Where did etiquette originate? History of the emergence and development of etiquette Rules of conduct adopted in Korea and their history

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England and France are usually called “classical countries of etiquette.” However, they cannot be called the birthplace of etiquette. Rough morals, ignorance, worship of brute force, etc. in the 15th century they dominated in both countries. There is no need to talk about Germany and other countries of Europe at that time; only Italy of that time is an exception. The improvement of the morals of Italian society began already in the 14th century. Man was moving from feudal morals to the spirit of modern times, and this transition began in Italy earlier than in other countries. If we compare Italy in the 15th century with other European nations, we immediately notice a higher degree of education, wealth, and ability to decorate our lives. And at the same time, England, having finished one war, is drawn into another, remaining a country of barbarians until the middle of the 16th century. In Germany, the cruel and irreconcilable war of the Hussites was raging, the nobility was ignorant, fist law reigned, all disputes were resolved by force. France was enslaved and devastated by the British, the French did not recognize any merits other than military ones, they not only did not respect science, but even disdained them and considered all scientists are the most insignificant of people.

In short, while the rest of Europe was drowning in civil strife, and feudal orders were still in full force, Italy was a country of new culture. This country deserves to be called the birthplace of etiquette.

The concept of etiquette

The established moral norms are the result of a long-term process of establishing relationships between people. Without observing these norms, political, economic, and cultural relations are impossible, because one cannot exist without respecting each other, without imposing certain restrictions on oneself.

Etiquette is a word of French origin meaning manner of behavior. It includes the rules of courtesy and politeness accepted in society.

Modern etiquette inherits the customs of almost all nations from hoary antiquity to the present day. Fundamentally, these rules of conduct are universal, since they are observed not only by representatives of a given society, but also by representatives of the most diverse socio-political systems existing in the modern world. The people of each country make their own amendments and additions to etiquette, determined by the social system of the country, the specifics of its historical structure, national traditions and customs.

There are several types of etiquette, the main ones being:

- court etiquette - strictly regulated order and forms of behavior established at the courts of monarchs;
-diplomatic etiquette - rules of conduct for diplomats and other officials when contacting each other at various diplomatic receptions, visits, negotiations;
-military etiquette - a set of rules, norms and behavior generally accepted in the army by military personnel in all areas of their activities;
-general civil etiquette is a set of rules, traditions and conventions observed by citizens when communicating with each other.

Most of the rules of diplomatic, military and civil etiquette coincide to one degree or another. The difference between them is that greater importance is attached to compliance with the rules of etiquette by diplomats, since deviation from them or violation of these rules can cause damage to the prestige of the country or its official representatives and lead to complications in relations between states.

As the living conditions of mankind change, education and culture grow, some rules of behavior are replaced by others. What was previously considered indecent becomes generally accepted, and vice versa. But the requirements of etiquette are not absolute: compliance with them depends on the place, time and circumstances. Behavior that is unacceptable in one place and under some circumstances may be appropriate in another place and under other circumstances.

The norms of etiquette, in contrast to the norms of morality, are conditional; they have the nature of an unwritten agreement about what is generally accepted in people’s behavior and what is not. Every cultured person must not only know and observe the basic norms of etiquette, but also understand the need for certain rules and relationships. Manners largely reflect a person’s internal culture, his moral and intellectual qualities. The ability to behave correctly in society is very important: it facilitates the establishment of contacts, promotes mutual understanding, and creates good, stable relationships.

It should be noted that a tactful and well-mannered person behaves in accordance with the norms of etiquette not only at official ceremonies, but also at home. Genuine politeness, which is based on goodwill, is determined by an act, a sense of proportion, suggesting what can and cannot be done under certain circumstances. Such a person will never violate public order, will not offend another by word or deed, will not insult his dignity.

Unfortunately, there are people with a double standard of behavior: one in public, the other at home. At work, with acquaintances and friends, they are polite and helpful, but at home with loved ones they do not stand on ceremony, are rude and not tactful. This indicates a person’s low culture and poor upbringing.

Modern etiquette regulates the behavior of people in everyday life, at work, in public places and on the street, at a party and at various kinds of official events - receptions, ceremonies, negotiations.

So etiquette is a very large and important part of universal human culture, morality, morality, developed over many centuries of life by all peoples in accordance with their ideas about goodness, justice, humanity - in the field of moral culture and about beauty, order, improvement, everyday expediency - in the field of material culture.

Good manners

One of the basic principles of modern life is maintaining normal relationships between people and the desire to avoid conflicts. In turn, respect and attention can only be earned by maintaining politeness and restraint. Therefore, nothing is valued as dearly by the people around us as politeness and delicacy. But in life we often have to deal with rudeness, harshness, and disrespect for the personality of another person. The reason here is that we underestimate the culture of human behavior, his manners.

Manners are a way of holding oneself, the external form of behavior, treatment of other people, expressions used in speech, tone, intonation, characteristic gait, gestures and even facial expressions.

In society, good manners are considered to be a person’s modesty and restraint, the ability to control one’s actions, and to communicate carefully and tactfully with other people. Bad manners are considered to be the habit of speaking loudly, without hesitation in expressions, swagger in gestures and behavior, sloppiness in clothing, rudeness, manifested in open hostility towards others, in disregard for other people's interests and requests, in the shameless imposition of one's will and desires on other people, in the inability to restrain one’s irritation, in deliberately insulting the dignity of people around him, in tactlessness, foul language, and the use of humiliating nicknames and nicknames.

Manners relate to the culture of human behavior and are regulated by etiquette. Etiquette implies a benevolent and respectful attitude towards all people, regardless of their position and social status. It includes polite treatment of a woman, respectful attitude towards elders, forms of addressing elders, forms of address and greeting, rules of conversation, behavior at the table. In general, etiquette in a civilized society coincides with the general requirements of politeness, which are based on the principles of humanism.

A prerequisite for communication is delicacy. Delicacy should not be excessive, turn into flattery, or lead to unjustified praise of what is seen or heard. There is no need to try hard to hide the fact that you are seeing, listening to, tasting something for the first time, fearing that otherwise you will be considered ignorant.

Politeness

Everyone knows the expressions: “cold politeness,” “icy politeness,” “contemptuous politeness,” in which epithets added to this wonderful human quality not only kill its essence, but turn it into its opposite.

Emerson defines politeness as “the sum of small sacrifices” we make to those around us with whom we enter into certain life relationships.

Unfortunately, the wonderful saying of Cervantes has been completely erased: “Nothing is so cheap and nothing is valued so dearly as politeness.” True politeness can only be benevolent, since it is one of the manifestations of sincere, disinterested benevolence towards all other people with whom a person meets at work, in the house where he lives, in public places. With workmates and with many everyday acquaintances, politeness can turn into friendship, but organic goodwill towards people in general is an obligatory basis for politeness. A true culture of behavior is where a person’s actions in all situations, their content and external manifestations flow from the moral principles of morality and correspond to them.

One of the main elements of politeness is the ability to remember names. This is how D. Carneg talks about it. "The reason most people don't remember names is because they don't want to spend the time and energy to focus, commit, and indelibly imprint those names in their memory. They make excuses for themselves that they're too busy. However, they are unlikely to do more busy than Franklin Roosevelt, and he found time to remember and, on occasion, to resurrect in his memory even the names of the mechanics with whom he had to come into contact... F. Roosevelt knew that one of the simplest, most intelligible and most effective ways winning the favor of others means remembering their names and instilling in them a sense of their own importance."

Tactfulness and sensitivity

The content of these two noble human qualities is attention, deep respect for the inner world of those with whom we communicate, the desire and ability to understand them, to feel what can give them pleasure, joy, or vice versa, cause them irritation, annoyance, resentment. Tactfulness and sensitivity are also a sense of proportion that should be observed in conversation, in personal and work relationships, the ability to sense the boundary beyond which, as a result of our words and actions, a person experiences undeserved offense, grief, and sometimes pain. A tactful person always takes into account specific circumstances: differences in age, gender, social status, place of conversation, presence or absence of strangers.

Respect for others is a prerequisite for tact, even between good comrades. You've probably encountered a situation where at a meeting someone casually throws out "nonsense", "nonsense", etc. during the speeches of his comrades. This behavior often becomes the reason that when he himself begins to speak out, even his sound judgments are met with coldness by the audience. They say about such people:

“Nature has given him so much respect for people that he only has enough of it for himself.” Self-respect without respect for others inevitably degenerates into conceit, conceit, and arrogance.

A culture of behavior is equally obligatory on the part of the subordinate in relation to the superior. It is expressed primarily in an honest attitude to one’s duties, in strict discipline, as well as respect, politeness, and tact towards the leader. The same applies to colleagues. When demanding respectful treatment of yourself, ask yourself more often: are you responding to them in the same way?

Tactfulness and sensitivity also imply the ability to quickly and accurately determine the reaction of interlocutors to our statements, actions and, in necessary cases, self-critically, without a sense of false shame, apologize for the mistake made. This will not only not diminish your dignity, but, on the contrary, will strengthen it in the opinion of thinking people, showing them your extremely valuable human trait - modesty.

Decency is the least important of all the laws of society and the most revered. F. La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680), French moralist writer

At the beginning of the 18th century, Peter the Great issued a decree according to which anyone who behaved “in violation of etiquette” was subject to punishment.

Etiquette is a word of French origin meaning manner of behavior. Italy is considered the birthplace of etiquette. Etiquette prescribes standards of behavior on the street, in public transport, at a party, in the theater, at business and diplomatic receptions, at work, etc.

Unfortunately, in life we often encounter rudeness and harshness, disrespect for the personality of another. The reason is that we underestimate the importance of a person’s culture of behavior, his manners.

Manners are the way one carries oneself, the outward form of behavior, the way one treats other people, as well as the tone, intonation and expressions used in speech. In addition, these are gestures, gait, facial expressions characteristic of a person.

Good manners are considered to be modesty and restraint of a person in the manifestation of his actions, the ability to control his behavior, and treat other people carefully and tactfully. Bad manners are considered; habit of speaking loudly and laughing; swagger in behavior; use of obscene language; coarseness; sloppiness in appearance; manifestation of hostility towards others; inability to control one's irritation; tactlessness. Manners relate to the culture of human behavior and are regulated by etiquette, and a true culture of behavior is where a person’s actions in all situations are based on moral principles.

Back in 1936, Dale Carnegie wrote that the success of a person in his financial affairs depends 15 percent on his professional knowledge and 85 percent on his ability to communicate with people.

Business etiquette is a set of rules of conduct in business and official relationships. It is the most important aspect of the morality of professional behavior of a business person.

Although etiquette presupposes the establishment of only external forms of behavior, without internal culture, without observing ethical standards, real business relationships cannot develop. Jen Yager, in her book Business Etiquette, notes that every etiquette issue, from bragging to gift exchange, must be addressed in the light of ethical standards. Business etiquette prescribes compliance with the rules of cultural behavior and respectful attitude towards people.

Jen Yager has formulated six basic commandments of business etiquette.

1. Do everything on time. Being late not only interferes with work, but is also the first sign that a person cannot be relied on. The “on time” principle applies to reports and any other tasks assigned to you.

2. Don't talk too much. The meaning of this principle is that you are obliged to keep secrets of an institution or a specific transaction as carefully as you keep secrets of a personal nature. Never tell anyone what you sometimes hear from a colleague, manager or subordinate about their personal life.

3. Be kind, friendly and welcoming. Your clients, clients, customers, colleagues or subordinates can find fault with you as much as they want, it doesn’t matter: you still have to behave politely, affably and kindly.

4. Think about others, not just yourself. Attention should be shown not only in relation to clients or customers, it extends to colleagues, superiors and subordinates. Always listen to criticism and advice from colleagues, superiors and subordinates. Don't immediately start snapping when someone questions the quality of your work, show that you value other people's thoughts and experiences. Self-confidence shouldn't stop you from being humble.

5. Dress appropriately.

6. Speak and write in good language 1.

Etiquette is expressed in a variety of aspects of our behavior. For example, a person’s various movements and postures that he takes can have etiquette meaning. Compare the polite position facing the interlocutor and the impolite position - with your back to him. This etiquette is called nonverbal (i.e., wordless). However, the most important role in the etiquette expression of relationships towards people is played by speech - this is verbal etiquette.

The Persian writer and thinker Saadi (between 1203 and 1210-- 1292) said: “Whether you are smart or stupid, whether you are big or small, we don’t know until you say a word.” The spoken word, like an indicator, will show the level of a person’s culture. I. Ilf and E. Petrov in the novel “The Twelve Chairs” ridiculed the pathetic set of words from the vocabulary of Ellochka the “cannibal”. But Ellochka and others like her often meet and they speak in slang. Jargon is a “corrupt language” whose purpose is to isolate a group of people from the rest of society. The most important aspect of speech etiquette is the inadmissibility of slang words and obscene language.

Words of greeting, gratitude, appeal, and apology occupy a prominent place in business etiquette. The seller addressed the buyer on a first-name basis, someone did not thank him for the service, did not apologize for his misconduct - ~ such failure to comply with the norms of speech etiquette results in resentment and sometimes conflicts.

Business etiquette specialists attach great importance to address, because the form of further communication depends on how we address a person. Everyday Russian language has not developed a universal address, as, for example, in Poland - “pan”, “pani”, therefore when

1 Jager J. Business etiquette. How to survive and succeed in the world of business: Per. from English - M., 1994. - P. 17--26.

When addressing a stranger, it is better to use an impersonal form: “excuse me, how can I get by...”, “please, ...” but it is not always possible to do without a specific address. For example: “Dear comrades! Due to the repair of the escalator, entry to the metro is limited.” The word “comrade” is originally Russian; before the revolution, it was used to designate a position: “comrade of the minister.” In the Russian language dictionary by S.I. Ozhegov, one of the meanings of the word “comrade” is “a person close to someone in terms of common views, activities, living conditions, etc., as well as a person who is friendly towards someone” Ozhegov S.I. Dictionary of the Russian language. - M.: Russian language, 1988. - P. 652..

The word “citizen” is also used in everyday life. "Citizen! Don't break the traffic rules!" - it sounds strict and official, but from the address: “Citizen, get in line!” it blows cold and there is a great distance between those communicating. Unfortunately, gender-based addresses are most often used: “Man, move over!”, “Woman, remove your bag from the aisle!” In verbal communication, in addition, there are historically established stereotypes. These are the words “sir”, “madam”, “master” and the plural “gentlemen”, “ladies”. In business circles, the title “Mr.” is used.

When using any form of treatment, it should be remembered that it must demonstrate respect for the person, take into account gender, age and the specific situation. It is important to feel exactly who we are addressing.

How should you address your colleagues, subordinates, or manager? After all, the choice of address in official relations is quite limited. The official forms of address in business communication are the words “mister” and “comrade”. For example, “Mr. Director”, “Comrade Ivanov”, i.e. after the words of address it is necessary to indicate the position or surname. You can often hear a manager addressing a subordinate by last name: “Petrov, bring me the report for the first quarter.” Agree that such treatment has a connotation of disrespectful attitude of the manager towards the subordinate. Therefore, such an address should not be used; it is better to replace it with a first name and patronymic. Addressing by first name and patronymic corresponds to Russian tradition. This is not only a form of address, but also a demonstration of respect for a person, an indicator of his authority and position in society.

A semi-official address is an address in the form of a full name (Dmitry, Maria), which involves using both the address “you” and “you” in conversation. This form of address occurs infrequently and can set interlocutors to the strict tone of the conversation, its seriousness, and sometimes means the speaker’s dissatisfaction. Typically this type of address is used by elders towards younger ones. In official relations you should always address yourself as “you”. While maintaining the formality of relationships, strive to introduce an element of goodwill and warmth into them.

It is necessary to observe delicacy so that any address does not turn into familiarity and familiarity, which are typical when addressed only by patronymic: “Nikolaich”, “Mikhalych”. An appeal in this form is possible from an elderly subordinate, most often a worker, to a young boss (foreman, foreman). Or, on the contrary, a young specialist turns to an elderly worker: “Petrovich, try to finish your work by lunchtime.” But sometimes such an appeal carries a tinge of self-irony. With this form of conversation, the “you” address is used.

In business communication, great importance is attached to transitions in address from “you” to “you” and vice versa, the transition from official addresses to semi-official and everyday ones. These transitions reveal our attitude towards each other. For example, if your boss always addressed you by your first name and patronymic, and then, calling you into his office, suddenly addressed you by your first name, we can assume that a confidential conversation is ahead. And on the contrary, if in communication between two people who were addressed by name, their first name and patronymic are suddenly used, then this may indicate tension in the relationship or the formality of the upcoming conversation.

Greetings occupy an important place in business etiquette. When we meet each other, we exchange phrases: “Hello,” “Good afternoon (morning, evening),” “Hello.” People celebrate meeting each other in different ways: for example, the military salutes, men shake hands, young people wave, and sometimes people hug when they meet. In greetings, we wish each other health, peace, and happiness. In one of his poems, the Russian Soviet writer Vladimir Alekseevich Soloukhin (1924-1997) wrote:

Hello!

Having bowed, we said to each other,

Although they were complete strangers. Hello!

What special things did we say to each other?

Just “Hello”, we didn’t say anything else.

Why is there a drop of sunshine in the world?

Why has life become a little more joyful?

We will try to answer the questions: “How to greet?”, “Who and where to greet?”, “Who greets first?”

When entering an office (room, reception area), it is customary to greet the people there, even if you do not know them. The youngest greets first, a man with a woman, a subordinate with a boss, a girl with an older man, but when shaking hands the order is reversed: the elder, the boss, the woman shake hands first. If a woman limits herself to bowing when greeting, then a man should not extend his hand to her. It is not customary to shake hands across a threshold, a table, or any obstacle.

When greeting a man, a woman does not get up. When greeting a man, it is always recommended to stand up, except in cases where this may disturb others (theater, cinema) or when it is inconvenient to do so (for example, in a car). If a man wants to emphasize his special affection for a woman, then when greeting him he kisses her hand. The woman puts her hand with the edge of her palm towards the floor, the man turns her hand so that it is on top. It is recommended to lean towards the hand, but it is not necessary to touch it with your lips, but remember that it is better to touch a lady’s hand indoors, not outdoors. The rules of greeting each other apply to all nations, although the forms of manifestation may vary significantly.

A prerequisite for business contact is a culture of speech. Cultural speech is, first of all, correct, competent speech and, in addition, the correct tone of communication, manner of conversation, precisely chosen words. The larger a person’s vocabulary (lexicon), the better his command of the language, the more he knows (he is an interesting conversationalist), the more easily he expresses his thoughts and feelings, and also understands himself and others.

* monitor the correct use of words, their pronunciation and stress;

* do not use phrases containing unnecessary words (for example, “absolutely new” instead of “new”);

* avoid arrogance, categoricalness and self-confidence. Saying “thank you,” being polite and courteous, using appropriate language, and dressing appropriately are among the valuable traits that increase the chance of success.

Rules of etiquette

Basic concepts about etiquette

Where did etiquette originate?

The concept of etiquette

Good manners

Politeness

Tactfulness and sensitivity

Modesty

International etiquette

England

Germany

Spain

Holland

Asian countries

Social etiquette

Conversation rules

How to behave at the table

Buffet

Wine Serving Order

Table setting

Clothing and appearance

Colors in clothes

Business Cards

Etiquette observed in letters

Conclusion

BASIC CONCEPTS ABOUT ETIQUETTE

Where did etiquette originate?

England and France are usually called “classical countries of etiquette.”

However, they cannot be called the birthplace of etiquette. Rough morals, ignorance,

worship of brute force, etc. in the 15th century they ruled in both countries.

Germany and other countries of Europe at that time need not be talked about at all, one

only Italy of that time is an exception. Ennobling morals

Italian society begins already in the 14th century. The man was moving from

feudal morals to the spirit of new times and this transition began in Italy

earlier than in other countries. If we compare Italy of the 15th century with others

peoples of Europe, then the higher degree of

education, wealth, the ability to decorate your life. And this time

time, England, having finished one war, is drawn into another, remaining until

mid-16th century, a country of barbarians. In Germany, a cruel and

irreconcilable war of the Hussites, the nobility is ignorant, the fist dominates

right, resolution of all disputes by force. France was enslaved and devastated

the British, the French did not recognize any merits other than military ones, they did not

they only did not respect science, but even abhorred it and considered all scientists the most

the least of men.

In short, while the rest of Europe was drowning in civil strife, and

feudal orders were still in full force, Italy was a new country

culture. This country deserves to be named

birthplace of etiquette.

The concept of etiquette

The established moral standards are the result

a long-term process of establishing relationships between people. Without

compliance with these norms is impossible political, economic, cultural

relationships, because you cannot exist without respecting each other, without imposing on yourself

certain restrictions.

Etiquette is a word of French origin meaning manner of behavior. TO

It includes the rules of courtesy and politeness accepted in society.

Modern etiquette inherits the customs of almost all nations from the gray

antiquity to the present day. Fundamentally, these rules of conduct are

universal, since they are observed by representatives not only of some

of a given society, but also by representatives of a wide variety of socio-political

systems existing in the modern world. The people of each country add to etiquette

its amendments and additions determined by the social system of the country

The specifics of its historical structure, national traditions and customs.

There are several types of etiquette, the main ones being:

-court etiquette- strictly regulated procedure and forms of treatment

Installed at the courts of monarchs;

-diplomatic etiquette- rules of conduct for diplomats and others

officials when contacting each other at various diplomatic

receptions, visits, negotiations;

-military etiquette- a set of generally accepted rules, norms and manners in the army

behavior of military personnel in all areas of their activities;

- general civil etiquette- a set of rules, traditions and conventions,

observed by citizens when communicating with each other.

Most of the rules of diplomatic, military and civil etiquette in

to one degree or another coincide. The difference between them is that compliance

diplomats attach greater importance to the rules of etiquette, since deviation

from them or violation of these rules may cause damage to the prestige of the country or its

official representatives and lead to complications in relationships

states

As the living conditions of mankind change, education and culture grow, some

rules of behavior are replaced by others. What was previously considered indecent

Become generally accepted, and vice versa. But the requirements of etiquette are not

absolute: compliance with them depends on the place, time and circumstances.

Behavior that is unacceptable in one place and under certain circumstances, be

appropriate in another place and under other circumstances.

The norms of etiquette, in contrast to the norms of morality, are conditional, they are, as it were,

the nature of an unwritten agreement about what constitutes human behavior

generally accepted and what not. Every cultured person should not only know and

observe basic rules of etiquette, but also understand the need for certain

rules and relationships. Manners largely reflect internal culture

a person, his moral and intellectual qualities. Ability to correctly

behave in society is very important: it makes it easier

establishing contacts, promoting mutual understanding, creating

good, stable relationships.

It should be noted that a tactful and well-mannered person behaves in

in accordance with the norms of etiquette not only at official ceremonies, but also

Houses. Genuine politeness, based on goodwill,

is determined by an act, a sense of proportion, suggesting what is possible and what is not

cannot be done under certain circumstances. Such a person will never

will violate public order, will not offend another by word or deed, will not

will insult his dignity.

Unfortunately, there are people with a double standard of behavior: one - on

people, the other at home. At work, with acquaintances and friends, they are polite,

They are helpful, but at home they do not stand on ceremony with their loved ones, they are rude and not tactful.

This indicates a person’s low culture and poor upbringing.

Modern etiquette regulates the behavior of people in everyday life, at work, in

public places and on the street, at a party and at various kinds of official

events - receptions, ceremonies, negotiations.

So, etiquette is a very large and important part of human culture.

Morality, morality, developed over many centuries of life by all

peoples in accordance with their ideas about goodness, justice

Humanity - in the field of moral culture and about beauty, order,

improvement, everyday expediency - in the field of material culture.

Good manners

One of the basic principles of modern life is maintaining normal

relationships between people and the desire to avoid conflicts. In its turn

respect and attention can only be earned through politeness and

restraint. Therefore, nothing is valued so dearly by the people around us,

like politeness and delicacy. But in life we often have to face

with rudeness, harshness, disrespect for the personality of another person. Cause

The point here is that we underestimate the culture of a person’s behavior, his manners.

Manners - a way to behave, an external form of behavior, treatment of others

people, expressions used in speech, tone, intonation, characteristic of

a person’s gait, gestures and even facial expressions.

In society, modesty and restraint of a person are considered good manners,

the ability to control one’s actions, communicate carefully and tactfully with

other people. Bad manners are considered to be the habit of speaking loudly without

shy in expressions, swagger in gestures and behavior, sloppiness

in clothing, rudeness, manifested in open hostility towards

others, in disregard for other people's interests and needs, in shameless

imposing your will and desires on other people, inability to restrain your

irritation, deliberately insulting the dignity of others,

tactlessness, foul language, the use of humiliating nicknames and nicknames.

Manners relate to the culture of human behavior and are regulated by etiquette.

Etiquette involves treating all people with benevolence and respect.

Regardless of their position and social status. It includes

polite treatment of women, respectful attitude towards elders, forms

addressing elders, forms of address and greetings, rules of conduct

conversation, behavior at the table. In general, etiquette in a civilized society

coincides with the general requirements of politeness, which are based on the principles

humanism.

Delicacy is a prerequisite for communication. Delicacy should not

to be excessive, to turn into flattery, to lead to anything unjustified

praising what you saw or heard. There is no need to try hard to hide the fact that you

see something for the first time, listen to it, taste it, fearing that otherwise

In this case, you will be considered ignorant.

Politeness

Everyone knows the expressions: “cold politeness”, “icy politeness”,

"disdainful politeness", in which epithets added to this

beautiful human quality, not only kill its essence, but

turn her into their opposite.

Nothing is so valuable and

is not as cheap as politeness.

Cervantes

1. Introduction.

Our era is called the age of space, the age of the atom, the age of genetics. It could rightfully be called a century of culture.

The point is not only that many cultural values that were previously the property of selected aristocratic circles have become available in our country to the broad masses of readers, viewers, and listeners. Thanks to the growing activity of workers, an increase in the amount of free time, and the introduction of scientific and technological achievements into all spheres of public life, the culture of human relations and the culture of communication between people is becoming increasingly important. The greater the technical and economic potential of a society, the richer and more complex its culture, the higher the culture of the people who live in it and who govern it should be. Professional, moral, aesthetic, intellectual culture is needed in everyday life and at work. Both labor efficiency and reasonable use of leisure depend on it.

Over the past half century, social life has become more complex and its rhythm has accelerated. In rapidly growing cities, millions of people live side by side in relatively small areas. Everyone meets hundreds, if not thousands, of other people every day. With them he goes to work, works at an enterprise, stands in line at the box office of a cinema or stadium, relaxes in friendly company. People come into contact with each other in a wide variety of moral and psychological situations. The question of how to act, how to behave and how to relate to the behavior of another in a particular case becomes particularly acute due to the enormous diversity of characters, opinions, views, and aesthetic tastes. To find the right solution that allows you to preserve your dignity, your beliefs and not offend another person, you need to take into account many circumstances, show tact, restraint, perseverance, and a desire to understand your interlocutor.

However, even good intentions and subjective honesty do not always save us from mistakes and mistakes, which we later have to repent of. Everyone knows this from their own experience. Over the many centuries of the existence of human culture, a number of rules of behavior have been developed that promote mutual understanding, allowing to avoid unnecessary conflicts and tension in relationships. These rules are sometimes called the rules of good manners, or the rules of etiquette. They are discussed in the book.

Is it right, however, to write about what everyone knows? It is unlikely that there will be people who do not know that you need to say hello and goodbye, that the attitude towards an old or unfamiliar person should be different from the attitude towards a peer or close friend.

Rules of behavior have cultural and historical characteristics. A modern city dweller in Europe believes that a man should give way to a woman and be the first to come on a date. In family life, modern morality requires equality. Different relationships between men and women in Eastern countries. Here men are in charge of the house, women let men go ahead, give way to them, and come first on a date. In the lyrical songs, the girl envies her friends waiting for their lovers. No less interesting are the differences in the assessment of accuracy and punctuality. The British and Americans, for example, are accustomed to valuing time and counting it several days in advance. Being ten minutes late for lunch is considered unacceptable. In Greece, on the contrary, it is even indecent to come to dinner at exactly the appointed time: the owner may think that you have come only to eat. Thanks to deepening contacts between peoples, cultural differences are gradually disappearing. But now they are still very large. Therefore, when entering an unfamiliar country, you should adhere to the rules of politeness that are accepted there. With changes in living conditions, with the growth of education and culture, some moral norms and rules of politeness become outdated and give way to new ones. What was considered indecent becomes generally accepted. Before Peter’s innovations, people who smoked tobacco would have had their nostrils torn out and sent into exile. Until recently, it was considered indecent for women to ride a bicycle. There are still people who object to women wearing trousers. But times change, and even inveterate conservatives are forced to give in to the demands of life.

Etiquette is a silent language with which you can say a lot and understand a lot if you know how to see. Etiquette cannot be replaced by words. When talking with a foreigner, it is sometimes difficult to explain how you feel about him and what he says. But if you know etiquette, your silence, gestures, and intonations will be more eloquent than words. By the external manner of staying abroad, not only a person is judged, but also the country he represents.

The idea expressed many years ago by the great enlightener of the Renaissance, the writer Cervantes, is still not outdated: “Nothing costs us so cheap and is valued so dearly as politeness.”

2. Where did etiquette originate?

England and France are usually called “classical countries of etiquette.” However, they cannot be called the birthplace of etiquette. Rough morals, ignorance, worship of brute force, etc. in the 15th century they dominated in both countries. There is no need to talk at all about Germany and other European countries of that time; Italy alone at that time is an exception. The improvement of the morals of Italian society began already in the 14th century. Man was moving from feudal morals to the spirit of modern times, and this transition began in Italy earlier than in other countries. If we compare Italy in the 15th century with other European nations, we immediately notice a higher degree of education, wealth, and ability to decorate our lives. And at the same time, England, having finished one war, is drawn into another, remaining a country of barbarians until the middle of the 16th century. In Germany, the cruel and irreconcilable war of the Hussites was raging, the nobility was ignorant, fist law reigned, and all disputes were resolved by force. France was enslaved and devastated by the British, the French did not recognize any merits other than military ones, they not only did not respect science, but even abhorred it and considered all scientists the most insignificant of people. In short, while the rest of Europe was drowning in civil strife, and feudal orders were still in full force, Italy was a country of new culture. This country deserves to be named birthplace of etiquette.

The concept of etiquette, types of etiquette.

The established moral norms are the result of a long-term process of establishing relationships between people. Without observing these norms, political, economic, and cultural relations are impossible, because you cannot exist without respecting each other, without imposing certain restrictions on yourself.

Etiquette is a word of French origin meaning manner of behavior. It includes the rules of courtesy and politeness accepted in society.

There are several types of etiquette, the main ones being:

court etiquette- strictly regulated order and forms of treatment established at the courts of monarchs;
diplomatic etiquette rules of conduct for diplomats and other officials when contacting each other at various diplomatic receptions, visits, and negotiations;
military etiquette- a set of rules, norms and behavior generally accepted in the army by military personnel in all areas of their activities;
general civil etiquette- a set of rules, traditions and conventions observed by citizens when communicating with each other.

As the living conditions of mankind change, education and culture grow, some rules of behavior are replaced by others. What was previously considered indecent becomes generally accepted, and vice versa. Etiquette requirements are not absolute : their observance depends on place, time and circumstances. Behavior that is unacceptable in one place and under some circumstances may be appropriate in another place and under other circumstances.

So, etiquette is a very large and important part of universal human culture, morality, morality, developed over many centuries of life by all peoples in accordance with their ideas about goodness, justice, humanity - in the field of moral culture and about beauty, order, improvement, everyday expediency - in the field of material culture.

4. Good manners.

Manners are a way of holding oneself, the external form of behavior, treatment of other people, expressions used in speech, tone, intonation, gait, gestures and even facial expressions characteristic of a person.

Delicacy is a prerequisite for communication. Delicacy should not be excessive, turn into flattery, or lead to unjustified praise of what is seen or heard. There is no need to try hard to hide the fact that you are seeing, listening to, tasting something for the first time, fearing that otherwise you will be considered ignorant.

5. Behavior.

To talk about a person’s behavior culture means to talk about his manners. This word denotes some stable signs that have become habitual in relation to others and even simply constantly repeating movements that find their expression in how to sit down, stand up, walk, talk, etc.

The history of culture knows many documents that contained various rules of behavior. These include “Letters to a Son” by the English Lord Chesterfield, written in the 18th century. Along with the naive and funny, they also contain something instructive for people living in our time. “Although... the question of how to behave in society may seem like a mere trifle, it is always important when your goal is to please someone in private life. And I have known many people who, by their clumsiness, immediately inspired such disgust in people that all their virtues were then powerless before them. Good manners endear people to you, attract them to you, and make them want to love you.”

How often in those days, in many countries, knowledge of the rules of etiquette and the ability to practically apply them played a noticeable role in the fate of a secular person. It happened that the doors of influential houses were closed in front of him only because, while at a dinner party, he showed his awkwardness and inability to handle cutlery.

Speaking about manners, we should not forget both social and national characters.

Paintings and applied art, fiction and films are a rich material that, reflecting various details of people’s lives, shows their different manners precisely in this regard, social and national.

We remember Pushkin’s Onegin, a representative of the noble class, who had “the happy talent to touch lightly on everything without compulsion in conversation, to remain silent in an important dispute with the learned air of an expert and to arouse the smiles of ladies with the fire of unexpected epigrams.” He “danced the mazurka easily and bowed at ease.” “And the world decided that he was smart and very nice.”

We remember the magnificent Kustodiev merchant's wife who drinks tea from a saucer...

We read about the Japanese and their manner of bowing many times a day to acquaintances and even strangers, depending on different situations.

We know about the British way of holding back their feelings and the Italian way of throwing them out.

And yet it is possible for people of all nations to talk about manners, which can be good or bad.

There are people who are almost opponents of the rules of good manners, good manners. They say: “The rules of good manners are just a form that says nothing about the content of a person. There are people who are morally corrupt, empty, masking their mean inner bourgeois with good manners. And therefore, in order not to be mistaken about a person, so as not to mistake the external, feigned for his true essence, it is better to completely discard all these rules. Let every person behave the way he wants, then it will be immediately clear who is good and who is bad.”

Of course, the main thing is the inner essence of a person, but his behavior is no less important.

When a person rudely shouts at his subordinates and constantly interrupts his interlocutor, then what is it? A bad person, an egoist and a selfish person who considers only his own opinion and his own comforts? Or is this a person who is not bad at all, but who does not know how to behave, an ill-mannered person? And if a young guy smokes right in a girl’s face, stands lounging in front of her, holding his hands in his pockets, leans on her shoulder, and instead of a polite invitation to dance, casually says “let’s go,” then what is this? Bad manners or any lack of respect for women?

I think it's both. But many rules of good manners were not created artificially, they were not invented. Throughout human history, they have arisen as necessary requirements of life itself. Their appearance was dictated by various considerations of goodwill, concern for others, and respect for them. And many of the good manners that exist today have come to us from time immemorial...

Some of them are based on sanitary and hygienic requirements. For example, the custom of wiping your feet clean when entering a room or even taking off your shoes, as is customary among the Japanese, covering your mouth with a swimming trunk when sneezing and coughing, not sitting at the table unkempt, with dirty hands, etc.

There are manners that are dictated by considerations of convenience and expediency. This explains the rule about how to go up and down stairs. So, when going up the stairs, a man usually walks behind a woman one or two steps, so that at the right moment, if she stumbles, he can support her.

When going down the stairs, for the same reason, a man walks one or two steps ahead of a woman.

A number of other manners are based on aesthetic considerations. Thus, it is not recommended to talk loudly and gesticulate excessively, or appear anywhere in an unkempt manner. And even by the way someone stands, sits, holds their arms and legs, one can even judge their respect or disdain for others.

And the most beautiful face, the most impeccable body proportions or beautiful clothes will not leave the right impression if they do not correspond to the demeanor.

A well-mannered person not only takes care of his appearance, but also develops his gait and posture.

One of the most serious and severe critics of his time, Belinsky attached great importance to the education of beautiful manners and condemned even those people who “can neither enter, nor stand, nor sit in decent society.”

And the great teacher Makarenko made a lot of efforts to cultivate in his communards even the ability to “walk, stand, talk.” At first glance, the expression “be able to walk, stand, talk” may seem simply strange when applied to an adult. But will each of us really dare to cross the butt in the middle in front of others, and by the way, not only because he is too embarrassed and shy, but also because of the lack of the necessary culture of the body, which does not obey him, he does not know how to control it, does not know where to place his hands when walking, how to hold his head, or move his legs in order to feel at ease and free. And in order to develop such a gait, you need to remember some tips. First of all, your step should be commensurate with your height: A tall person, man or woman, mincing with their feet, looks ridiculous and funny, just like a short person taking excessively wide steps. An unpleasant impression is made by a person who sways while walking or wobbles his hips. It’s not nice to walk around slouching with your hands in your pockets. And, on the contrary, it is pleasant to look at a person with a straight and free gait, the main quality of which would be naturalness. But if we are talking about a straight gait, then it, of course, has nothing in common with the one about which they say that its owner “swallowed an arshin.”

6. Etiquette components.

a) Politeness.

Doesn’t careless treatment, a dismissive tone and rude word, an unceremonious and discourteous gesture sometimes hurt? An argument early in the morning on a crowded bus or trolleybus on the way to school or work can ruin a person’s mood for the whole day and reduce his productivity. A clash with an usher and a cashier, a salesperson or a cloakroom attendant will poison all the pleasure and impression of a performance or a film, of a purchased item, of a vacation...

Meanwhile, there are truly magical words - “thank you”, “please”, “sorry”, which open people’s hearts and make their mood happier.

You can and should be polite always and everywhere: at work and at home in the family, with comrades and subordinates. There are also people who believe that politeness is something opposite to directness and sincerity, especially when it comes to the need to show politeness to a person who for some reason they don’t like. They even tend to regard politeness as sycophancy and servility. One can agree with them, if only they mean people like Gogol’s Chichikov, who, while still a high school student, in order to gain the favor of the teacher, tried several times to catch his eye and each time bowed to him with special courtesy.

In this regard, I would like to mention the “automatism of politeness,” which, as some believe, can give rise to “automatism of hypocrisy.” But can you really see anything bad in the fact that a man, for example, “automatically” gives way to a woman, a seat in transport?.. Probably many will agree that this is just good if a person develops a kind of conditioned reflex, habit of politeness and respect for others.

Saying hello to a person requires basic rules of behavior. But this does not at all mean the most sincere disposition towards him. Otherwise, such a seemingly insignificant fact as ignoring a greeting can cause an undesirable, psychologically unhealthy situation in the team, and in the person himself - a state of anxiety and injured pride. In addition, we should not forget about the significance of positive and negative emotions that arise as a result of various relationships between people.

b) Tactfulness and sensitivity.

There is another character trait of a person that is so closely adjacent to politeness that sometimes it is simply difficult to distinguish between them, but nevertheless it also has its own distinctive properties. This is tact.

If the rules of politeness can be mechanically memorized, memorized, and they will become a good habit of a person, as they say, his second nature, then with tact, tactfulness everything is much more complicated. A sense of tact presupposes a person’s understanding of everything that can cause trouble, pain, or annoyance to another. This is the ability to understand the needs and experiences of another, the ability to behave without hurting the dignity and pride of others.

In what life situations does this find application?

So, in a conversation, you should not speak louder than your interlocutor, get irritated during an argument, raise your voice, lose a friendly, respectful tone, use expressions such as “nonsense”, “nonsense”, “nonsense in vegetable oil”, etc. It is always tactless to interrupt the speaker without first apologizing.

A well-mannered person knows how to listen to his interlocutor. And if he is bored, he will never show it, patiently listen to the end, or, in any case, find a polite way to change the topic of conversation. It is tactless to make comments during a conversation, to interfere in someone else’s conversation without invitation, or to conduct it in a language that the rest of those present do not understand. For the same reason, they do not speak even in a whisper in front of others. But if you still need to say something in confidence to your interlocutor, you should leave this conversation until a more convenient time or convenient environment.

Do not give unsolicited advice to people who are not close enough to them or to older people.

It happens that the presence of a certain person is not very desirable at the moment. A tactful person will always feel this and will never interfere: importunity is alien to him. And in a conversation with anyone, he will pay attention to the interlocutor’s reaction and, depending on it, will continue or stop the conversation.

Before saying or doing something, a tactful person will always think about how his words and actions will be perceived, whether they will cause undeserved offense, whether they will offend, or whether they will put another in an uncomfortable or awkward position. It is, first of all, that such a person understands and understands the essence of the following proverbs: “Don’t do to others what you don’t want for yourself,” “Correct your behavior according to the behavior of others,” “Look at yourself 5 times a day.”

A tactful person also takes into account the following points: what in relation to some people looks like a manifestation of friendly feelings and goodwill, to others - as a manifestation of bad manners, unjustified rudeness and tactlessness. So this point should also be taken into account. For example, what you say to your good acquaintance or friend cannot always be said to strangers or elders. And if, during a lively conversation, one of the interlocutors playfully slaps his friend on the shoulder, this will not be considered such a serious violation of the rules of cultural behavior. But such behavior towards people who are unfamiliar or unfamiliar, different in position, age and background, is not only tactless, but also unacceptable.

A tactful person will not look closely and openly at another. It would seem that there could be something bad here when people look at each other. But looking does not mean unceremoniously examining. Idle curiosity should not take place especially in relation to persons who have any physical disabilities. It should be remembered that excessive attention to their appearance can never be pleasant for them, but on the contrary, it is always perceived painfully by them.

Tactfulness also manifests itself in such situations. It happens that the owner, having apologized, leaves us alone in the room, maybe he went into the kitchen for some reason, maybe he went into the next room to make a call, or the neighbors urgently called him... A tactful person will not walk around the room, will not look and look at things, especially take them in hand, sort through books, records... Such a person will not keep looking at his watch when someone comes to him. If he is in a hurry and does not have time for a meeting, he will apologize, say so and take care to reschedule it at another, more convenient time.

Under all circumstances, it is not appropriate to emphasize some of your advantages, something that others do not have.

When visiting other people's apartments, they do not make comments out loud, especially in the houses of unfamiliar people. Thus, one self-confident young man said to the owners with whom he exchanged apartments, after critically examining their furnishings: “Do you want to transport such furniture? I would make a good fire out of it...” And although, perhaps, the furnishings in the room were indeed unsightly and shabby, did he have the right to say this out loud? Obviously not. You never know how each of us can think about the other? But this is not a reason to make your thoughts and conjectures the property of others.

Sometimes you have to feel embarrassed for those who make such comments that can hurt a person’s feelings. “How terrible it must be to be alone,” someone says, being on a visit with their companion, and there will probably be those whose hearts tremble with resentment and who feel uncomfortable and awkward from these words. But it’s even worse if the remark is attributed to a very specific person. On the same basis, it is impossible to draw attention at a party to a person who, for some reason, does not eat this or that dish, to find out his health.

Tactful people will never put others in an awkward position with a deliberately provocative question or a hint of something that the interlocutor is unpleasant to hear, remember, or talk about. In addition, they will not notice someone else’s unintentional and accidental slip of the tongue, as well as awkwardness. After all, this happens.

Anything can happen: a seam bursts, a button comes off, a loop on a stocking slips, etc., but it is not at all necessary to make comments about this. If we nevertheless decide to say this, then it must be done unnoticed by others.

There are people who, without any embarrassment, can make a remark in the presence of others to a person who does not have good manners. But they do not show themselves to be exemplary in terms of the same good manners.

A tactful person will not ask questions that are related to the intimate side of another’s life and will not interfere in his personal life unless absolutely necessary.

He will not boast of his official position or material well-being in front of those who are less wealthy and occupy a lower official position, or emphasize his mental or physical superiority.

Some people interpret tact as forgiveness, boundless condescension, the ability to calmly and indifferently pass by violations of the norms of socialist society, as a blissful ability not to notice anything bad around oneself, to look at it through fingers or rose-colored glasses. Of course, a well-mannered person will forgive another for his involuntary mistake and will not go so far as to respond to rudeness with rudeness. But if he sees that someone is deliberately and quite consciously violating the norms of socialist society, disturbing others, insulting and humiliating them, then no leniency should be allowed towards such a person. Tactfulness in relation to such violations of public order has nothing to do with good manners in our understanding. In fact, it covers up cowardice and petty-bourgeois worldly wisdom - “My house is on the edge - I don’t know anything.”

There are also misconceptions related to tactfulness and criticism, tactfulness and truthfulness. How are they interconnected?

It is known that the purpose of criticism is to eliminate shortcomings. That is why it must be principled and objective, that is, take into account all the reasons and circumstances that caused certain actions. But it is also important in what form the remark is made, what words are selected, in what tone and with what facial expression the claims are made. And if it takes on a rude form, a person may remain deaf to the very essence of the remark, but he will perceive its form very well and can respond to rudeness with rudeness. It should be understood that in one case he will accept the remark correctly, and in another, when, for example, he is upset about something or has already realized his mistake and is ready to correct it, the same remark may cause an undesirable reaction in him.

Just punishment requires respect for human dignity. That is why comments are not made in a rude manner, especially with mockery or ridicule. And after punishment, only tactless people remind a person of his guilt.

It is tactfulness about some things that forces one to speak allegorically and most often in the presence of children and adolescents. Sometimes she forces you to give up the truth, a frank confession. And is someone really doing the right thing who, after many years of separation, seeing his school friend or co-worker, neighbor or just an acquaintance, exclaims or says with regret and pity: “My dear, how you have changed (or have changed)! What is left of you?..” And such a person forgets that he looked, in essence, as if in a mirror, at his own reflection. We notice so well how other people change, and we do not notice how we change. But time is inexorable. And in the life of every person there will come a moment when old age knocks on his door. And old age does not skimp on illnesses, gray hair, wrinkles...

A tactful person will not be openly surprised by what has been destroyed by time in a person, but, on the contrary, will somehow cheer up his friend and make this unexpected and, perhaps, completely fleeting meeting pleasant.

They don’t tell the patient how he has lost weight, looked ugly, etc. After all, one or two kind words - and the person’s mood rises, vigor and hope come again. And this is not so little in life.

Some people believe that you only need to be tactful and attentive with strangers, but you don’t have to stand on ceremony with your family, friends and acquaintances. However, they have no less a right to such treatment. And here, too, the main commandment of good manners remains in force - to think, first of all, about the comforts of others, and then about your own.

c) Modesty.

“A man who talks only about himself thinks only about himself,” says D. Carnegie. “And a man who thinks only about himself is hopelessly uncultured. He is uncultured, no matter how highly educated he may be.”

A modest person never strives to show himself better, more capable, smarter than others, does not emphasize his superiority, his qualities, does not demand any privileges, special amenities, or services for himself.

At the same time, modesty should not be associated with timidity or shyness. These are completely different categories. Very often, modest people turn out to be much firmer and more active in critical circumstances, but it is known that it is impossible to convince them that they are right by arguing.

D. Carnegie writes: “You can make it clear to a person that he is wrong with a look, intonation or gesture no less eloquently than with words, but if you tell him that he is wrong, will you thereby force him to agree with you ? Never! For you dealt a direct blow to his intellect, his common sense, his pride and self-esteem. This will only make him want to strike back, but not at all change his mind." The following fact is cited: during his stay in the White House, T. Roosevelt once admitted that if he had been right in seventy-five cases out of a hundred, he could not "If this was the maximum that one of the most outstanding men of the twentieth century could hope for, what can be said about you and me?" asks D. Carnegie and concludes: "If you can be sure of your right “at least in fifty-five cases out of a hundred, then why should you tell others that they are wrong.”

Indeed, you have probably witnessed how someone else, watching the raging debaters, can put an end to a misunderstanding with a friendly, tactful remark, a sympathetic desire to understand the point of view of both debaters.

You should never start with the statement “I will prove such and such to you.” This, psychologists say, is the equivalent of saying, "I'm smarter than you, I'm going to tell you something and make you change your mind." It's a challenge. This creates internal resistance in your interlocutor and a desire to fight with you before you start an argument.

To prove something, you need to do it so subtly, so skillfully that no one will feel it.

Carnegie considers one of the golden rules to be the following: “People should be taught as if you had not taught them. And unfamiliar things should be presented as if they were forgotten.” Calmness, diplomacy, a deep understanding of the interlocutor’s argumentation, well-thought-out counter-argumentation based on accurate facts - this is the solution to this contradiction between the requirements of “good form” in discussions and firmness in defending one’s opinion.

Nowadays, almost everywhere there is a desire to simplify many of the conventions prescribed by general civil etiquette. This is one of the signs of the times: the pace of life, social and living conditions that have changed and continue to change rapidly have a strong influence on etiquette. Therefore, a lot of what was accepted at the beginning or middle of our century may now seem absurd. Nevertheless, the basic, best traditions of general civil etiquette, even modified in form, remain alive in their spirit. Ease, naturalness, a sense of proportion, politeness, tact, and most importantly, goodwill towards people - these are qualities that will reliably help in any life situations, even when you are not familiar with any of the small rules of general civil etiquette that exist in Russia. The earth has a great variety.

d) Delicacy and correctness.

Delicacy is very close to tact.

If tact should be observed in all cases, then delicacy presupposes a situation that refers to people who are familiar and, moreover, worthy of respect. It is inappropriate in relation to a person who has committed an unworthy act, and is not always possible in relation to strangers or unfamiliar people. This is the ability to timely and quietly come to the aid of a person who needs support and understanding, the ability to protect him from prying eyes and interference in the agitated state of his soul. And if we notice that a person we know is depressed or upset about something, we don’t always need to approach him with questions, much less jokes. Still, it’s better to wait, maybe he’ll turn to us and ask for advice and share his experiences. In other cases, it is worth diverting the attention of others from him so that they do not notice his tears and upset appearance. And if we feel that our presence is burdening him, that he has no time for us, it is best to leave him alone.

And there is one more concept close to tactfulness - correctness. This is the ability to control oneself, to keep oneself within the framework of generally accepted decency in any situation. Of course, it should also be taken into account that a person’s behavior largely depends on the state of his nervous system, character, and temperament.

Anyone can find themselves in some kind of conflict situation at home, at work, or in public life. And often correctness will help him get out of any situation with dignity. Life situations show how a person loses in many ways if he fails to pull himself together in time and restrain himself from anger, which often leads to rash actions, belated repentance and shame. And what an unpleasant aftertaste remains in the soul after this. “What begins in anger ends in shame,” said Leo Tolstoy. Based on life examples, scientists and teachers, writers and public figures have long come to the conclusion that anger is a sign of weakness, not strength, and its manifestation most often only brings harm to the person himself. It’s not for nothing that popular proverbs say: “If you lose your temper, you ruin your business,” “In anger, whether you are a youth or an aksakal, as soon as anger flares up, your mind disappears.”

Humans need correctness. Whoever he is and wherever he works, the ability to control himself, self-control and politeness will create for him lasting authority and respect from others. At work, she helps eliminate what interferes with the grandfather’s interests; in personal relationships, she promotes mutual understanding between people, and helps maintain dignity. By the way, dignity is one of the personal qualities of a person, which also takes its place in the culture of human behavior.

No two people are alike, but this does not mean that the one who is less beautiful, less capable, less educated should feel disadvantaged and suffer from an inferiority complex. But each person has some personal merits that can positively distinguish him from others. And even if he doesn’t know how to write poetry or sing, he can swim well, knit and sew, cook delicious dishes, be dexterous and resourceful, not to mention the fact that he, along with this, can be a good public figure or specialist, excellent knowledgeable about their profession.

Each person can positively assert himself as an individual, and then he will feel good in any society.

Anyone who has self-esteem does not behave, he is simple and natural. While still at school, we meet Pushkin’s Tatyana, who can serve as an example in this regard:

“She was not in a hurry, Not cold, not talkative, Without an insolent look for everyone, Without pretensions to success, Without these little antics, Without imitative undertakings... Everything was quiet, it was just in her.”

True, as for calmness and restraint, one cannot help but take into account the peculiarities of a person’s character and temperament. But it is precisely self-esteem that makes him believe in his own strength, not consider himself useless, superfluous, and will not allow a person to be dishonest, humiliate himself or endure insults.

A self-respecting person will not allow others to behave incorrectly or indecently in his presence: raising his voice, speaking obscenely, being rude. He will not pretend that he does not hear or see anything. He will intervene where someone should be put down and corrected. Such a person, moreover, will not make frivolous promises that he cannot fulfill. That is why he is also a neat and obligatory person.

Accuracy, accuracy, commitment - these are also positive qualities of a person’s personality that are reflected in the culture of his behavior.

A committed person does not waste words; he promises only what he can do. But he will always fulfill what he already promised, and moreover, on time. There is a Chinese proverb: “It is better to refuse a hundred times than to fail to fulfill a promise once.” Indeed, if you promised, you need to keep your word, no matter how much effort it costs. This is exactly what the Russian proverb says: “If you didn’t give your word, be strong, but if you gave your word, hold on.”

If a person always does what he promises, if he comes at the appointed time, then you can always rely on him. He will never let you down in official and other matters. And his composure, smartness and accuracy can serve as an example for others. Usually such a person enjoys authority among acquaintances and workmates.

A person’s upbringing is also associated with modesty, which is manifested in his behavior, demeanor, and clothing. The words of one scientist are known who spoke about himself: “When I graduated from school, it seemed to me that I knew everything and was smarter than many; after graduating from college, I realized that there was still a lot I didn’t know and many were smarter than me; when I became a professor, I became convinced that I still knew almost nothing and was no smarter than others.”

Most often, immodest people are young people who have not yet learned to respect others because they have not had the opportunity to be convinced of the immaturity of their views, incompleteness and gaps in knowledge, and lack of experience.

At one time, the writer Mark Twain responded to a young man who complained in a letter that his parents were very “unintelligible”: “Be patient. When I was fourteen years old, my father was so stupid that I could hardly stand him, but when I turned twenty-one, I was amazed at how much this old man had grown wiser in the past seven years...”

Probably, the time will come, and some of them, looking back at themselves in the past, will understand how wrong they were, how funny and arrogant they seemed to others. It is unpleasant to look at those who are arrogant and exalt themselves. But being modest is not always easy. Sometimes you really want to be noticed, praised, appreciated, but those around you don’t seem to do this. Yet modesty rarely goes unappreciated.

It has long been noted that the more cultured a person is, the more modest he is. And no matter how great his merits are, he will never boastfully flaunt them, without the need to show all his knowledge. On the contrary, this uncultured person is often arrogant and arrogant. He treats everyone around him condescendingly, considering himself superior and smarter than them. Pushkin’s words “we honor everyone with zeros, and ourselves with ones” fully apply to these.

This is how the poet S. Smirnov ridiculed arrogant people in the fable “Naive Planet”:

- I am taller than everyone else! - thought the Planet And even emphasized this somewhere, And the Universe, which has no limits, looked at her with a smile.

Over the centuries, many observant people have noted a pattern: the more meaningful the personality, the more modest and simpler the person behaves.

Secular etiquette strongly condemns and does not tolerate such behavior, which suggests that a person thinks only about himself, completely ignoring how others react to his words and actions.

It happens that a person, striving to preserve his own dignity, overestimates himself, clearly exaggerates, or simply immodestly emphasizes his merits or advantages. And then, instead of a seemingly respectful attitude, completely opposite feelings may arise among the people around you.

Any self-esteem must presuppose, first of all, knowledge of your weaknesses and shortcomings, which will not allow you to overestimate your merits or advantages. That is why modesty is natural for those who know how to correctly understand and evaluate all the qualities of their own personality, self-critically judge themselves, and do not declare their merits and advantages loudly and publicly.

We talk about modesty, but it cannot in any way be equated with shyness. This is a completely different quality that interferes with a person, first of all, in his communication with others, and often gives him painful experiences, often associated with an underestimation of his personality. Such a person is more inclined than others to overestimate his shortcomings.

Such qualities as politeness, tact, delicacy, correctness, commitment, modesty, a person must in every possible way cultivate in himself and others in order to make communication with others healthy and beautiful, to save nerves, time and peace of mind.

Compliance with the rules of Soviet etiquette helps create that good moral atmosphere in which people live well, breathe easily and work.

7. International etiquette.

The main features of etiquette are universal, that is, they are rules of politeness not only in international communication, but also at home. But sometimes it happens that even a well-mannered person finds himself in a difficult situation. Most often this happens when knowledge of the rules of international etiquette is necessary. Communication between representatives of different countries, different political views, religious views and rituals, national traditions and psychology, ways of life and culture requires not only knowledge of foreign languages, but also the ability to behave naturally, tactfully and with dignity, which is extremely necessary and important in meetings with people from other countries. This skill does not come naturally. This is something you have to learn throughout your life.

The rules of politeness of each nation are a very complex combination of national traditions, customs and international etiquette. And no matter where you are, no matter what country you are in, the hosts have the right to expect attention from the guest, interest in their country, and respect for their customs.

Previously, the word “light” meant an intelligent, privileged and well-educated society. The “light” consisted of people distinguished by their intelligence, learning, some kind of talent, or at least their politeness. Currently, the concept of “light” is moving away, but secular rules of behavior remain. Social etiquette is nothing more than knowledge of decency, the ability to behave in society in such a way as to earn everyone’s approval and not offend anyone by any of your actions.

a) Rules of conversation.

Here are a few principles that should be followed in a conversation, because the manner of speaking is the second most important thing after the manner of dressing, which a person pays attention to and by which a person’s first impression of his interlocutor is formed.

The tone of the conversation should be smooth and natural, but not pedantic and playful, that is, you need to be learned, but not pedantic, cheerful, but not making noise, polite, but not exaggerating politeness. In the “world” they talk about everything, but don’t delve into anything. All serious polemics should be avoided in conversations, especially in conversations about politics and religion.

Being able to listen is the same necessary condition for a polite and well-mannered person as being able to speak, and if you want to be listened to, you need to listen to others yourself, or at least pretend that you are listening.

In society, you should not start talking about yourself until specifically asked, since only very close friends (and even then it’s unlikely) can be interested in the personal affairs of anyone.

b) How to behave at the table.

There is no need to rush to lay out your napkin; it is better to wait until others do it. It is indecent to wipe down your utensils when visiting friends, as this shows your distrust of the owners, but this is permissible in restaurants.

You should always break bread into pieces over your plate, so as not to crumble it onto the tablecloth, cut your piece of bread with a knife, or bite off a whole slice.

Soup should not be eaten from the end of the spoon, but from the side edge.

For oysters, lobsters, and indeed for all soft dishes (such as meat, fish, etc.), only knives should be used.

It is considered very rude to eat fruit by biting directly from it. You need to peel the fruit with a knife, cut the fruit into pieces, cut out the core with grains and only then eat it.

No one should ask to be served a dish first, showing in any way his impatience. If you feel thirsty at the table, you should extend your glass to the person pouring it, holding it between the thumb of the index and middle fingers of your right hand. You should avoid leaving wine or water in your glass that could spill.

When getting up from the table, you should not fold your napkin at all and, of course, it is very rude to leave immediately after dinner; you should always wait at least half an hour.

c) Table setting.

When setting the table, you should keep in mind that it is not customary to place more than three forks or three knives (each type of dish must have its own utensil) since all the utensils will not be used at the same time anyway. The remaining knives, forks and other additional serving items are served, if necessary, with the corresponding dishes. The forks should be placed to the left of the plate in the order in which the food is served. To the right of the plate is a snack knife, a tablespoon, a fish knife and a large dinner knife.

The glasses are placed in the following order from right to left: a glass (glass) for water, a glass for champagne, a glass for white wine, a slightly smaller glass for red wine and an even smaller glass for dessert wine. A card with the first and last name of the guest for whom the seat is intended is usually placed on the highest wine glass.

d) Clothing and appearance

Although they say that they see you off based on your mind, they accept you based on your clothes, and clothes are one of the most important conditions for how good a person’s opinion is of you. Rockefeller started his business by buying himself an expensive suit with his last money and becoming a member of the golf club.

I don’t think it’s worth saying that clothes should be neat, cleaned and ironed. But here are some tips on how and when to dress.

For receptions until 20:00, men can wear any suits that are not bright colors. For receptions starting after 20:00, black suits should be worn.

In a formal setting, the jacket should be buttoned. Wearing a buttoned jacket can be used to visit friends, to a restaurant, to a theater auditorium, sit on the presidium or give a presentation, but you should know that the bottom button of the jacket is never buttoned . You can unbutton your jacket buttons at lunch, dinner, or while sitting in a chair.

In the case when you need to wear a tuxedo, this is specifically indicated in the invitation (cravate noire, black tie)

The color of men's socks should in any case be darker than the suit, which creates a transition from the color of the suit to the color of the shoes. Patent leather shoes should only be worn with a tuxedo.

A woman enjoys much more freedom in choosing the style of clothing and fabric than a man. The basic rule that should be followed when choosing clothes is to match the time and situation. Therefore, it is not customary to receive guests or visit in luxurious dresses during the daytime. For such occasions, an elegant dress or suit dress is suitable.

9. Etiquette observed in letters.

Etiquette in letters is essentially the same formalities that have turned into customs. Letters congratulating you on the New Year are sent in advance so that they are received on the eve of the New Year or on New Year's Day. This period must be observed in relations with relatives; in relation to friends or close acquaintances, the period of congratulations can be extended to the first week after the new year; everyone else can be congratulated throughout the whole of January.

Letters are written on one side of the sheet only; the reverse side must always remain blank.

Etiquette does not require beautiful handwriting, but writing illegibly is just as unsightly as muttering under your breath when talking to others.

It is considered very unattractive and not polite to put one letter with a dot instead of a signature. No matter what type of letter it is: business or friendly, you must never forget to put the address and date.

You should never write verbosely to people who are higher or lower than you in position; in the first case, your verbosity can show your disrespect, and, most likely, a long letter will simply not be read, and in the second case, a long letter can be considered familiarity.

In the art of writing letters, the ability to distinguish who we are writing to and choose the right tone of the letter plays a very important role.

A letter depicts the moral character of the writer; it is, so to speak, a measure of his education and knowledge. Therefore, when corresponding, you should be sophisticated and witty, every minute remembering what people conclude from it about your strengths and weaknesses. The slightest tactlessness in words and carelessness in expressions expose the writer in an unpleasant light.

10. Conclusion.

Intelligence is not only about knowledge, but also about the ability to understand others. It manifests itself in a thousand and a thousand little things: in the ability to argue respectfully, to behave modestly at the table, in the ability to quietly help another, to take care of nature, not to litter around oneself - not to litter with cigarette butts or swearing, bad ideas.

Intelligence is a tolerant attitude towards the world and people.

At the heart of all good manners is the concern that one does not interfere with another, so that everyone feels good together. We must be able to not interfere with each other. You need to cultivate in yourself not so much manners as what is expressed in manners, a caring attitude towards the world, towards society, towards nature, towards one’s past.

There is no need to memorize hundreds of rules, but remember one thing - the need to respect others.

The history of etiquette goes back to ancient times. Since people began to live in large groups, they have had a need to regulate their existence by certain norms that allow them to get along with each other with the greatest comfort. A similar principle has been preserved to this day.

Norms of behavior of past centuries

In the modern world, etiquette is nothing more than a set of rules designed to make our life pleasant and safe, as well as to protect ourselves and others from unexpected claims and insults. Many of the requirements, such as not patting a stranger on the shoulder, are quite obvious and dictated by life itself, but there are also those that are conveyed in the form of teachings and instructions.

The history of the origin of etiquette in its earliest form is known mainly from the norms of behavior set forth in Egyptian and Roman manuscripts, as well as in Homer's Odyssey. Already in these ancient documents the principles of relationships between the sexes, superiors and subordinates were formulated, and the rules of communication with foreigners were also established. It is known that violation of these guidelines entailed the most severe penalties. In general, the norms of communication between people became more complex in parallel with how history itself developed.

Chivalric code of honor

Etiquette in the countries of Western Europe found particularly fertile ground in the 10th-11th centuries, with the spread of the system of chivalry among the privileged strata of society. As a result, the Code of Honor appeared - a set of rules that stipulated to the smallest detail not only the norms of behavior, but also prescribed for the knight the color and style of his clothing, as well as family heraldic symbols.

During this period, many new, very unique rituals and customs appeared, such as, for example, the indispensable participation in and performance of feats in the name of the lady of the heart, even in those cases when the chosen one did not reciprocate. To fully correspond to his status, a knight had to be brave, noble and generous. However, the last two qualities had to be demonstrated only in relation to people in one’s own circle. The knight was free to treat the common people as he pleased, but that’s a completely different story.

Etiquette, or rather, strict adherence to its rules, was sometimes capable of playing a cruel joke on those who blindly obeyed it. For example, there is a known case when, during what became the most important battle of the Hundred Years' War, the French knights, having galloped to their king Philip VI with an urgent report, did not dare to violate court etiquette and be the first to turn to him. When the monarch finally allowed them to speak, they bowed for a long time, conceding this honorable right to each other. As a result, the rules of good form were observed, but time was lost, and delay had a disastrous effect on the course of the battle.

Etiquette was further developed in the 17th-18th centuries at the court of the French king Louis XIV. Actually, this very word stepped into the world from his palace, where during one of the receptions, everyone present received a card (in French - etiquete) with a detailed list of rules of behavior that he was obliged to follow from now on.

In pre-Petrine Rus' there were also certain norms of etiquette, but they came not from Europe, but from Byzantium, with which there had been close ties from time immemorial. However, side by side with them lived the wild customs of pagan antiquity, which sometimes confused foreign ambassadors. The history of etiquette in Russia, which has more than once become the subject of the closest study, shows how important it was to the social status of a particular person.

It was customary, for example, when visiting an equal, to drive into the yard and stop right at the porch. If the owner of the house was of a higher rank, then he was supposed to stop on the street and walk through the yard. The owner was obliged to greet an important guest standing on the porch, an equal guest in the entryway, and one whose status was lower in the upper room.

It was supposed to enter the room without a hat, but not leave it in the entryway, like a cane or staff, but certainly hold it in your hands. Upon entering, the guest was baptized three times at the icon, and then, if the owner was of higher rank, he bowed to the ground. If they were equal, they shook hands. The relatives hugged each other.

The history of Russian etiquette during the reign of Peter I is in many ways reminiscent of the path taken by the countries of Western Europe, which were once mired, like Russia, in barbarism and lack of culture. Peter, like many foreign monarchs, forcefully forced his subjects to follow the norms of civilization. Among high society, he introduced European-style clothing into fashion, allowing only representatives of the lower classes to wear caftans and army coats. He forced the boyars, under pain of a hefty fine, to shave their beards.

In addition, thanks to the tsar, the situation of Russian women radically changed. If previously the wives and daughters of even the highest dignitaries were required to stay at home, now they have become permanent participants in all holidays and celebrations. Rules for gallantly treating them appeared and came into use. This greatly contributed to the achievement of the European level by the domestic nobility.

Education has become fashionable

At the end of the 18th century, and especially during the reign of Alexander I, education, as well as awareness of literature and art, became fashionable among the aristocracy. Speaking several languages has become the norm. Scrupulous imitation of Western European models in clothing and behavior acquired the character of a stable style called comme il faut (from the French comme il faut - literally translated “as it should”).

A striking example of this is the image of Eugene Onegin, well known to us from school. It is enough to remember how much importance this rake attached to his wardrobe, but at the same time he was able to show off in society with his excellent command of the French language and familiarity with ancient poetry.

According to Pushkin, he knew how not only to dance the mazurka, but also to parse a Latin epigraph, talk about the poetry of Juvenal and immediately dedicate a brilliant epigram to the lady. Etiquette of that time was a whole science, on the comprehension of which one’s career and further advancement in society largely depended.

Intelligentsia and new requirements of etiquette

The further history of the development of etiquette in our country marks its rise to a new qualitative level in the middle of the 19th century. This was due to the reforms of Alexander II, which opened the way to education for people of various classes. A new and previously unknown social stratum called the intelligentsia appeared in the country.

It included people who did not have a high position in society, but were well educated and, due to their upbringing, had acquired good manners. However, among them, excessive politeness and extremely scrupulous adherence to the rules of etiquette adopted during the previous reigns began to look somewhat archaic.

The etiquette of the 19th century included, among other things, strict adherence to the fashion for jewelry, in which diamonds and gold gave way to antique cameos made of ivory or appropriate types of stone. It has become good practice in ladies' society to wear short hair in memory of the heroines of European revolutions who ended their lives on the scaffold, having their hair cut short before execution. Curls or a small bunch of free-falling hair tied with several ribbons also came into fashion, and therefore became one of the requirements of etiquette.

Etiquette in the country of the victorious proletariat

Did the history of the development of etiquette continue during the Soviet period? Yes, of course, but it was fully reflected in the turbulent and dramatic events of the 20th century. The years of the Civil War pushed into the past the very existence of the rules of good manners that once established. At the same time, decent manners have completely gone out of use. Emphasized rudeness became a sign of belonging to the proletariat - the hegemonic class. Only diplomats and individual representatives of senior management were guided by norms of behavior, however, this was not always the case either.

When the wars finally died down, and in the second half of the 20th century, at least a poor, but politically stable life was established in the country, most of the population rushed to universities, which was quite accessible at that time. The consequence of this thirst for knowledge was a general rise in the culture of the population, and with it an increased need to comply with communication norms.

The word “etiquette” itself was rarely used, but anyone who wanted to make a favorable impression of themselves among others was obliged to follow the rules of decency. A whole series of stable expressions intended for certain occasions have firmly entered into everyday life. Phrases like “wouldn’t it be difficult for you”, “be kind” or “do not refuse a courtesy” have become the calling card of every cultured person.

In those years, the preferred style of men's clothing was a business suit and shirt with a tie, and women's was a formal dress, blouse and skirt below the knees. No sexuality in clothing was allowed. The word “comrade” with the addition of a surname was used equally to address both men and women. These rules of "Soviet etiquette" were not taught in school, but were more or less strictly observed by most citizens.

Features of oriental etiquette

Everything that was discussed above is the European history of etiquette from antiquity to the present day. But the story would be incomplete without mentioning how this area of human culture developed in the countries of the East. It is known that in most of them the rules of behavior and relationships with other members of society were given great importance. This is equally evidenced by today's customs existing within these countries and their centuries-old history.

Chinese etiquette is one of the most ancient aspects of its culture. Each of the successive ruling dynasties made its own changes to the code of conduct and established requirements, the implementation of which was strictly monitored. However, despite their differences, they all had common features.

For example, in all centuries, the clothing of a Chinese person had to correspond to his status and position in the bureaucratic hierarchy. The outfits were strictly divided into those that the emperor, rulers of vassal principalities, ministers, aristocrats, and so on had the right to wear. Moreover, a simple peasant did not have the right to wear whatever he wanted, but was obliged to obey established standards.

Each step of the hierarchical ladder corresponded to a certain headdress, which was not removed even indoors. The Chinese did not cut their hair, but styled it in complex hairstyles, which were also an indicator of social status.

Rules of conduct adopted in Korea and their history

The etiquette of this country is in many ways similar to that of China, since both states have had close ties for centuries. The commonality of cultures became especially noticeable after, as a result of the political crisis that broke out in the 20th century, many Chinese immigrated to Korea, bringing with them a significant part of the national culture.

The basis of the rules of conduct are the requirements contained in the two religions professed in the country - Confucianism and Buddhism. They are taught in educational institutions of all levels, and their compliance is constantly monitored.

A characteristic feature of local etiquette is the avoidance of using second-person pronouns. A well-mannered Korean, even behind his back, will never say “he” or “she” about someone, but will politely pronounce his last name with the addition of “Mr,” “Mrs,” or “teacher.”

Peculiarities of behavior of the inhabitants of the Land of the Rising Sun

The history of the rules of etiquette in Japan is largely connected with those established in it in the 12th-13th centuries (“The Way of the Warrior”). He determined the norms of behavior and morality of the military class, which was dominant in the state. On its basis, already in the 20th century, a school textbook was compiled, which discusses in detail all the rules of behavior of an educated person in society and at home.

Etiquette pays special attention to the art of dialogue, and the style of communication completely depends on the social status of the interlocutor. A negative reaction can be caused either by an insufficiently polite tone or by excessive politeness that hides the desire to avoid conversation. A truly well-mannered Japanese always knows how to find a middle ground.

It is also considered unacceptable to silently listen to your interlocutor; his words must be diluted at least occasionally with your own remarks. Otherwise, you may get the impression that the conversation is devoid of any interest. In general, the history of Japan is a special branch of cultural studies that requires the most careful study.

Renewed interest in etiquette

In the post-Soviet period in Russia, along with the revival of former spiritual values, traditions of behavior in society and interpersonal communication found new life. The interest shown in these issues is evidenced by the increasing number of articles published in the media, the general focus of which can be described as “The History of Etiquette.” The presentation of the most successful of them is often quite a bright event in the cultural life of the country.

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