How to protect yourself from a psychological vampire? How to protect yourself from an energy vampire Who are “psychological vampires”

This chapter is about the relationships that arise when two people communicate. Sometimes, already at the initial stages of communication, you can predict many years in advance how things will end. Therefore, a psychologically literate person is practically free from disappointments. No, knowledge of psychology will not save you from disappointments, but the absence of disappointments will lead to the fact that you will take responsibility for your destiny and eventually gain experience.

The relationship that has developed between flowers and bees is a typical example of symbiosis - mutually beneficial cooperation. However, the word “mutually beneficial” could be omitted, because cooperation is a mutually beneficial relationship. Flowers provide nectar to bees, and bees fertilize flowers.

Saprophyty is also a relationship in which one of the organisms uses the waste of its owner without causing significant harm to him. There are many saprophytic microbes in our body.

Let's talk about those forms of communication that cannot be attributed to psychological vampirism. Here I use the theoretical approaches of E. Berne and give some of his examples. I apologize in advance to those who are familiar with his work. The fact is that they are written based on material from US residents, and they discuss some problems that we do not understand. In addition, they are designed for a psychologically prepared reader familiar with the works of Freud and his students. My goal is, based on Berne’s provisions, to give my reader practical guidance close to our reality.

1. Forms of communication not related to vampirism

You remember that in the chapter “Psychological Aikido” I talked about personality structure. It indicated that we were, as it were, three people. One acts according to the requirements of reality - this is an Adult (B), its main word is expedient, useful. The second operates according to unconscious programs developed under the influence of parents or persons replacing them. This is Parent (P). His main words: must, must not. Sometimes, and we should do it more often, we act like children, guided by our feelings. This is our Child (D). The main words of the Child are: I want, I like.

In the process of communication, a person must learn to determine what position he is in and what position his partner is in, and build his behavior in connection with this. We analyzed the structure of communication and identified its unit - a transaction, which contains the stimulus of the partner who began the communication, and the response of the partner who supported this communication. There we also described transactions of psychological equality (R - R, V - V and D - D). Only in these transactions there are not even elements of psychological vampirism.

Now I will talk about some forms of communication that are not psychological vampirism, and will show their significance in our lives.

1.1. Withdrawal

Withdrawal occurs when we fail in communication. I want to ask you one question. If I argue with my boss, who will win? Right! Boss! When I failed, my self-esteem dropped, my mood became depressed, and as I walked down the stairs, I began to think painfully: “I should have said this, then he would have said that, and then I would have said that, he would have said that, well.” and here I would answer this way. He would not have had enough words, and the victory would have remained with me. And in general, why are all the bosses bad?” Having defeated him on the stairs, I will calm down and, going out into the street, I will no longer get hit by a car. Now let's summarize. Which part of the personality was conducting this internal dialogue? Of course, Child. After all, this is a fantasy. The next day, in an argument, I will again be defeated. After all, if I could win, I would have been the boss myself long ago. But for a moment I calmed down, stopped thinking about the boss and was able to get down to real business. This is what withdrawal into oneself is.

Withdrawal serves a dual role. On the one hand, it is a tranquilizer, a sedative, on the other, a laxative that cleanses of unnecessary worries. Thus, withdrawal is a kind of psychological medicine. But you can’t live on medications. If withdrawal into oneself takes too much time, productivity decreases and the person develops obsessive-compulsive disorder. How can we distinguish between states when a person outlines a plan for his actions, i.e., his Adult is working, from withdrawal into himself? There is only one criterion here. If in your thoughts you want your partner to change, this is a fantasy, withdrawal. If you are looking for a mistake in your actions, trying to change yourself in order to adapt to reality, this is an activity, this is the work of an Adult.

When else do you have to observe withdrawal into yourself? In boring lectures. The student sits with a blank look and thinks about tomorrow's date or yesterday's picnic. Thus, withdrawal into oneself protects the brain from perceiving unnecessary or indigestible information.

1.2. Ritual

Ritual is a series of parallel transactions with mutual complementarity, programmed by social forces.

Thus, this is a transaction P - P. Everyone does what they are supposed to do, without inflicting “injections” on anyone or receiving them. It's like an exchange of “strokes.” Here everyone does what they're supposed to do. As a result, there are no collisions. It is convenient to hide behind a ritual in order to hide your true feelings. There are formal and informal rituals. An example of a formal ritual could be a church service, a military parade, a parade, etc. We exchange informal rituals during meetings and partings. An example of such an informal ritual is the ritual of eight “strokes”:

A.: Hello!
B.: Hello!
A: How are you?
B.: Nothing! And you?
A.: Normal. Look how the weather treats us!
B.: Yes, the weather is top class!
A.: Well, bye!
B.: Bye!

Please note: four on each side, no more, no less! If I break the ritual and start talking about my business, I will acquire a reputation as a bore, and I should not be surprised that my friends will cross to the other side of the street as soon as they see me. Then I become a chronophage, take away the only asset that belongs to a person - his time, and without realizing it, I become a psychological vampire for some time. But if I interrupt the ritual ahead of time, then I will give cause for bewilderment: “What happened to him? I gave him a “pat” and he didn’t give it back!”

An example of a common ritual is a feast. If you are invited to a birthday party and are given the toast first, who will you give it to? Of course, for the birthday boy. So, my dears, when on your birthday the person giving the toast wishes you all sorts of blessings, then perhaps he doesn’t wish them for you. The main, perhaps unconscious, goal of the guests is to demonstrate their upbringing. So do not attach much importance to what is said in the ritual. And if the boss wishes us a birthday or a promotion, don’t take it seriously to avoid disappointment.

I once suggested to my listeners that they give up celebrating the New Year, stop celebrating birthdays, and reminded that holidays cost us a lot, and many illnesses get worse. As a doctor, I know that on holidays crime increases, surgical departments turn into field hospitals, psychiatric hospitals receive a massive admission of patients with alcoholic psychoses, toxicology departments are overcrowded, and many diseases worsen. But still, with persistence, our inner Parent forces us to do these stupid things. This is where our mind goes. Where did the holidays come from? Let's go back 30-40 thousand years ago. We killed a mammoth. There are no refrigerators. There is a lot of meat, you need to use it. How can you do this with greater benefit? Of course, invite guests from a neighboring tribe. And this is not a ritual, this is business. Because then the neighbors will invite us. But what was once a good deed has become emasculated and turned into a ritual, and what lengths do people sometimes come to? The latter is being sold, but they are having a party! Why? The fact is that a person cannot live without positive emotions. And if he is busy with boring and routine work, then, of course, he needs to organize holidays. If a person has an interesting creative work, then every day becomes a holiday for him, and official holidays turn out to be a hindrance.

You can't do without rituals. But the less mental energy and material resources we spend on them, the better. If you want to be accepted in a new company, quickly master the rituals accepted there.

1.3. Activity

An activity is a series of transactions along the B-B line.

E. Berne calls this form of communication a procedure. This is work, study. And now, when you read this book and receive new information, evaluate it, etc., you are engaged in activity. From a gastronomic point of view, if the ritual can be likened to a light appetizer at the beginning of a meal or a compote at the end (our “hello” and “goodbye”), then the procedure is our borscht and steak. Work itself can be enjoyable, and studying can be interesting. In addition, in the process of work we earn money, and while studying we hope that after graduation our social status will increase, which will ultimately lead to an improvement in our financial situation. It should also be taken into account that activity is the basis of other forms of communication. After all, if we didn’t work, we simply wouldn’t have the means to carry out rituals or the strength to express feelings.
The question arises: is it possible to simplify our communication and reduce it to work? It turns out not! We need love, we need intimacy!

For many people, relationships of love and intimacy do not work out, and then, in order to avoid scandals and conflicts, they reduce all communication to work. It should be emphasized that in the process of work, various interpersonal relationships can arise: friendship, love, enmity, hatred, respect, and contempt. But nothing may arise at all. After all, during work, we often communicate through an object without looking into each other’s eyes. This is how the operating nurse hands over the necessary instrument to the surgeon, this is how we impersonally make purchases in a store, ask to validate a coupon on a tram or bus. There is a certain category of people who do not establish any personal relationships at work, and although they can work in production for many years, no one will notice their dismissal if they are replaced by an employee of the same qualifications.
The lack of love in the family quite often leads to the fact that spouses, in order to avoid scandal, reduce all types of communication to procedures, to work. They work for a position, for a dissertation, for a car, for a dacha, in order to put children on their feet, etc., etc.

Now think, when will such a family fall apart? Then, when all the work is done! By what age are all things usually done? By the age of 45-50! Children have already gained independence and do not really need their parents. The position already exists, or it is already clear that it will not exist. The same can be said about the dacha, and about the car, and about the dissertation, and about... And the family breaks up! People around are perplexed. Young, healthy, unencumbered, financially firmly on their feet! Just to live for your own pleasure! So no - divorce! But there is no need to be perplexed. Everything is natural! A family without love is doomed to decay. If not legal, then factual, if not factual, then psychological. And suddenly it turns out that strangers have lived nearby for many years. Loneliness together.

Is it possible to foresee, predict the divorce of 50-year-olds when they are only 35, and take measures to prevent this from happening? As you yourself understand, you can both foresee and take action! The first sign of trouble is the so-called weekend neurosis. Spouses live more or less peacefully during the work week, and quarrel furiously on weekends. To avoid quarrels, they begin to take work on Sundays.

The second sign is the ideology of separate recreation.“There’s no point in going to Tula with your samovar!” Let's think about it: do people always work hard just to make money? And when else to make love, to devote time to each other, if not during the vacation period? Indeed, in the process of work, there really may not be enough time or energy for this. These two signs are ominous indicators of future family breakdown.

1.4. Entertainment

Entertainment is a series of semi-ritual, semi-procedural transactions whose purpose is to kill time. Let's say you come to a wedding. It is now clear to you that you have come for a ritual. The start of the ritual is delayed, and the time before the start of the ritual is occupied by entertainment. Approach the men. One group is playing “Car” entertainment. Here they talk about the merits of a particular car model. It seems that this is a procedure, because a number of useful information can be obtained. But this is a conversation of non-professionals, and most often the information is unreliable. In another group there is entertainment “Who will win?” (talks about sports), in the third - “Briand-head” (talks about politics). Here too, unprofessional conversation can be disorienting. But time will pass unnoticed.

If I want to communicate without conflict, I must support the theme of entertainment. Imagine a group of women playing the game “Those Worthless Husbands.” And then a woman comes up to them and offers to play “Rose-Colored Glasses” and says: “And my husband is just lovely.” What will they tell her about this? I offer you one of the options: “How many years have you been married? Ah, five! So mine was like a lamb for ten years, and then it showed its wolf nature! Stupid! Wait, he’ll show himself yet!” You can offer other options yourself.

Unfortunately, we often spend a lot of time on entertainment. The most favorite entertainment in our groups is the entertainment “Isn’t it terrible?” Isn’t it terrible that transport is so bad, prices in stores are high, students don’t want to study, young people have dissipated, old people don’t give way to young people, etc., etc. The entertainment “Psychiatry” (the search for the true background of a person’s behavior). Also in use is “Who is sicker?” The harm from these entertainments seems to be small. But it takes a lot of time! And as a result of these conversations, transport will not work better, prices will not go down, students will not study better, young people will not behave more decently, and old people will not quit their jobs.

Thus, entertainment is idle chatter. F. Perls called it “chicken droppings.” When I tell young people about the absurdities of our rituals, about the uselessness of entertainment, I advise them, if they happen to find themselves in such a whirlpool, to use them to their advantage. I say something like this: “If you are at a friend’s wedding, and you yourself are also thinking about getting married, but there is no suitable candidate yet, take a closer look at the girls. Those who play and participate in the entertainment are future gossips. After all, by and large, entertainment is gossip. Pay attention to those who help the owners set the table. I can’t guarantee that these are future ideal wives. But they have at least two positive qualities, and very significant ones. They don’t like to gossip and can do some housework.”

Entertainment has another function. In the process of entertainment, which in principle is quite pleasant, partners are selected for deeper interpersonal relationships (including donors and vampires). For example, I approach a company where there is entertainment “The Morning After”, or “Ruff” (conversations of alcoholics: “Last night we gave in, and in the morning after...”). If I don’t drink, this company will not interest me, I will go further and stop near the one where the entertainment is “Have you been?”, if I was recently in Paris, or where the conversation is on the topic “Have you read?” , if I have recently become acquainted with the works of Nietzsche and know that few people in this company have read him. I will carefully catch the moment when I can say casually: “When I was in Paris, then...”. I assure you: what is encrypted with an ellipsis has no meaning to me. The main thing I want to emphasize is that I was in Paris!

2. Mechanisms of psychological vampirism

In order to understand how psychological energy is pumped, let's consider another type of transaction - hidden transactions. And again we will use the classic example of E. Berne. The seller tells the buyer: “This thing is better, but it will be too expensive for you!” The buyer replies: “No, this is exactly what I need! Wrap it up!” And he may acquire a good thing, but the financial loss does not allow him to enjoy the purchase. In Fig. 2.9. shows what is happening.

At the social (conscious) level, along the line B - B, the seller reports two important facts: the thing is good and expensive. At an unconscious (psychological) level, the seller provokes the buyer’s Child to buy. This provocation can be presented as follows: “There is no point in going to expensive stores without money!” The correct answer from the perspective of an Adult would be: “You are right in both cases!” But provoked by the Adult of the seller, the Child of the buyer forces the Adult to make an unnecessary purchase. The mood is hopelessly ruined. In addition, money was siphoned off.

Both transactions, both at the social and psychological levels, are mutually complementary, but they form an angle with each other. This is why this type of hidden transaction is called corner transaction. The initiative seems to belong to the Adult, but the outcome of communication ultimately depends on the decision of the Child.

The second type of hidden transactions is called double

(Fig. 2.10).

Imagine two young people who have been walking for a long time in the park on a frosty day. Passing by his house, the young man says to his companion: “I live here alone. Would you like to come and have some tea with me?” She answers him: “Yes, good idea! I’m very cold and would love to drink tea!” And here at the social level there is a conversation along the line R - R. But at the psychological level along the line D - D there is a conversation: “I like you!” “I want you too!” The initiative seems to belong to the Adult, but the outcome of communication depends on the decision of the Child. Conflict is possible! I leave the details to your imagination.

Quite often in our everyday life, without noticing it ourselves, we communicate at the level of hidden transactions, inflicting “psychological blows” on each other. The unconscious irritation accumulated against each other suddenly explodes into a powerful conflict.

Here is a typical example that happens quite often in our daily lives.

The speaker made a report summarizing the results of his long, sometimes many years, work. His opponent stands up and says, perhaps even in a polite tone: “I categorically disagree with you, and here’s why...”. The speaker answers him something like this: “You just didn’t understand me. I literally chewed on the fact that...” Let us, in the light of the above, analyze what this means on a hidden, psychological level. It is not difficult to guess that the phrase “I disagree with you” means: “You are such a fool! We worked for so long and didn’t come up with anything worthwhile.” The speaker, unfortunately, is just as much a psychological brute as his opponent, because the phrase “You didn’t understand me” means on an unconscious level “You are a fool!” Right now you are reading this book and you don’t understand something in it. Who is to blame for this: you or me? Of course it's me! I take responsibility. This is a more productive approach than trying to blame your partner.

Now let’s turn to the Helpless Personality vampire and see how he sucks psychological energy from his donors (Fig. 2.11.).

Let us recall the situation when the Helpless Personality “consulted” with its donors about the upcoming repairs. There was a request for information on line B-B. On a psychological, unconscious level, the Vampire Child flirted with the donor Parent, pumping out energy from there. It’s impossible that she didn’t contact the housing office, the cooperative, and didn’t talk to her husband! Therefore, along the D-R line there was a provocation to receive “strokes” from donors. They were wasting their energy. And in order to replenish the Parent with energy, donors have to take it from their Child. And when the Child is devastated, then naturally a feeling of irritation arises. After all, our Child is our feelings. And feelings are closely related to the activity of internal organs, and here it is not far from illness.

Those who like to give advice, donors, get sick and go to the doctor. There they already act as vampires, asking the doctor for advice on how to cure themselves. The radical method is to get out of the “Why don’t you... Yes, but...” game. But often they get medications from a doctor that help them temporarily. Donors continue to advise. Diseases worsen and become chronic. The donor becomes a vampire, sucking the psychological juices from the doctor. A doctor falls ill, turns to another doctor for help... In general, the circle is closed!

How to break it? Who should do this? The first question is easy to answer. Teach the donor not to give advice, but to mind his own business. I want to warn you that then things will get worse for the vampire. That is great! You already realized that The vampire represents an emotionally immature person, a kind of psychological child. And you shouldn't envy him. He “wins” tactically. The donor, having suffered from a vampire earlier, will resort to help earlier, will develop protection against vampirism earlier, and will sooner overcome the signs of vampirism in himself.

Why am I dwelling on this in such detail? The fact is that patients, having undergone psychological training and used psychological aikido techniques in relation to their vampires (and these are often people close to them), indicate that these techniques make the vampires feel worse. Maybe my reasoning will help them be firm. As Seneca said, “whoever wants to subjugate circumstances must subordinate himself to reason.”

██ ██ To everyone who has lost hope and given up. The author, like Kozma Prutkov, believes that a person’s happiness is in his own hands. And if he knows how to communicate with himself, finds a common language with loved ones, is able to manage a group and quickly get used to a new situation, he is doomed to happiness. The author uses his rich clinical experience and experience in psychological counseling and gives simple recommendations on how to improve communication. Life is easy, and if it’s hard for you, then you’re doing something wrong. Joy is what is felt after some creative or socially significant action that was not performed for the purpose of obtaining benefit.

Vampire people do not lend themselves to formal logic. Some of them are blissfully unaware of their extremely negative impact on others. Others seem to derive genuine pleasure from causing chaos and provoking other people. Be that as it may, they create unnecessary complications, friction, and, worst of all, stress.

Numerous studies have proven that it has long-term negative effects on the brain. Exposure to even a few days of stress reduces neuronal activity in the hippocampus, an important area of ​​the brain responsible for... Exposure to weeks of stress causes irreversible damage to neuronal dendrites (the small projections through which brain cells “communicate” with each other). And several months of constant stress can destroy neurons irrevocably. Thus, stress poses a serious threat to your career: if left unchecked, your gray matter and productivity can suffer significantly. The most harmful are the unexpected sources of stress that take you by surprise.

Recent research from the Faculty of Biological and Clinical Psychology at Schiller University (Germany) has found that the brain reacts very violently to stimuli that cause sharply negative stimuli (this is exactly what you experience when communicating with psychological vampires). Whatever motivates them - negativism, cruelty, a victim complex or banal insanity - vampire people become the cause of powerful stress, which should be avoided at all costs.

Your productivity is directly dependent on your ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure. In a study of more than a million people, TalentSmart found that 90% of top managers have the skills to manage their own emotions in stressful situations. This skill allows them to remain calm and in control of processes in any environment. But the most senior workers also have a special gift for neutralizing such vampires by developing proven strategies for keeping them in check.

A simple principle will help you deal effectively with such people: influence what you control and don’t get distracted by what you don’t. . It is important to remember that you are actually capable of much more than you thought.

Here are 12 of the most effective methods, gleaned from studying dozens of different strategies for neutralizing psychological vampires if you happen to encounter them in your workplace:

1. Keep your distance (especially with complainers)

Perpetually dissatisfied and negative people are a serious problem because they get bogged down in their misfortunes and do not look for ways to solve them. They just want others to join their “anonymous club of mourners” so that they will feel a little better. Others often listen to such “deprived of life” people out of politeness, so as not to seem callous or rude. However, it is important not to cross the fine line between listening sympathetically and getting caught in the snare of negative emotions.

And this can be easily avoided by maintaining distance at the right time. Think about it this way: if the complainer smoked cigarettes all the time, would you sit next to him all day as a passive smoker? No, you would probably move away. And you need to do the same with this kind of vampires. A great way to identify red flags is to ask them about possible solutions to the problem. We can assure you that they will either shut up or redirect the conversation in a constructive direction.

2. Don't get caught up in the struggle.

They know how important it is to calculate strength for a protracted confrontation in the fight against energy vampires. In these types of battles, any uncontrolled emotions can seriously weaken your position and cause irreparable damage. Emotional restraint will allow you to soberly determine when to engage in battle and what tactics to choose.

3. Rise above them

Vampire people infuriate us because their behavior is completely irrational. And this is the absolute truth - their behavior really goes against the arguments of reason. So why then do you allow yourself to react to them emotionally and drag yourself into this viscous swamp?

The more irrational and reckless a person is, the easier it will be for you to bypass their traps. Don't try to beat vampires by their own rules. Distance yourself emotionally from them and interact as if they were just a science project. You might as well imagine yourself as their personal therapist during the session. But you should not react to their flow of emotions, appeal only to the facts.

4. Control your feelings

Maintaining emotional distance requires proper awareness. You can't resist someone's manipulation if you don't clearly recognize it. Sometimes a situation may arise when it would be better for you to regroup your forces and choose the best tactics. There is nothing wrong with this, and you should not be pressed for time to take such a step.

Imagine a situation: on the street a man comes up to you, obviously “with greetings” and claims that he is Napoleon Bonaparte. You won’t immediately try to dissuade him of this, will you? So, when you encounter someone with the same distorted view of the world, sometimes it's better to just smile and nod. And if circumstances force you to continue communication and you still have to put it in its place, then it is better to spend some time in advance planning the optimal techniques for this.

5. Set boundaries

Many people have serious problems with this aspect. And all because it seems impossible for them to control the chaos that has arisen in the process of working together and living next to vampires. But this is not true at all. Once you learn to rise above these walking problems, you will become better able to understand and predict their behavior. And this tool of the mind will help you understand when it is okay to associate with such people and when it is undesirable. For example, even if there is a psychological vampire at work on your project team, this does not mean that you should pay as much attention to him as to all other team members.

Set boundaries proactively and consciously. If you leave everything to chance, you will definitely find yourself drawn into difficult conversations. By creating boundaries, you can decide when and where you interact with a difficult person. And this will be an important step towards curbing much of the chaos around you. At the same time, it is important to be alert and keep the boundaries intact when such a person tries to encroach on them. And sooner or later this will certainly happen.

6. Don't let anyone dampen your joy.

If your sense of joy and satisfaction depends on the opinions of other people, then you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally mature individuals feel satisfied with a job well done, they will not allow anyone to spoil this joy with their dissenting opinions or snide remarks.

You won’t be able to completely turn off your reactions to others’ opinions of you. However, you should not compare yourself to others, and you should always be critical of critics' assessments of your work. So, no matter what human vampires think or do, your self-worth will come from within you. Regardless of what other people think of you at any given moment, one thing is for sure - you know your own worth best.

7. Focus not on problems, but only on solutions.

The focus of your attention determines your. If you dwell on current problems, you only feed and prolong negative emotions and stress. When you focus on taking action to improve yourself and your environment, you foster a sense of personal efficacy, which promotes positive emotions and reduces stress.

If you constantly obsessively think about the problems of the people around you, then you yourself will provide them with trump cards against you. Drive these thoughts away and instead focus on how you will deal with them. If you are a businessman or manager, this will make you a better manager and reduce the impact of the stress you experience.

8. Forgive but don't forget

Emotionally mature individuals forgive easily, but this does not mean that they immediately forget about it. Forgiveness allows you to let go of a problematic situation in order to move on. However, this does not mean that you are giving the offender a second chance. Successful people do not want to get bogged down in the mistakes of other people, so they strive to solve them as quickly as possible and protect themselves from similar relapses in the future.

9. Don't give in to destructive self-examination

Sometimes you literally absorb negativity from other people. It is natural to sometimes react negatively to the actions of other people. However, your internal dialogue (mixed with your feelings) can either reinforce this negativity or help you move on. Destructive soul-searching is counterproductive, inappropriate, and self-defeating. It drives you into a deep emotional hole from which it is difficult to get out. Avoid this trap by all means possible.

10. Moderate your caffeine intake

Caffeine provokes the body's production of adrenaline, the hormone of fight and excitement. Historically, the release of adrenaline into the blood is a self-preservation mechanism that forces us, when faced with a threat, to fight or run away. This basic instinct overshadows rational thinking in favor of faster reactions. This will save you in the event of an encounter with a bear in the forest, but it will not help much when a grumbling colleague “gets you” in the office.

11. Get enough sleep at night

Psychologists are tired of repeating over and over again the importance of sleep for increasing emotional stability and the ability to manage stress. During rest, your brain literally recharges, sorting and organizing memories throughout the day (which is why we dream). Therefore, in the morning we wake up with a fresh head and a clear mind. If you don't get enough sleep or disrupt your sleep patterns, your self-control, attention and memory collectively decrease. And forced exercise in itself increases the level of stress hormones in the body, even without any external stress factors.

Good sleep makes you more creative, proactive and productive in neutralizing the impact of psychological vampires on others.

12. Take advantage of all possible help

It is quite arrogant and ineffective to try to solve everything on your own. To counteract problem people, it can sometimes be helpful to recognize the weaknesses in your strategy and join forces with like-minded people. We all have people at work or outside of work who are on your side and are always ready to help you cope with a difficult situation. Find such people in your life and make an effort to enlist their support and help at the right time. Even a simple discussion of a situation can sometimes lead to important conclusions. And very often other people are able to see a solution that you do not notice due to your own emotional immersion in this situation.

Who it psychological vampire(or, as they also say, energetic vampire)? Personally, I have always believed that this is a person who, in communication, pumps energy out of other people, leaving them devastated and exhausted, while at the same time he himself becomes cheerful and happy) Well, that is, I thought that this is the kind of person, after communicating with whom you clearly understand - here he is, a psychological vampire! I will also say this - if they asked me if I was dealing with an energy vampire, I would say “I don’t know, I don’t think so.”

This happened before, before I read M.E.’s book. Litvak “Psychological vampirism” (a brief description is in the section). The book really grabbed my attention. It is dedicated to the principles of “healthy communication” - without conflicts, claims, resentments... A lot is written in it about how to identify psychological vampires in a conversation and not waste energy when communicating with them... So, after reading this book, I realized that psychological vampires are not the exception to the rule, they are the majority! Most people around me communicate according to all the canons of psychological vampirism))) What can I say, I also caught myself slipping into vampire communication from time to time. In general, an energy vampire resides in each of us... well, or almost in everyone. Let’s assume that there are still people in the world who know how to communicate openly and without “hidden benefits.”

What does vampire communication mean? To put it very briefly, this is when we engage in a dialogue with a person, smile, assent, but in fact we are not at all interested in what he says and what he feels. We pursue our hidden goals in conversation. For example, to assert oneself (show one’s status, one’s merits) and raise self-esteem (often by devaluing the interlocutor). In this case there is no dialogue, there are two monologues running in parallel. There are no points of intersection, which means energy goes nowhere through such pseudo-communication.

Psychological vampirism - finding and using people as protection and a source of energy. M.E. Litvak

Or another situation - we start to make trouble with a person not in order to solve the problem, but in order to throw out the negativity and aggression that arose in communication with a completely different person, or in order to play the role of a victim and attract attention to ourselves. Or we try our best to help a loved one, but in fact, in the subconscious, we do not wish him success and thereby pump out his energy and help him not to develop, but to remain in one place.

Maybe it’s the other way around - it’s not us who make scandals, but people who start making scandals with us, they start playing games with us with ulterior motives. In this case, we can either gently walk away from the conflict and games, or get involved in them headlong, which will mean that we will waste our energy and pump it into our vampire interlocutor.

Moreover, this usually happens unconsciously. That is, we ourselves do not understand that we act as a vampire or allow vampires to deceive us into emotions and share their precious energy. We operate automatically. That's why realize, what are the motives whether you and your interlocutor are pursuing during communication is already a lot. And having realized, you can already understand, what techniques to correct your behavior in communication (precisely your own, because retraining others is a disastrous business) so that it remains productive and not destructive.

Types of Psychological Vampires

Eat several types of vampires. Let's see what these types are, what their hidden motives are and how they can be recognized in communication. Having this information, you can quite easily recognize the traits of psychological vampirism in your friends and learn to cut off at the root attempts to involve you in unnecessary conversations that will take away our strength and energy. For example, I recognized vampires in some of my colleagues, friends, relatives and now I know what to answer them so as not to hurt their pride, and at the same time not to become an accomplice in their “vampire games”.

1. Helpless Personality.

This is a type of psychological vampire who constantly plays game “Why don’t you?...” - “Yes, but...”.

The Helpless Personality constantly consults on what to do and how to be. At the same time, she doesn’t listen to advice, because she doesn’t need it, she just needs to drain other people’s energy and complain. But the donor (from whom the vampire pumps energy) does not understand this and continues to offer different options for solving the problem posed by the Helpless Person, thereby wasting energy.

Here's how it works in practice:

Helpless Personality

Donor: Why don't you discuss this with your boss?

Helpless Personality: Yes, but you don't know my boss. He won't listen to me.

Donor: Why don’t you then moderate your ardor and work 8 hours?

Helpless Personality: Yes, but then I won’t have time to do all the work on the projects and I’ll be fired!

Donor: Why don’t you go and relax for a week or two then?

Helpless Personality: Yes, but to whom will I transfer my work on the new project? And who will I go with?

Donor: Why don't you change your job then?

Helpless Personality: Yes, but this job is very close to home and it’s convenient to pick up my daughter from kindergarten!

…… This can go on for a very long time, and usually ends like this:

Donor (irritated): You yourself don’t know what you need! Do what you like!

The result is that the Donor is irritated (he still did not understand what the interlocutor needs) and lost energy in irritation. And the Vampire received energy and thought with slight sadness: “Still, the situation cannot be resolved, nothing can be done. And the Donor doesn’t understand me either.” That is, the vampire continued to play the game “The world is terrible, I’m unhappy” with himself.

If communication between two vampires of this type begins, it goes like this:

Helpless Personality 1: I work 12 hours a day like a slave - I have no strength! And at least once the bosses would appreciate it!

Helpless Person 2: Is this a problem? I have a problem at work - my salary hasn’t been paid for 2 months!

Helpless Personality 1: But you have a big one! But even though they pay me, it’s only crumbs!

What should I do?

If you recognize this type of vampire in yourself, it is important to recognize that instead of constantly seeking advice you need to take responsibility for your life, that is, make your own decisions. Another person can advise anything and in some ways his advice can be useful, but of course not 100%. After all, the adviser tells you what he would do in a given situation. But you are not him and you cannot do the same. It also happens that the adviser advises what he himself would like to do, but at one time did not dare. For example: “If I were you, I would quit this damn job, sell my apartment and go to Bali!” I’m not even talking about advisers who don’t want you to succeed and advise you to do something that they themselves wouldn’t do in life...

If you can’t cope with your own game of “helplessness” and take responsibility for yourself, then you need to try different techniques for working with the subconscious (psychological seminars, constellations, games, breathing practices, BEST - energy massage therapy, etc.). The main thing is to start the path to yourself, and people will definitely appear on your path who will become Teachers for you - they will talk about their experience, suggest techniques, and lead you to other people who can be useful to you.

If you recognize a vampire in your loved ones or colleagues, then it is important to understand that you do not need to give any advice to the Helpless Person. This is not a rewarding task, no matter how you look at it. By the way, Helpless individuals are very fond of blaming the adviser if something doesn’t work out. After all, they do not like and do not know how to take responsibility for their actions and their results.

Helpless Personality: I work 12 hours a day like a slave - I have no strength! And at least once the bosses would appreciate it!

Donor: Yes, this is not an easy situation. So what are you going to do?

Helpless Personality: And I haven’t been on vacation for 2 years!

Donor: Yes, it's very sad!

Helpless Personality: What will you advice me?

Donor: I can't imagine!

I hasten to add that the Helpless Personality vampire is a person who constantly finds himself in such hopeless situations (as it seems to him) and is constantly looking for advice. But it happens that your loved one (daughter, wife, friend) not always, but from time to time also falls into such a state of helplessness. He (she) complains, you give him (her) different ways out of the situation, but all these options are rejected, which leads to mutual irritation. Here you need to make one single important conclusion - your loved one is tired and just wants to talk it out so that you will listen to him and feel a little sorry for him. After all, there is a child inside each of us, and this child wants to be loved and pitied. In such situations, you don’t need to offer any solutions, you just need to groan with your loved one and that’s it. like this:

She: I work 12 hours a day like a slave - I have no strength! And at least once the bosses would appreciate it!

Him: Yes, honey, I understand you. It's not easy to work for a long time at such a crazy pace.

She: And I haven’t been on vacation for 2 years!

Him: Yes indeed! Well, never mind, get over it, we’ll also go on vacation and have a good rest there!

Sometimes a simple “uh-huh” is enough, the main thing is not to be clever with advice)))

2. Smart Critic.

This type of vampire always plays game "Gotcha, you bastard!". M.E. Litvak calls this vampire Bluebeard (as in a children's fairy tale), and I call him the Clever Critic.

This game goes like this - the Smart Critic is always waiting for someone to make a mistake and have a reason to say “Yeah, gotcha, you bastard!” Naturally, this does not happen consciously, that is, it seems to the vampire that, on the contrary, he is upset, outraged and would be happy if everything was fine. But deep down (at the subconscious level) he is just waiting for someone to make a mistake! It doesn’t just wait, but looks for these mistakes.

If such a vampire has a certain power (boss), then he likes to set prohibitions, and when they are violated, he rushes into anger - “Yeah, gotcha, you bastard!” For example, prohibitions on being late, taking a long time to process a document, etc.

Here's how it works in practice:

Smart Critic (boss): How could you even write something like that! What is this?

Donor (perplexed): What's wrong here?

Smart Critic (his whole appearance shows how tired he is of these stupid people): With your experience, could they prepare something more worthwhile?

Donor: What's wrong?

Smart Critic: You're still asking! Here, look here! And I have to sign this?!

Donor: How should it have been done?

Smart Critic: Here is the mistake! Profitability is not 10%, but 11%!

Donor (justifying himself): Well, this was provided to me in the economic department, I didn’t check it myself...

Smart Critic (indignantly): That's right - they didn't check! You are not paid for thoughtless work! Go ahead and do it right!

The result is that in a large, complex report, everything was essentially correct, but the boss found a small mistake that he latched on to, inflated it to the scale of a catastrophe, and thereby devalued all the work of the subordinate. During the moralizing, he was thoroughly recharged with energy. And the subordinate on the contrary went into the office, spat upon, without strength and without energy.

A subordinate can also act as a Smart Critic. Then he can sabotage the work process, constantly finding some contradictions, errors and insurmountable obstacles. For example, a subordinate is asked to supervise work with an audit company that prepares a report for the company. Time is running out. And now the report is done. The Smart Critic checks the report and of course finds a minor error. And he immediately runs to the management, saying that the auditor’s work was extremely bad (“it’s not clear what they’re paid for there, mediocrities! I should rip their hands off! Yes, I could have cooked up such a report in 2 days, and they 2 They fiddled around for months and made a poop!”). The boss trustingly gives the command to work with the auditor and correct the shortcomings. The auditor corrects shortcomings, which, of course, were not critical. And then he receives a new portion of criticism. When at meetings the management swears about the delay in deadlines, the Smart Critic with a calm soul shifts all responsibility to the would-be auditor (“We cannot allow such a worthless report to fall into the hands of shareholders!”). This can go on for quite a long time... Such a subordinate also likes to find mistakes in colleagues, friends, relatives... With one colleague, he disparages the work of another colleague behind his back; he often considers bosses to be mediocrities, not worthy of their place and salary (after all, he finds mistakes in them!).... You can’t undermine him himself - he is not stupid (sometimes even very smart) and he does his work surprisingly carefully and scrupulously, which he is extremely proud of! As a rule, we are absolutely intolerant of criticism. Therefore, if he manages to find a mistake in someone, he experiences it painfully.

What to do:

If the Smart Critic is your boss, then proving something and defending your position is a dead end. If you do not want to leave their company, it is better to establish a relationship with him. To do this, it is necessary to submit all reports on time, carry out all orders, without entering into altercations. If, after all, a Smart critic has found something to dig into, then you need to remain completely calm, not contradict and without unnecessary explanations (and without justification!) say that everything will be corrected.

This is what communication with such vampires might look like in practice:

Smart Critic: How could you even write something like that! What is this?

Donor (calmly): I’ll take a look now. This is my report.

Smart Critic (irritated): I myself know what the report is! Look here!

Donor: Table with return on sales...

Smart Critic: Exactly! And here the figure is 10%, but in fact 11%. This is not permissible!

Donor (calmly, with a smile): Okay, no problem! We'll fix it now. Apparently this is due to rounding. I agree, this is not permissible.

Smart Critic (calming down): Okay, let it stay like this this time, but keep this in mind for the future. This is an important document...

If you hate it, then there is only one way - to change jobs.

If the Smart Critic is your subordinate, then you just need to give him more responsibility. Then the problems will disappear by themselves. For example, in the case of an auditor, you need to instruct him to choose an audit company himself and then supervise the work with it. Then, miraculously, there will be fewer errors, and they will be corrected quickly and easily.

If the Smart Critic is your friend or loved one, then the advice is, again, not to get into arguments. It’s better to agree once than to argue endlessly all your life! A smart Critic of a position will never give up and will argue until victory. Do you need this? For you this is a waste of energy, nothing more...

You are telling something interesting to a large group of friends. And then the Smart Critic interjects: “I don’t believe it!” or “Yes, all this is nonsense!”... Without entering into a discussion, you just need to answer: “And you are doing the right thing! Maybe I’m talking nonsense” or “It’s up to you, I don’t insist.” Often one phrase is enough. And if he continues to interject all the time with his devaluing comments, then, as a rule, the other participants in the conversation begin to get angry with him and may themselves say: “Let me tell you to the end.”

By the way, a great way to identify a Smart Critic is to talk about your successes. He will definitely express doubts about the results achieved and begin to find out whether you are doing what you say. For example, in the case of my veganism, there are a number of people who are constantly looking for something to complain about - did I eat a piece of pie that had eggs in it? But don’t I think that a cucumber also has a soul and is bad to eat? etc.)))) They are not interested in the essence of my ideas, but in how clearly I follow them. And if they find a mistake, they will immediately devalue the whole idea in front of everyone. Therefore, be smart, never make excuses to them - either tell the truth with complete confidence in yourself (“yes, I can afford to eat a piece of that pie sometimes”) or don’t say anything at all.

How to raise a Smart Critic from childhood? Usually, as a child, his parents indulged him in everything and he brought his 100% infallibility into adulthood, which he asserts for himself only through devaluing other people (by looking for mistakes). Or the second option - in childhood he was constantly picked on and he developed a persistent negative feeling towards teachings. Having achieved independence, such a person will begin to find fault with people who depend on him, repeating the pattern of behavior of his parents.

3. Caring Mother.

These are the type of women mothers who play game “I put my whole life on children!”. It happens very often, by the way!

With the birth of a child, such women devote their entire lives to it. They take on parenting very zealously, therefore, according to generally accepted canons, they are considered good, caring mothers. At the same time, in education they constantly go too far, surrounding the child with excessive care (“like a chicken on a roost”), which in no way contributes to the development of independence in the child. At the same time, the parenting style is coercion - “do what mom says.” The desires and inclinations of the child are not taken into account. The main words are “should” and “shouldn’t”.

The hidden goal of the Caring Mother is to reduce the child’s independence and do everything to ensure that he is always with his mother, dependent on her and does not go anywhere. Victims of such psychological vampirism, already as adults, are constantly torn by contradictions between “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts.” But at the same time, they often do not realize the root of evil and continue to idolize and idealize the mother (“she did so much for me”).

Having become adults, they often suffer from their helplessness and lack of independence... The mother does everything to supposedly help her adult child. “I wish I had already found a decent job. Every day I bring him a newspaper with vacancies, I tell him to post his resume on websites, and he doesn’t give a damn - he drives a taxi at night, plays the computer during the day.” Or like this: “When he finds a good woman from me, he will have children. I’ve already invited Svetka’s daughter to visit, but he doesn’t care!” In fact, the Caring Mother does not want her son to find a wife and a good job. After all, this way he will leave her and stop giving her his psychological juices. A vampire deprived of nourishment begins to feel terrible.

If the child is a daughter, then there is often this type - a completely dependent girl who has no life experience, but has high demands and ambition. She doesn’t even know how to boil pasta or wash the dishes after herself. She finds it dirty and undignified. She can also treat sex as something dirty. At the same time, she looks attractive. He does everything according to the rules and does not deviate one step from the rules. It can be difficult for such a girl to establish a personal life.

Often, the children of a Caring Mother, not finding the opportunity and strength to leave the care of their mother, get sick in childhood or as adults (you and I know that all diseases of the body come from diseases of the soul. I wrote about this in an article about). Often doctors cannot find the cause of the disease and shrug their shoulders, continuing to prescribe various medications and additional tests. At the same time, the mother worries and devotes all her strength to the highest goal - to cure the child. He looks for doctors, finds money for treatment... In fact, the real, hidden goal is to continue to take care of the child, and this goal is not aimed at his recovery.

The slogan of the Caring Mother vampire: “I will do everything for your happiness, provided that you remain unhappy. I will do everything for your recovery, provided that you remain sick.” Just don’t think that a Caring Mother does not make plans at night to make her child sick, lonely and unhappy. All this happens on an unconscious level, that is, such vampires are people who themselves do not realize what they are doing.

How to be:

If you recognize a Caring Mother in your parent, then this is already a big step. After all, first it is important to recognize the problem. And then you need to start solving the problem. On your own, it is unlikely that you will be able to find all those programs that were laid down in childhood and now block your further development as an individual. Therefore, you just need to try all sorts of psychological techniques and find your way. This could be consultations with a psychologist, seminars, studying psychosomatics, breathing practices, energy massage therapy, etc. This is what I know and have tried. Many other techniques and techniques may come your way.

The same applies when you recognize yourself as a Caring Mother. Recognize the problem. First, restore your harmony, your psychological health. Accept and love yourself, and then you will not need to establish yourself at the expense of your children. You will sincerely wish them happiness and promote their independence and broad life experience in every possible way.

4. The Eternal Prince and Cinderella

These two vampires usually cling to each other. That's why they are described together.

The Eternal Prince is a promising man. I was an excellent student in school, brought up with the words “must” and “must”. That is, he did more what his parents considered correct, and not what he felt the desire and inclination to do. For example, I went to music school, while I loved history and was indifferent to music. And then he entered the medical faculty, like dad, although he dreamed of becoming a lawyer. As a result, I didn’t achieve much in medicine, always remaining on the sidelines, but I didn’t even think about giving up everything and doing what I loved, because I didn’t even think about what I loved. Naturally, with all this, the Eternal Prince is always in emotional tension, since he does not find fulfillment. And he blames his wife, Cinderella, for all the troubles. It was she who did not support him, fed him poorly, raised his children wrong, etc...

Cinderella is a woman who gets married and throws herself into housekeeping. One can be amazed and admire her patience, devotion, and ability to redo everything. She raises the children, keeps the house perfectly clean, cooks food, washes clothes, and goes to work. When she is sick, she collapses, but continues to work around the house and in the office (“otherwise how will they cope without her?”). Such women often lose their external attractiveness (there is simply no time left for this). They are the ones who greet their husband with a delicious dinner and a clean apartment, but in an old robe and with curlers on their heads. Cinderella also loves to feed her husbands, and the appearance of her husband’s big belly does not bother her; on the contrary, she is offended if the huge delicious pie and the chicken are not half-eaten (“Didn’t you like dinner?”). She surrounds her children with excessive care, solving all matters and issues for them.

That is, it turns out to be a marriage of two neurotic personalities, two vampires who drink each other’s energy. The husband does not achieve success in his career, he blames his wife for everything, while the wife has put her whole life on the family, for which she also blames her husband. This is how they live... In sex, too, over time, of course, it gets worse and worse.

Moreover, if the Eternal Prince still manages to become the King and make his way at work, then it will be painful for Cinderella, because she has her own Cinderella program and she doesn’t want to change her ways! She refused to go with her husband to official events, citing the fact that she was poorly dressed. With the pocket money allocated by her husband, the King, she will not buy cosmetics and dresses, but rather will spend it on the household. And when asked to cook less and healthier food, she will react with insults and will still, out of habit, feed her husband and loved ones.

What should I do?

If you recognize Cinderella in yourself and your husband is the Eternal Prince, then realize the situation and start living for yourself. Without wasting yourself on unnecessary, excessive care and housekeeping, you will dry up energy and time for self-care and developing hobbies, maintain the attractiveness of yourself as a person and as a woman, and nourish your man with energy for great achievements) When you shed your skin Cinderella (victim), you will save yourself from your husband’s constant claims, you will automatically stop being to blame for everything. And there the Eternal Prince will turn into a King using your energies. And if he doesn’t transform and doesn’t want to overcome his programs, then you will leave him without regret and find your King. Precisely without regret, as you will reach a new level.

The main thing is to realize that all your efforts, which you supposedly do for the benefit of the family, in fact only bring harm to the family, and you are doing all this not for the family, but for yourself. You are implementing the Cinderella program, through which you feel important and needed for someone (in this case, for your family).

If you recognize yourself as the Eternal Prince who married Cinderella, then you must first stop taking advantage of Cinderella’s overprotectiveness. Iron the shirt she washed yourself, stop eating all the food she prepares, sometimes cook it yourself, etc. After some time, Cinderella may realize the absurdity of her own actions (or she may not). In addition, this way she will be deprived of the opportunity to become a vampire - to reproach the Eternal Prince for living for the sake of him and her family. Eventually, Cinderella may “hatch” into the Queen. Support her new image, support her on her new path. Together with her, it will be comfortable and easy for you to become a King) If you realize all this and do it, but it doesn’t help in any way, then you will most likely just part with Cinderella, without regrets.

5. Alcoholic

Yes, yes, this is also a psychological vampire. Because what stops an alcoholic is not from a good life, but from emotional stress and unsatisfied psychological needs (for fulfillment, for love, etc.). Moreover, he becomes an alcoholic under the influence of his donors. Not everything is as simple as it seems. It seems as if this alcoholic is getting on the nerves of the poor wife and taking away her energy. In fact, in the close circle of an alcoholic there is always that person (wife, mother...) who, on an unconscious level, benefits from being an alcoholic.

An alcoholic usually has several donors. These are the Persecutor (usually the wife), the Deliverer (narcologist), the Patron (mother, drinking companions), and the Supplier (store).

So, they all have one or another, sometimes unconscious, benefit from the fact that the Alcoholic drinks, although at the same time he sucks the psychological juices out of them.

Pursuer This is most often the Alcoholic's wife. Usually this is a woman-mother. In fact, she is not so much getting married as taking on a child to raise. That is why, despite all the evil that an alcoholic brings to such a woman, she does not leave him and continues to suffer. Hidden benefits from a husband's alcoholism may be the following: when he drinks, he easily gives money; when he drinks he becomes kind and loving (when he is sober he gets irritated and hits); when he drinks he becomes brave, resourceful (you won’t get bored), while he drinks he is weak, which means he won’t quit, etc.

Deliverer, who is also a doctor, has not only material benefits from alcoholism (he receives a salary). The main benefit is psychological. It lies in the fact that, listening to complaints about the failed life of an Alcoholic, the Deliverer feels on top, that is, he asserts himself (he himself may still have those problems). In addition, in the process of conversation with an Alcoholic, the Deliverer is in the position of a Parent, because he lectures, heals, teaches... In a word, psychological vampirism is evident here.

Patron- this is either a mother who sympathizes with her son, since “he got an unsuccessful wife who treats him badly” (how not to drink in front of such a wife!). Or drinking buddies who “understand” alcoholic conversations and can lend money to the Alcoholic. The patron mother is also interested in ensuring that the Alcoholic continues to drink. After all, while he drinks, he seeks the care of his mother, he becomes closer to her, and he is further away from his wife. Such motives are often characteristic of the Caring Mother vampire type.

WITH Supplier everything is clear - he receives only material benefits.

At the same time, the Persecutor, the Deliverer, and the Patron do not know what they are doing, they do not understand that the Alcoholic is becoming a valuable figure for them and that they are interested in his alcoholism. This is how mutual vampirism results.

What should I do?

Well, what can I say, all participants - Alcoholic, Persecutor, Patron - need psychological help. Now I don’t just mean a consultation with a psychologist. I already wrote a little higher in this article about the different techniques that I used. I have no doubt that there are dozens of other interesting techniques that help you understand yourself, accept yourself, see and remove destructive programs... Of course, I’m not a professional here. I was just interested in reading about the hidden benefits of Alcoholism. Maybe this information will be useful to you...

In general, the main condition for getting rid of Alcoholism is love in the family and an interesting job. Then the body will have enough of its own alcohol, and the need for drinking will disappear by itself. After all, it is known that the hormones of happiness, endorphins, act in the body in the same way as alcohol and drugs. It would never even occur to a happy person to drink alcohol or take drugs - not because it is prohibited, but because he has no such need.

By the way, how do you understand what alcoholism is? Many people associate this concept with a drunkard who drinks alcohol or cheap vodka and rolls around in a ditch. Actually not only that. Any person who drinks once a week or more can be classified as an alcoholic in one way or another. This is due to metabolic processes in the body and the rate at which alcohol is eliminated from it. Another sign is the ability to drink a lot and not get drunk. A person who is not an alcoholic is simply not able to drink so much and stay sober. The ability to get drunk to the point of narcotic levels, that is, to the point of insensibility, is also one of the signs of alcoholism. A drinker rarely fails to get so drunk, even if he drinks a lot of alcohol. The defense will work - the gag reflex, which the Alcoholic has lost. In a company, the Alcoholic tries to “get ahead of the circle,” that is, announce toasts more often. And when the company breaks up into separate groups, he will move from group to group and offer toasts.

How are alcoholics raised from childhood? Very simple! Firstly, parents need to drink it themselves and at the same time sit the child at the table and pour him juice. He thereby participates in all alcoholic conversations, masters the ritual of the feast, and asks that wine be poured for him too. But parents say: “It’s too early for you to drink!” It is this phrase that has a decisive influence on the process of developing the psychology of an Alcoholic in an individual. Since the child remembers that it is too early, but the time will come - and it will not be early...

My conclusions.

These are the types of energy vampires... These are, of course, not all types. In the book by M.E. Litvak “Psychological vampirism” describes in detail 12 types, including autovampirism (when we pump energy out of ourselves).

For me personally, this information has become very useful, since now I put it into practice. Sometimes someone starts to complain to me and reject all my advice on the principle of “Yes, but...”, and I immediately understand - yeah, I’ve got a vampire)))) Now I don’t enter into a long conversation with such a vampire, but on the contrary, it’s easy to I stop and don’t lose my energy. And I calmly agree with Smart Critics, knowing that it will be better for me, because it is useless to contact them. I sometimes catch myself in Cinderella’s vampire ways (they say, I’m trying for you, but you’re such a fool that you don’t value me))) Now I understand my hidden benefits, and I cut off my attempts to drink other people’s energy. This is all very surprising. And how much is still unknown, how much I don’t know about myself and the people around me!

There is one more important point. You still need to be able to distinguish psychological vampirism from non-acceptance of some quality in a person. I'll explain now. Sometimes it may seem to you - this person infuriates me, as soon as he entered the room, I immediately felt uncomfortable. I don’t like the way he talks, the way he looks, the way he does…. Drank all the energy out of me! In this case, this is not a sign of vampirism, but a sign that you do not accept some qualities in a person. And this, in turn, happens because you do not accept these same qualities in yourself, that is, “mirror”. Think about it, maybe in this case you are a vampire?...

In general, I hope that the article was useful for someone! Communicate sincerely, save your energy for great things))) Or at least strive for it) Good luck!

Hello, Dear Readers. I'm starting a series of articles dedicated to psychological vampires . You will learn what forms vampires take and how to fight them. The articles were based on the book “Psychological Vampirism” by Mikhail Efimovich Litvak.

Attention! To stay up to date with the latest updates, I recommend that you Subscribe to my Main YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC78TufDQpkKUTgcrG8WqONQ , since I now create all new materials in video format. Also, just recently I opened my second channel entitled " World of Psychology ", where short videos are published on a variety of topics, covered through the prism of psychology, psychotherapy and clinical psychiatry.
Check out my services(prices and rules for online psychological counseling) You can in the article “”.

I have encountered some vampires in my life, some I have not. Some will be written about briefly, others I will devote separate articles to. It should be understood that there is no mysticism in the word Vampire. They have neither fangs nor claws. These are ordinary people (often the closest and dearest), who, “thanks to” their psychologically illiterate behavior and communication, cause irreparable harm to both themselves and other people (the so-called “donors”). After several rounds of vampirism, donors become patients or clients of psychoneurological dispensaries, hospitals, hospitals, or unsuccessfully visit somatic doctors with migraines, colds, gastritis, pain in the heart, endocrine system disorders and other diseases. After all, when does a person ask for help? When is he good or when is he bad? Of course, when it's bad. And when it’s good, he won’t lift a finger.

Doctors give the patient medications that temporarily help - alleviate or relieve symptoms. Alas, they treat the effects without addressing the causes. However, if the donor is lucky and he trains, successfully practicing his techniques on vampires, the latter becomes much worse. If vampires are smart people (unfortunately, this is not always the case), they will turn to you for help, my Dear Readers, and do not refuse it. Perhaps we can help the vampires too.

If they don’t contact you, then most likely they will leave you alone and find new donors for their psychological games. This is their right, their decision and their life. A vampire should not be forced or persuaded to change. This development of events may serve as a reason for a new game, where the vampire will appear in a different guise and continue to drain the vital juices from you. I follow Nietzsche’s recommendation: “Love your neighbor” - this means first of all: “Leave your neighbor alone.”

So, let's start with the description.

1) Helpless Personality. The most common type of psychological vampirism.

Plays the game “Why don’t you?...” - “Yes, but...”. What is the essence of the game and how does it play out? The Helpless Personality (hereinafter BL) “consults” with its donors. But no matter how hard the donors fight, no matter how many there are, no matter how smart they are, they will not solve the problem, and the vampire will defeat them all. The pretext for asking for advice can be anything - from renovating an apartment to raising children and treating illnesses. At the level of consciousness, along the line Adult - Adult, a request for information is made. At an unconscious (unconscious, psychological) level, the Vampire Child flirts with the donors' Parents (hidden D-R transaction), sucking energy out of them. After all, it cannot be that BL itself does not find out how to solve this problem. Therefore, along the Child-Parent line there is a provocation with the aim of receiving Parental Care (sympathy, “strokes”) from donors. They are wasting their energy. And in order to replenish the Parent with energy, donors have to take it from their Child. When the Child is devastated, a feeling of irritation naturally arises. After all, our Child is our feelings (more details in articles “” and “”). And feelings are closely related to the activity of internal organs, and here we are not far from illness.

Sooner or later, those who like to give advice, donors, get sick and go to the doctor. There they act as vampires, asking the doctor for advice on how to cure themselves.

The following example by Eric Berne, slightly modified by Mikhail Litvak, clearly demonstrates the mechanics of this game:
BL, a pretty woman of about 30–35 years old, has been visited by her friends, with whom she is peacefully talking over a cup of tea.
BL (in a sad voice): Look at the condition of my apartment! Need urgent repairs! I can't imagine what to do?
Donor A: Why don't you contact the Housing Office?
BL: Yes, but there are long queues and the work there is bad!
Donor B: Why don't you contact the cooperative?
BL: Yes, but they charge very much there and have been cutting corners lately!
Donor V.: Why don’t you force your husband to do the repairs?
BL: Yes, but he doesn't have time and we don't have the tools!
Donor G.: Why don’t you buy the tools and still force your husband to do the repairs?
BL: Yes, but if he makes repairs, our ceilings will collapse in two weeks!

Game over! There is an awkward silence and after a while the "Isn't It Horrible" Entertainment begins. in the version "These worthless husbands." BL received a lot of “strokes” and left its advisers in the cold.

Haven’t you, Dear Readers, had to give advice, and good advice, which was completely rejected, and in barely controlled rage, you thought to yourself: “Well, he’s going crazy!”?

It doesn’t occur to the vampire that SHE herself needs to change. Stop asking for advice, and learn to make decisions yourself, take responsibility for your life, and don’t be afraid to make stupid things and mistakes. After all, only thanks to the latter do we grow most intensively. Analyzing your own mistakes is the path to success.

So the vampire’s victory is peculiar. Tactically she won, strategically she lost.

There was a time when I often fell for the bait of Helpless Persons. Why didn’t they ask me! How to treat colds, how to meet girls on minibuses, how to build a business, how to analyze the future profitability and profitability of an enterprise, how... However, I could continue this list indefinitely. I noticed that no one ever followed my recommendations, I was internally indignant and... gave out advice again. By the way, Dante Alighieri in “ Divine Comedy"placed the Evil Advisors in the 8th circle of the 8th ditch of hell. However, in the classification of Dante and Mikhail Efimovich, I went even further. Read more in the article: "".

I would place those asking for Crafty Advice and thereby provoking Crafty Advisers immediately after the latter. In my opinion, they are committing an even graver sin.

And now a clear example from my life:

I talked on the phone with Vampire BL, my close friend. Topic: his poor health.
He: I recently got very sick - I was lying with a temperature of about 39. What do you recommend to boost your immunity? I know you are an expert in this matter.
Me, happily (having already swallowed the bait): First, cure tonsils - gargle every 1-2 hours, lubricate it with Lugol's solution 1-2 times a day for prevention, eat garlic, honey, lemon, rinse your nose and nasopharynx 2 once a day, clean the plaque from your tongue. Secondly, do yoga. (That’s a lot of advice at once; Yu.L.).
He (with sadness in his voice): This is all, of course, good, but I don’t have time to do all this.
Why me?
Him: I work a lot, I get very exhausted.
Me: Why don't you change jobs or at least quit one of your jobs? (He worked two, sometimes three jobs at once, where they paid pennies; Yu.L.).
Him: Yes, but I have a family to support!
Me: You have a main job, which doesn’t take up much time. Why don't you find a second one, promising and better paid than the two you are working at now? And then I would switch to it as the main one. Why is it a bad option?
He: Nobody needs me there, the schedule doesn’t suit me, who will teach me there? (Defects in upbringing, resulting in a bad opinion of other people, make themselves felt; Yu.L.).
Me: Why don’t you finally start working for yourself and in the field that you like so much? (And he is a good specialist; Yu.L.)
Him: Yes, but you know how expensive it is to open a SPD. And without this I find it difficult to work. What if it doesn’t work? (Child’s fears; fear of failure; self-doubt; Yu.L.).
Me: Talk to our mutual friend A. - he is engaged in activities similar to yours and his SPD is open.
Him: Yes, but he doesn’t earn much! It's almost unprofitable. Our state does not allow us to turn around. It infringes on our rights in every way! Just pay him half his salary in taxes! (Entertainment “Isn’t it terrible” in the “Bad State” version; Y.L.).

What to do, you ask? The radical method is to get out of the game “Why don’t you?...” - “Yes, but...”. Stop giving advice - no one will ever follow it. Stop putting yourself in the position of a Parent, mentally devastating your Child! He clearly doesn't deserve this!

It’s especially funny to me when they give advice on how to treat illnesses, who to be and who to be with. Recently I witnessed the following dialogue between two elderly women:

A: My husband is seriously ill.
B: What?
A: They say obsessive-compulsive neurosis. Even in the hospital, it didn’t help.
B: We need to distract him with something. Listen, buy him interesting books and crossword puzzles.
Hmm, what can I say? If our neuroses were treated with crossword puzzles, B. should immediately be given the Nobel Prize.

Why does everyone so insistently ask (sometimes demand) advice? The fact is that the adviser advises solely in order to relieve himself of responsibility for the decision made. You have to put the blame for the failure on someone else.

Identifying and neutralizing BL will be difficult at first. But after the next sucking session, analyze your conversations. If you gave advice, you fell into her network.

This is how my further dialogues with BL proceeded:

Him: I have a cold.
Me: I sympathize.
Him: What do you recommend?
I have no idea. My spine has been hurting for a week now.

And here is an example of a defensive-forward, where the donor and the vampire change places:

Him: What advice do you give me about changing jobs?
Me: What can I advise you? At least you work, but I’m sitting without work at all!
Him: Why don’t you get a job with me for a pittance?
Me: Yes, but I don’t like your work, and I don’t want a penny.

Dear Readers, with such Psychological Vampires You can get acquainted with how a Caring Mother and a Cold Woman are in the articles “” and “”.

Those who can familiarize themselves with my services in the articles “” and “”.

Everyone in their life has had to deal with men or women who start a quarrel over any seemingly trivial matter. And they dwell on their grievance for a long time, replaying it like a broken record over and over again. Everyone cannot calm down and continues to shout and curse. After communicating with such a “scold”, you feel tired, overwhelmed, and your mood deteriorates for a long time. With annoyance, the thought will flash that “what an absurd person he is, how unpleasant it is to communicate with him!”

However, few people would think that such people are energy vampires who take incomparable pleasure in “spoiling the blood” of their neighbors. This is the meaning of their entire existence. They diligently “smear” their counterpart on the “plate” and simply “go crazy” when they see him in a confused, upset state.

This happens because such individuals have a bad aura, which actively influences those around them. By drawing their bioenergetic “tentacles” into someone else’s biofield, these energy “ghouls” suppress and destroy it. This affects those in contact with them with poor moral, psychological and emotional well-being. And the “ghouls” only rejoice and gain strength.

In common parlance, such people are called “Draculas” and “bloodsuckers”, without thinking at all about what contributes to their appearance and why they behave this way. Psychologists believe that there are about 30% of them by nature; in the course of life, 50 percent become “bloodsuckers”, the remaining 20 - from time to time.

Psychologists distinguish two types of energy vampires: unconscious ones and those who consciously feed off the energy of others. The first includes “bloodsuckers” who take other people’s energy unconsciously. They lack their own vitality, and in order to get it, they “steal” bioenergy from their relatives and friends.

Probably, many can recall an incident from their lives when someone, say, one of their loved ones, constantly starts quarrels over what seems like a completely trifling fact, inflating it to “universal” proportions. Such a “truth-seeker” will not calm down until he proves that he is “right,” which ends up with completely frayed nerves in the one who fell for his “energy bait.” On the contrary, he has a surge of energy, he is in a good mood, smiling cheerfully. This is nothing more than energy vampirism.

The second type includes those who consciously live off the bioenergy of their opponents. Such “bloodsuckers” are very dangerous. They are not embarrassed by any moral arguments; they have no sense of compassion at all. Like predatory spiders, they catch a victim in their energy nets in order to suck out their vital energy, thus strengthening their strength.

Types of energy vampirism

In order to recognize people who live off the energy of others and not fall for their “bait”, you need to know the forms of energy vampirism. They can be like this:

• Vampirism “absentee”. When a “good” friend or acquaintance is not nearby, and when you look at, say, his gift, your soul suddenly becomes heavy, and not at all rosy thoughts arise. Another option is correspondence over the Internet. Communication is kind of gray, it only causes anxiety and does not bring any satisfaction. It is likely that such acquaintances are energy vampires; through their gifts and letters, even at a distance, they draw out the energy they need so much.
• Collective. Man is a social being and is always among people in all life circumstances. Let's say this is a work team. And he may not always be “respectable.” If an atmosphere of hostility, envy, lies, and money-grubbing reigns in it, this can play a negative role on those of its members who have completely different moral principles. Such “collectivists” will suppress their opponents, wittingly or unwittingly feeding off their energy.
• Family. One of the spouses may be a vampire in the family. Often older relatives, for example, a mother-in-law or father-in-law, are “bloodsuckers” and you can’t always please them. A quarrel always gives them pleasure, they get pleasure from it, and some of the spouses get a constant headache. In such cases, it often comes to divorce. It’s not for nothing that there are many jokes about “evil” mothers-in-law. But this is nothing more than a type of family energy vampirism, when the older one is fed by the energy of the younger one. We can also talk about childhood vampirism, when children literally draw blood with their whims - they take energy away from their parents.
• Informational. Nowadays the media gives a lot of negativity. Messages about wars, terrorist attacks, robberies, murders, and other serious crimes fill the pages of newspapers and magazines, they are constantly talked about on TV, and films with criminal themes are shown. Now this is considered a rule of good manners. However, such “horror films” depress the psyche and take energy from people with a weak biofield and unstable psyche.
• Erotic. If the marriage is “unequal”, when one loves to the point of self-sacrifice, and the other takes advantage of it, we can talk about sexual vampirism, when one of the spouses takes the energy of their partner. A variation is a situation where the husband is elderly and the wife is young (sometimes vice versa). He simply uses her energy and feels great. It is not for nothing that in ancient China, decrepit emperors, in order to prolong their years, slept with young concubines.

It is important to know! If after communicating with someone you feel weak and tired, there is a high probability that there was contact with an energy vampire.

Main signs of energy vampires

The main signs of an energy vampire are its appearance and behavior.

As a rule, these people are rather gloomy, with eternal discontent “written” on their faces. They look much older than their years: their face is wrinkled, thick fused eyebrows (women thin them out with tweezers), the corners of their lips are often drooping. The eyes are dull, expressionless, and the gaze is cold, repulsive, and difficult to bear.

In their behavior, they can be aggressive and whiners. The first always run into a scandal and enjoy the tears, pain and suffering of their victim. The latter constantly whine that everything is bad in their lives, and in this way they drain energy from people who sympathize with them.

The following indirect factors will help you recognize an energy vampire:

1. Food preferences. Such people avoid sweets and hot foods and are indifferent to tea and coffee. But they respect drinks “with ice”; they pepper their food a lot and add hot spices to it.
2. Poor attitude towards domestic animals. The “love” here is mutual. Pets and plants sense the negative aura of such people. If a dog or cat suddenly gets into the house, they try to run away, and the flowers simply wither.
3. Skin contact. The vampire always tries to touch his counterpart: hold his hand, stroke his head, seemingly accidentally push him or step on his foot. This is the immediate moment when energy flows to him from someone opposite him.
4. Permanent debt. Such a person is an eternal debtor. He loves to borrow money, promises to pay it back on time, but deliberately does not keep his word. The lender is nervous and “feeds” the energy vampire with his emotions. It's the same with any business. There are many promises, but no sense. Just frustration and a bad mood, but for the “ghoul” it’s joy.
5. Severe mood swings. Having fed on someone else's energy, a vampire is always excited and cheerful. And when there is no one to “pinch” her even just a little, he seems sick and walks around gloomy.
6. Love for public events. Such people simply adore various crowded “parties”, when they can rant and show their dissatisfaction. In a crowd you can always bump into each other and come into contact with someone. It adds energy.
7. Negative emotions. An energy vampire always speaks evilly about people, for example, about friends and loved ones. This gives him pleasure, this is how he feeds his aura.
8. Constantly complaining about your problems. Complaining about his supposed hardships in life, the vampire inevitably drags his interlocutors into a bad conversation, thereby feeding off their energy.
9. Avoidance of positive emotions. Vampires avoid cheerful, positive-minded people. They are afraid of a good aura, which they cannot penetrate with evil intentions.
10. Striving to gain trust. Vampires can be sympathetic and sympathize with the grief of others, but their compassion does not bring relief, it only makes things worse.

You can recognize an energy vampire by date of birth. To do this, you need to add the date, month and year of birth. It turns out to be a double digit figure. We break it into two units and add it again, and so on until we get a single-digit number. It determines a person’s energy.

Interpretation of the result. If it is in the range from 1 to 4, this means that the energy is weak, constant replenishment is needed, such a person may well become an energy vampire. A number in the range of 5-7 says that everything is fine with your biofield, but you should be careful and avoid people who are not averse to feeding their aura at the expense of others. If the resulting value is greater than 7, it means that you have excess energy and can share it with others without fear for your health.

Example: 03/30/1990 = 3 + 0 + 0 + 3 + 1 + 9 + 9 + 0 = 25 = 2 + 5 = 7

Biofield with excellent energy! Such a person should not be afraid of energy vampires.

It is important to know! All of the signs listed are not a 100% guarantee that this is a vampire. They may simply be a behavioral characteristic. In each specific case, an objective analysis is needed. Only one thing is certain: you must not succumb to any provocations of suspicious individuals. Only in this case will it be possible to avoid the loss of your bioenergy.

How to protect yourself from an energy vampire

Protection can be different, for example, with the help of amulets and amulets. But before you figure out how to protect yourself from an energy vampire, you need to recognize who one is. And then, depending on this, take appropriate measures. And this could be one of the family members, for example, a child, a close relative, a friend or a work partner. Even a random fellow traveler on public transport can turn out to be such a dangerous person. For each specific case, specific advice is appropriate. Let's look at them in more detail.

How to protect yourself from an energy vampire in the family

If in a young family one of the relatives is an energy vampire, for example, the father or mother (husband, wife), with whom you have to live under the same roof, the best advice is to leave immediately. The truth is trivial, but because of this energetic vampirism of the elders, when constant squabbles such as, for example, the son-in-law looked at his mother-in-law the wrong way or “he doesn’t like the way I cook,” many families have broken up.

A forced vampire may be a seriously ill relative. He tries to replenish his fading vital energy at the expense of his loved ones. This needs more attention. True care will calm him down; he will not become nervous over trifles or cause unnecessary inconvenience to his loved ones. Simply put, it will not “drink their blood.”

A good help to make the patient less nervous could be a flower in his room or, say, an aquarium for fish. TV will also distract him from negative emotions.

Quite often, children are vampires. The body is growing, developing, its energy is still low, the child tries to replenish it at the expense of the parents. He is naughty, capricious, wants more attention. Constant childish whims exhaust the elders, but bring pleasure to the children. And here the problem of proper upbringing comes first. Otherwise, with age, unconscious childhood vampirism will develop into conscious adult vampirism and take away the remaining strength from aging fathers and mothers.

It is important to know! Protection from an energy vampire in the family requires that harmony, peace and tranquility reign in relations between relatives. Then there will be no one to defend against, positive energy will be distributed among all family members to a reasonable extent.

How to protect yourself from an energy vampire in a public place

These energy “bloodsuckers” could be your boss, your partner, or someone you deal with during your work, maybe even your subordinate. When communicating with them, you always feel discomfort in your mood, annoyance, resentment and bewilderment appear as to why this could happen.

And to prevent this from happening, you need to try to avoid all conflict situations with a person you don’t like. Even if he provokes a quarrel, you need to try to turn everything into a joke. It will disarm even the most avid lover of quarrels; he will inevitably calm down and leave you behind.

In a conversation with a vampire boss, when a joke is inappropriate, you can cross your arms or legs. It’s even better to mentally imagine a glass wall between you. If you have a bad conversation, this will block the outflow of your energy into the aura of the unwanted commander.

Another example. A partner or someone else constantly complains about their life so that they feel sorry for him (her), thereby “earning” themselves the much-needed energy. You should try to avoid such “unlucky people” and reduce communication with them to a minimum under the pretext, for example, that there is a lot of work. And under no circumstances should you discuss your personal problems with them.

To protect yourself from energy “beggars” on the street or in public transport, you just need to not get involved in any conversations with them. And in the case when they are trying to start a quarrel, you can smile and even apologize, saying, “I was wrong,” although it is not your fault. This will disarm them and defuse the situation. The conflict will be nipped in the bud. It will not be possible to profit from energy at your expense.

It is important to know! It is not always possible to exclude communication with an energy vampire. In any case, you need to behave calmly and sensibly with him, so that he, seeing that he cannot “swing” his interlocutor, lags behind him.

How to use amulets against an energy vampire

Our ancestors have long used amulets and amulets. They protected from damage and the evil eye. They were worn on the chest or wrist. You can make such protection from bad energy yourself, for example, by weaving a bracelet, putting into the work the idea that it will certainly protect from the evil eye.

The made amulet should be taken to church and consecrated. This is a guarantee that no otherworldly forces will attach themselves to you. And here about the benefits of prayer. It protects against all kinds of ghouls and vampires. And it is worth reading it not occasionally, but every day. It could be “Our Father” or “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner...”.

A good talisman would be a stone that matches your zodiac sign. For Aries men, for example, stones of red, blue, purple color are suitable: ruby ​​or amethyst. Black obsidian is suitable for Aries women. This will help strengthen your energy and protect you from the vampire’s energy tentacles.

It is important to know! Various talismans help only if a person sincerely believes in their miraculous power, otherwise there is no need to wear them.

How to restore energy after communicating with an energy vampire

After communicating with an energy vampire, you feel very tired and weak throughout the body, and all because the biofield is weakened. A familiar or unfamiliar “vampire” managed to gain trust and “feasted” on someone else’s energy.

To restore your biofield, the following available methods will help:

• Walk through a city park, meadow, field, forest. Nature is the most powerful stimulator of vitality, it will support a person in all cases of life and restore his wasted energy. It’s good to run barefoot through the dew early in the morning, stand leaning against a tree, listen to the light rustling of leaves, it calms and invigorates. Oak and birch have excellent energy when you lose strength. Pine helps relieve stress. And trees such as alder and poplar consume energy; you need to be careful when contacting them.
• Communication with pets and plants. Our smaller brothers and their own vegetable garden, for example, on the windowsill, relieve fatigue and charge with vigor. Cats have a special energy; they subtly feel their owner (mistress) and always fawn on them when they want to show their affection.
• Music. A soft melody relaxes, irritation and obsessive thoughts go away. Peace comes to the soul.
• Cold and hot shower. It relieves fatigue, invigorates strength, removes negative energy, and puts thoughts in order.

In the end, find a source of positive emotions for yourself. Let's say eat a piece of cake, watch your favorite movie on TV, or walk the dog if you have such a good friend at home.

It is important to know! In any communication, the exchange of energy must be voluntary and mutual. Only in this case there will be no outflow of one’s vital forces to someone else’s side and there will be no need for restoration later.

How to protect yourself from an energy vampire - watch the video:

Energy vampires are all around us. To prevent them from “eating” our vital energy, we need to conserve our strength and lead a healthy lifestyle. Only in this case the body’s energy will be at the proper level. And this is a guarantee against all damage and the evil eye, assorted vampires and ghouls who love to live off the “blood” of others. They are afraid of people with a positive biofield.