kazan, he took Astrakhan, he took Revel, he didn’t take Shpak.

- Hey, man! Human!!! Waiter! Kidneys once for the queen!

- I got there successfully.

- Allow me! Don't be a hooligan!.. What kind of drunken antics are these?! I will file a complaint against you... collectively!

- I demand the continuation of the banquet!

- Pack, pack... Like cherubs!.. I don’t speak languages, your honor.

- Eureka! Royal clothes! Get dressed! You will be king!
- Never!
- Get dressed, I’ll kill you!

- Do not order execution, great sovereign! Say your word!

— Write: “Royal decree. I order to send an army to knock out the Crimean Khan from the Izyum Road.” Put a period.
- Period... Sign, Great Sovereign!
- I have no right to sign such historical documents!..

- If I were you, I would sit down for my doctoral dissertation!
“There’s no need to rush—I’ll always have time to sit down.”

- I would like, so to speak, to general outline understand what he needs.
- Yes, it’s no wonder, Nadezhda Tsar, to understand him: they demand the Kem volost. They fought, they say, so bring it here!
- Oh, ya-ya! Kemsk volost! Oh ya-ya!

“I’ve seen miracles of technology, but nothing like this!”

- Yes, they will cut off their heads and that’s it.
- And that’s all business... Eh?
- Yes, the dog is with them!

- Look... You're going to rub a hole in me!

- Fuck you. Fuck you again!

- Fedya, why are you huddling around your kidneys? Come here.

- How they scream!
- Ah... They can’t scream, they’ve been dead for a long time!
-Have you seen how dead people shoot?

- Bark at them!
- Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-Woo-oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

- They've been taken to the police, they're making a case!

— Tell me, what is your first and patronymic name?
- Marfa Vasilievna I...

- Margot, you are the only person who understands me.

- Eh, Marfusha, should we be sad?

- What kind of dog is this?! They blossomed here without me! What kind of r-repertoire do you have? We need something mass-produced, modern: tili-tili, trawl-vali, this is not us... tili-tili, this one is not trawling-vali for us...

- I'm busy, call me later!

- Open it, dog!!!
-Who is he?
- To you.

— We had a Nemchin interpreter. Ha, he should translate, but he doesn’t bother. We cooked it in boiling water.
“You can’t treat translators like that.”

- You are mistaken, dear, this is a public matter. With your divorces, you are sharply reducing our indicators.

— They are also fighting for the honorary title of “House high culture everyday life"!

- You will answer for the wall according to the law!

— I am an artist big and small academic theaters. And my last name - my last name is too famous for me to name it!

- God, what a type!

- What are you, son of a bitch, impostor, squandering state lands? So you won’t be able to stock up on any volosts!

“Such questions, dear ambassador, cannot be resolved at the drop of a hat.” We need to consult with our comrades, come back during the week

- Well, king, we shuddered!

- Three tape recorders, three foreign movie cameras, three domestic cigarette cases, a suede jacket, three... jackets.

- Everybody dance!

- The army has mutinied! They say the king is not real!

- Just a minute! If you once again interfere with the experiments of an academician and stand in the way of technical progress, I will kill you!!!

- You are the first to see, you are, so to speak, the first witness!
- I have never witnessed...

— Tell me, don’t you have a separate office?
- Oh, yes, your honor, you cut yourself!

- Enter the citizen ambassador!

- Come to your senses, come to your senses before you begin to understand - to see ancient Moscow - without the sanction of the relevant authorities!

- Darling, you can’t imagine! Yakin threw down his kikimora, well, and persuaded me to fly with him to Gagra!

- Police? This is what today’s robbed Shpak says... and I’m not talking about theft, we have a much cleaner matter here - engineer Timofeev summoned a living tsar to his apartment! ...I'm a teetotaler! I give you my honest, noble word. …I am waiting

- Velmi, thank you very much!

- The convoy is free!

“There were demons, we don’t deny that.” But they self-destructed. So I ask you to stop this useless panic!

- Or maybe he rolled under the throne?

- On the contrary, I am Georges.

- Listen, I don’t recognize you in makeup.

— The stick girl was making vodka.

The most popular comedy of the USSR, “Ivan Vasilyevich Changes His Profession,” turns 40 today. Based on the play by Mikhail Bulgakov, Leonid Gaidai’s film sparkles with wit, and quotes from it are forever embedded in our everyday speech, becoming popular and involuntarily bringing a smile to our lips.

Today the portal recalls favorite phrases from cult movies, spoken by favorite actors.

Yuri Yakovlev (Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha and Ivan the Terrible)

You are mistaken, dear, this is a public matter. With your divorces, you are sharply reducing our indicators.

Come to your senses, come to your senses, Comrade Timofeev, before, you know, you see ancient Moscow - without the sanction of the relevant authorities!

I am tormented by vague doubts...

Tsar, very nice, hello, Tsar!

Do you think it’s easy for us kings? Nothing like that, philistine talk... We, kings, should be given milk for free for being harmful!

Hey man! Human! Waiter! Kidneys once for the queen!

I demand that the banquet continue!

You will still answer for your antisocial experiences, hooligan!

With delight I surrender myself into the hands of my native police, I hope and trust in them...

Ulyana Andreevna, I reigned! But he didn’t change you! I was tempted by the queen, but I did not succumb, I swear!

I hear from an impostor!

Oh, it's hard for me! Tell me again, are you not a demon?

The housekeeper made vodka.

What Boris the Tsar?! Boriska - for the kingdom?! So he, the evil one, paid for the kindest thing with despicable things?! He himself wanted to reign, Volodya everyone?! Guilty of death!

Why did you offend the noblewoman, you scumbag?!

Pray, son of a pike, say goodbye to life!

And the noblewoman is sculpted with beauty! Red with lips, united with eyebrows... What else do you want, dog?

Well, get married, little bastard, the prince lets her go.

Oh, demonic clothes, oh, temptation!

Walled up, demons!

This is what the life-giving cross does!

Leave me, old lady, I'm sad...

Kazan took... Astrakhan took... Revel took, Shpak... n-didn't take.

You're lying, dog! I am the king!

They've been taken to the police, they're making a case!

Leonid Kuravlev (Georges Miloslavsky)

This is where I entered successfully!

Citizens, keep your money in a savings bank! If, of course, you have them.

I am an artist of large and small academic theaters; and my last name - my last name is too famous for me to name it!

Why are you looking at me like that, dear father? There are no patterns on me, and flowers don’t grow.

Fuck you. Fuck you again!

Wait a minute! If you once again interfere with the experiments of an academician and stand in the way of technical progress, I will kill you!..

Don't be silent as a stump, I can't work alone.

Nadezhda the Tsar says that I am Prince Miloslavsky. Does this suit you?

There were demons - we don't deny that. But they self-destructed. So please stop this stupid panic!

Enter Citizen Ambassador!

Such questions, dear Ambassador, cannot be resolved at the drop of a hat. We need to consult with our comrades, come back in a week.

Give your king my warm greetings!

Everybody's Free! Yes, the convoy is also free. The convoy is free!

Fedya, why are you huddling around your kidneys? Come here.

Oh, yes, your honor, you have cut yourself!

There is no need to rush, I will always have time to sit down.

Dear autocrat, we are lost.

What do you mean? I ask you - what are you hinting at, royal face?

Alexander Demyanenko (Shurik Timofeev)

When you speak, Ivan Vasilyevich, the impression is that you are delusional.

If you were my wife, I would hang myself!

Do you think I want to poison you?! Dear Ivan Vasilich, this is not accepted among us. And in our age it is much easier to get poisoned with sprat than with vodka - drink with confidence!

So, have you already been released from the insane asylum?

Natalya Selezneva (Zina)

My gloves were taken away in a cafe... and I fell in love with someone else!

They tell him that his wife is leaving him, and he says “so-so-so-so-so”! Even somehow impolite! And you know, somehow it’s even tempting to start a scandal...

I am leaving my husband - this holy man with all the comforts!

So it was I who took the scoundrel Yakin’s suitcase!

Vladimir Etush (comrade Shpak)

But I, Zinaida Mikhailovna, was robbed - the dog and the police promised to come...

Oh, you are rehearsing...

It’s natural how you play... And your king is so... typical! Looks like our Bunshu.

This role is abusive, and I ask you not to use it on me! God, what a house we have! Sometimes they steal, sometimes they call names... and we also fight for honorary title“houses of high culture of life” - this is a nightmare, a nightmare!

What kind of drunken antics are these?! I will file a complaint against you... collectively!

Now the police will figure out which of us is a slave.

You need to have a snack!

Hello, police? This is what today’s robbed Shpak says...

Everything that was acquired by back-breaking labor still perished! Three tape recorders, three foreign movie cameras, three domestic cigarette cases, a suede jacket... three... jackets.

Mikhail Pugovkin (director Yakin)

Wait for me and I will come back.

I walked through the stage with her, hysterical! This is my professional responsibility. Profession de foi!

Packs... like cherubs! Your Excellency, have mercy. By the way, you misunderstood me... I don’t speak languages, your honor.

My life...

Velmi, thank you very much!

Because we are really late for the plane.

Natalya Krachkovskaya (Ulyana Andreevna Bunsha)

However, you have character... If I were your wife, I would also leave.

Alexander Sergeevich, I'm sorry to bother you during your family drama. Ivan Vasilyevich is not with you?

Comrade Lieutenant, I am the wife of this alcoholic!

And you will be cured, and you will also be cured... And I will be cured...

They taught you on their own, they all went bald!

Take the demons alive!

Ya-ya, Kemsk volost...

Twisted hare kidneys, pike heads with garlic... Black, red caviar... Yes! Overseas caviar... eggplant!

The army has rebelled! They say the king is not real!

...................................................................................................................................................................................

I'm sorry that I'm bothering you, but I have to tell you terrible news.
My gloves were stolen from the cafe today.
And I fell in love with someone else.
Do you understand me, Shurik?

But now, it’s done! Just don’t mind me and there’s no need for a scene!

He's probably lying!
- Oh, how stupid this is! To insult a person out of jealousy!
He can't lie every minute.

However, I am amazed at your calmness!
And you know, Shurik, somehow I’m even tempted to start a scandal!
- No need.
- You think?
- Sure.

However, you have character! If I were your wife, I would leave too!
- If you were my wife, I would hang myself!

What? Oh, you arrogant, arrogant, unwashed egoist!
-Who is this unwashed one?

It was me who entered successfully!

Citizens, keep your money in a savings bank, if, of course, you have it!

When you speak, Ivan Vasilyevich, the impression is that you are delusional!

There is nothing suspicious about this device. I just invented a time machine.
In a word, I can pierce space and go into the past.

Why are you looking at me like that, dear father? There are no patterns on me, and the flowers don’t grow.
- I am tormented by vague doubts.

What's your last name?
- I am an artist of large and small academic theaters!
And my last name, my last name is too famous for me to name it.

Look! You will rub a hole in me.

You ignored my question regarding the tape recorder.
- Fie on you!

Fie on you again.

I'm worried.
- Be brave, I'm here!

Look! After all, this is Ivan the Terrible!
- Go away!

A!!! Demons! Demons! Demons!
- Get lost! Get lost, get lost! Get lost!

Alas, alas for me, a sinner! Woe to me, damned murderer!
Oh, evil spirit...

Walled up, walled up, demons!

This is what the life-giving cross does!

Where is the king?
- You need to have a snack!

Oh, don't lie, oh, don't lie! You are lying to the king!

Taste from my cup too!
- Why is this?
- Taste it!

They'll cut off their heads and that's it.
- And that’s it. A?
- Yes, the dog is with them!

Take the demons alive!

Well, how?
- Oh, it doesn’t look like it! Oh, hack!

Let me at least tie my teeth, or something. My misfortune! Like this. You see, he has a smarter face!
- I ask you not to touch your face!

There were demons. We don't deny this. But they self-destructed. So I ask you to stop this stupid panic. Who are you?

Don't pester the king.

Yes, tell them not to rush back.
- Let them take Kazan on the way back. Well, so as not to travel twice.

Karp Savelich! I just don't believe my luck.
- Wait for me and I will come back.

Boriska for the kingdom?

So he, the evil one, paid for the worst with evil?
Did you want to reign and rule everything? Uh-oh... Guilty of death!

Have you offended the noblewoman? Smerd.

Whose will you be?
- Excuse me, comrade artist, but what is this - whose?
- Whose slave, I ask?
- Sorry, but I don’t understand you!
- Uh, such a stupid servant!

Have you seduced the noblewoman?
- I am. I am. My life.
- What is your life, you stinking dog! Look at yourself! Life!

Ah, noblewoman, sculpted with beauty, scarlet with lips, united with eyebrows.
What else do you need, dog?
- You don’t need anything, nothing.
- Well, get married, poor thing, the prince lets her go.

Oh, what a beauty! Lepota.

Enter Citizen Ambassador!

What, what? Kem volost?
- Oh, ya, ya, Kemsk volost. Oh, ya, ya.

Why are you, father, crawling?
- Ah... The ambassador lost the knightly order from his chest.
- You can't be so absent-minded. You need to look at things when you enter a room.

Didn't you take it? Or maybe he has fallen behind the throne? Well there is no way.

I am again tormented by vague doubts. Shpak has a tape recorder, the ambassador has a medallion.
- What are you hinting at? I ask you, what are you hinting at, royal face?

Just a minute! At whose expense is this banquet? Who will pay?

Oh, twisted hare kidneys, pike heads with garlic.
Black caviar! Red! Yes... Overseas caviar... Eggplant!

Ivan Vasilyevich, look how my apartment was treated!
After all, everything that was acquired through back-breaking labor has all perished!

What is this, huh? Well, go home, alcoholic!
- Leave me, old lady, I’m sad.

Hello. King... Very nice.
Tsar, very nice, Tsar.
Very nice, hello, king.
It’s a pleasure, king.
King, it's a pleasure.
Hello, king, it’s a pleasure.

I think you and I met somewhere.
- What are you weaving, bastard?
- But but but! Man! Man! Waiter! Kidneys once for the queen.

And you are still at work, still at work, great sir, like a bee!
- Margot, you are the only person who understands me.

Well, another glass under the pike head?

Why are you, maestros, silent? Come on, break something for us!

Eh, Marfusha, should we be sad?

Everybody dance!

Dear autocrat, we are lost!
- I demand the continuation of the banquet!

Do you smoke? Do not smoke? You're doing it right. I don't smoke either. But still, who are you?
- I am the king.

Quiet. Surname?
- We are Rurikovichs.

Tell me, what is my fault, boyar?
- The Tambov wolf is your boyar!

He took Kazan, he took Astrakhan, he took Revel, he didn’t take Shpak.

Another one was detained, comrade lieutenant.
- They didn’t delay... they didn’t arrest me. They didn't arrest me! They didn’t detain me, but I went to you, to you, myself.
Frankly admit everything.
With delight I surrender myself into the hands of my native police. I hope and trust in her.

You're lying, dog! I am the king!

Now you will be cured, alcoholic.

And you will be cured! And you will be cured too! And I will be cured!

If I were you, I would immediately begin my doctoral dissertation!
- There is no need to rush. I always have time to sit down.

Hurry up, Ivan Vasilyevich!
- I’m running, Lord, my sins are grave.

What?
- What is it?
- Oh, you hooligan!
- What rudeness! And also put on glasses!