The husband leaves for his mistress. Why husbands leave for their mistresses and what to do. My husband left for an older mistress after a month of dating

Well, this is how it happened - the husband left for his mistress. It seems that the world has collapsed, that there is no point in living anymore, and you can’t go outside at all, because everyone already knows about it and will whisper behind your back. I couldn’t hold it, I couldn’t save it, I couldn’t. You are the one to blame. She has gained weight, her hair roots have grown back, her manicure is crooked, her pedicure is absolutely terrible, her skin is pale. Speaks illiterately, intelligence is below average. There's probably a log in the bed too.

Somehow it has developed and become stronger in our society: the woman is to blame for everything. Even if the fault lies with her husband or children, indirectly she is also to blame. Let the husband go to his mistress, let the son skip school, let the daughter go to culinary school instead of college... She, the wife and mother, didn’t look into all this, couldn’t set it up in the right way, didn’t protect her from rash actions.

Such an organization of society has brought more than one woman to a bed in a psychoneurological dispensary, to a cell in a women’s colony, to the grave. The first thing every woman should firmly understand, even if she is still in kindergarten: she is not to blame for what others do. When a woman learns this, her life will immediately become easier.

Why do husbands leave for their mistresses?

Of course, there is a share of the woman’s fault that the family collapsed and the husband left for his mistress.

Changes in the wife's appearance. Some women, after getting married and having a child, neglect themselves. They may gain weight, stop taking care of themselves, rarely visit the hairdresser and manicurist, and wear stretched, shapeless clothes. Such a wife is completely unattractive to her husband, since he does not see her beauty: her former beauty is hidden behind an unkempt bun of unwashed hair, a robe “a la collective farmer,” worn-out house slippers and a greasy “donut” at the waist.

Sexual incompatibility. A husband leaves his wife not only when he needs it often and for a long time, but when she needs it rarely and just a little. Incompatibility can also be reversed, which leads to the formation of an incompetence complex in a man and can lead to sexual disorders. Monotony in sex also has a negative impact on marital relationships.

Wife's mismanagement. Men are tolerant of many little things that are noticed and that irritate overly clean women: a couple of plates in the sink, plaque on the tiles, dust on the bookshelves. but even for them such things as an unwashed sink with streaks, a stinking toilet, a bathtub with stains and dried soap scum, litter underfoot and stale, grayed sheets and towels are unacceptable. Such everyday uncleanliness is already beginning to border on the personal uncleanliness of a woman. Also, the reason is often that the wife does not know how to cook or does not cook well.

Problems with children. The peak of husbands leaving the family occurs in the first years after the birth of a child. Spouses often find themselves unprepared for the changes that are inevitable. A child's cry, new unpleasant odors, a wife constantly busy with a baby, restrictions on sex, lack of time for rest and entertainment cause persistent discontent of the young father, accumulate and result in a desire to leave for a woman without children or with grown-up children. Husbands also often leave their wives when their children enter first grade, apparently tired of the increased responsibility. Frequent illnesses of children, disabilities of a son or daughter, childhood behavioral disorders - all these are reasons for a spouse to leave for another woman.

Excessive passion of the wife for something. Hobbies are always good. It helps to diversify life, acquire new skills, and spend time with benefit and interest. But sometimes it happens that a hobby becomes an obsession. Then it begins to create inconvenience for the family of the addicted person. The wife and mother knitting lace scarves looks cute, as if she stepped out of the pages of an old romantic book. But when half of the family budget is spent on threads and knitting supplies, it makes life difficult. The same goes for the hobby of indoor plants. Cacti and aloe on the balcony, chlorophytum in the kitchen and palm tree in the living room diversify the interior. But it happens that all surfaces are covered with pots, and households are prohibited from opening windows or turning on the air conditioner due to possible disruption of the microclimate in the apartment, which will have a detrimental effect on the plants.

What to do if your husband is about to leave?

There is only one answer here - let go. Only by letting go can you hold on. My husband is packing his suitcase - help him. Carefully place his underpants and socks in piles; your opponent will immediately recognize this as a “woman’s hand.”

Don't forget his shaving and hygiene supplies. Among the things there must be a photograph of the children. After all, it is the husband who leaves his wife, but not the father who leaves his children. There is no need to include your photo, it will be annoying.

All things must be collected without tears or lamentations and handed over to the husband with wishes for a good journey and an expression of hope that everything will work out soon.

It’s a good idea to remind the departing spouse that on Tuesday the younger one needs to be taken to the dentist, and on Sunday the older one will have an important competition, where he invited his dad last month. Along with the suitcase, the spouse must come to the understanding that his paternal rights and responsibilities have not gone away and have not changed in any way. If dad read a fairy tale to the children before bed, then it is quite normal for them to call him in the evening and ask him to read the fairy tale over the phone. This will once again remind dad that he has beloved children, and will irritate his mistress from the very first day.

What to do if your husband has already left?

You need to calm down, relax and think about what caused your spouse’s demarche from the family.

If it's a matter of appearance, then it is necessary to immediately take measures to restore physical attractiveness. A common misconception is that you need a lot of money to be beautiful. In fact, you can be well-groomed in very budget ways. The diet does not require any special expenses. Even if there is no money to buy fresh vegetables and fruits in winter, simply reducing carbohydrates and fats in the diet, reducing the calorie content of dishes, coupled with exercises that do not require exercise equipment, will lead to the desired result. The same applies to hairstyles and manicures: at home it is quite possible to keep your hair clean and take care of your nails and cuticles.

If the reason for the husband’s departure is sexual incompatibility, then a similar problem may well arise with the next partner. A woman needs to solve this problem. If it’s a matter of self-doubt or fear of “doing something wrong,” then you can turn to manuals on organizing your sexual life. Fortunately, you can find books, articles, and videos on this topic on the market. If the issue is persistent complexes instilled during upbringing or acquired with previous men, then in this case you will need qualified help from a sexual psychologist, psychotherapist or sexologist.

If a woman has neglected her apartment, then she herself will soon want to escape from it. After all, dust, unpleasant odors, debris on the floor and other surfaces have a depressing effect on anyone who is forced to observe them day after day. Before you think about how to get your husband back, you need to put your home in order, wash the tables, stove, bathtub, sink, toilet, floors and walls; wash curtains, towels, tablecloths, bed linen; get rid of dead plants, an aquarium with stagnant water, and other damaged and unnecessary things. A sofa can be reupholstered with new upholstery, and a scratched table can be covered with a special furniture varnish. The house should look so that you want to return there. As for culinary abilities, they develop just like any other abilities.

Problems with children, if this is what caused the breakup, cannot be solved in one fell swoop. If the husband left due to the child’s illness or behavioral disorders, it will be difficult to get him back. It is more difficult for fathers to come to terms with the fact that the child is somehow “different”. This is due to different approaches to the concept of parental love. The mother loves the child simply because he exists. The father loves the child for something, this is his nature: because he is the smartest in the class, the most dexterous in the section, spoke or started reading before others. When a child is seriously ill, his progress is scanty, and in comparison with other children he loses greatly. It is difficult for a man to come to terms with this thought; he may not be able to stand his disappointment and leave his family.

If the reason is the wife’s excessive passion for something, then the husband’s departure will open up either the opportunity for her to freely do what she loves and raise quails in the bedroom, or eyes, and then she will understand that her hobby has become destructive for the marriage.

In parallel with working on yourself, you need to work on establishing long-distance relationships with your spouse.

After your husband leaves, you need to pause and remind him of some old promise - hang a chandelier, nail a shelf, change the faucet. Remind gently and delicately, and not in the form of “you forgot as always, but it’s been dark in our hallway for two months.”

It is always necessary to involve your husband in solving issues related to children. Dad can go to parent-teacher meetings even when he doesn’t live with mom. And spending the weekend with the children has been their long-time dream.

It's rare that a mistress can stand it.

The husband left for his mistress. How long will it take for him to feel the urge to go home? The advice of a psychologist will give you the answer to this question and tell you how to behave correctly during this period, so that in the end he will return to you again and want to stay with you. And he perceived his mistress as an unsuccessful hobby that must be forgotten and erased from his life as quickly as possible. And he will definitely be drawn home in exactly six months, you can’t even doubt that! Essentially, your situation is what is called in psychology the “yoke effect.” And it is considered a classic in relations between spouses. Simply put, 90 percent of couples on planet Earth go through similar stories.

In most of them, men prefer to return home. It is rare that they want to stay with their mistresses.

So what is the “yoke effect”? This is when a couple has an equal relationship and both partners love each other equally. But over time, first from one bucket, then from another, water begins to drip onto the floor, and the rocker can no longer be carried evenly; it will tip in one direction or the other. It's the same in your couple's relationship. If your husband has temporarily exchanged you for his mistress, then the last word is now his. His behavior upset the balance. He wants to leave, he wants to try a relationship with another woman. Moreover, now it seems to him that that other one will completely change his whole life, make it sweet and pleasant. He will no longer have problems, but only ease, positivity and regular sex. All these are hormones. Or in another way – temporary love.

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But six months pass, a maximum of a year, and the man lives with his mistress, on whom he had very high hopes. Everyday life appears, solving issues, problems, quarrels... and over time he begins to understand that this woman is no different from others. Or maybe even the other way around. She has much more cockroaches in her head than you, his beloved wife, with whom he lived for many years in marriage. The situation is aggravated by the fact that love (hormones) passes, the husband gradually begins to look to the other side...

And where does he look first? Right. How you, his ex-wife, live there!

Now, the most important thing. In order for him to return to you, you must behave correctly in this situation. And then success is guaranteed to you!

What do we have to do?

1 If he decides to leave for someone else, don’t keep him. Don’t beg, don’t beg, don’t be hysterical, and especially don’t threaten, and don’t humiliate yourself in front of him. Now he is controlled by emotions, and your attempts to prove or explain something to him simply will not bring the desired effect. Need time.

Therefore, openly let him know that you love him, that it hurts you to lose him, but you will always respect his feelings and emotions. If he has made such a decision, you will not interfere with him.

2 Eliminate the negativity in yourself. You need to forgive your husband. It is very important. Because all this pain, resentment and your desire for revenge, first of all, poison you, and from the inside. And sooner or later they lead to serious illnesses. Do you really dislike yourself so much that you are ready to live days and nights in this negativity? Moreover, until you forgive him, you will, willy-nilly, pour out all this negativity on him. In portions, but you will.

Because you won’t be able to accumulate it within yourself all your life. Treat the situation philosophically: he didn’t want to intentionally offend you, he just spoke openly about his feelings. Now it seems to him that he needs another woman, and he may even believe it himself. But, as we know, everything flows, everything changes...

3 Take care of yourself. You now have a wonderful opportunity to devote completely free time to yourself for your loved one. While he is “ripening” to the right and correct decision to return to you, push him to this decision yourself.

How? Show him that you are much better than his current woman. Not only does he realize this himself. He will still see what a beauty, smart girl and “Komsomol member” you have turned into, which means he will definitely want to come back to you. This effect can be achieved very simply:

- second - you need to change your life. It should not end with a man, and even more so, it should not revolve around him. In order not to live only with memories “of him”, you will have to find for yourself, organize and come up with new memories with which your life will now be filled.

Start communicating with people, going out somewhere in the evenings. Start new interests and new hobbies that you like. Be sure to exercise, as it is an ideal cure for depression and bad mood. In a word, start filling your life with something new, interesting, and not just relationships and memories of your man.

4 Devalue your relationship with him. All psychologists in this world will unanimously tell you one simple thing that works like clockwork: if we hold on to something very tightly, it eludes us. And vice versa, if we devalue something, then it will definitely come to us, on its own. Devalue your union with your spouse. Convince yourself that with him you will, of course, be happy, but without him you will not be lost either. As soon as you do this, the principle of life will work, and he will definitely want to return to you.

He will be even more hooked by your indifference. This is all inherent in the male psyche: the more difficult a woman is for him to get his hands on, the more interesting he is with her, and he appreciates her more later. So don't waste time, but act.

So, let's once again draw a small, short conclusion from our article. The husband left for his mistress. How long will it take for him to feel the urge to go home? The advice of a psychologist says this: in six months at least, in a year maximum. The trick is for you to behave as correctly as possible in this situation. Then you will have a chance not only to return him, but also to receive a lot of gifts and privileges, as an apology for the fact that he dared to leave you.

What should be done?

1. 1. Don't hold it. Don't be hysterical, don't beg or threaten. Respect the other person's personal space.
   2. Get rid of the resentment toward your spouse. Learn to make any situation work for you, and not against you.
   3. Work on yourself. Change yourself so that he will gasp the next time you meet him at your fit and vibrant appearance.
   4. Openly let him know that your romance is not over yet, but you will not keep him.

Even in times when marriages were for life and you could choose another partner only after being widowed, men took mistresses. Those who were richer bought houses and outfits for their kept women, and even took them out into the world. Those who were poorer were simply looking for entertainment on the side. But there were practically no cases of a husband leaving for his mistress; the integrity of the family was protected by law and social rules. But the modern world has changed everything, including the attitude towards this institution. So today a man leaves for his beloved quite often. What reasons could force him to leave his family?

Feed the wolf - he will only look at the forest: why do husbands leave?

As sad as it may be, women are to blame for most betrayals and departures. Therefore, when figuring out why men leave, you first need to look at your own behavior. Once married, women change, and this is an obvious fact. And a wise man realizes the inevitability of such changes and accepts them, but they are often too drastic. And when a husband looks at his wife after ten years of marriage and cannot recognize her, this involuntarily leads him to certain thoughts. But what do wives do wrong?

First and most importantly, they begin to perceive their husband as property. Especially if it is a family with children. Having decided that the man will not escape her, the fair sex ceases to be so beautiful: she is less and less worried about extra pounds, a mess in the apartment, her own development and hobbies. And so the princess turns not even into a frog, but into a completely incomprehensible creature, which you don’t even want to look at again. And it becomes uninteresting to talk to her.

Sometimes women go to the other extreme, starting to actively visit fitness clubs, beauty salons and spas, focusing on their careers, raising children and caring for the home. And then, sobbing into their friend’s shoulder, they reproach the beloved, who left the family for his mistress, and she tried so hard for him. Is it just for him?

There is one secret: in fact, “freedom-loving” married men, endowed with a hunting instinct, are sweet domestic creatures who crawl out of the warm family nest for the sake of thrills, but then always return. Provided that they are truly welcome there, ready to listen and pet them. And most of them pay handsomely for this affection, no matter how many lonely angry feminists call this situation humiliating. So for a married man to leave for another, only two factors are needed: misunderstanding and constant reproaches.

Of course, men and situations are different, sometimes the old feeling passes, a new one takes its place - and the ex-husband goes to live with his mistress. But this is rather rare.

When a man leaves for his mistress: his wife’s behavior

And then this happened: the husband moved in with his young mistress, the situation needs to be explained somehow to the children and friends, the wife feels humiliated and is angry at the whole world. This cannot go on forever. And the first thing you need to do is stop feeling sorry for yourself. Everything has already happened, my husband left me. You need to analyze the situation and decide how to live further.

Second, sitting and wondering whether your husband will return is useless. Even if after some time he realizes that there is no one better than you, today he is not there. And first, you need to adapt your life to life without a man - routine really helps a woman get used to the situation and not think about which mistress her husband left for. If children miss their dad, this is normal, there is no need to be angry with them, they are not to blame for anything.

Can't handle the situation on your own? You need to consult a specialist - the advice of a psychologist has never bothered anyone. Sometimes you just need to speak out, completely pour out your resentment and anger, so that you can then decide to make positive changes in your life. And under no circumstances should you rush into novels! The result will only be more disappointment and self-loathing.

When asked how to behave during contacts with a traitor (and they are usually inevitable), the answer is simple - with dignity. No reproaches or, especially, requests to return, even if there is a possibility of return. Calmness and coolness are your trump cards in such a situation.

After the resentment subsides, you can decide whether you want your husband to return or not. And at the first stage, all efforts should be directed towards calming down and not allowing what happened to completely ruin your life.

Breaking up a relationship (even if it was difficult and contradictory) is inevitably associated with emotional stress. Finding the strength to return to normal life is not an easy task. After all, objective difficulties (for example, financial or related to raising children) are mixed with resentment, and sometimes even a feeling of guilt (if, despite efforts, the marriage could not be saved). When did He not just leave, but husband went to his mistress, a lush bouquet of troubles for the abandoned spouse, as a rule, is also crowned with low self-esteem. Her life risks turning into a series of dull everyday life, poisoned by bitter thoughts. However, you can always look at the situation from a new angle.

1. Time cures. Unfortunately, experiences in such a situation are inevitable. And the sooner you accept this as a fact, the sooner you will feel relief. Agree: you cannot stop your tooth from hurting by force of will, but you can reduce the time of suffering by going to the dentist. It’s the same with mental pain. Take your experiences for granted (rather, it would be abnormal if the breakup left you indifferent) - and take action: start taking care of yourself. Believe me, you won't have to suffer forever. And this is already a reason for optimism!

2. The hardest part is behind us. The difficult stage has not yet passed. And yet, in many ways it has already become easier. The guesses from the series: “Does he have someone or am I too suspicious?” are a thing of the past. If husband left for his mistress, it means the person unworthy of you has finally shown his true face and gone away. The i's are dotted. And now all that remains is to be patient and watch how life begins to get better and better every day!

3. Life opens up new horizons. Perhaps you have not yet fully realized that the changes that have taken place are of undoubted benefit. But sooner or later you will undoubtedly feel it. Try every evening to list in your memory those pleasant moments that happened to you precisely because you separated from your spouse. Did you go see an old friend? Did you re-paste the wallpaper to your liking? Have you read an interesting book? Hurray for a new life!

4. There is no less beauty in the world. A woman's life in marriage often rolls along as if on rails, and there is no time to stop and enjoy its pleasant sides. When circumstances knock us out of our usual rut, we begin to look at ourselves and the world around us with new eyes. The more often you purposefully pay attention to the pleasant aspects of life, the faster you will return to the idea that the world is beautiful. A funny kitten on the porch, good weather, new shoes - aren't these reasons to smile? Enjoy the little things!

5. Your home is your fortress, and only yours! It is important for all of us to have personal space: a territory that we feel as an extension of ourselves. Usually for city dwellers this is an apartment or a room. It’s great that now no one’s socks are scattered in this area, and the smells of beer and overcooked potatoes don’t hang in the kitchen. Now, more than ever, you can feel calm and protected within four walls. You are the rightful owner of your territory!

6. Social circle: no restrictions! Perhaps in the past you have often had to endure Sunday visits from a nagging mother-in-law. Or listen until the morning to songs accompanied by a guitar from an army friend who stopped by to see her husband for an hour and stayed for a week. And the ex-husband, most likely, did not like all of your friends. Now no one has the right to dictate to you with whom, when and for what reason to meet. Not to mention the fact that you can safely meet and build new relationships with the people you like. Including men. There is no point in living with an eternal eye on yesterday!

7. The value of the loss is highly questionable. Surely in recent weeks you have awarded your ex-spouse with unflattering (and, of course, deserved) epithets. All you can do is be glad that from now on you have one less problem. Agree, he was not a gift of fate. The husband left for his mistress? So let someone else ruin your life now. Let her express dissatisfaction about the cold dinner or the blurry waist. And is it even worth feeling sorry for the traitor? You deserve better!

8. Breaking up a relationship is a great incentive for self-realization. Psychologists have long noticed: women, after forced separation from their partners, achieve noticeable results in their work. Statistics say: the vast majority of successful business women were not able to build a happy marriage on the first try. Some ladies begin to climb the career ladder faster, wanting to prove to themselves (and “that bastard”) that they are worth something. Others get down to business purely for practical reasons (you have to live somehow!) and get a taste for it. Either way, it's time to use your potential. You have no idea what you are capable of!

9. Experience is the best teacher. Even bitter. Yes, new knowledge is sometimes not easy for us. But, having paid dearly, you will value the wisdom acquired. The lessons learned will help you take better care of yourself in the future. And, besides, you will certainly pass on a piece of knowledge about life to your children, warning them about possible mistakes. Learn from mistakes!

10. You don't owe anyone anything. Any marriage is a compromise. And, most likely, you have even stopped noticing how often you previously had to sacrifice yourself for the sake of maintaining the notorious “weather in the house.” There is no longer any need to adapt and play by someone else's rules. Long live freedom!

Home » Marriage » Why do men leave the family?

Sometimes, even in the most well-disposed couples, some negativity flashes through, but this does not always lead to a breakup; it usually leads to quarrels. But even in the strongest relationships, in which life slowly goes on as usual, and there are no hints that something is wrong, suddenly the man leaves the family. The stunned woman cannot explain what happened, it seems that she works hard and looks after her family, but the man still leaves. The essence of the answer lies much deeper than one might initially think, which is why it turns out that the relationship is crossing a critical line.

Reasons for a man leaving the family

The main answer, perhaps, lies in showing respect for him. It is hidden not only in the expression of love directly, because this feeling is not equally perceived by the subconscious of men and women. Men only accept relationships when they are treated with respect. That is, respect is the main need for him, and, perhaps, the main one in terms of relationships. For a married couple, sexual relationships do not develop based on a hormonal surge, and if they do not exist at all, it means that the man has no desire for it. But what could be wrong? The reason for this is a man’s need for respect. How could he be attracted to a woman who doesn’t respect him?

So let's figure out what self-respect means for a man. This is an opportunity for him to feel his own importance when a woman is tolerant of his choices and decisions, whatever they may be, and supports him in everything. Because he respects his choice and does not make any comments to the man. Perhaps this is the importance of respect for men. Now it’s clear why they leave their family, the reason is quite justified. However, it also happens that a man leaves not just from his family, but to his mistress.

In this case, slightly different reasons are revealed. It often happens that a man has a very poorly developed sense of attachment to his family, no matter how long you have been married. If a man is alone for a very long time, for example, on a business trip, and the events of his life are rarely intertwined with his family, then he has every chance of losing the habit of family. And if a man is not used to it enough, then nothing will stop him from leaving for another. That’s why it happens that a man leaves his family for his mistress.

However, this is far from the last option for the reason for the man’s departure. Sometimes it turns out that family relationships have long ceased to exist at a normal level for both spouses. Frequent quarrels, scandals and misunderstandings bring the bar closer to breaking, and then a man may well find someone with whom he can build a relationship anew. Another option is also possible, which could destroy your family. This happens when a man meets a woman much younger than his wife, but with a similar appearance to her. This especially happens when the mistress turns out to be better than the wife in some way.

So why does a man leave his family?

As we have already figured out, men can have many options for such an act:

1. Often this happens due to a woman's loss of respect, or he simply loses interest in her;
2. Due to lack of sexual relations;
3. A man becomes unaccustomed to his family, being somewhere far away, and for a long time nothing connects him with her;
4. Often this happens due to betrayal, no matter who the initiator is. However, cheating indicates that the relationship is already damaged for some reason. All this encourages a man to leave his family.

Situations also arise in which, despite quarrels and scandals, various stressful situations, a man still prefers to stay in the family. Why don't married men leave their family, despite disagreements? It's quite simple:

• The first thing that concerns the guarantee of a strong relationship is a man’s habit of his family. If everything in his life is connected with family, he takes care of his family and friends, and his family respects him, then, most likely, the man simply cannot leave them. The thing is that our brain does not like frequent changes from what is familiar to it and this does not motivate new changes;
• If there are children in the family, they can save absolutely any relationship, even the most doomed. When babies are born, then the family focuses its attention only on the children, and lives on for their sake. Thinking about the future of his children, a man is motivated to achieve new goals in the family;
• In addition to these main reasons, there are many secondary ones that, when combined, save your family from a man leaving.

All of the above keeps a man from going to the left, and married men do not leave the family. It is worth highlighting separately the reasons why a man gets another woman, but does not leave his family.

Why does a man live in two families?

If a man has a mistress for a very long time, then he gradually gets used to her, which makes her even more valuable to him. Especially if she complements his wife in some way, a man can fill his wife's gaps in another woman. But mainly it concerns habit, he gets used to her, and can no longer perceive her as a separate part from his family, and in his subconscious he already associates another woman as an addition to his family. Perhaps this is the main reason that forces a man to live in two families. Habit is the most powerful motivator to do this, and a man is not always able and ready to leave his woman for his mistress.

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Why doesn't he leave his wife?

Firstly, because you are asking this question. This means that the man did not give you confidence - his supposedly most beloved woman in the world. No, he made a lot of words and promises and even gave ironclad explanations as to why he was still there, but you still doubt it.

Secondly, men and women initially have different goals. It happens that a married man actually falls in love, but the last thing he wants is to ruin his usual life. If he falls in love (and not just has an affair) with another woman, he himself is not happy, because it causes a lot of trouble and discomfort. And all he dreams of in such a situation is that the affair with you goes without inconvenience. That is, he initially does not want to leave. Imagine yourself in such a situation - you are married, have children, and then someone else blows your mind. You wouldn't want that in your life. And if this really happened and they fell in love, then they would try to get off with little bloodshed - that is, sleep several times, enjoy the new relationship and hope that they will let you go. It's the same for men. Whether his family is good or bad, suits him or not, likes or dislikes - this is all secondary. Everything is clearly outlined in his head (although he can say with a sad look that he is completely confused) - the wife has her own role, the mistress has her own. And his dream is for everything to remain unchanged. Hence the reasons for the suffering of all mistresses - they do not understand how they can avoid leaving their unloved wife for the woman they love. How can you call at 2 am and die of love, run to look for strawberries in the middle of winter and go back to the hated house.

Thirdly, you yourself missed the moment. The phrase “don’t mess with a married man” can be taken not only in a moral context, but also literally, placing emphasis on the words “don’t mess with.” That is, don’t get involved, don’t give in, and don’t give up. No, you can even sleep, but all your behavior should indicate that you are free from your feelings for him and do not demand anything. And in general, you need a serious relationship, so with him it’s like that, for a couple of times. He's married. And then, at the very peak of feelings, there is a chance that he will “forge while it’s hot” and pack his things to move in with you. But usually this does not happen, because you have different goals - to take you away from your wife, and to leave everything as it is for him. Therefore, the man preemptively lies on his ears about love and how he will get a divorce, so that the girl will melt and give herself to him. Well, then you don’t have to stress anymore. Bird in a cage. The bird faithfully awaits his calls and visits and plaintively asks (or furiously demands) to stay with her forever. Why does he need it? She’s already given up and isn’t going anywhere.

Fourthly, you need to remember - men are not women. Even if he doesn’t love his wife, got married on the fly, was disappointed in her... - tell me what else they usually say - this does not mean that love is generally a priority for him. Yes, he doesn’t love his wife, but he loves you. But this is not a reason for divorce for him. These are women running, dropping their slippers, to their beloved. Men don't do this every time. Family is family, love is love. Flies from cutlets separately. If this were not so, he would not have lived with his unloved wife. Neither for the sake of the children, nor for himself.

Fifthly, a man does not start a relationship with his mistress in order to change her for a wife. The role of a mistress is to remain a connection on the side, and not to take a place nearby. But what about those who leave their wives and marry a second time, you ask? They don't go to their mistresses. They leave their wife. Do you feel the difference? If a girl initially found herself in the status of a mistress, then she should stay there. Unless something happens in his family that forces him to leave. But it will be THERE, a decision made as a result of his relationship with his wife, and not because of love for his mistress. And those who leave leave immediately. There is not a single circumstance that could prevent a man from leaving his family if he decides to do so. If such circumstances still exist, these are fairy tales for lovers. If it is difficult for a man to leave the friend zone, then it is almost impossible for a woman to leave the role of a mistress.

Sixth, take the information literally, without subtext or hidden meaning. If a man says that you understand him in a way that his wife has never tried (“Margot, you are the only woman who understands me” (c)), then this means exactly what he said - that you have a rare mutual understanding. And period. This does not mean that he feels bad with his wife, that he does not love her and wants to be with you. This means one wave. That's all. The same thing with the phrase “I have never felt so good with anyone,” “I have never been so happy.” Yes, you really are just great. But it doesn't mean anything other than that.

And what about love? The love that he talks about with a sigh and proves with all his actions (except for divorce cough-cough), the love that makes him write crazy SMS and be jealous of every post? I have already written several times before - love can be very different, and everyone has their own attitude towards this feeling. Not to mention the fact that a person can think that he loves, but in fact be mistaken, mistaking passion, infatuation, or strong infatuation for love.

And now I want to invite you to play detective and, based on the available facts, determine how the relationship between a man and his mistress will end. The story was taken from an anonymous forum. So, a man and a woman met, both married, both with children. And they became lovers. The man talks about unearthly love, that he does not love his wife and has never loved him, and lives for the sake of the child. But he will still leave his wife and even sets specific deadlines - when the country house he is building especially for his daughter will be completed and will be registered on her name. He spends a lot of time with his mistress, stays overnight, answers the phone at any time, and can call himself at night. He talks to his wife in front of his mistress and sharply replies that everything is over between them and that she should leave him alone. He doesn’t sleep with his wife - as evidence he shows his mistress an SMS from his wife: “Are you really that comfortable without sex? Maybe we can resume our relationship or at least sleep like husband and wife?” As a result, the mistress divorced her husband, went to an apartment rented by her lover, and is waiting for him to sort out his affairs and the divorce. In the comments, absolutely everyone is convinced that the man will not get a divorce. Moreover, the wife doesn’t even know about her mistress. Explain why?

1. If a man decides to leave, he leaves. No circumstances will stop him. Especially something as stupid as building a house. What prevents him from building this house while living with his mistress? Absolutely nothing. How does living under the same roof with your wife speed up its construction?
2. A man sees that his beloved woman has left her husband, i.e. I left my family and child for him. But he, in turn, did not do this.
3. The fact that he spends a lot of time with his mistress and even spends the night with her and celebrates holidays is not an indicator. This is an indicator of a crisis in relations with his wife. But not that he will divorce this wife.
4. Read carefully the SMS from your wife - “are you really comfortable without sex?” This clearly shows that the wife is not aware of the presence of a mistress. Otherwise, she would have known that her husband was having sex. And everything is quite comfortable for him.
5. Judging by the story, everything is really very bad in the man’s family. And yet he is in no hurry to get a divorce. Therefore, family for him is something different than love with his wife. This means his love for his mistress will not be a reason for leaving.
6. In the comments, the mistress wrote that she was already in the hospital with a nervous breakdown. That is, it turns out that for a man, life with an unloved wife, their bad relationship and lack of sex are still a priority than the peace of mind of his mistress.

And there are tons of such stories. You say, but many people leave their wives for their mistresses. Of course they leave. They pack their things and leave. And all issues are already being resolved from the new place of residence. Or they pull and pull, but only leave when their wives have already kicked out. Well, or the third option - men for whom everything is easy - they easily created a family, easily abandoned it and went to their mistress. And then just as easily he moved on. The second wives of such men very often write, “We lived in perfect harmony for 9 years, and now he’s gone.” Because for the majority of at least somewhat responsible men, the loss of a family (no matter what the relationship with his wife is) is a drama, a nuisance, or just “hemorrhoids” (depending on the level of the man himself) and they do everything to avoid it. And not even because he is such an exemplary family man - this is a question of his personal comfort. And this comfort is that everything remains unchanged.

witchykitchen.ru

Why married men have mistresses: the psychology of relationships, signs that there is a mistress. How often do married men leave their family and go to their mistress, and vice versa leave their mistresses, in what cases?

Answers to questions about the love triangle for men and women.

Why married men have mistresses: psychology of a married man

The feeling of falling in love and the instinct to preserve the family push men and women to create family unions. Sometimes people feel their loneliness so acutely that they are willing to sacrifice a lot to find their soulmate. But having found their favorite women and married them, men change their attitude towards them. After the marriage stamp appears in the passport, women are transformed from objects of worship into housekeepers, dishwashers, cooks and childcare workers. Often, communication and contact with your husband are completely absent from the list of these things. Therefore, having found the ideal wife, men begin to look for the ideal lover.

What does an ideal wife look like in a man's eyes?

• She can cook great
• She endlessly puts things in order in the family nest
• She takes good care of the children
• She gets along with her mother-in-law and other in-laws

The perfect wife in the kitchen

What does an ideal lover look like in a man's eyes?

• She is beautiful and knows how to take care of herself
• She never has a headache and is always ready for active sex
• She doesn't walk around the house in a dirty robe and slippers.
• She does not burden the family budget with problems and children’s bad grades at school

This is what an ideal lover looks like

Can a woman combine the ideal wife and the ideal lover? Practice shows that this task turns out to be impossible for women because, playing the role of a voluntary slave of a stove and a doormat, it turns out to be difficult for women to turn into a sex goddess.

The number of divorces due to infidelity can be reduced by doing housework together

But, if she can shift at least part of the “light housework” onto her husband’s shoulders, she will have the time and desire to do new hairstyles, facial and body skin care, and new outfits. Since it turns out to be easier and much more interesting for a man to find a woman on the side rather than relieve his wife of household work, this task remains impossible for a woman.

A woman should have the time and desire to take care of herself

Why does a married man need a mistress, what does a mistress mean to him, what does he expect from her?

The main reason why men have an affair is dissatisfaction with their sex life with their wife. It can be difficult for husbands to understand that they should not expect from a woman who spins like a squirrel in a wheel of initiative and the embodiment of a man’s desires. If a woman not only works at home, but also goes to work, then when she returns home after a day of work, picking up her children from kindergarten or school, washing the dishes, and feeding her family dinner, she dreams not of sex, but of sleep.

Active sex is incompatible with a woman's fatigue

A man, even if he went to work, but freed from household work, is full of energy and sexual desires. Many women may be surprised, but the vast majority of men, especially under 30, want sex every day or every other day. If such a schedule does not coincide with the schedule of his wife’s desires, he will look for satisfaction on the side.

As a result, by relieving a man of household work and burdening themselves, women themselves create the preconditions for their husband’s infidelity

Also, the reason that forces a man to look for a mistress may not be the quantity, but the quality of sex. Many married couples are embarrassed or afraid to discuss these topics with each other. And it’s difficult for them not only to express wishes about what they would like to get from sex, but it’s also difficult for them to talk about what they don’t like about sexual intimacy.

Spouses should be able to talk about sex with each other

What does a married man expect from his mistress?

When deciding to cheat, a man expects his mistress to satisfy his sexual needs. But having an affair involves not only sex, but also communication. If there are scandals and showdowns in the family, and the mistress knows how to listen and understand the man, then an affair on the side can lead to a divorce from his wife. Many single women, entering into a love affair with a married man, seek to divorce such a man from his wife. And to achieve this goal, they skillfully use the contrast that a man sees between his mistress and his wife.

The contrast between wife and mistress can cause divorce

Psychology of relationships between a married man and his mistress

As a rule, a married man, when dating his mistress, does not seek a divorce and marriage to another woman. He is quite happy with a love triangle, where in the family circle he receives care from his wife, contact with his children, and from his mistress, complete satisfaction of his sexual needs. Such a double life can cause him minor remorse and a feeling of guilt towards his wife. Unfortunately, these negative emotions do not in any way affect his intentions to leave this situation unchanged.

A love triangle suits men well

A woman who acts as a mistress cannot help but feel the inferiority of her position and will strive in every possible way to change it. If the mistress insists on a divorce, and the man opposes this, the idyll between her and the married man may be disrupted. This may cause a rift between them.

A mistress may lose touch with a married man because of her desire to destroy his marriage

Can a married man love both his wife and his mistress: signs

Men and women have different meanings for the word “love”. So for a woman, love can be synonymous with fidelity, devotion, a feeling of inspiration and the desire to take care of a man. And for a man, “love” can mean a willingness to have sex with a woman. Can a man be willing to have sex with more than one woman? It definitely can and even strives for this. This does not mean that every man should be suspected of adultery, with or without reason. The presumption of innocence or failure to prove a crime applies not only to hardened criminals, but also to husbands.

A sexually active man has enough love for two or more women

Can a married man be jealous of his mistress?

Jealousy or a sense of possessiveness is inherent in the relationship between a married man and his mistress. Despite the fact that in his mistress’s life he only “comes for an hour,” she may be jealous of his wife. In addition, she cannot help but understand that she is not the only one to whom such a man could turn his attention. A man is capable of being jealous of his mistress towards other men and feeling like the sultan of a harem, where every concubine is his property.

Jealousy in a love triangle

Why do married men have young mistresses?

Often, middle-aged men take on young lovers in order to increase their self-esteem and increase potency if there is a tendency for it to fade. This happens because it is young women who have the strongest sexual attractiveness. They attract the attention of men, as females are capable of procreation. Here, pheromones play a role, which a young woman smells during the period of fertilization.

Young girls are able to arouse desire in older men

Can a mistress be older than a man?

Yes, young, sexually inexperienced men strive to have experienced lovers older than them. If an elderly woman, in addition to successful sex, offers a young man delicious dinners, the ability to listen without getting irritated and give wise advice - such a union can be very successful.

Good sex, makeup, hair and a good meal do wonders

How many mistresses can a married man have?

If a man is in excellent sexual shape and wants sex every day, then the number of his mistresses can be equal to the number of times he has sex. This is a slight exaggeration of the truth, which is that for a man who has allowed himself one mistress, it is not difficult to have as many of them as his body can withstand.

A man can be absolutely happy with a love triangle

Does a man leave his family for his mistress: how often, in what cases?

In the vast majority of cases, a man does not leave his family for his mistress. Because he understands perfectly well that he is already in an excellent position. Often the initiator of a breakup is the wife who finds out about her husband’s infidelity. In this case, the man may go to his mistress against his will. He can also leave the family if his marriage is falling apart at the seams due to mutual misunderstanding between him and his wife.

Often the initiator of divorce due to her husband’s infidelity is the wife

If his mistress offers him attentive care and understanding instead of scandals in his family, he may buy into such tricks and leave his wife. If a man marries his new passion and instead of the status of “mistress,” she receives the status of “wife,” he risks repeating the failures of his first marriage, but in a more severe version, and his new wife risks getting the role of a wife waiting for her husband after the trip. to a new, more interesting woman.

The situation may repeat itself in a new marriage.

What kind of mistresses do men go to?

In order to win in a love triangle, the mistress must be many times better than the wife. Often a woman tries so hard to get closer to a man’s ideal and win that she really becomes a beauty, a smart girl and a sex goddess. The only thing a man should remember when leaving for such a woman is that she works for such an image to the limit of her capabilities and will stop straining immediately after she becomes a wife.

Every lover dreams of becoming a wife

In what cases do married men leave their mistresses?

Mistresses are not abandoned if they fulfill the functions assigned to them. But if a woman in the role of a mistress begins to take over the functions of a wife, that is, she makes trouble, sorts things out, refuses sex, then she receives the status of a former mistress, and the man finds a more interesting option for himself.

Men abandon mistresses who create scandals and scenes of jealousy

Is a man going through a breakup? Do men forget their former lovers?

If the separation between two people occurred by mutual consent, then it can be painless for both the man and the woman. If such people remember the time spent together, it is with slight sadness and gratitude. If the breakup was painful and on the initiative of one of the parties, then the man or woman who lost intimacy will suffer and be tormented by emotions. If the woman who left was bright, unconventional and a Personality with a capital P, then it will be impossible for a man to forget such a woman.

Men don't forget bright sex

How can a married man break up with his mistress?

If a man wants to leave a woman gracefully, and without causing her too much moral harm, he must think about what will fill the vacuum or emptiness that will form after his departure. The most banal, primitive, but working way to “go away unnoticed” is to introduce such a woman to a man who may be interested in a sexually anxious lady. If the vacuum is not filled, then the one who left his mistress to the mercy of fate is guaranteed to receive phone calls from his former mistress with requests to meet or “random meetings” on the street.

The best way to leave your mistress is to attract her to a new man

Love triangles or polygons existed in the distant past, exist in the present and will exist in the future as long as humanity exists. And one can only analyze and state such facts, without trying to give wonderful recipes for solving this problem.

heaclub.ru

How should you behave if your husband leaves for someone else?

Well, this is how it happened - the husband left for his mistress. It seems that the world has collapsed, that there is no point in living anymore, and you can’t go outside at all, because everyone already knows about it and will whisper behind your back. I couldn’t hold it, I couldn’t save it, I couldn’t. You are the one to blame. She has gained weight, her hair roots have grown back, her manicure is crooked, her pedicure is absolutely terrible, her skin is pale. Speaks illiterately, intelligence is below average. There's probably a log in the bed too.

Somehow it has developed and become stronger in our society: the woman is to blame for everything. Even if the fault lies with her husband or children, indirectly she is also to blame. Let the husband go to his mistress, let the son skip school, let the daughter go to culinary school instead of college... She, the wife and mother, didn’t look into all this, couldn’t set it up in the right way, didn’t protect her from rash actions.

Such an organization of society has brought more than one woman to a bed in a psychoneurological dispensary, to a cell in a women’s colony, to the grave. The first thing every woman should firmly understand, even if she is still in kindergarten: she is not to blame for what others do. When a woman learns this, her life will immediately become easier.

Why do husbands leave for their mistresses?

Of course, there is a share of the woman’s fault that the family collapsed and the husband left for his mistress.

Changes in the wife's appearance. Some women, after getting married and having a child, neglect themselves. They may gain weight, stop taking care of themselves, rarely visit the hairdresser and manicurist, and wear stretched, shapeless clothes. Such a wife is completely unattractive to her husband, since he does not see her beauty: her former beauty is hidden behind an unkempt bun of unwashed hair, a robe “a la collective farmer,” worn-out house slippers and a greasy “donut” at the waist.

Sexual incompatibility. A husband leaves his wife not only when he needs it often and for a long time, but when she needs it rarely and just a little. Incompatibility can also be reversed, which leads to the formation of an incompetence complex in a man and can lead to sexual disorders. Monotony in sex also has a negative impact on marital relationships.

Wife's mismanagement. Men are tolerant of many little things that are noticed and that irritate overly clean women: a couple of plates in the sink, plaque on the tiles, dust on the bookshelves. but even for them such things as an unwashed sink with streaks, a stinking toilet, a bathtub with stains and dried soap scum, litter underfoot and stale, grayed sheets and towels are unacceptable. Such everyday uncleanliness is already beginning to border on the personal uncleanliness of a woman. Also, the reason is often that the wife does not know how to cook or does not cook well.

Problems with children. The peak of husbands leaving the family occurs in the first years after the birth of a child. Spouses often find themselves unprepared for the changes that are inevitable. A child's cry, new unpleasant odors, a wife constantly busy with a baby, restrictions on sex, lack of time for rest and entertainment cause persistent discontent of the young father, accumulate and result in a desire to leave for a woman without children or with grown-up children. Husbands also often leave their wives when their children enter first grade, apparently tired of the increased responsibility. Frequent illnesses of children, disabilities of a son or daughter, childhood behavioral disorders - all these are reasons for a spouse to leave for another woman.

Excessive passion of the wife for something. Hobbies are always good. It helps to diversify life, acquire new skills, and spend time with benefit and interest. But sometimes it happens that a hobby becomes an obsession. Then it begins to create inconvenience for the family of the addicted person. The wife and mother knitting lace scarves looks cute, as if she stepped out of the pages of an old romantic book. But when half of the family budget is spent on threads and knitting supplies, it makes life difficult. The same goes for the hobby of indoor plants. Cacti and aloe on the balcony, chlorophytum in the kitchen and palm tree in the living room diversify the interior. But it happens that all surfaces are covered with pots, and households are prohibited from opening windows or turning on the air conditioner due to possible disruption of the microclimate in the apartment, which will have a detrimental effect on the plants.

What to do if your husband is about to leave?

There is only one answer here - let go. Only by letting go can you hold on. My husband is packing his suitcase - help him. Carefully place his underpants and socks in piles; your opponent will immediately recognize this as a “woman’s hand.”

Don't forget his shaving and hygiene supplies. Among the things there must be a photograph of the children. After all, it is the husband who leaves his wife, but not the father who leaves his children. There is no need to include your photo, it will be annoying.

All things must be collected without tears or lamentations and handed over to the husband with wishes for a good journey and an expression of hope that everything will work out soon.

It’s a good idea to remind the departing spouse that on Tuesday the younger one needs to be taken to the dentist, and on Sunday the older one will have an important competition, where he invited his dad last month. Along with the suitcase, the spouse must come to the understanding that his paternal rights and responsibilities have not gone away and have not changed in any way. If dad read a fairy tale to the children before bed, then it is quite normal for them to call him in the evening and ask him to read the fairy tale over the phone. This will once again remind dad that he has beloved children, and will irritate his mistress from the very first day.

What to do if your husband has already left?

You need to calm down, relax and think about what caused your spouse’s demarche from the family.

If it's a matter of appearance, then it is necessary to immediately take measures to restore physical attractiveness. A common misconception is that you need a lot of money to be beautiful. In fact, you can be well-groomed in very budget ways. The diet does not require any special expenses. Even if there is no money to buy fresh vegetables and fruits in winter, simply reducing carbohydrates and fats in the diet, reducing the calorie content of dishes, coupled with exercises that do not require exercise equipment, will lead to the desired result. The same applies to hairstyles and manicures: at home it is quite possible to keep your hair clean and take care of your nails and cuticles.

If the reason for the husband’s departure is sexual incompatibility, then a similar problem may well arise with the next partner. A woman needs to solve this problem. If it’s a matter of self-doubt or fear of “doing something wrong,” then you can turn to manuals on organizing your sexual life. Fortunately, you can find books, articles, and videos on this topic on the market. If the issue is persistent complexes instilled during upbringing or acquired with previous men, then in this case you will need qualified help from a sexual psychologist, psychotherapist or sexologist.

If a woman has neglected her apartment, then she herself will soon want to escape from it. After all, dust, unpleasant odors, debris on the floor and other surfaces have a depressing effect on anyone who is forced to observe them day after day. Before you think about how to get your husband back, you need to put your home in order, wash the tables, stove, bathtub, sink, toilet, floors and walls; wash curtains, towels, tablecloths, bed linen; get rid of dead plants, an aquarium with stagnant water, and other damaged and unnecessary things. A sofa can be reupholstered with new upholstery, and a scratched table can be covered with a special furniture varnish. The house should look so that you want to return there. As for culinary abilities, they develop just like any other abilities.

Problems with children, if this is what caused the breakup, cannot be solved in one fell swoop. If the husband left due to the child’s illness or behavioral disorders, it will be difficult to get him back. It is more difficult for fathers to come to terms with the fact that the child is somehow “different”. This is due to different approaches to the concept of parental love. The mother loves the child simply because he exists. The father loves the child for something, this is his nature: because he is the smartest in the class, the most dexterous in the section, spoke or started reading before others. When a child is seriously ill, his progress is scanty, and in comparison with other children he loses greatly. It is difficult for a man to come to terms with this thought; he may not be able to stand his disappointment and leave his family.

If the reason is the wife’s excessive passion for something, then the husband’s departure will open up either the opportunity for her to freely do what she loves and raise quails in the bedroom, or eyes, and then she will understand that her hobby has become destructive for the marriage.

In parallel with working on yourself, you need to work on establishing long-distance relationships with your spouse.

After your husband leaves, you need to pause and remind him of some old promise - hang a chandelier, nail a shelf, change the faucet. Remind gently and delicately, and not in the form of “you forgot as always, but it’s been dark in our hallway for two months.”

It is always necessary to involve your husband in solving issues related to children. Dad can go to parent-teacher meetings even when he doesn’t live with mom. And spending the weekend with the children has been their long-time dream.

It's rare that a mistress can stand it.