Love for the prisoner group in contact. “And then he lost me at cards”: what happens in the world of prisoners’ mistresses. Cupid flies over our area

Nowadays, love between convicts serving time in prisons and free, law-abiding citizens is not uncommon. Sometimes it comes to weddings, and how these weddings go, watch and read on.

There are no weddings in the women's area. And if something happens, then they will immediately write about it in all the newspapers: “Sensation! A man decided to connect his life with a lady who has three more years to serve!” Recently, a documentary was even made about one such hero, with questions: “Aren’t you scared?”, “How did you decide to do such madness?”, which were voiced by someone behind the scenes and with a lyrical melody at the end: this, they say, is love does to people.

Films are less often made about women who have tender feelings for guys who are “in places not so distant.” Because there is nothing sensational in this, even the announcement “A female lawyer fell in love with a convict” will not surprise anyone these days. This is a massive phenomenon, almost every convict, and there are a million of them in Russia, has a free spouse, a fiancée, or, in extreme cases, an “absentee” - one who writes letters, sends money to the phone, gives the papers to the right people, worries about certificates and a parolee, goes on dates, patiently unwraps the candy wrappers for each of the five kilograms of candy that can be sent by parcel. Waiting. A million women in love - try to make a movie about each one.

They even have their own Internet forums, which are buzzing with numerous messages like: “Girls, does anyone know how many parcels a year can be sent there? I recently sent mine five cartons of cigarettes, but the tea didn’t fit.” There, brides also tell their love stories, which almost all begin with the phrases “Before that, he was already in prison...”, “We met when he was released from the pre-trial detention center,” “He had just been released, he served two years for theft... ".

That is, the girls admit that from the very beginning they knew who they were dealing with. But they weren’t afraid then, and they don’t despair now. Each has something like a motto that goes along with all of its comments. For example: “When I stop waiting for you, loving you, hoping and believing, then I will close the windows and doors tightly and just lie down to die.” Or: “Loving the same person all your life is a gift, and it doesn’t matter if you have to pay for it with lifelong patience. Agatha Christie.” Or even poetry: “We don’t need words, we don’t need a game, / just you and me and the whole night is not enough. / I waited for so many days, I called you, / I screamed for a long time to find me...”

But in the Perm colony, 15 prisoners immediately found their betrothed, and the administration decided to register these marriages on the same day. Natalya, a 17-year-old beauty, married 24-year-old Evgeniy Taran, who was sentenced to 15 years for double murder. The young people met by correspondence, Natalya told reporters that she “really wanted to marry her little bunny” and that her parents were not at all against this relationship, “after all, the main thing is love.” The little bunny will not be released soon, so Natalya will apparently have to exchange information with other girls all these 15 years on a specialized forum in the “I can’t wait” section.

In the colony, meanwhile, another batch of suitors is approaching. For now, they are rapidly supplying their brides with poems and essays on the topic “My Only One,” so that in the spring we can expect a new record for the number of marriages in penal colony No. 10. Mikhail Malyshev, convicted of cannibalism, is also actively looking for a bride. He still has 20 years to go, and Mikhail believes that during this time some girl will definitely fall in love with him. Our girls have kind hearts.

To be fair, it’s not just ours. In other countries, women also stand in line to marry their prisoners.

Disgusting men have a clear passion for exploring the bizarre, the hidden, and the fringe. The phenomenon of “waiting” is just that case: it is connected with the world of people who are on the very outskirts of society and at the same time has long drilled its own hole into the world of Internet culture. And we, in turn, cannot simply pass by this.

Relatively recently, the general public discovered the existence of “zhdul” - women who wait for theirs. Users of the Pikabu portal, one relatively popular video blogger and a couple of publications laughed at the waiters. But the topic is much more interesting than a banal source of jokes. Even in the wake of recent interest, almost no one singled out from the waiting society a separate group worthy of special attention - “absentee students.” This is the name given to girls who met prisoners remotely, and then began relationships of varying degrees of intimacy: right up to marriage and children.

The well-being of many prisoners depends on correspondence students: they receive packages, purr compliments into the phone, and come on dates (including for sex). And if the behavior of ordinary waiters can still be understood - even though he is a prisoner, he is a husband - then the reasons why women are ready to disappear into an unfamiliar prisoner are completely vague. We studied the universe of correspondence students, tried to understand the motives of these girls, and even talked with those who served prisoners for years.

Correspondence students are far from a new phenomenon: before the Internet, they met by telephone, and before the telephone, through newspaper columns like “Looking for You.” In the surrounding world, this category has existed since the last millennium; One of the early songs of Ivan Kuchin, respected in painting circles, is dedicated to the difficult life of such girls.

Now prisoners find absentee women through dating sites or simply by calling numbers at random. For most girls, the story of their ensuing love is described by the same type of sentence: “We wrote each other, then found out that ZK, we called each other, liked the voice, went on a long-term date, got pregnant, got married, he’s in jail for another 8 years.” Surprisingly, women come on dates to a man whom they have seen, at best, in a photo. Which, however, does not prevent you from returning married to your DS.

The typical life of an absentee student swings like a pendulum between endless correspondence with a prisoner, rare trips to the zone and hard work, diluted with childcare. Usually, an already unenviable existence is also covered with a dark dome by the financial factor - in addition to the gallery of loans and debts, the burden of maintaining a private loan falls on the shoulders of the correspondence student: the man needs to “replenish the balance,” give money for cigarettes and collect the transfer. Expensive DS are usually also paid for out of the woman’s pocket. In the endless supply of the prisoner, the correspondence students do not see anything shameful - after all, when the loved one is released, all the suffering will be rewarded a hundredfold.

If you don’t go deeply into the topic, you might think that a typical absentee student is an old, scary woman with two children and a hopelessly tortured look. Or a 16-year-old ugly girl, plunged into the whirlpool of thieves' romance. To put it mildly, this is not so: once you look through the photographs of activists of the “Overheard in Prison” community (and similar ones), the illusion will dissipate. Absentee students are different: without education and with a degree, flabby and with a gallery of selfies from a fitness club, unemployed and managers, elderly and minors. Some look so striking that not every free man would dare to make an acquaintance - and would choose his words while the girl sent declarations of love to a 55-year-old resident of the White Swan IK, who was last released under Gorbachev.

In an attempt to understand why this happens, Elena Omelchenko, director of the Center for Youth Research (CYR) at the Higher School of Economics in St. Petersburg, interviewed several dozen former and current correspondence students. “Easy prey, as the study showed, are women who feel unhappy for one reason or another and have low self-esteem,” says Elena on opec.ru. Basically, it is difficult for such women to find a man in the wild, but rather the women themselves have convinced themselves that ordinary partners do not need them: children, old age, exhausting work, bad appearance. Usually, deep down in the souls of absentee students, ancient psychological trauma gathers dust; Unable to heal it (in Russia it is not customary to go to psychotherapists), they are given into slavery to the prisoner. Who usually has basic psychological skills - on the Internet you can easily find guides on seducing a correspondence student, written by the prisoners themselves. The result is a rather unpleasant scheme: a woman gives all of herself for the sake of an often unfamiliar loved one, in the hope that the newly acquired man will someday give her happiness.

Elena Omelchenko notes another interesting effect that explains the habit of women signing with prisoners almost at the first meeting. Most of the absentee women who married convicts chose companions with double-digit sentences. Usually, such women already have a couple of departed husbands in their anamnesis - so they subconsciously (or even consciously) choose men who will definitely not go anywhere for the next ten years.

Over many years, living in absentia with a prisoner, a woman builds an eerie ersatz family - at the home of a married absentee, photographs from a wedding, “souvenirs” from prison, a telephone always ready to talk, trunks collected for shipment lie on the floor. At work and to many of their acquaintances, the correspondence students tell them that their husband works in the North; This also explains the regular 3-4 day vacations. As Omelchenko notes, on dates a woman drags as many things as possible from her apartment in order to create the illusion of a “free”, homely life during the DS. Thus, a woman exists in parallel in two worlds - prison and family - neither of which fully belongs to her. What goes on in the soul of a correspondence student when the veil briefly falls away, one can only guess.

Of course, one should not discount the romantic aura hovering around the criminal world. Contrary to stereotypes, not only teenagers fall for it, although they are primarily. An adult woman can also be seduced by stories about the intricacies of the prison hierarchy, the principled refusal to work and the prisoner’s exclusive ability to love. “If you haven’t sat, you’re not a man” - in some circles these words are spoken in all seriousness, and a woman who grew up amid such rhetoric has very little chance of getting a husband who has never been on the other side of the barbed wire.

Also, absentee students are united by the holy confidence in the innocence of their loved one. Almost all the prisoners ended up in the zone either because of the meanness of law enforcement agencies (“they hung garbage”), or by accident, or while protecting a lady. The latter is especially popular: “thugs attacked a girl, he hit one, he was the son of a prosecutor, he gave him five years.” Many prisoners are imprisoned for selling drugs - but in the eyes of those in absentia, this is not a crime, but only the desire to live well and provide for their family. On one of the thematic forums, a girl shared a fascinating story: her man was imprisoned for gang rape of a minor. Usually tolerant of other people’s deadlines, they “waited” could not stand it here and still expressed a little bewilderment. The rapist's wife waved it off: the girl, they say, was also to blame.

The day of departure of the beloved student is awaited with impatience and apprehension: the established relationship “he is there - I am here” is in the past, and not everyone is ready for everyday life. Former prisoners have great difficulty socializing, even if they really want to integrate into a world where they don’t have to march in line. But not everyone has such a desire: after living for many years among specific concepts, a former prisoner often becomes infected with thieves’ ideas (“to work against his suit”) and firmly occupies the sofa of his new partner. In especially severe, but very frequent cases, various types of addictions are added to parasitism - and, as a consequence, aggression. “He came out, he drinks all the time, he beat me up, I don’t know what to do” is a very, very common review in the “Breakup” topic on one of the forums dedicated to prison relationships.

What correspondence students say (some names have been changed)

Christina, 30 years old, real estate agent:

— We met when he got the wrong number. I called a friend, but dialed the last digit wrong, and it ended up on me. I liked the voice. We called in the evening and admitted that he was sitting. It didn’t scare me away, because the communication was pleasant, and we immediately liked each other. Actually, a month later I went on a short date with him, and then we fell in love with each other. Then I married him. Now you are not together - you broke up: I wanted to develop, but he didn’t really want anything. In addition, a person who has been there a couple of times will continue to return to this lifestyle.

Marina, 27 years old, cashier:

— We first contacted each other on the website, then we talked on the phone, then he said that he was in prison. Then it turned out that he had a wife in the wild - he said that he signed just to get the time off, but he doesn’t love her. Then I found out that my wife was pregnant - he said that this did not change anything, and besides, it was not a fact that the child was his. We broke up.

Svetlana, 43 years old, teacher:

- I don’t want to talk about it... There are too many bad memories, even though we separated a long time ago. I understood one thing - there are a lot of shady people there, and they constantly lie. But I still love him.

Anastasia, 22 years old, student of the Belarusian State University:

— I met a guy, I go on dates with him. The acquaintance somehow started on its own, at first I didn’t even know that the guy was sitting there, but after a while he told me, and so it sunk into my soul, we began to communicate every day. We fell in love with each other, drew up documents that I was his common-law wife. I don’t know what attracted me, maybe some kind of romance, it’s hard to say.

In general, the world of “waiting” is an almost unexplored and unfamiliar territory for us. It’s not that the whole mechanism is so difficult for an outsider to understand. The prisoner’s motives are crystal clear and even trivial. But the aspirations of women who decide to connect their lives with an obviously marginal and already imprisoned person are little understood, most likely even by themselves. Apparently, there is some kind of romance in this.

The girl of the “Bitsa maniac” has been actively discussed on social networks in recent days. It is worth noting that many serial killers, famous criminals and terrorists found their family happiness behind bars: rapist and necrophile Theodore Bundy, pedophile Richard “Night Stalker” Ramirez, who killed 13 people, Oscar “The Butcher” Bolen, Andreas Breivik and many others.

Probably, their chosen ones were attracted by “brand recognition”: prison novels are quickly promoted in the press, and memoirs of the other halves of all kinds of monsters sell like hot cakes. The love stories of less famous prisoners often remain behind the scenes. Meanwhile, there are a great many women in Russia today who are ready, for various reasons, to spend their time, money and unspent emotions on men from prison.

Cupid flies over our area

During the time of Shukshin’s “Red Kalina,” when the ranks of men were severely thinned by the war, “absentee women” looked for husbands with the help of newspapers and “paper” letters. Today, with the development of the Internet and mobile communications, this process has become significantly simplified. Prisoners, or “prisoners,” as they call themselves, can meet girls in a variety of ways: “accidentally” getting the wrong number when sending an SMS or calling, on regular social networks like “Odnoklassniki” or “VKontakte” and on specialized resources - websites dating for the contingent from places of imprisonment.

Screenshot from a dating site for prisoners

“Responsible, kind, hard-working, not lawless. I’m looking for a girl for communication, KDS (short-term and long-term dates. - Note “Sneg.TV”), and maybe starting a family”, “responsive, I want to find the one who will not betray me and will not abandon me in difficult times”, “attentive, caring, sometimes I can be quick-tempered, but I quickly move away. I would like to find a soul mate,” the men talk about their virtues.

Everything is the same as on regular “marriage” sites: age, hobbies, marital status, presence of children. The only thing that confuses me is the “end of sentence” column: some are released after just a few months, while others will have to look at the checkered sky for many years to come.

One of the profiles from a dating site for prisoners. This man is serving a sentence in a special regime colony and does not have access to the Internet, he is ready to communicate only through Russian mail

Everyone has the same goal of dating: friendship, communication, creating a family. Love is not offered as a possible option in the questionnaire, and this is essentially true. Of the many prisoners looking for love, only a few actually want to create a full-fledged family. For the vast majority of prisoners, such acquaintances mean pleasant chatter, sex on long-term dates, and material assistance in the form of money transfers and packages. For this reason, many spouses get themselves several correspondence students at once. Nothing personal, just business.

One of the options. The convict is fooling the girl. Love-carrots, meetings, etc.

Then (as they wrote here before) he asks her for parole for 500 thousand. With the words: I’m your future husband. How can you not give money to a person who loves you (according to him) and is about to become your husband? But after his release, it turns out he has someone else and the girl is a turn-off. Don't you really feel sorry for the money? Which went nowhere. The girl paid the prisoner for deception, - a girl writes on one of the “prison” forums.

According to a Snow.TV source from the Federal Penitentiary Service, stories of prisoners extracting money from gullible women are a dime a dozen. “We have fools in our country for a hundred years, so business is not bad,” says an employee of the Russian penitentiary system on condition of anonymity. - What can I say if even “text messages at random” work when they write: “Your son was caught with drugs.” I was talking to one guy. He told me that he sends hundreds of SMS messages a day. According to him, five to ten of them were successful.”

It is worth noting that most correspondence students are happy to be deceived. At the same time, the “prisoners who cheated” are defended even by those who themselves are looking for the bonds of Hymen in the dungeons.

“They cheat those who allow themselves to be cheated... they are simply STUPID!!! and there is no need to brand prisoners! The situation here is no better: when you go to a toothpicker, they cheat you; in the barber shop it’s the same story!!! and at the same time they do not swear love, and they do not enroll in the goddesses; They just smile, and even then it’s fake…” a woman writes on one of the thematic forums.

The interests of swindlers are not limited to money and “transfers”. Many are ready to take a lady down the aisle right now. A stamp in a passport promises certain privileges in addition to food boxes and sex for “dees”. “Usually they call everyone, but it depends on how he sits and how often. The first brave one who agreed and is financially able to cope is of course sweeter,” writes an experienced correspondence student.

Mine is in prison for the first time, at least he tells me so, he has already served a year and a half, there are still 6.5 years left, he wrote to me that everyone threw him out of prison, there is no support, there is not much of it expected from my side either, after all, 4 I have kids. He says that he just wants a family to wait for, but immediately emphasizes that the family will help in reducing the sentence and when applying for parole, - quote from one of the thematic forums.

“Yes, this is partly true,” lawyer Oksana Mikhalkina commented on this story to Sneg.TV. - The stamp in the passport is one of the points of leniency on parole, but it is not decisive. The main thing is a positive reference from the management of the correctional institution, absence of violations of the rules, and so on.”

There are very few happy stories when the betrothed came out and began to live and live together with his beloved and make good money on the forums of “prison” sites. Tolstoy wrote that all families are unhappy in their own way, but this apparently applies only to the “free” cells of society. Prison romances most often end in financial scams, cuffs, serious bodily injuries, and broken hopes and hearts.

Nevertheless, romances with spouses among “free” women bloom wildly. Moreover, they diligently protect their elected representatives from attacks in the spirit: “well, what did you want, he has three sentences for murder and robbery.”

In Russia, about 14 thousand women die every year from domestic violence. Moreover, the husbands are not always former spouses. I just don’t understand why this division? If a man acts like a jerk to a woman, then who cares what side of the fence he's on? – writes one of the absentee students.

“If it hits! That's primitive! And connected to the low egregor!!! (Read about egregors and study astrology) With a high egregor, he would educate you intellectually with love!” explains the reasons for the gentleman’s bad behavior to another “zaokhe” (that’s what the heroines of prison novels call themselves. - Note “Sneg.TV”) one from the prisoners.

But what attracts women to prisoners?

"Oohs" and sighs

Having carefully studied hundreds of heartbreaking stories, Sneg.TV was able to identify four main types of “zaoh”.

Firstly, these are ladies with low self-esteem, most often with children, who experience a serious lack of male attention. For some reason they can’t get acquainted with an ordinary person, but here it’s “someone else, but one of their own.” In their ideas, if they warm up and take care of the “unfortunate” prisoner, giving all the unspent/accumulated love, then he will immediately improve, come to his senses and become an exemplary member of society.

By the way, regarding the presence of children - this is what is needed for the ZK. Their number never frightens them (unlike the free ones) Woman. who wants to find not only a husband, but also a daddy for her children (by the way, all this is nonsense that you can find a daddy - only you need your children), so such a woman is an excellent catch!!! Especially if a woman is “smart enough” to introduce her children to a potential dad... This is where the woman completely falls in love with her husband, because he very quickly finds a common language with the child, and is always interested in how the baby is doing with the mother... and so on... Among In general, there is an opinion among ladies' men that it is easier to pick up mothers - quote from a thematic forum.

Secondly, these are gullible and poorly educated girls. Prisoners know how to “ride the ears,” mother, don’t worry. Among them there are many worldly good psychologists.

I talked with the head of one colony. He says prisoners have a kind of school-university to prepare them for correspondence novels. They train each other because they understand that, especially if the families are not wealthy and no one sends parcels, “there is no food to warm you up,” you will simply die there. So they tame these fools, whom they use in all respects, - says Irina Morozova,
Head of the Department of Psychology, MOU "Institute of the Upper Volga Region".

Falling in love with an invented virtual image is easy, because such online ladies' men know exactly what and when to tell girls. By the way, for the same reason, the third category of “zaoh” is caught on the hook of cupids in prison uniforms. These are married ladies from wealthy families, where the husband works hard from morning to night, without paying enough attention to his wife. They do not purposefully look for gentlemen behind bars; usually these are casual acquaintances on the same “classmates”.

And then such sensitive, real, albeit stumbled men begin to tell the ladies what they want to hear. Did your husband forget to congratulate you on your wedding anniversary? Here's a goat! I would never do that! Didn't notice the new hairstyle? Blind brute! Oh yes, today marks exactly 500 hours since we met. Here, my dear, is a valuable souvenir from me from the online store.

Having fallen in love with an invented hero who understands the female heart so much, the ladies become victims of swindlers. “Many of my real acquaintances whom I know in life are now imprisoned, all my husband’s friends are also imprisoned, and by the way, this is practiced all the time. so they are still laughing at each other about it and getting angry, but it seems that none of the “divorced women have hanged themselves...) they gave the money voluntarily, no one forced it, took it away, did not threaten, everything was beautiful,” writes one of the ladies on the forum.

In addition, real men who can stand up for a lady’s honor are rare today, but here there is a whole world of thieves’ romance. “The choice is sufficient, just who needs a person who has the guts to take out a pen on occasion,” writes one of these women.

Men “with thick intestines” attract the last, smallest and most adequate category of adventurers in their “nineties.” Such women are aware of what they are getting into; it is difficult to “cheat” them out of money. They are probably flattered that they have “tamed the beast.” A kind of sexual perversion: a brutal killer, and here you go, under my thumb.

Despite the obvious differences, all these four categories of types are united not only by love for prisoners. More precisely, they are drawn to prisoners for essentially the same reasons.

“They all share common features: unfulfillment and lack of attention from the opposite sex. It is clear that everyone’s need for attention is individual. For some, it’s a general attention deficit: they agree to anyone. It's a stray one, but it's his own. For those for whom a male sex worker is a model of masculinity, this is a lack of attention from a strong man,” Irina Morozova explained the nuances from a scientific point of view to Sneg.TV.

For example, says the psychologist, they like a man who suppresses. Usually this is the image of a father who was dominant, and this is recorded in the subconscious. They usually lack intelligent bespectacled people. “This is the realization of such girlish dreams, but in a unique version,” Morozova noted. “The ideal is different for everyone.”

This unmet need is further aggravated by low, as a rule, intelligence and education, - concluded the psychologist. - Women who experience attention deficit, who are self-sufficient and educated, they, initially understanding and reflecting that they lack a man, simply will not climb into this trash heap. And here I have low intelligence and confidence: maybe this is where I’ll be lucky. In addition, according to our mentality, Russian women still have a strongly expressed maternal need to care. The poor are always loved more.

Letters in small handwriting

“It looks like a Tamagotchi toy. She beeps on her phone and loves her very much,” one of the women says about virtual love for her husband. It's worth noting that prisoner cupids are mostly illegal. A letter in an envelope with a stamp from the Russian Post is one thing, and online communication is quite another. Smartphones are prohibited in the “zones”. Nevertheless, calls, SMS and emails come from general regime colonies, and even strict ones. “By and large, there is only one reason: the employees (MLS. - Note from Sneg.TV) are like that. They have to confiscate everything, and sometimes they even bring it themselves and sell it,” a source in the Federal Penitentiary Service told Snow.TV.

The prisoners themselves do not deny this. According to them, even if a phone is found during a search, the offender will most likely be punished not for “hooking”, but for any other violation of the rules.

How can a telephone get into a colony? If the employees themselves did not sell it, then they either bring it there or throw it over the fence. If this is an overshoot, then the security is to blame. If it’s “skidding”, then this is a minus “opera”. If you register the found phone officially, then you need to look for the culprit. What is it: “transfer”, “carry”, something else. It’s easier to blame it on something else, there are fewer hemorrhoids - explained a representative of the “prison” department on condition of anonymity.

The fight against telephony in colonies would solve the problems of many scams, not only marriage ones, but so far the domestic penitentiary system cannot cope with it. What is the reason - corruption or low qualifications of MLS employees - “Sneg.TV” does not undertake to answer.

Sneg.TV publishes quotes from absentee students and prisoners as is, without correcting spelling and punctuation errors.

"Waited"- this is how girls who are waiting for their lover from prison are called in a dismissive tone. Transfers, tedious trips on long dates, rudeness of the guards - all this is an unpleasant part of the life of a newly-minted “absentee student”, but almost invariably ends with registration in the colony and a white wedding dress. It turns out that love can be indulged behind high fences, and time in a correctional facility is not an obstacle to relationships.

Alina

When I was 22, I literally ran away from my first husband with my child, returned to my hometown and began to rebuild my life. I was afraid to even think about meeting someone - I was so disgusted with men. But in May 2014, my future husband wrote to me on one of the dating sites, without saying that he was a prisoner. I just wrote that he is now on contract service in the army. We began to communicate, and a few days later Kazbek asked me to date. I agreed.

My future husband wrote to me on one of the dating sites, without telling me that he was a prisoner

Two weeks later, he wrote me a huge message saying that in fact he was not a contract soldier, and he had to serve another year and a half. He said I could leave him if I wasn't happy with it. Attached is my photo. Without hesitation, I answered that this would not change my attitude towards him. I am a Muslim, so after a couple of months we registered nikkah ( approx. ed. - a marriage contract concluded between a man and a woman according to Sharia rules) in the mosque through his witnesses. Kazbek comes out in November. I don't regret my decision.

Angelina

On a dating site, he wrote to me that he was looking for a girl for a serious relationship. At first he didn’t say that he was sitting. He said that he was 32 and lived in Samara. We talked like that for a couple of days. Later he admitted that he was in prison. It turned out that he had a wife, she was 21. He promised that he would divorce her. We've been talking since 2012, it came out in 2014, and now we have a family.

From time to time he goes on a drinking binge, so I can hardly be congratulated on my successful choice of a life partner.

For two years I never went to see him, but immediately after his release he came to see me. Divorced from his wife. True, for a long time she pestered us with calls, trying to get her husband back. My parents didn’t really understand my choice, but then they accepted it. From time to time he goes on a drinking binge, so I can hardly be congratulated on my successful choice of a life partner.

Lyudmila

He came out of prison and flew to me. Unfortunately, he turned out to be a banal alcoholic. It’s unlikely that he and I will stay together... I know one thing: if I could turn back time, I wouldn’t even look in his direction.

Irina

We met two years ago after his release. He rented a place from me. As a result, a month later, when he was getting ready to leave for his own city, we realized that we could no longer part. Then, unfortunately, he was detained again. In 5 days we have a wedding in the colony. I bought rings and picked out an outfit. You want to look beautiful, even if the wedding is in such a place.

You want to look beautiful, even if the wedding is in a colony.

Just recently I went to see him for a long date. I prepared for about a week, bought everything, packed my bags. Then I went to the colony by taxi. I arrived there and wrote a statement. A couple of hours later they came for me. They took my passport, gave me a pass, searched me, checked all the food. We wished you a happy holiday. We lived with my future husband for three days. The rooms are, of course, small, but cozy. In general, there are good conditions there.

Adela

We met on the phone when he was serving time - he got the wrong number and ended up with me. We started communicating. Every month I went to see him for short visits. This happens quite simply: you come to prison, write a statement. It is taken to the head of the colony, then a pass is issued, and you go to the checkpoint. You hand over your phone, they search you and lead you to cubicles. Your husband is already waiting for you there. You sit down, phone in hand, and enjoy a conversation with your loved one for four hours.

Margarita

We met on a dating site a little over a year ago. I was going through a very difficult period in my life then. We started talking on the phone. Six months later I came to see him for a consultation ( approx. ed. - short-term date). He turned out to be much cuter in person than in the photo! He proposed marriage, I agreed.

They gave us a marriage certificate, and we went our separate ways: he went to the cell, I went home.

I didn't really prepare for the wedding. The painting procedure itself took less than a minute. They took me into the television room. - Do you agree? - Of course I agree! They gave the certificate, and we went our separate ways: he went to the cell, I went home.

By the way, in the vastness of groups like “Overheard in Prison,” we managed to find two prisoners who don’t mind flaunting their luck in front of former and current cellmates.

Dmitriy

I have a romantic story. She just got the wrong number. I remember back then I was a little pompous that I was free. I had to admit it, of course. Soon she became my wife. I was jealous of my ex-girlfriend. I am a little over 6 years old. Recently, however, I had a quarrel with my wife. Our relationship is on the verge of divorce. But in general, my wife is a super Decembrist.

Seryoga

I'm a repeat offender. I was sitting in Fornosovo. I met my wife on the phone. For me it was very surprising - not every girl will agree to communicate with a repeat offender. It so happened that we fell in love with each other. I went out, and we, convinced of our feelings, got married. This is how it sometimes happens: not all prisoners are pursuing selfish interests.

One day my work colleague and I decided to relax and have a drink. An acquaintance of hers, ZK, called, she chatted so sweetly with him, and I was so lonely... Then I said hi to him, she said that I was sad here, and I go and ask: maybe they will find someone for me there too, She gave me her phone number, and that’s it, I forgot about it! And a few days later I received an SMS, I am such and such, height is such and such, etc. I called back there, they didn’t answer the phone. Then he called himself! A week later we were choosing a name for our daughter... Tomorrow we will be married for 8 months!

Have you dreamed that a strong and courageous man would fall madly in love with you, completely devoted only to you and ready to move mountains for you? A man who will protect you from all troubles?

It is this image that is exploited by prison inmates who send hundreds of love letters to women from 15 to 50 years old. And often in these tender messages the theme of injustice of punishment is heard. The prisoner presents himself as a victim of circumstances or “evil people”, causing sympathy for his suffering. And, unfortunately, for many women who enter into correspondence with prisoners, “to regret” quickly turns into “to love.”

The most important thing in these letters and phone calls is that he sincerely admires the woman, dreams of meetings, declares his love, promises to fulfill any of her wishes “when we are together.” Often these letters are written by the same professional “copywriters” on behalf of different men in the zone.

Which women are at risk?

We were released on December 24th. Everything was fine, love, tenderness. We have two small children. He restored all the documents, did everything. But I still couldn’t find a job. He managed to get a job only at the end of February... and then he started drinking. Everything is not the same for him, everything is not the same for him. He started coming home from work drunk, he didn’t have enough, he had no money, he went to see his old friends. I couldn't sleep at home. On another such spree, I told him that I couldn’t do this anymore, that the problem had to be solved. And he tells me: “I can’t be sober, I’m tired of my family, the children are running here and there.” Well, why do I need this? I packed my things and decided to leave... nowhere... That evening he beat me... Knocked out my teeth, half of my face was blue! And the children saw all this. I barely lost my legs, my friends helped me, hid me, he called everyone with threats. And then I woke up, realized what I had done, and began to beg for forgiveness, crawling on my knees, crying. I'm a fool, I forgave you! I returned to the apartment. He came home from work, played with the children, everything was like in a good family... 2 weeks passed! And it all happened again. Now I have filed for divorce!!! He says that it’s all my fault, saying that I knew who I was marrying!!! This does not include the fact that I lost everything for him: my loved ones, my apartment, my friends. I came to this outback and waited for him. And now I have nowhere to go with my children. And he also says that he won’t let me live in peace!!! The court gave us 3 months to reconcile...

This is very scary, but it’s a fact: to one degree or another, almost all women can be at risk. Some more, some less, but that's all. We are only now learning such words as “self-esteem”, “psycho-trauma”, “dependent relationships”, “violence”. We learn that families where there are dependent people, where parents are authoritarian or, on the contrary, very driven, have a strong overall influence on the child’s perception of reality. We grow up with a “black hole” in our souls. With unstable self-esteem, with the perception of oneself as unworthy of love. But the desire for love is still with us. And since we often do not receive basic things, unconditional acceptance, which we can only receive from our parents in infancy, we look for it from other people. And we are ready to close our eyes to many things; the psyche protects itself from pain and disappointment, denying obvious things. It’s enough to stroke us, like an orphan kitten, and we are ready to follow this person anywhere.

How is dependence formed on these relationships?

We're home. I have no joy. I was much happier while he was there. That's what I tell him. I am a part-time student and waited a year and a half. I went to the DS, and carried parcels, and everything was like everyone else. I got him out on parole. He's been drinking for three months. He got into crime again. Gop-stop, etc. Four drips and a week in a drug treatment center, after which on the day of his release he got drunk until a pig squealed. I've already cut my own wrists. There is no peace for me, nor for him. Doesn't accept my help: just be there. Where is it nearby? Hang around with you in dubious companies and drink? Not for me. We live in the same city. He is with his mother, I am at home with my parents. He says if they lived together, everything would be different. I answer: “Go to work, rent a house, I’ll be nearby.” Like, they don’t take it anywhere. But there is no time to try to look for it. The weather is good outside and the vodka is flowing. In rare moments of sobering up, he cries. “I’m losing you, I can’t live without you,” but he doesn’t want to change anything. I suffer and regret, and I’m just stupidly and selfishly waiting for my soul to stop whining and rooting for him, and I can calmly leave and not look back. There is no future there and there never will be. I pay tribute to the happy moments that we had. That's all. End.

Having fallen in love with a fairy tale created by professionals, a woman finds herself emotionally dependent on her illusions. In general, this is an escape from the complexities of the reality in which she lives. The man who admires and loves her is perceived as an enchanted prince from the fairy tale “Beauty and the Beast.” And the woman sincerely believes that love will “break the spell” of her hero. He will be released and create the ideal world promised to her in his letters.

This is how a woman trustingly becomes dependent. The reality is replaced by the illusory. From now on, her future is connected only with her beloved, and the woman is forced to play by his rules, sharing his values ​​and observing the code of conduct of a prisoner’s wife. In such a merger it is impossible to adequately perceive your love. Any attempts by friends to show the “true face” of the prince are rejected. It is impossible for her to admit reality or refuse: if she behaves incorrectly, she will face a painful loss of the relationships that she has.

The psyche has a method of self-preservation from destruction. These are psychological defenses: denial and repression make it possible to gradually survive the blows of pain and grief, giving gradualness in experiencing losses. But these same psychological defenses also work when we want to hide from other types of pain: from the truth that is too hard for us to believe, from the collapse of our illusions. Simply because we really want to believe them, we crave love and acceptance. Therefore, we can be mistaken for a long time about what the people around us are like. This mechanism works not only in the case of relationships with a prisoner, but also in relationships with dependent people, as well as in relationships where there is psychological and physical violence. One of the most striking examples of mental self-defense is the “Stockholm” syndrome. When a victim of violence falls in love with the rapist.