We create our own world. We create our own life experiences We create our own experiences

But why does a person sometimes not like his choice? Why, instead of changing (rewriting) the created script, choosing a different role for yourself, changing yourself, and through these changes - changing situations in your life, a person begins to first of all look for the reasons for failures not in himself, but in the surrounding space. Blaming everyone, but not yourself, for your problems and failures. We ourselves make certain decisions in our lives.

Yes, fate may be given to us from birth, but we ourselves choose how to live our lives. What it will be depends entirely on our choice, as a result of which what we will have in life turns out. How will we live - rejoice in every day, accepting the blessings that we have, or not noticing them and admitting our imperfection and unwillingness to follow the path of well-being, entrusting others with the right to create living conditions for us and influence the events of our lives. What will you choose? But remember that the conditions of your life depend on your choice.

Who will you be, the Master of your life, or an outside observer, living according to the principle - as will be, so be it?

The Universe is kind to us and carefully responds to all our requests, the world around us is full of signs, clues that tell us about the path of our destiny, relying on them, listening to them, you can understand what decision is best for you to make at this or that period of life.

By following these tips and signs, we can more fully understand and accept our destiny and enjoy it, and this ultimately leads to happiness, well-being, harmony, when a person is satisfied with his life, himself, i.e. he is happy. And it is necessary to strive for happiness, not ephemeral, periodic, but complete, undivided. So, it is possible to get this feeling - for this you just need to accept with gratitude and attention what is given to you. And then you will be a lucky and successful person, about whom we can say that he is always in the right place and at the right time. And this is an absolutely achievable reality. Live to the fullest, achieving the maximum you want. Live and enjoy life.

I know that money loves me and comes to me easily.

I increase my income regardless of the circumstances

I gladly accept happiness and wealth.

Once we came to the store with a friend, there she liked the fountain in the Feng Shui department, it was not working properly, it needed repairs, the ball was supposed to spin and glow, but it didn’t, and the seller didn’t know the reason for the breakdown, it was just sold at a reasonable price. The price suited my friend and she decided to buy it. But what good can an object that initially carries negative energy attract? Only negative!!! And why bring it into the house? If you want to make changes in your life aimed at well-being and prosperity, then you should not buy souvenirs and things with installation at a reasonable price; you are already coding yourself for results in your life at a reasonable price.

And you shouldn’t be surprised later by what you received as a result of your activities.

We are surrounded by an energy information field. And all our thoughts, our words, deeds, drawings, souvenirs, things are original generator symbols that move our projects, emit energy, and tune in to certain vibrations, thereby attracting certain events in our lives.

Life Principle #2:

We create our own life experiences

Your strategy. Acknowledge and take responsibility for your life and your actions. Realize your role in creating the results that are your life. Learn to choose the best so you can have the best.

This principle is simple: you are responsible for your life. Good or bad, successful or unsuccessful, happy or unhappy, fair or not - your life is yours.

You bear the responsibility now, you have always carried it and you will bear it in the future. That's exactly how it is. You might want it to be different, but that's how it is.

Please do not misunderstand me: I am not offering this reasoning to you as a general statement, nor am I presenting it as a theory. I repeat: you create your own life. Not occasionally, but Always. If you don't like your job, you are responsible for it. If difficulties arise in your relationship with a loved one, you are responsible for it. If you are overweight, do not trust members of the opposite sex, are unhappy, finally, this is your responsibility. Whatever the circumstances of your life, passing this law means you can no longer shirk responsibility for how and why your life turns out the way it does. And this does not mean uttering empty words: “Okay, I am responsible for this.”

Let me explain why this is so important. If you don't take responsibility, you will see every problem you encounter in the wrong light. If you make an incorrect diagnosis, you will choose the wrong course of treatment, and the situation will not change for the better. Even if you think there is no connection between your problems and you personally, let's just assume I'm right and continue to look for your role in creating your own difficulties. I promise you, you will find it.

This law is absolutely true, and since this is how the world works, your resistance or denial of this principle keeps you firmly in captivity in fantasy. When you convince yourself that you are a victim, you are guaranteed no progress, no healing, no victory. Your avoidance of responsibility will prevent you from chomping at the bit to get to work and take control of your life. By truly wanting to change and recognizing that you create your own life experiences, you must examine what you did and didn't do to produce the results you didn't want.

What life circumstances do not suit me?

What did I do to ensure that the situation turned out exactly the way it did and exactly what happened happened?

What did I do to make this result possible? Do I agree that it was my actions that led to it?

Maybe I was foolish in trusting people?

Have I missed important warning signs?

Was I able to determine exactly what I wanted?

Was I fooling myself into wanting it to be true?

What specific decision did I make that directly led to an outcome that I did not want?

Did I choose the wrong person or the wrong place?

Did I make my choice for the wrong reasons?

Did I choose the wrong time?

What action did I take that led to a result I didn’t want?

Did I fail to do the necessary thing? If so, which one?

Have I failed to stand up for myself and claim my rights?

Did I fail to ask for what I want? 11"" Did I ask for too little for myself?

I failed to tell someone to go to hell?

Have I failed to treat myself with dignity and respect?

What actions do I need to take to change?

Do I need to start behaving differently?

Should I stop behaving the same way?

We need to stop here: we need you to understand what's at stake. If you fail to accept this law as an axiom and you continue to perceive the world and react to it as a victim, clinging to the belief that you are right, you will not create significant successful changes in your life.

Do not treat my words as bookish rhetoric. Read as if I were speaking directly to you: when you are angry, hurt, or upset, your feelings are yours and you are responsible for their presence in your life.

There are many ways to play the victim. You may insist that someone is mean, unfair, or mean to you. Another way, the most common, is to believe that you are right in your position, and those who disagree with you are wrong, and therefore it is not your fault that you are in an impasse. But even if you are right and they are wrong, you will still have to solve the problem. I would like to ask the question: "If you are right and so smart, why can't you get the results you want?"

You will answer: “They simply won’t listen to me.” But I repeat again: if they don’t listen to you, that’s your problem. Not being listened to is a direct result of your inability to make them listen.

So, let's summarize. You are not a victim. You create the situations you find yourself in and create the emotions that flow from them. This is not a theory, this is life. You must be willing to change your position, no matter how difficult or unusual it may seem, and accept that the problem is only you. But it's not all bad news. Recognizing your role in causing problems and accepting that you are responsible means that you actually take it upon yourself. This means that you are aware that both the problem and the solution are within you. While many still blame others who are not responsible for their lives, you can reach your goal, like a laser-guided missile, and work on exactly what will truly change your life. This will give you complete freedom to start working on resolving problems. Let a huge alarm clock ring loudly for you today so that you can finally wake up. Stop looking for answers where there are none.

Failure to pass this law will result in the termination of our deal. Please don't say, "Okay, Phil, now I accept this law and will create my own life experience." Thoughts are moving in the right direction, but they are not quite right yet. You must realize that you have always created your life experiences. The importance of this understanding is that as you reflect on your life story, you will have to reframe reality, and do so carefully, redistributing responsibility for the results. You need to understand what specific decisions and actions led you to specific results. How did you behave as you chose your path to where you are now?

Task No. 4.If you are going to reassess your life from a responsibility standpoint, a good way to practice this is to reassess the part of your life history in which you were a victim, at least in your mind. It would be very helpful to open your journal at this point and, thinking back through different stages of your life, identify the five most important times when you felt that you were a victim, that you were treated poorly, or that you were unfairly treated in some way. Describe these situations in enough detail to remember what you experienced in each of them. As you do this, leave space below each situation so you can write more later.

I want you to now identify how in each of these situations you were actually responsible for its poor outcome. Maybe it's something you did, or something you failed to do, or the way you set yourself up for the outcome, or a reluctance to recognize certain warning signs. Whatever it is, practice your new attitude by re-evaluating these five moments from the past. Don't treat this task as a superficial exercise or too hard work. Living like a responsible person means thinking like a responsible person. This exercise is very important for forming strategies for your future life - ones that will allow you to take a seat at the wheel, and not in the passenger compartment.

The immediate impact of this law, I see, is that it forces you to look for solutions to problems in the one right place, and not in millions of other, wrong ones. You need to stop saying: “Why are they doing this to me?” - and start saying instead: “Why am I doing this to myself? What thoughts, actions and decisions should I change to get a different result?” As this series of questions suggests, you are not only creating your life now, but you are already responsible for the results of your entire previous life, both good and bad. Now that you are aware of this and consciously accept it, you can actively and intentionally change your results and life experiences.

As we move through the pages of this book, we will intentionally design your life: we will create a life strategy that will lead you to get the results you desire. Awareness of your own responsibility is the most important component in this strategy. Make this approach the core of your soul and start now. Let this decision be expressed in how you analyze the events of your life. Then, as you look to the future, implement that decision through the choices you make. Keep your focus on your own choices and behavior Here And Now. If you do this, you will not ask why your life turns out the way it does; you will say:

“Everything is correct. It couldn’t be otherwise.” One day you will understand the laws of life that control your life and make it what it is. You will say to yourself: “I have no reason to expect that my life could have turned out differently. Based on what I know, I can understand why am I depressed? I can understand, why am I an alcoholic; I can understand, why I married three times; I can understand, why can't I quit this lousy job. I did not know the principles that determine my destiny, but now I know them and can adapt to them and strategize. I programmed myself for failure, not for success, but I won’t do it again.”

I know that this line of thinking does not correspond to conventional thinking. It certainly contradicts almost every explanation for behavior that society currently offers us. After all, it's easier to tell yourself that it's all your parents and teachers' fault, that you're just unlucky, or that there's probably something wrong with the universe. When I say that it is easier to blame someone else, I mean that it is easier to avoid responsibility. It's easier if someone else answers - then you don't need to learn anything new about yourself, because you're just a victim.

The books write a lot about dysfunctional families, about the terrible consequences of childhood abuse and violence, be it sexual harassment or assault. They tell you that your childhood was stolen from you, that your “inner child” was locked in the depths of your soul and wants to be freed and come out. When we read these kinds of books, they tell us THAT we are not responsible, and then (for a while) relief comes. We desperately want to believe these words: they seem to lighten our burden. They do create a superficial sense of relief, because if you say to yourself, “I am responsible,” it is confusing and confusing. Of course, you wouldn't intentionally harm yourself, so there's bound to be someone other than you to blame. When you claim that other people contributed to your problems, no one will argue with you. You are suffering, which means someone has offended you; they must have done it, not you. Besides, YOU would never offend yourself. This may seem like common sense, but it is not: if you are an adult and live independently, do not suffer from dementia, a brain tumor or other thought disorders beyond your control, then you are responsible.

If you find this difficult to accept, you are not alone. The vast majority of patients I have ever treated, seminar participants I have taught, and friends who have ever cried on my shoulder or otherwise sought my advice have blamed someone or something for their misfortunes. . But you must not lose sight of the goal. No matter how hard it is: if you really want to have an advantage and use this law, you must be an adamant realist, calling things by their proper names, and not wishful thinking. To do otherwise is to undermine your own effectiveness and put you on the wrong path in finding answers and solutions.

The fact is that blaming others is the essence of human nature. Trying to avoid responsibility is the basis of self-preservation. You don't want to be held responsible for certain things, so you resort to extremely logical rationalizations and excuses to explain why you are not responsible for them. This is especially true when we talk about emotionally charged areas of our lives. Think about it. How many times have you heard people going through a divorce describe their spouse as mean, dishonest, and malicious as the cause of all their suffering? Once anger or resentment causes confusion in your soul, your objectivity will give way to self-preservation. While you are passionately blaming someone else, your self-diagnosis skills simply crumble. The best chance you have to take control of your life is to stop thinking like this right now. Don't try to pass the buck OR you will ruin all the efforts you put into becoming a winner.

Imagine that you lost your keys and ransacked the whole house in search. You look in every drawer, pocket, nook and cranny, up and down. You stop at nothing to find them and become a true clue finder. Now suppose that the keys are not at home at all - they remained in the car in the ignition. It doesn't matter how hard, how hard or how long you search, you will never find the keys where there are none. In the same way, when you want to find the causes of your problems in other people, you will never find them because they are not there. They are only inside you.

In a world of rivalry and competition, only taking responsibility can change things. Once you decide that no one but yourself will save you from a continuous series of troubles, you will stop kissing all the frogs in a row in search of the enchanted princess and start working on your problems.

You will never solve your problems by blaming someone else. This is an option for losers. Don't cling to it just because it hurts to admit the truth. If anyone can make you do anything, it's yourself. The sooner you come to terms with this, the sooner your life will change for the better. Admit it. No matter who you might want to blame:

You married him. You gave it up.

You invited her to your home. You chose these feelings.

You decided you don't deserve it. You quit your job.

You allowed them to return. You have betrayed your dreams.

You chose this job.

You allowed them to despise you. You wanted to move.

You left it in the refrigerator. You bought the damn thing. You ate it yourself.

You let them convince you. You believed him.

You have made a choice. You said these words.

You paid too little. You are furious.

You wanted to have children.

You treated yourself like a nonentity.

You let this bore hang around you. You wanted that damn dog.

You trusted this asshole.

You let him in.

I'm not just being categorical, repeating the same thing. I do understand that you can be caught in a vice by holding such beliefs. Accepting and recognizing this law means depriving yourself of what could be the most important “support” strategy for you in life. If having to do this seems cruel and unfair, consider this: I didn't say you were to blame, I said you were responsible. There is a huge difference between guilt and responsibility. To be charged, you must have committed your actions intentionally or recklessly disregarded their consequences. Responsibility means that you only controlled what was happening. It does not imply intent or recklessness. Responsibility means only one thing: whatever led to a given result - you did it or allowed it to happen.

If I misbehave with my friends, jump on a chair with both feet and break it - this is the best illustration of thoughtless disregard for property. I am responsible for such damages as I can fairly be accused of causing. Now suppose I sit on a chair and it breaks. I am responsible for this damage. I used this chair correctly and did not intend to break it, so I cannot be accused of maliciously destroying it. But I am still responsible for this.

I am not saying that the poor behavior and poor choices you have made in life make you worthy of blame. I simply demand that you realize that you yourself made these choices and behaved in a certain way, and therefore you - and only you - are responsible for the results.

Consider Maya Angelou's quote about past behavior: "You acted on what you knew. When you learned how to do better, you did better." This is how I want you to approach your self-esteem. Whatever you did in the past, you acted as best you could. But you are responsible for this. I hope that as you work with me and move through the pages of this book, you will learn more and take better action. The main thing is that you bear and will bear responsibility.

But what about the events that happened to me in childhood? I understand that certain events, sometimes extremely painful, happened in our lives when we were still children. I am not suggesting that as children we choose all the events and circumstances of our lives. We do not choose our parents and are not responsible for the fact that we are beaten, insulted and harassed. I'm talking about something else. As a child, you may not have had the knowledge or power to make certain choices and were not responsible for events. Now, as an adult, you have the ability to choose your attitude towards the events and circumstances of your childhood. You must agree that the only time that exists is the present time, now. The past is gone, but the future has not yet arrived. By being here at this particular point in time as an adult, you, and only you, can choose how to relate to the events that have previously occurred in your life.

If you were tragically abused or mistreated as a child, statistics confirm that it likely came from family members or trusted friends. This means that the abuse was physical, mental and emotional at the same time. If you are currently choosing to feel terrible about past events—to trust no one, avoid intimacy in relationships, and reject healthy sexuality—then that is your choice, and you are responsible for those outcomes in your adult life. Is it fair that this happened to you? No. Is it fair that you have to deal with this at all? No. Is it fair that you have to live and deal with this for the rest of your life? No. But are you still responsible for how you live and deal with it? Undoubtedly.

Responsibility has two aspects: on the one hand, the entire burden of this burden lies on you, on the other, the choice is still yours.

We have already talked about epidemic behavior. Responsibility for life in general and for epidemic behavior in particular can manifest itself in two ways. Dreams, plans, opportunities and self-esteem can disappear or change in the blink of an eye. I have witnessed this type of accountability many times, both in the courtroom and in life.

In the courtroom, in the short time it takes to read the verdict, the results of all the wrong decisions and actions are finally realized. Once the judge's gavel hits, responsibility becomes a destructive force: freedom is lost or fortune has changed. It often looks dramatic, even exciting. The front pages of newspapers are full of loud headlines, the incident is reported in the latest news releases - it seems that the whole world is watching the course of events.

After greedily reading the headlines, we shake our heads and turn away, returning to our own lives. But for the heroes of these events, for those who are responsible for their poor choices or simply for the lack of a good strategy, everything is different. I have seen this in life, where destinies seem to change instantly. The trigger is set by an angry lover or a mistaken pilot, the young man puts his bride in a car that is about to crash as they leave the party drunk and with poor self-control. Responsibility is immediate, brutal and inevitable.

But there is another type of responsibility that you will probably easily recognize: this kind of responsibility is not as obvious as in the first case, it creeps up unnoticed, but its consequences are just as catastrophic. It weakens life day by day. Television cameras are not buzzing, capturing details, journalists are not writing reports about the events taking place. There is not a single event in this chain that is so exciting and exciting as to wake us up and make us sound the alarm. The only witness is you. Looking back, you realize that you made concessions or were inactive, you see that your dreams have been destroyed or have ceased to attract you. For weeks, months, years, you are haunted by questions: “Why did I do this to myself?”, “How did I get to this point in life?”, “What happened to my dreams and plans?”, “Why did I end up in this hole? " Creeping up unnoticed, like a quiet but sudden and cruel attack, such responsibility is truly destructive.

Since the law of responsibility is so fundamental and so determining the outcome of any undertaking, let us examine the method by which you create your life experience. You build your life through the actions and decisions that you do and make every day. It is these daily choices that create your life, because every decision entails certain consequences:

When you choose actions, you choose consequences.

When you choose your thoughts, you choose your consequences.

By choosing thoughts, you choose physiology.

To put it simply, you have to pay for everything. Whatever action you take in this world, it has its results, and they, added together, create your life experience. Actually, these results are your experience, they are your life. If you truly choose stupid behavior, you will have to face severe negative consequences. If you choose to live recklessly without regard for your own safety, you are obviously choosing the consequences of pain and injury. By choosing to continue living with a cold and inconsiderate partner, you are choosing pain and suffering in your personal life. By choosing alcohol and drugs, you choose a dark, illusory and painful world, preferring it to a bright and healthy life.

Thoughts And representation- this is also behavior. Their choices contribute to your life: by choosing your thoughts and outlook on life, you choose the consequences associated with them. By choosing thoughts that humiliate and devalue you, you create the consequences of low self-esteem and self-doubt. By choosing thoughts that are tainted with anger and bitterness, you create alienation, isolation and hostility.

We cannot discuss the implications without talking about the mind-body connection. By choosing your thoughts, you determine the physiological state associated with them and depending on them. Imagine biting into a crispy pickled cucumber flavored with dill. Smell the seasoning and brine. Hear it crunch in your mouth. Taste the brine and dill seasoning. What's happening? I suspect that you have started to salivate, that is, certain physiological changes have occurred.

Another example. Think back to an evening when you were walking down a dark street, or perhaps walking to your car, which was parked in the garage, deserted and dark. Conjure up a sudden noise behind you. Your body reacts immediately. The hair on the back of your neck and on your arms moves, your heart beats faster, and you become alert, as if your whole body has turned into a tense nerve. No one has touched you, nothing threatens you yet. You just thought, "I'm in danger." Abstract thoughts are powerful enough to create tangible and impressive physiological responses. It is naive to deny that every thought is accompanied by certain physiological reactions.

There is a very strong connection between body and psyche here. Physiology determines your energy level and the way you act. If you have aggressive and self-deprecating self-talk, the accompanying physiology will be just as destructive. Depressive thoughts suppress energy. Your body will adapt to this message from the "central computer". In your mind, behavior and physiology, you program yourself to move through life in a certain way.

Think about how much your thoughts program you. We constantly engage in dialogues with other people, but the most active of them is the conversation we have with ourselves. During the day we can come into contact with ten different people, but we communicate with ourselves constantly, every day. We talk and program ourselves more than all the people in our lives combined. Some of us have "tapes" that we play over and over in our heads. The "cassette" plays from start to finish, then the tape makes a loop and everything starts again. If the internal monologue - the programming monologue - is negative, then is it any wonder that we perform poorly on our tasks? If it contains negative self-talk, then you are creating unnecessary obstacles for yourself. Here are some typical negative statements:

I'm not smart enough.

These people are more interesting and know much more than me.

I'm not as good as other people.

I am not capable of achieving success.

I've never had any luck.

No matter what I do, it won't change anything.

They have already made their decision and I cannot change it.

I do what I have to do, but nothing will ever change.

They will understand how stupid I am.

I'm a woman, and they won't listen to a woman.

I'm too young to do this.

I'm too old to do this.

Task No. 5.On a card, as well as in your diary, make a list, a “hot ten” of your most popular negative “cassettes” and “films” that you scroll through most often. Carry this card with you. Any time you hear YOU replaying another “tape” of negative thoughts, note it on the card. It may be useful to update it after a few days. Check how often during the day you scroll through the film. Be sure to take notes: Taking notes is one of the key elements of the learning process.

We talked about how when you choose behavior or thoughts, you choose consequences. Now let's check out some specific interaction mechanisms that create results in your life. It is not my intention to simply give you a theoretical statement:

“When you choose behavior, you choose consequences.” I want to talk to you about the choices we face in the real world.

You choose where to be.

You choose how to act.

You choose what to say.

You choose what to do.

You choose who to be with.

You choose what to focus on.

You choose what to believe.

You choose when to agree.

You choose when to object.

You choose who to trust.

You choose who to avoid.

You choose how and what to react to.

You choose what to tell yourself: - about yourself,

About others

About the risk

About your needs

About your rights.

One of the main choices you choose from (and choose every day) concerns how you present and define yourself to people. Everyone has a specific idea of ​​their own existence in this world. Everyone has a certain way of looking at things, a certain attitude towards everything in the world. Everyone has a certain role and behavior that they choose when dealing with other people. Some might call it your personality or your style. This is something to pay special attention to: people tend to respond to you in an appropriate manner, reacting to your pitch. This means that every day, as you make these choices and decisions, you contribute to your perception of the world. Actually, this choice determines how the world reacts to you. Let's take a closer look at how this process occurs.