Which Russian champagne to choose? Reviews about Russian champagne producers. How to choose champagne for the New Year's table: advice from Roskachestvo experts Rating of champagne for the New Year

10 brands – 10 champagne houses, the most famous of all. Eight of them are listed in his book about the great wines and great estates of the world by Robert Parker, and we added two brands to this list at our own discretion, one is “the most Hollywood brand”, and the other is “the most sports-adrenaline brand”.

1. Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin

Women - go ahead. The most famous “female” champagne brand in the world is Veuve Clicquot. At the beginning of the 19th century, the heroic 27-year-old widow Clicquot, whose maiden name was Barb Nicole Ponsardin, inherited a mediocre winery from her husband - and raised it to unprecedented heights. She filled 18 km of dungeons with her wonderful product, buying them from the city and turning them into wine cellars. She is the author of the method of purifying champagne until crystal clear, which is still used by all winemakers in the world.

She also invented a wire bridle that is put on a cork - the liquid in the bottle is under pressure 3 times higher than the pressure in a car tire.

She even took... space as her allies. The “Comet of 1811” that visited the solar system gave the widow an excellent idea - to send a ship with a batch of 10,000 bottles of “comet wine” - champagne from the 1811 harvest, with a tailed star on the label - to Napoleon’s victorious Russia. And this was the beginning of a long successful commercial relationship between the widow and the distant northern empire.

This woman lived for 88 years and deprived relatives who were indifferent to winemaking of their inheritance, transferring her thriving business to the one who worked with her until the very end - her manager and friend, Eduard Verde, whose descendants strengthened the fame of the brand after her death - today this brand is one of the most famous, it is drunk in 150 countries around the world.

PRICES

In Moscow the bottle is 0.75 l. Veuve Clicquot Brut costs from 2500 rubles.

Veuve Clicquot Grande Dame - with an orange branded label on a black bottle - already costs around 10,000 rubles. According to legend, the loud color of the label was personally invented by the widow herself.

And today this champagne house attracts the best designers, such as Kerim Rashid, to design the brand, so the cost of the best wines in exclusive packaging can amount to tens of thousands of dollars.

2. Moët & Chandon

Everyone knows this black bow with a gold border, sealed with a red round seal under the neck of the bottle. It was invented in 1886, and since then it has remained a constant, recognizable design detail of Moet & Chandon branded products.

For 250 years, this company has been producing one of the most famous and prestigious brands of champagne. From the very beginning, the house of Moet & Chandon has been one of the main official suppliers to the royal courts. At one time, his wine was supplied to Louis XV, and Napoleon Bonoparte himself visited the estate when he found himself in Champagne.

Among the clients to whom Moët and Chandon supplied their wines was Thomas Jefferson, and King Edward VII of England loved this champagne so much that he went everywhere accompanied by a servant who carried a basket with a couple of bottles behind him. And today the house of Moet and Chandon has Royal permission as a supplier of champagne to Queen Elizabeth II of Great Britain.

In the modern era of pop culture stars, Moet and Chandon champagne is actively exploring the world of cinema. For almost two decades, Moët has been the official champagne of the Golden Globe Awards.
and in the spring of this year, the company held a sensational campaign in the press with the choice of “the face of the champagne house of Moet and Chandon” - it was the rising Hollywood star Scarlett Johansson.

PRICES

Champagne house Moet & Chandon is the largest champagne producer in the world. It produces up to 30 million bottles a year, which is twice the volume of its closest competitor, Veuve Clicquot. Due to the large circulation, it is quite affordable in price.

Main wines of the house:

Moet & Chandon Imperial, first released back in 1860, in honor of Napoleon - 2000-6000 rubles depending on the year of harvest (in Moscow),

Moet & Chandon Dom Perignon– exclusive vintage champagne, produced since 1936 in honor of the “inventor” of sparkling wines, Dom Perignon – from 7,000 rubles.

3. Dom Pérignon

This “shield” label is known all over the world. Moet & Chandon has been producing this exclusive vintage champagne since 1936.

The brand is named after a famous figure in winemaking - the Benedictine monk Pierre Perignon, who lived in the 17th century. House is an address to a clergyman in France. He is credited (by the French, the British think differently) with the glory of inventing a sparkling, foamy drink - before him, no one had figured out how to turn ordinary fermented wine into a new wonderful drink.

He was probably not absolutely the first, but, of course, he was at the origins of champagne production technology, which in general terms was inherited by our contemporaries. He came up with the ideas for secondary fermentation of still wine, selecting a mixture of white wines and aging it in thick-walled bottles, as well as sealing bottles with cork stoppers. When he was thirty years old, Pierre Perignon took charge of the wine cellars of the Benedictine Abbey of Auvilliers, declaring that he would create the best wine in the world. And he succeeded - rumors about the excellent quality of the fizzy monastery drink reached Versailles. Wines from Dom Pérignon began to be supplied to the royal court of Louis XIV, the “Sun King”.

Modern Dom Perignon, from Moet and Chandon, is produced in accordance with the tradition established by the legendary monk - to create the best wine in the world. Its quality is such that the wine probably does not need additional advertising.

However, the manufacturing company recently hired Karl Lagerfeld to work on the brand image. The campaign was an extraordinary success and brought the brand to a new level of popularity. It also became an exemplary example of wine branding, and - a kind of cult event in the world of fashion and lifestyle - Lagerfeld attracted catwalk stars Eva Herzigova and Claudia Schiffer to photo shoots with Dom Perignon. The overall idea of ​​the campaign: Dom Pérignon is a magical drink that liberates sexual fantasies.

PRICES

There are three wines:

Dom Perignon – Dom Pérignon, Dom Pérignon Rose and Dom Perignon Oenotheque

Dom Pérignon is somewhat cheaper, it can be found for 7,000-9,000 rubles. per bottle.

Dom Pérignon Rose and Dom Pérignon Oenotheque are highly prized and are considered among the finest and most expensive wines in the world. Prices in Moscow – from 17,000 to 22,000 rubles

4. Louis Roederer

The whole world knows this brand for its most famous wine - Louis Roederer Christa l. “Luxurious wine”, “stunning quality” - these are the epithets Robert Parker uses about him. And of course, this is the most prestigious and most expensive champagne wine in Russia in general. “Royal drink” - it was first produced in 1876, especially for Alexandra II.

Until the revolution, the house of Louis Roderer was the official supplier of wine to the court of the Russian Emperor. More than 60% of its products were sent to the Russian Empire. Crystal got its name because it was supplied in crystal bottles specially made for Alexander II.

In today's “golden” design of the appearance of the bottle, with elegant font and monograms on the label, the association with the royal crown, aristocracy, sophistication and wealth is maintained. All over the world it is considered a luxury drink, intended for winners and leaders. The policy of the champagne house of Louis Roderer is also distinguished by aristocracy and independence - not a single international corporation has yet succeeded in trying to take it over - it is almost the only house in Champagne that remains in family ownership.

The value of the champagne house's products was once again confirmed in July of this year - at an auction in the United States, a bottle of Louis Roederer Cristal Rose 2002 champagne was sold for $12,000. Proceeds from the auction were used to support contemporary art. What is symbolic is that a wine with such a history, level of prestige and such a price is no longer so much a wine as such, but an object of high art.

PRICES

The champagne house produces quite a bit of wine for the family enterprise - up to 3 million bottles per year, which, however, is 10 times less than Moët and Chandon. Moreover, Louis Roederer Cristal - only 500 thousand bottles for the whole world.

The limited production volume, as well as the extraordinary quality and prestige of the brand, determine quite high prices for wine, including in Moscow:

Louis Roederer Brut Premier – from 4300 rub.

Louis Roederer Cristal - from 10,000 to 35,000 rubles, depending on the year of harvest.

This wine is known as the wine of Hollywood. Almost from the very beginning of the Oscar award ceremonies, it accompanies these festive events.

It was Marilyn Monroe's favorite drink, and she was photographed more than once with a glass of champagne in her hand. And this champagne most often was Piper-Heidsieck.

In 1965, Piper-Heidsieck created the largest bottle of champagne in the world - 1 m 82 cm, which corresponds to the height of American film actor Rex Harrison. The bottle was intended to celebrate Harrison's Oscar win for his role in My Fair Lady, opposite Audrey Hepburn. The giant bottle contained the volume of 64 regular bottles of magnificent vintage Piper-Heidsieck Brut champagne from the 1959 vintage.

Piper-Heidsieck distinguished himself with a new design and PR move - together with Christian Louboutin, he released a limited edition gift set - a bottle of his wine accompanied by an elegant lady's slipper with a crystal heel, which simultaneously refers us to both Cinderella and the romantic custom of drinking champagne from a slipper ladies of the heart.

The Piper-Heidsieck company has made festive red and gold colors the recognizable and memorable colors of its brand, and very successfully uses them in the design of its corporate identity - both the label of the wine itself, and all related advertising products, and the official website of the company.

PRICES

Naturally, you won’t find a gift set with a shoe in Moscow; the entire limited edition is made to order.

But the usual Piper-Heidsieck branded champagne is sold annually in the amount of 5 million bottles, and is quite available here, at low prices for such a level of promotion of the brand:

Piper-Heidsieck Brut –
from 1500 rub. per bottle

6. Mumm (G.H. Mumm)

The style of the MUMM label is easily remembered by the diagonal red ribbon - this is a symbol of the legion of honor - with which one of the first owners of the champagne house decorated his wine back in the 18th century. This trademark of the brand is immediately recognizable on the shelves of wine boutiques and on commercials. And on balloons, which the company loves to launch for advertising purposes.

In general, MUMM is the wine of adrenaline, extreme sports, travel and discovery. Throughout the history of its existence, the G.H.MUMM company has been a sponsor of various events related to technical breakthroughs and sporting achievements of mankind. The company's slogan is “Courage and the desire for extraordinary discoveries.”

At the beginning of the last century, the company carried out its first sponsorship project: the famous traveler Captain Charcot “baptized” his ship “Le France” by breaking a bottle of MUMM Cordon Rouge champagne on its side. On July 14, 1904, on an ice floe in Antarctica, Captain Charcot and his crew celebrated Bastille Day with a glass of MUMM champagne.

When you watch a Formula 1 broadcast, pay attention to the champagne the winners pour on each other. This year the company announced the release of the GH Mumm F1 box “Limited Edition”, which became part of the Formula 1 champagne collection from Mumm, the official sponsor of the race.

And recently, this champagne received a kind of artistic advertising support - extraordinary glass Mumm-balloons were produced - something average in size between champagne bubbles and airship balloons.

PRICES

MUMM is the third largest brand in the world in terms of product sales, after Moët and Chandon and Veuve Clicquot.

About 8 million bottles are sold annually in more than 100 countries.

Prices are at the price level of leading competitors.

In Moscow - from 2500 rubles for a standard 0.75 liter bottle. MUMM Cordon Rouge

7. Circle

Quality and endurance - this is how one could formulate the credo of the Krug champagne house. “Their strict and very conservative policy of aging wine for many years before releasing it for sale seems almost incompatible with the pace of the modern world,” Robert Parker marvels, “but fortunately it ensures their highest quality, ripeness and complexity.”

These people are not chasing numbers. The house produces only about 100 thousand bottles per year, which is 300 (!) times less than the production volume of the mastodon of the champagne market - Moët and Chandon.

The company's own vineyard area is extremely limited - only 20 hectares, and it purchases the best grapes from another 56 hectares of the best vineyards in Champagne. The mixture is fermented in small wooden barrels and then aged in bottles for at least 6-8 years. This provides the wine with a unique, recognizable, complex taste and the ability to undergo further noble aging in the bottle.

The wines of this champagne house are among the most “long-lasting”, their quality remains unchanged or even improves over time. These are so-called “late release” wines, as they can be aged for 30 or 40 years. This is an excellent long-term investment in wine. Robert Parker, having tasted the 1947 vintage of Krug, declared that this was the most outstanding champagne. that he has ever tried.

At a wine auction in Hong Kong, a 750 ml bottle of an even older wine - 1928 champagne from the Krug Collection - was paid $21,200 - making it the most expensive champagne ever sold. According to Sotheby's auction house expert Serena Sutcliffe, this wine is one of the best champagnes in the history of winemaking.

PRICES

Despite the small production volumes, Krug can also be found in Russia. Not in every wine boutique, but it is there, and it is not a cheap drink, in Moscow - from 12,000 to 25,000 rubles for a 0.75 liter bottle.

8. Paul Roger

Founded in 1849 by Paul Roger, the Pol Roger champagne house remains family-owned, resisting the general process of mergers and acquisitions of small family businesses by large holdings such as LVMH. And today the house is managed by two great-grandsons of its founder, who even managed to change their surname in honor of their great-grandfather - now it is spelled with a hyphen - Paul Roger.

This is one of the best companies in Champagne and one of the best champagne wines in the world. Robert Parker, the world's leading wine critic, is extremely enthusiastic about it: "If there is one vintage Brut champagne that can clearly lay claim to being one of the world's greatest wines, it is Pol Roger."

The exceptional quality of this vintage wine is its ability to age for 30 years or more, something that even many of the great red wines of Bordeaux cannot achieve. This circumstance makes Pol Roger very attractive to wine collectors and for reliable and profitable wine investments.

Paul Roger is known as Sir Winston Churchill's favorite champagne. He once said: “I can’t live without champagne. After a win I deserve it, and after a loss I need it.” And this was not a general remark about all champagnes - Churchill was a loyal fan of this particular brand. The Pol Roger company even supplied him with its wine in a unique container - specially made bottles with a volume of 1 imperial pint (0.57 l). This champagne was served to Churchill by his butler at 11 o'clock in the morning when he woke up.

Later, in honor of Churchill, the company included a special brand in its line of wines, Cuvee Sir Winston Churchill, which is made from grapes from the best vineyards of the best years, and which Robert Parker rates extremely highly.

PRICES

One of the best champagne houses, being a local family enterprise, nevertheless operates at the level of mastodons in the champagne market - it produces about 1.5 million bottles of wine per year. And keeps world-class prices.

Pol Roger champagne can be found in Moscow, although not in every boutique.

Pol Roger Brut
starting from 3000 rub.

Pol Roger Cuvee Sir Winston Churchill – about 10,000 rubles.

9. Bollinger

Bollinger is another wine from Olympus from the best wines of Champagne. Experts - Robert Parker, Hugh Johnson, Jancis Robinson and many other world-famous wine critics - include him in five leaders in quality, along with Dom Perignon, Louis Roederer, Pol Roger and Krug.

And critics especially highlight the brand Bollinger Grande Année (Bollinger of the Great Harvest Year), ranking it among the most elite brands with impeccable quality.

All other champagne fans, paying tribute to the taste of Bollinger, know and remember this wine also as the favorite drink of James Bond, which he sipped with a very aristocratic air in almost half of the twenty-odd Bond films.

On the eve of the premiere of the new film with Daniel Craig, the Bollinger company decided to support this association - “Bollinger - James Bond” - by releasing a limited edition of champagne, only 207 bottles. A bullet-shaped steel case engraved with “Bollinger 007″ houses a bottle of Bollinger Grande from 1999.

And one more fact from the history of the brand, which brings it closer to the Veuve Clicquot brand. Surprisingly, in the history of winemaking there is such a phenomenon - the “famous Widows of Champagne.” Veuve Clicquot-Ponsardin, widow Laurent-Perrier, widow Pommery, widow Henriot... Their names became trademarks. This list includes the legendary Lily Bollinger.

Widowed at the age of 42, Madame Lily Bollinger devoted all her extraordinary energy to improving the technology of champagne production, maintaining the tradition of the highest quality of the brand, which was admired by Thomas Jefferson.

The modern heirs of the House of Bollinger maintain these traditions of quality - the house is known for its famous “Charter of Ethics and Quality”, which it promulgated in 1992, and which it follows at the expense of production volumes. However, this is bearing fruit - the demand for elite Bollinger champagne exceeds supply so much that it is distributed across countries in accordance with quotas established by the company.

PRICES

The company produces 1 million bottles a year, which is quite a lot for a family business. Some of these products are also available in Moscow:

Bollinger Special Cuvee Brut – from RUB 3,000.

Bollinger Grande Annee – from 6,000 rubles.

Bollinger Grande 1999 in bullet-shaped packaging for Agent 007, in a wooden box weighing 22 kg - $5765.00 - you are unlikely to find it in Moscow.

10. Salon

Salon is one of the smallest of the great champagne houses, which began with a 1 hectare vineyard purchased in 1911 by a charismatic figure named Eugene Aimé Salon. Having previously worked as a teacher, a fur trader and many others, having amassed a million-dollar capital, Salon decided to become a winemaker, producing wine like nothing had ever been before.

It is not difficult to reconstruct his motivation - being a regular at restaurants and a connoisseur of the best French wines, Salon felt that there was a niche for him in winemaking - he could create something completely unique, a wine of unsurpassed quality and extraordinary properties. The idea was to create wine, firstly, based on Chardonnay alone and, secondly, only in the years of the best harvests. In not very brilliant years, he did not want to make wine.

And thus, for almost a century, the house he founded in 1921 produced only 37 vintage wines until 2006. Which, of course, from the very beginning gave them the reputation of a luxury drink - extremely rare, prestigious and expensive. Already his first vintages made his name; in the 20s, his Salon was the “wine of the house” in the legendary Maxim restaurant, a meeting place for the Parisian elite.

After Salon's death, his ownership was resold twice, and today it belongs to the Laurent-Perrier group. The new owners are trying to maintain the Salon brand; wine is still made only from grapes from the best years; over the past 30 years, only one out of three harvests has been turned into wine. Robert Parker, characterizing the quality of all Salon wines as “indisputable,” especially highlights his favorite vintage – the 1990 harvest.

PRICES

The production volume of the Salon champagne house is extremely small - about 50,000 bottles per year of production, and this, as was said, does not happen every year.

Naturally, such a rare wine is not a frequent guest in Moscow boutiques and online stores, and it can be difficult to find.

Prices, however, are relatively low for such an exclusive product - starting from 13,000 rubles for a bottle of standard volume 0.75 liters.

The New Year is coming soon, which means that millions of our compatriots will open champagne and raise their glasses of sparkling drink to the chimes. Probably, throughout the post-Soviet space, champagne is associated, first of all, with your favorite New Year holidays. No festive table is complete without tangerines, Olivier salad and sparkling wine. Russian champagne has long been not inferior in quality and taste to expensive foreign wines. Based on the results of a customer survey, a rating was compiled on what is the best champagne in Russia. Let's find out which domestic brands of the drink are best purchased for the New Year's table.

Champagne production technology in Russia

Probably everyone knows that champagne is considered a sparkling wine that is produced exclusively in the Champagne region, located in the northeast of France. If strict regulations are followed, no other drink can be called champagne, even if it is produced using identical technology. But in the former countries of the USSR, sparkling wine is still called champagne.

A distinctive feature of sparkling wine is the many small bubbles that rise in a glass with poured champagne. This is carbon dioxide that is formed during the fermentation of grape must. The fermentation process occurs in two stages:

1. At the initial stage, grape juice ferments naturally.
2. Then the required amount of sugar and yeast is added to it.

The yeast immediately consumes the sugar crystals, resulting in the release of carbon dioxide, which accumulates in a closed container. This is how the drink becomes champagne.

Roskachestvo carefully ensures that the best types of Russian champagne are produced through natural fermentation, without artificial carbonation. Adding carbon dioxide, however, is not prohibited, but large producers of sparkling wines try not to resort to this method so as not to spoil their reputation.

Russian champagne of good quality is not much different from foreign products. It is produced on modern equipment, in compliance with the classic recipe and the necessary quality standards. Those who do not want to overpay for a brand, and at the same time want to please themselves and their loved ones for the New Year with high-quality alcoholic products, should pay attention to Russian producers of sparkling wines.

Rating of Russian sparkling wine producers

Based on the results of social Internet surveys, as well as based on the ratings of resources specializing in alcoholic beverages, appropriate conclusions were made about which champagne in Russia is considered the best.

We present to your attention a table that contains several popular brands of sparkling drink, according to competent tasters and ordinary consumers.

What is the best inexpensive champagne produced in Russia? Consumers identify the following brands:

• Abrau-Durso;
• Tsimlyanskoe;
• Phanagoria;
• Kuban wine.

On a note! The best producer of champagne in Russia among consumers is Abrau Durso.

Kuban Wine LLC

The company produces 55 million bottles of sparkling wine per year. Since 2015, Kuban Wine LLC began cooperation with Italian winemakers from the Enofly company. Every year the Russian manufacturer improves the quality of its products and expands its range. Premium champagne is made from selected grape varieties using modern technologies. This allows you to preserve the beneficial properties and taste characteristics of the berries in a refined, noble drink.

The best brands of champagne produced by Kuban Wine LLC:

• “Aristov” (370-390 rubles);
• “Chateau Taman Select” (370-400 rubles);
• “Chateau Taman” (370 rubles);
• “Kuban-wine” (265 rubles).

OJSC "Moscow Champagne Wine Factory"

The plant was founded in 1980, and during its existence it has constantly improved its products. At the moment, OJSC Moscow Champagne Wine Factory annually supplies more than 50 million bottles of sparkling drink to retail chains. The production uses the classic champagne recipe, and also introduces the latest technologies for producing sparkling wine. Only 10% of selected Russian grapes are used as wine material; the rest of the raw materials are supplied from Europe, Chile, and Argentina.

What brands of champagne are represented by OJSC "Moscow Champagne Wine Factory":

• “Moskovskoe” (260-270 rubles);
• “Gold Standard” (240 rubles);
• “Russian” (180 rubles).

CJSC "Abrau Durso"

It is considered the most popular and best among Russian sparkling wine producers. Champagne "Abrau Durso" is produced using two methods:

1. Reservoir;
2. Traditional.

The raw materials used are grapes grown in Russia, as well as those brought from the vineyards of France. The company produces all known types of champagne: dry, semi-dry, brut, semi-sweet, sweet.

The best Abrau Durso champagne is aged in cellars for several decades. The cost of such elite drinks is naturally high. For example, Chateau d'Aviz, aged for many years, sells for more than 6,000 Russian rubles.

What is the secret of the increased demand for Abrau Durso products? Success lies in the observance of centuries-old winemaking traditions, the use of the best raw materials and the professional, well-coordinated work of a team of winemakers.

To choose good champagne from the manufacturer “Abrau Durso”, you do not need to go to the Krasnodar Territory to the lake with the same name. The manufacturer's alcoholic products are presented in almost every alcohol boutique and large supermarkets.

Rostov Champagne Wine Factory LLC

Every year the plant produces more than 12 million bottles of sparkling drink. If you want to buy good Russian-made champagne at affordable prices, pay attention to the products of the Rostov plant.

Popular brands of champagne from the Rostov plant:

• “Rostov aged” (250-300 rubles);
• “Rachelle” (280 rubles);
• “Rostov Gold” (300 rubles).

ZShV "New World"

Back in 1878, Prince Lev Golitsyn founded a factory that began producing sparkling wines. Russian champagne is made according to the classic French recipe. The founder of the factory built special cellars where, even today, bottles of champagne are folded by hand for further maturation of the drink.

On a note! The best Crimean champagne from ZShV “New World” is aged for at least three years.

Back in 1900, champagne from the “New World” received the main prize at the world exhibition in Paris. Since then, sparkling wine from Lev Golitsyn has become a symbol of the aristocracy and bohemia: the drink was served at social, official receptions, and even at the coronation of Nicholas II.

Popular products from the manufacturer:

• “New World” aged white semi-dry (550-600 rubles);
• “New World” aged semi-dry rosé (550-600 rubles);
• “New World” Crimean aged brut (650-700 rubles).

CJSC "Sparkling Wines"

The plant was founded on November 28, 1876. Initially, the plant had a different name - “Slavic Brewery and Honey Plant”, and specialized in the production of beer and honey. In 1947, sparkling wine called “Soviet Champagne” began to be produced here for the first time. A little later, they launched the production of another famous sparkling drink - “Lev Golitsyn”. In the 50-60s of the last century, the best Soviet champagne was produced at this enterprise.

In 1992, production was modernized after the plant was privatized by JSC Sparkling Wines. The company's product line has expanded significantly, new technologies have been introduced, and the latest equipment has been supplied.

Famous brands of Russian sparkling wine that are produced in production:

• “St. Petersburg traditional” (270-300 rubles);
• “Bourgeois” (300 rubles);
• “Russian” (270-350 rubles);
• “The legacy of the master “Lev Golitsyn” (380-600 rubles).

Tasters are often asked the question: “Which champagne is better – Abrau Durso or Lev Golitsyn”? In fact, the products of two Russian sparkling wine producers are of high quality. Therefore, each buyer decides for himself which brand to choose. For New Year's Eve, you can purchase several options from two well-known Russian companies and form your own opinion.

By studying the ratings of the best Russian sparkling wine producers, you will be able to purchase the best champagne for the New Year holidays. Don't forget to make a wish after the sparkling drink is poured into glasses!