My husband beat me. Why does a husband beat his wife - the psychology of reasons, consequences and the correct solution to the problem

Aggression surrounds us everywhere. You can be rude in line, in a clinic, while driving a car, or behind a store counter. But the worst thing is when the main battlefield is the family. A place that is considered a stronghold of safety suddenly becomes a major threat to life and health. What to do, where to look for protection if your spouse, who took an oath to protect and cherish you, no longer fulfills it? Domestic violence is a serious reason to think about whether your union is strong and whether you need it.

By the way, according to statistics, men can also suffer from beatings in the family. 20% of powerful women prove that they are right by using physical force. But the majority are, of course, tyrant husbands.

Destroying the main stereotype about victims of domestic violence

Does it mean he loves? Every Russian woman has heard this phrase at least once and even used it to justify her husband’s behavior. But we will look at why a wife actually allows her husband to beat her, what is the psychological basis for this behavior of a victim of violence.

It is believed that if a woman was brought up in a similar family situation, then she subconsciously strives to recreate the same model in her own marriage. But no, this is not always the case. Much more often in childhood they suffered from a lack of love from their mother. Such women enter into alliances with men who have also experienced humiliation in the past, as a result of which the relationship between such spouses turns out to be emotionally strong. At the dating stage, spouses have confidence that they understand each other perfectly, like no one else. But in fact, it was the tyrant who found his ideal victim.

A strong psychological codependency arises between a beating husband and a beaten wife, which both are unable to refuse. During periods of calm, this is expressed in passion, affection, a special connection that isolates them from the outside world. However, the longer such a marriage lasts, the more difficult it is to get out of it. And the more the aggressor will show violence “out of love,” and the victim will endure and blindly believe in empty promises “not to repeat this again.”

The woman’s behavior can be attributed to the concept of “Stockholm syndrome”. She justifies the actions of her tyrant husband, meekly forgives him for beatings of any complexity, since she is dependent on him. Often such a man deliberately forbids his wife to work, which automatically deprives her of her livelihood if she leaves. However, even if the spouse finds strength in herself, the dominant spouse once again threatens and uses violence in order to leave the woman on whom he depends no less.

Psychotypes of men most prone to violence

It is not necessary that those representatives who fit the presented psychotypes of personality will show aggression. In addition, a tyrant husband may have a completely different set of qualities, but be an aggressor for other reasons. Nevertheless, let us consider the types most psychologically susceptible to power and dominance.

1. Epileptoid. These are individuals who tend to get irritated over trifles. They are pedantic, strive to put everything in order, are overly economical, and are vindictive. Such men are infuriated by a woman’s sensitivity; they find fault with any of her actions with or without reason. In a marriage with such a husband, only one who has either similar character traits or holds a high position with weight in society can get along with such a husband. She can force herself to be respected; an epileptoid man will accept such a woman as his equal. Everyone else is unlikely to be able to withstand the complex nature of the spouse, who is capable of resorting to threats and violence in order to preserve the marriage.
2. Paranoid type. The most embittered type of personality due to his suspicion, which gives rise to causeless jealousy. Living with such a man means constantly expecting beatings, reproaches, and claims. Moreover, at the beginning of acquaintance, the paranoid person is completely different: noble, courteous, charming. He's a sadist. First he hurts, and then he apologizes for a long time, even to the point of kneeling in front of his wife and crying. It gives him pleasure. If the partner is not ready to play such games, then it will be extremely difficult for her.

An audio recording of the seminar “How to Deal with Your Anger” may be useful. » from Denis Burkhaev.

Possible risk factors for aggression

A man may be violent if:

• As a child, he was aggressive towards living things or had problems with discipline in general.
• The man's family was filled with violence.
• Parents often punished or made strict demands.
• Has head injuries.
• He experienced difficulties in studying at school and had poor academic performance.
• Does not feel sympathy for surrounding people and phenomena.

The presence of all factors, however, does not always lead to violence. Many men are more persistent and know how to keep themselves under control. But the slightest stressful situation can “awaken” the aggressor in him. Unfortunately, not all of them are aware of their difficulties and admit them.

Causes of violence

A man beats his wife, demonstrating his power - so it seems at first glance. But the impression is deceiving. The real reason is his powerlessness, not his strength. Beatings become a habit of such a man due to impunity and lack of resistance. This behavior has become entrenched in the minds of the tyrant due to the fact that within him there is a struggle between the “unmanly” manifestation of feelings and the true model of a “real man.” The husband breaks down because he is unable to express his feelings due to the fact that he considers this unmanly. The tension accumulates, and he throws it out on the one at hand - his wife. At the same time, the aggressor wants to achieve care and consolation from his wife, but if she fails to calm him down with words, then the husband beats her. Thus, he seems to punish himself for weakness, but the woman suffers physically and mentally.

The dominator husband reacts sharply to any attempts by his wife to talk to another man or to show politeness. He suppresses her for fear of losing her, of being left alone. In addition, in situations where the wife refuses sex or devotes a lot of time to someone else - friends, relatives, the husband feels rejected and thinks that she is indifferent to him. This causes outbursts of aggression.

It also happens that a woman partly provokes her husband. If she often shows dissatisfaction, mocks some of her husband’s ideas, and does not allow her to meet with friends, then the man is even sure that he is doing the right thing, punishing her with his fists for hostility. This moment suggests that he not only interprets the situation incorrectly, but also considers himself right, that he has good reasons for violence.

What should a woman do to avoid becoming a victim of violence? Is it possible to save a family?

First of all, it would be a good idea to come to a joint meeting with a psychologist. Find out the reasons for the spouse’s aggressive behavior, help him solve his problems, and help the wife change her strategy, find other ways of protection and assistance. If a man has a desire to change, and the roots of the problem lie in childhood, then it is possible to save the family.

It is important for a woman to use violence against her from the very first attempt, to clearly define the boundaries of what is permitted. Be prepared to give him sanctions and carry them out if necessary. The husband must know that he will lose her if he is not restrained.

If attempts to reach an agreement lead nowhere, you cannot stay with a tyrant whose aggression is only growing. It doesn’t matter whether other relatives will be on the wife’s side, but it is important not to endure beatings, bullying, not to blame yourself, not to defend your husband, but to leave immediately. Don’t listen to anyone’s advice if your mind tells you that things won’t get better.

It doesn't matter if it's a slap or a push, an insult, a bruise. Violence always increases when there is no response. Fractures, dislocations, severe concussions - this is what awaits you. Or even death. Therefore, it is better to leave without serious health consequences.

The safety of a woman and the health of her children depend only on herself. Despite the fact that initially it lies on the shoulders of the man. But the tyrant does not cope with his functions, and the woman should recognize this fact in time in order to remain safe. It is not and cannot be any of her fault. Neither feelings nor financial situation should be at the forefront. If you want to save your life, run. If a man loves and is capable of adequate thinking, then he will begin to change for the sake of his family. But this rarely happens. But pulling the burden of suffering alone is not an option.

The worst thing is that society does not respond to the problems of domestic violence, or does not attach due importance to them. Therefore, a woman has to cope on her own, be strong and wise.

In Ufa, she immediately warned that there were no repentants at all or very few of them. “In my two years of practice, I cannot remember a case where an abuser would correct himself, and where it would be worth correcting an abuser in general,” admitted Irina.

“A favorable outcome is possible if the woman herself is knowledgeable about psychological violence (not how to use it, but how to notice and stop it) and corrects her man. But, if physical violence occurs, alas, the man cannot be corrected. Therefore, help to a woman should be twofold: teach her to notice psychological abuse and help her get away from men who allow themselves to beat their wives.

No family is better than such a bad one.

The likelihood of a good outcome depends on the degree of neglect. An abuser spoiled by power over a victim will no longer give up on her, and an abuser who has just begun to use manipulation can still become a worthy husband and father if he wants to change.

Unfortunately, women do not sound the alarm when they notice that they are being manipulated, even when they are beaten, so in my practice I have only met those whom we helped leave a man as painlessly as possible.

Nowadays there is not enough psychological education for women so that they can notice and stop the beginning of abuse against them and level out the situation. Therefore, the only way out is to inform women where abuse begins and how it ends, if not stopped. When women are more educated, then cases will begin to appear where the abuser can be stopped, but not now.”

"I don't beat my wife anymore"

However, I did receive one letter from a man who regretted the incident of violence in his family. He chose to remain anonymous. He was ashamed.

“Before, I didn’t allow myself to do this, but after my eldest was born, I snapped. Hit his wife in the car. They took my son to the hospital, word for word, she was on nerves, I was freaking out. He didn’t hit with all his might, but he miscalculated, leaving a bruise. Of course, he apologized later. I asked for forgiveness, but I don’t know what to do next. I don’t beat my wife anymore, but something has broken in the relationship.”

“My children remember this nightmare”

It was not only the man who hit his wife who asked not to disclose his name. The woman, who has experienced domestic violence more than once, also wished to remain anonymous. For another reason. Two years already Tatiana (Note ed. – name changed for security reasons) is hiding in the Kitezh shelter at the courtyard of the Novospassky Monastery. Tatyana is a mother of many children. One of her children is still in the hospital.

I arrived at the shelter on the day of the New Year tree for the children. There is a children's playground in front of the shelter building. There are strollers, bicycles, and scooters in the yard. If you don’t know who lives in this house, you might think that in front of me is a private kindergarten. But even the “Christmas tree” here is unusual. For some reason, Santa Claus is wearing a Cossack costume. He's wearing a real hat. Snow Maiden - with a little helper, an elf.

“There are gifts waiting for us at home, give the boy his gift,” the Snow Maiden convinces her elf son. Obviously volunteers. The children here have seen scary scenes and are a little afraid of unfamiliar adults. The younger ones hide behind their mothers. The elders are a little wary.

I ask Tatyana why she only got help here. Why didn't the police help?

“The police, of course, came and the husband was taken away, but after four hours the men were released, and where did they return? I wrote a statement and filmed the beatings, but it didn’t help. When I called the police, they told me “this is your internal family dispute. When he kills you, write a statement.” My ex-husband is not even deprived of parental rights. Social security says “he also has the right to raise children,” but he beat everyone. From time to time he looks for us and writes requests for searches.

We escaped after my husband locked us in the basement for three days. My youngest daughter was three months old at the time, and my phone died. My friends saved me. We got worried. Friends arrived with their husbands. My husband was scared of a lot of people. We took the most necessary things and left the house for the apartment, but my husband had already brought his “support group” of friends there.

He broke down our doors and broke our furniture. At night we packed up and fled to Moscow.

At first I quickly found a job, but lost it due to the crisis. There was no money to pay rent. I have my own house, but it’s simply dangerous to live there, and there’s no furniture there now. The ex-husband took everything, right down to the push!

My older children are from my first marriage. In the case of the younger ones, it’s scary to apply for alimony; for the older ones, I simply don’t get it. I wrote complaints to the reception desk of Pavel Astakhov ( Commissioner under the President of the Russian Federation for Children's Rights– approx. edit). He came, and then everyone tried to solve our problems, but as soon as he left, everything became as before. It is useless to go somewhere for help.

Of course, there are cases when women do not take care of children; the father sits with them. I myself know such a family. But the guardianship must figure it out, must see who came and why. The inspector must have training. In the case when we were denied alimony, my husband, a businessman, simply paid a bribe. False testimony was given at the trial. Now he began to help periodically. I can’t turn to lawyers, they ask for a lot of money. It’s easier for me to give up and provide for the children myself. And at work they say “either sue or work.”

Here they help us with clothes and food. And only here they are not separated from children. In other centers I was offered to send my children to an orphanage. They didn’t even deny that “people like your youngest are in great demand from adoptive parents.” Of course, this is unacceptable for a mother! Some centers only accept infants, up to three months, but where to go next? In other places they require Moscow or Moscow region registration.

Many entrepreneurs do not help such centers because they do not know that if they provide sponsorship, they can get a tax benefit. I’m not one of those who live only on alms and requests for “give me money,” I work and manage on my own, but sometimes I need help. Residential guardianship also offers me to give up the children; there is no other help.

Domestic violence always occurs “one on one”. There are no witnesses.

In my experience, such people are always very kind to others, trying to please and help. It all starts gradually. Do you spend a lot of time wondering how someone you loved could turn into a monster? Maybe this is an accident? Horrible dream? But the accident repeats itself. It wasn’t even my sense of self-preservation that came into play—it was fear for the children. When children began to participate in conflicts, it became scary.

The younger children still haven’t come to their senses, I thought they didn’t remember anything, but now I see that they remember everything. They might not understand what exactly was happening, but they felt the situation itself. My children remember this nightmare."

The tragedy in Nizhny Novgorod could have been prevented by the law on domestic violence

The ANNA Center for Violence Prevention has been dealing with issues of violence for 23 years. This is the oldest center for helping battered women.

According to the deputy director of the center Andrey Sinelnikov, there have been more requests lately, but he doesn’t see anything wrong with it. They call more often - not because they hit more often.

“Currently there are certain shifts in the consciousness of women themselves. There are enough media stories about domestic violence. The problem itself has become more visible. Largely thanks to women who are not silent. There have been more and more calls to the helpline in recent years. I don't think this means the situation is getting worse. On the contrary: women began to know their rights better and understand that violence is not normal.

However, until the law on family violence has been adopted, victims of family violence are not legally protected in any way. If they go outside the apartment and neighbors contact the police, the violence can still be classified as “Hooliganism,” but if the actions take place at home, the police simply cannot do anything except take the aggressor for a preventive conversation. Therefore, from a legal point of view, it is wrong that violence cannot be divided into family and non-family.

If you were hit by a stranger on the street, you will see him at worst in court. The husband, even the ex-husband, will know where the woman lives and continue to pursue her. I am familiar with cases when, already in a new marriage, a man continued to lie in wait for his ex-wife. In addition, now the victim can simply withdraw the statement. One day, a woman wanted to withdraw her application after a man had cut off her toes in front of her children. In the hospital she came to her senses, but now with two children she is forced to rent a room. While the husband lives in their apartment.

The monstrous one in Nizhny Novgorod, where a father killed his wife and six children, might not have happened if the concept of “family violence” had existed in the law. Then, upon first contact, a man could be forced to attend a psychological group and his problems would be identified.

If the state itself could bring charges against the person who committed the act of violence, the fact of pressure on the victim would be eliminated. Nothing would depend on her anymore.

One of the clearest signs of a person prone to violence is the strategy of isolation. “Don’t talk to this friend,” “why do you talk to your mom so often on the phone?” This is how the aggressor deprives the victim of a “support group”. Bans on external communication are very dangerous. In violence, no matter what the injured party does, there is always a reason.

The term “family violence” is sometimes overused. It is important to understand that violence exists where there is power and fear. If a couple bruises each other in the evening, makes peace in the morning, and no one is afraid of anyone - this is their way of life.”

Conflict is not violence

Coordinator of the All-Russian Helpline for Women Victims of Domestic Violence, Irina Matvienko The legislative term “domestic violence” is also awaited with great impatience, calling at the same time to separate the terms “violence” and “conflict”:

“Domestic violence and conflicts in the family are two different things. Quarrels can happen in any family. In the event of quarrels, husband and wife resolve some issues as equals, not always in a calm way, but people have a subject of dispute, by resolving which the conflict can be settled. In addition, in conflict there is usually no attempt to demonstrate an attitude of power. Violence is primarily an attempt to establish control. Humiliation, insults, beatings are simply a tool for this purpose.

Violence has phases and a cycle when tension increases in the family, then there is a release and then the so-called “honeymoon” begins. Gradually, the “honeymoon” is shortened, and the periods of discharge become longer and longer. Often this is when a woman realizes that she needs to seek help. There are not many complaints after the initial incident of violence - from 10 to 12%.

A person who hits once is not always an offender who will systematically beat, but this is a reason to think, consult and take action.

Sometimes it can take five years from the first slap to the beating. Or the beating will not happen at all.

The work of a psychologist in conflict and violence should be completely different. The main rule is that the conversation should not be witnessed by a third party, especially the aggressor himself. This can be simply dangerous for a woman. Also, a woman cannot be advised to change her behavior strategy, since it is unknown how her offender will react to this.

Now women are more informed about their rights and that violence is not normal. But until a law on domestic violence is passed, groups will not appear where domestic tyrants will be taught to control aggression. The media plays an important role in shaping public opinion.

Aggression is one of the integral components of the modern world, which has a negative connotation. People encounter its manifestations in the form of rudeness - while driving a car, in line at a store or clinic. Such episodes are quickly erased from memory, as they are perceived as ordinary situations. It’s another matter when aggression becomes one of the components of family life. The family, by default, is a kind of island of comfort, where each of its members can feel safe from the influence of the outside world. But what to do if a husband beats his wife? According to psychologists, the fact of domestic violence is a serious reason for thinking about how strong the bond between spouses is and whether they need such a relationship.

Women are gentle creatures that we men must take care of and protect.

First, let's look at an interesting statistical fact. Approximately twenty percent of married men are victims of domestic violence. Many women who have power in the family use physical pressure on their spouse to prove that they are right. However, in most cases, the perpetrators of domestic violence are men with a tyrannical character.

How often do we hear the phrase “Hitting means loving”? After all, it is with this proverb that many women try to justify the aggressive actions of their chosen ones. In order to understand the reason that a woman allows her man to raise his hand to her, you should familiarize yourself with the psychological background of female behavior.

There is an opinion that being raised in similar family conditions leads to a woman developing a psychological attitude associated with recreating the model of parental relationships. But in reality, everything is completely different. According to the survey, the majority of victims of domestic violence experienced an acute lack of maternal love in their childhood.

Women who grew up in such conditions choose as partners men who have faced similar life difficulties. This similarity allows you to create a strong emotional connection between partners. At the initial stage of a relationship, girls are firmly confident that their chosen one is able to understand all their emotions, feelings and experiences. But in reality, this may mean that the tyrant has chosen the ideal victim for himself.

According to psychologists, in such relationships between spouses a strong psychological connection is created that is almost impossible to break. The calm period can be characterized as passion and emotional attachment. The lovers abandon the entire world around them and completely dissolve in each other. The duration of the marriage only strengthens this connection and makes it more difficult to find a way out of a difficult situation. The longer the marriage, the greater the severity of violence caused by “love.” It is the emotional attachment that causes victims to believe in words that such actions will be a thing of the past.

This behavioral model is one of the manifestations of the “Stockholm syndrome”. The woman makes excuses for her husband's horrific behavior and forgives him for all his sins. The fact of forgiving the infliction of physical harm to one’s own health can be characterized as a manifestation of emotional dependence. In many such families, the man prohibits his chosen one from working, which significantly reduces the circle of friends and deprives her of funds for an independent life in the event of divorce. An attempt to leave the family can result in threats and new episodes of physical violence, since the man also depends on his chosen one.

Each family lays down in its child ideas about family, where the relationship between parents is taken as the basis

Types of temperament of men with a tendency to violence

To begin with, it should be said that not all men with the following personality types show excessive aggression towards their loved ones. Moreover, a tyrant man may have a completely different set of personal qualities and show aggression due to other reasons. However, let's focus specifically on people whose psychotypes are characterized by tyranny and the desire to dominate.

Epileptoid - this type of personality tends to get irritated over little things. People of this type are pedantic, accustomed to order, vindictive and stingy. Any mistake on the part of the chosen one can drive the epileptoid crazy. They love to find fault with various actions, manifestations of emotions and feelings. As their chosen ones, they choose women who have similar personality traits or those who occupy a high social status.

Epileptoid men see a woman as an equal, so the respect of such a spouse should be earned. It is important to pay attention to the fact that other women are unlikely to be able to cope with the similar character of a man who uses his fists as arguments in an argument.

Paronoid personality type - can be characterized as a suspicious and embittered person, prone to groundless jealousy. A woman with such a husband should be prepared for constant claims, reproaches and aggression. It should be noted that at the beginning of a relationship, paranoids create an image of courteous and noble individuals. But in fact, such people are sadists who experience real pleasure from violence. According to psychologists, such men first inflict pain, and then apologize for what they did for a long time. Tearful pleas on their knees bring them just as much pleasure as pouring out pent-up aggression. Women who are not ready to accept such rules of the game will have to face the dire consequences of such a union.

Excessive aggressiveness in a man’s behavior can be caused by the following factors:

• presence of traumatic brain injuries;
• a tough approach to the educational process;
• in the family where the man grew up, scandals often arose, ending in beatings;
• low performance during school;
• problems with discipline, and aggression towards living beings in childhood;
• lack of sympathy for loved ones.

According to psychologists, the above factors do not always lead to a desire for violence. Men with a strong will have the ability to carefully control their own behavior, feelings and emotions. However, prolonged exposure to stress factors and psycho-emotional stress can cause the “birth of a monster.”

Unfortunately, not every person is able to admit the presence of difficulties and try to correct the situation in those moments when this is still possible.

Too often, under the guise of a friendly family, there is an alliance between a victim and a tyrant.

Causes of domestic violence

The causes of domestic violence are closely related to the fact of demonstrating one’s own power. However, this is only a superficial opinion. The real reason for the beatings lies in complete powerlessness in the face of the problem that has arisen. Aggression can become habitual behavior, since the man does not feel resistance and feels impunity. Such behavior can be characterized as an internal struggle between the behavioral model of a “real man” and the “unmanly” manifestation of emotions. It is this struggle that is the true cause of tyranny.

A spouse's breakdown may be due to the fact that openly expressing inner feelings is unmanly behavior in the modern world. The accumulated nervous tension spills over onto loved ones, namely the spouse. At the same time, the real reason for such a manifestation of aggression is the need to feel female care and support. If in this situation, a woman does not find the right words, she will be beaten. Thus, the man tries to fight his weakness, but it is the woman who suffers.

Husbands who have a dominant role in the relationship may react strongly to their wife's conversations with other men. In this situation, beatings are a method of suppressing the fear of loss and loneliness. In this example, it is very important to consider the quality of the couple's sex life. Lack of attention from his wife, her frequent meetings with friends or relatives can make a man feel indifference and rejection of his half. It is these feelings that give rise to episodes of aggression.

There are also situations in which wives independently provoke their husbands to such behavior, without even realizing all the consequences of their actions. Frequent expressions of dissatisfaction, ridicule, and attempts to resist meetings with friends can lead to physical punishment for displaying hostility. Despite the fact that men are wrong in such a case, they believe that violence has a good reason, which is dictated by the current situation.

“Beat your wife, even if you don’t know why, she knows,” they said in Africa

Violence due to alcoholism

Alcoholism can turn a loving husband and a wonderful family man into a cruel tyrant who revels in his power. According to statistics, in families where a man suffers from alcohol addiction, most conflicts end in fights and serious physical injuries.

A man who “looks into the glass” and shows aggression can even commit the murder of his wife.

If a husband beats his wife when he is drunk, the relationship should be broken off immediately. We hear this stereotype on screens and often encounter it in print media. In fact, subsequent events play an important role in this matter. Many men, having sobered up and realized their actions, understand their consequences, and show a willingness to fight their vices. In this situation, the woman’s departure can only worsen the man’s condition and cause a suicide attempt.

However, if the faithful has not come to the realization of his mistake, he should break off the relationship without hesitation. The first episodes of domestic violence caused by the influence of alcohol can only affect you, and later on your children. Such parental behavior can leave a deep negative imprint on the fragile child’s psyche. In addition, the strength of aggression will increase with each episode, which sooner or later can lead to tragic events.

Women who have experienced domestic violence wonder whether in such a difficult life situation they can try to save their union. “Why does a husband beat his wife” - psychology can help find the answer to this question. A joint consultation with an experienced psychologist can help find the cause of a spouse’s aggression and resolve existing family conflicts. At the same time, a woman will be able to choose the right model of behavior that will help her not only defend herself, but also resist the tyrant. The presence of a man’s desire to change his behavior indicates that there is a possibility of saving the family.

According to statistics, in our country every day 36,000 women are subjected to violence from their spouse or partner

Advice from a psychologist can help create clear boundaries in the behavior of each partner. A woman should be prepared to retaliate if the need arises. In the situation under consideration, a man must be aware of all the consequences of his incontinence. In the event that an attempt to come to an agreement is unsuccessful, you should part with the person, since aggression will only increase. Some wives are afraid of being judged by their relatives, which makes them tolerate rude treatment. You should not listen to the advice of others who assure you that the situation will change for the better.

In this case, the severity of the violence is not important. Light slaps can eventually turn into real beatings, fractures and traumatic brain injuries.. If you do not want such an outcome, you should prevent the development of such a situation at the very beginning.

Remember that you are responsible not only for your health, but also for the health of your children. These functions are initially assigned to the spouse, but in the case of tyrants, one must accept the simple fact that these responsibilities do not fall within the competence of the man. Many people believe that both spouses are equally responsible for domestic violence, but this is far from true. Only when a man’s mental health is normal and he has respect for his wife is there a possibility of change. Unfortunately, this outcome is extremely rare.

Natalya Kaptsova

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Women in families often face violence. And, unfortunately, such cases are not decreasing from year to year. Moreover, even children who rush to protect their mother sometimes fall into the hands of someone. The aggressor is sometimes stopped neither by the condemnation of the people around him nor by the opportunity to get what he deserves from the Law. What are the reasons for the aggressive behavior of individual husbands, how to protect yourself from domestic violence?

Causes of domestic violence - why does a husband beat his wife?

The modern world is an aggressive phenomenon in itself. But violence is not inherent in human nature . Each act of violence is preceded by a certain situation, or its roots go back to childhood.

So why does a husband beat his wife?

• A man copies the model of relationships that was considered quite natural in his childhood . That is, aggressive behavior is the norm for him.
• A man is provoked . Coquetry, offensive words and actions often become provocations.
• Self-affirmation or venting of anger.
• Weak character and excessive submissiveness of the wife . The spouse will tolerate it once, forgive the second, and then assault will become a habit of the spouse.
• . The green serpent turns many caring and hardworking men into animals who beat their wives all night long, and in the morning they cannot even remember about it. Or they remember. In this case, having bought a richer bouquet, it is enough to fall at your wife’s feet and, sobbing, beg for forgiveness.
• and the fear of losing my wife.
• The man himself was regularly beaten as a child.
• A man lives/works/communicates in an environment where violence is the norm . Getting used to seeing violence, a person ceases to consider it an abnormal phenomenon.
• Material problems , in which the wife humiliates the man for his inability to earn money, or she herself earns many times more than her husband, which also reproaches him. Mental balance, which, even without the spouse’s teasing/insults, is shaken by the awareness of worthlessness, can very quickly turn into aggression.
• Sadistic tendencies in character.

You need to understand that sadists are not born - their appearance is influenced by life, environment, and people. Therefore, before tying the knot with a “brutal macho”, take a good look at him, his behavior, his surroundings . Such psychotypes of people are quite recognizable.

What to do if your husband beats: methods of self-defense against domestic violence - advice for women

The issue of domestic violence, as a rule, is not brought beyond the walls of the home. A woman is embarrassed or afraid to tell anyone, including relatives and friends, about her husband’s tyranny. And the truth usually emerges when bruises appear on the body. There are not so many reasons why the weaker sex tolerates this attitude towards themselves - weakness of character and inability to stand up for oneself, housing issues, financial dependence, children who “need a father, even one like that,” or even the absurd “beats means he loves.” And for some, even the husband’s aggression is variety of family life and a kind of “role-playing game” with heated reconciliations and nights of love after a quarrel.

If we omit the last option, the most important question for women caught in the trap of marital tyranny is: what to do if your husband hits you, and how to protect yourself?

• Changes in your spouse’s behavior do not appear immediately . As a rule, with the onset of pregnancy and after childbirth. At first - irritation, unmotivated anger, angry attacks and even broken dishes. Then insults, humiliation, deliberate infliction of offense and pain, and then assault. Then the scenario of pushes, kicks and bruises becomes a habit, and every evening you wait for him from work with fear, huddled in a corner. There is only one way out - to see the tyrant in your husband in time and break up.
• It is naive to think that “just a little more and it will pass” , “he’s just tired,” “yes, this happens in every family,” “yes, it’s my own fault - I lay in bed all day, and he worked,” etc. There is NO justification for cruelty and violence from one’s own husband and there cannot be. Do you feel something has changed? Take action right away. Started to insult and be rude? Find out what the reason is, do not delay the conversation for a more favorable time.
• Don't give him the opportunity to think that you can be humiliated and offended . Having done this once or twice, the man will understand that you are not resisting, and will continue with even greater enthusiasm. Any offense must be met with an equal rebuff. Even if it’s your “beloved baby” weighing 100 kg, who is “just tired from work.”
• The most difficult thing to solve the problem of violence is at its initial stage . When a wife tries to justify her husband’s aggression with his fatigue, tension, etc. The woman does not even admit the thought that aggression could soon turn into assault, and life will become like hell. Therefore, any excuses for the husband are used, just to avoid admitting to oneself the true state of affairs. Your task in this situation is to try to look ahead. Make sure that the outburst of aggression was really caused by problems at work, etc. And that “sorry, I lost my temper yesterday” will not happen again. If you feel that this case is just the beginning, if you see that your husband is breaking down and getting angry with or without reason, then it’s time to talk, and then decide for yourself whether such prospects for family life are necessary.
• My husband hit me for the first time . First, calm down and find the reason for his action. Is this typical for his family? Was this an outburst of anger or a state of “passion”? Was he intoxicated? Did he realize what he had done and how he behaved after it? If such an act is not typical for him, if he himself is afraid of what he has done, and does not know how to atone for his sins before you, then you probably don’t need to immediately run to file for divorce - give him a chance. And make it clear that you will not give him a second chance. And at the same time, think about whether you provoked this aggression? If you came home in the morning, disheveled, with an alcoholic scent, and even to the question “where were you all night?” sent the husband to catch butterflies, then his aggression is quite understandable.
• Experts advise solving problems of aggression with the help of psychologists. That is, first talk to your husband, and then together with him turn to the “plumber of human souls.” But, as life shows, this can work if only the man is aware of his problem and wants to deal with it.
• If another assault occurs , don’t cry, don’t scream, don’t threaten - your actions must be decisive and drastic. The best option is to fight back, pack your things and leave. It doesn’t matter what size a man is: a heavy frying pan in the hands of an offended woman is an excellent educational weapon even for a “mountain of muscles” on which T-shirts burst. But this method is good only when you are sure that after your “surrender” you will not lie in the corridor, deeply knocked out. If in doubt, it is better to wait out the storm quietly, and only then pack your things and leave.
• Remember your dignity, which only you can protect. No place to go? Rent a room in the simplest hotel. As a last resort, you can ask to go to your friends’ dacha, to a crisis center for women (many centers have shelters), etc. There is always a way out. And this way out is always better than suffering humiliation. Doesn't let you leave your apartment? Scream, knock on radiators, call the police, break dishes - attract the attention of others. The more noise, the faster the husband will get scared and retreat.
• Respect yourself!There are no unsolvable situations . Has assault become a habit for him? This means that you yourself allow yourself to be treated this way. Are you afraid of him? What's the point if your life has already become like hell? Does he feed you? But if you want, you can find a job even without education. You just need to want it. There are no jobs in your city? Go to another one. Don't be afraid to change your life and stand up for your rights to happiness. After all, this is your life, and it depends only on you what it will be like. Even if you have to run away at night, with three children and from another country, make a choice - what is more important to you: to be well-fed, clothed, humiliated and beaten, or to be free and happy?
• If you honestly and for a long time tried to change the home microclimate If you have become more tolerant, you are trying your best, and your husband is becoming more and more aggressive, then it’s time to call it a day. If you have the opportunity to leave immediately, leave. If not, prepare yourself a “springboard.” That is, find a job, housing and suddenly disappear from his life. Before you disappear, try to minimize all problems - do not respond to aggression, hide your bag with documents, phone, money in a safe place, in case you have to leave quickly. Find a “shelter” in advance. Destroy all books/papers/notepads with coordinates of people by which your husband can find you.
• Warn your neighbors so that in case of noise and screams they immediately call the police. Protect yourself from all sides.

If the husband’s behavior crosses all conceivable boundaries of what is permitted, it's time to act based on the law and special services . In this case, rely solely on yourself, be patient, lock your fears in the mezzanine and forward to freedom!

“What to do if a husband beats his wife” - such requests are often sent to the Internet by women who have suffered at the hands of a domestic tyrant. If a husband beats his wife - what to do?? To endure it or to gather courage and join an active fight? Is it possible to bring the offender to justice, where to go, what punishment will he receive? Women who find themselves in a similar situation have a lot of legal questions, which we will answer in this article.

What is the liability for a husband beating his wife?

The main question that worries women who have been subjected to violence and decide to fight for their rights is whether there is liability for the harm caused to them?

Criminal law provides punishment for any violence committed against a person. There are many legal provisions providing for liability for beating. Their application is individual in each specific case and depends on the circumstances and consequences of the crime.

The most common types of domestic crimes are:

• causing minor harm to health;
• beatings;
• torture.

Much less common, but also, unfortunately, occur as a result of family dramas:

• causing moderate harm to health and serious injury;
• careless injury to health.

The law distinguishes battery as an independent crime and distinguishes it from minor bodily injury. Despite this, beatings, like other types of crimes that cause physical suffering and disrupt certain functions of the body, are a crime directed against a person and are subject to punishment. Battery is the infliction of two or more blows or other acts of a violent nature that cause physical harm. pain.

If the beatings continue regularly (more than twice a year), they turn into torture, for which the law provides for more severe punishment.

All these actions directed against human life and health are illegal and are subject to punishment under Chapter 16 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation.

Punishment for beatings

Another question that victims of domestic tyrants ask is what punishment is provided for the husband for what he did?

The main criterion on which the size of the punishment depends is the severity of the damage to health caused by the beating, which will be determined by a forensic medical examination.

For crimes of varying severity, different penalties are provided.

1. If you were intentionally inflicted with minor harm that caused a short-term health impairment, the offender faces a fine of up to 40,000 rubles. Depending on the circumstances, the court may apply a more stringent measure - compulsory labor for up to 480 hours, correctional labor for up to 1 year, or arrest for up to 4 months (Article 115 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation).
2. Beatings that do not cause the damage described above are also punishable by a fine of up to 40,000 thousand rubles or compulsory labor for up to 360 hours, correctional labor for up to 6 months, or arrest for up to 3 months (Article 116 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation).
3. Systematic beating is punishable by restriction or imprisonment for up to 3 years (Article 117 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation).
4. Serious harm to health resulting in loss of vision, hearing or other organs or their functions is punishable by imprisonment for up to 5 years.

If the offender committed such a crime for the first time, repented, made peace with the injured party and made amends, criminal law provides for the possibility of releasing him from liability.

If the offender repeats his attempt to inflict beatings, you can apply to the court or the police again with a statement. In this case, the court will also take into account the previous case, which ended peacefully.

Features of the category of private prosecution cases

As a rule, criminal cases on such everyday crimes as beatings and causing minor harm to health (Articles 115, 116 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation) belong to the category of private prosecution cases.

Compared to ordinary criminal cases, they have a number of features provided for by the Criminal Procedure Code:

• They are initiated at the request of the victim, which is submitted directly to the magistrate at the place where the crime was committed. If a statement about a crime is submitted to the body of inquiry, the investigator transfers the case to the court, and notifies the victim about this or explains to him the procedure for filing such statements, provided for in Art. 145 Code of Criminal Procedure of the Russian Federation. However, law enforcement agencies retain the responsibility to stop the crime and take all necessary measures to preserve traces of the crime.
• The victim himself (private prosecutor) or his representative will directly support the accusation in court (Article 318 of the Code of Criminal Procedure of the Russian Federation). The state does not take part in private prosecution cases. The exception is cases when the victim, due to his helpless state (disability or incapacity for work), cannot support the accusation on his own. Medical documents are needed to prove helplessness. In such exceptional cases, the prosecution will be supported by the prosecutor.
• In this category of cases, the criminal case can be terminated if the parties have reconciled with each other. Reconciliation must occur before the judge retires to the deliberation room. If the parties decide to reconcile, they submit a corresponding application to the magistrate, who terminates the criminal case (Article 20 of the Code of Criminal Procedure of the Russian Federation).
• If a criminal case is terminated following reconciliation of the parties, this does not exclude the possibility for the victim to file a civil claim and demands for compensation for moral and material damage. In this case, the decision to terminate the criminal case upon reconciliation of the parties will be evidence of guilt in civil proceedings.

My husband hits me - what should I do? Step-by-step instruction

Based on the requirements of the law, women who are victims of domestic violence in cases of beatings and minor injuries have to defend themselves independently. In this regard, it is necessary to approach the preparation for trial procedure with special care.

So, what needs to be done by a woman who decides to bring her tyrant husband to justice:

1. Record bodily injuries. This must be done no later than three days from the date of the crime. Make sure that the medical documents drawn up at the emergency room indicate all the injuries caused.
2. File a statement and go to court. The application must comply with the requirements of the law provided for in Article 318 of the Code of Criminal Procedure of the Russian Federation and contain:

• court details;
• information identifying the victim;
• data of the person whom the victim requests to bring to criminal responsibility;
• a detailed description of the crime that occurred (the description must be as accurate as possible in describing the nature of the injuries and the ways in which they were inflicted - all this will subsequently be confirmed by the conclusion of a forensic examination, which will be ordered by the court, and examined by an expert);
• evidence, which may be medical documents, protocols, testimony;
• information about witnesses who can confirm the events described in the statement, and a request to call them to the meeting;
• a request to accept the case for your proceedings;
• signature of the injured party and date of drawing up the application.

An important point in such litigation is the statute of limitations. In the case of a crime of minor gravity, which includes beatings and causing minor injuries, the statute of limitations is 2 years from the day the crime was committed. If the deadlines have expired, then the case against your tormentor cannot be initiated, and if it has already been initiated, then at the request of the perpetrator it can be terminated (Article 24 of the Code of Criminal Procedure of the Russian Federation).

Tolerate or take action?

The crimes described, the victims of which are usually women, are most often committed as a result of quarrels. The causes of such domestic crimes are excess alcohol or the effects of narcotic drugs, a low level of culture, and sometimes a dubious belief: “hitting means he loves.”

Often, women themselves are to blame, maintaining a marriage with a despot husband for the sake of the children and not filing a statement about the beatings caused, “so that the husband does not have troubles at work.” Once left unpunished, a crime becomes a regular occurrence.

So what should you do if your husband hits you? Find the strength within yourself and decide to fight! The law provides a sufficient number of legal mechanisms to stop tyranny in the family and bring the offender to justice.