Reflective listening is objective feedback from the speaker, used as a control for the accuracy of perception of what was heard.

Reflexive listening is essential for effective communication mainly because of the limitations and difficulties in the communication process.

• 1. Polysemy of most words. For example, for the 500 most commonly used words, there are more than 14,000 different meanings. Therefore, it can sometimes be difficult to establish what exactly the person who used the word meant without knowing its specific meaning for the speaker himself. Therefore, to clarify the meaning of the words used, reflective listening techniques are necessary.
• 2. “Encoded” meaning of most messages. It must be remembered that what we communicate to each other has a certain meaning only for ourselves. These are our ideas, attitudes, feelings.

By conveying their meanings using generally accepted means, we “code” the materials using words. To avoid offending anyone, we choose our words carefully. Therefore, it is often impossible to express a thought in such a way that the listener understands it correctly.

3. Difficulty in open self-expression. Because of conventions and the need for approval, we often begin our presentation with a short introduction that obscures their intentions.

All this points to the need to be able to listen reflectively, i.e. decipher the meaning of messages and find out their real meaning.

There are 4 types of reflexive techniques:

1. clarification; 2. paraphrasing; 3. reflection of feelings; 4. summary.

Typically these types of responses are used in combination.

1. Clarification.

Clarification is an appeal to the speaker for clarification.

There are the following key phrases for clarification:

"Please clarify this"

“Is this the problem as you understand it?”

“Will you say it again?”

"I do not understand what do you mean"

“Would you mind explaining this?”

Often a simple remark is enough for the speaker to understand that he is not expressing his thoughts accurately.

Explanatory phrases sometimes take the form of “open” questions.

You can also use “closed” questions that require simple “yes” or “no” answers, these are the following questions:

"It's difficult?";

“Would you rather do it yourself?”;

“Is that all you wanted to say?”

Closed questions should be kept in reserve, because... they can easily disrupt the speaker's train of thought. Therefore, “open” questions are preferable. It is also useful to use simple declared statements: “I don’t understand what you mean.” - in this case, the listener shows a willingness to maintain “neutrality” and wait for the exact transmission of the entire message.

2. Paraphrasing.

Paraphrasing means stating the same idea differently.

The purpose of paraphrasing is the listener's own formulation of the speaker's message to check its accuracy.

Paraphrasing Key Phrases:

“How I understood you.”;

“As I understand you are saying.”;

“In your opinion.”;

"You think.";

“You can correct me if I’m wrong, but.”;

When paraphrasing, you must follow the following rules:

• 1. select only the essential, main points of the message, otherwise the answer, instead of clarifying the understanding, may cause confusion;
• 2. you should selectively repeat the interlocutor’s thoughts;
• 3. the main thing is the meaning and ideas, and not the attitude and feelings of the interlocutor;
• 4. Literal repetition of the interlocutor’s words is a big obstacle in the conversation, because this may cause the speaker to doubt that he is truly being listened to.

Reflection of feelings.

Here the emphasis is not on the content of the message (as in paraphrasing), but on the listener’s reflection of the feelings expressed by the speaker, his attitudes and emotional state. The differences between feelings and the content of a message are in a sense relative and not always easy to grasp. However, this distinction often becomes decisive. How nice it can be when someone understands our experiences and shares our feelings, without paying much attention to the content of our speech, a substance that is sometimes of secondary importance.

Reflecting feelings also helps the speaker - he is more fully aware of his emotional state. Society teaches us to control our feelings. This leads to us often losing track of our feelings and having difficulty expressing them. It’s not for nothing that Eastern wisdom says:

“Listen to what people say, but understand how they feel.”

By reflecting the feelings of the interlocutor, we show him that we understand his condition, so the answers should be formulated, as far as possible, in our own words.

To facilitate reflective reflection of feelings, you can use the following introductory phrases:

“I think you feel.”

"You probably feel it."

“Aren’t you feeling a little?”

When responding to the emotional state of the speaker, you should take into account the intensity of his feelings, using the appropriate gradation of adverbs in your answers:

"You're a little upset." (completely, very, scary).

You can understand the feelings of your interlocutor in various ways:

• 1. You should pay attention to the words he uses that reflect feelings (for example, sadness, anger, joy, etc. Such words are key);
• 2. It is necessary to monitor non-verbal means of communication (facial expression, intonation, posture, gestures and movement of the interlocutor: that is, whether the speaker moves away from the interlocutor or comes closer);
• 3. You should imagine how you would feel in the speaker’s place;
• 4. You should try to understand the general context of communication, the reasons for the interlocutor’s contact with you.

Summary.

Summarizing responses summarize the speaker's main ideas and feelings. This technique is applicable in long conversations, i.e. where paraphrasing and reflecting feelings are used relatively rarely.

Summarizing statements help connect fragments of a conversation into a semantic unity. They give 1. the listener confidence in the accurate perception of the speaker's message and at the same time 2. help the speaker understand how well he managed to convey his idea.

The summary should also be formulated in your own words, but there are typical introductory phrases:

“What you just said could mean.”

“Your main ideas, as I understand it, are.”

“If I now summarize what you said, then”

Summarizing is especially appropriate in situations that arise when 1. discussing disagreements, 2. resolving conflicts, 3. addressing grievances, 4. solving problems.

listening style speech perception

44.Types of listening - active, non-reflective, empathic.

Empathic listening. Empathy (from English - sympathy, empathy, the ability to put oneself in the place of another) is a person’s ability to emotionally respond to the experiences and feelings of other people.

With empathic listening, the participant in communication pays more attention to “reading” feelings rather than words, understanding what the interlocutor’s attitude is towards what he is saying. There are three ways to show empathy - empathic response, taking another point of view and sympathetic response.

Empathic responding occurs when a person, using participant observation, experiences emotional reactions that are similar to the actual or expected manifestations of another's emotions.

A sympathetic response is a feeling of care, sympathy, and compassion directed toward another person because of his or her circumstances or situation.

The sympathetic response method differs from the previous two mainly in that the partner does not try to empathize with the other person. Understanding what another is actually experiencing causes a person to feel sadness, concern for this person, pity for him or other feelings.

Rules for empathic listening: 1) it is important to free the soul from one’s own experiences and problems, give up prejudices about the interlocutor, and tune in to the perception of his feelings; 2) in your reaction to your partner’s words, you must accurately reflect his experience, feeling, demonstrate not only their correct perception, but understanding and acceptance; 3) reflection of a partner’s feelings should be carried out without interpretation of his actions and hidden motives of behavior that led to specific actions; you should not explain to him your opinion about the reasons for this feeling; 4) you need to pause. After your answer, the interlocutor usually needs to be silent, think, and understand each other’s experiences. There is no need to rush with additional considerations or explanations.

When listening empathically, as a rule, they do not give advice, do not seek to evaluate the interlocutor, do not moralize, do not criticize, and do not teach.

In communication, empathic listening can be both effective if the speaker evokes positive emotions in the listener (joy, hopes for the best, self-confidence, in the future, pleasure, satisfaction), and ineffective if the speaker in his words evokes negative emotions in the listener ( fear, anxiety, sadness, disappointment, disappointment, hopelessness, feeling of impasse). By consciously observing your interlocutor and asking yourself questions, you can focus on the verbal and nonverbal aspects of information through which a person's emotional state is most expressed.

Non-reflective listening. This type of listening involves minimal interference with the speaker's speech with maximum concentration on it. The ability to remain attentively silent, without interfering with the speaker’s speech with his remarks and remarks, facilitates the process of self-expression for the listener and helps him to better understand the meaning of the information being transmitted, to grasp what is behind the words. An important signal of such listening is the non-verbal response, i.e.

eye contact, nod or shake of head, etc.

In such cases, it is important to simply listen to the person, letting him know that he is not alone, that you understand and are ready to support.

Experts believe that a person’s emotional state is like a pendulum: having reached the highest point of emotional intensity, a person begins to “descend” and calm down; then the strength of his feelings increases again, but, having reached the highest point, it falls again, etc. If you do not interfere with this process, i.e. Do not “swing” the pendulum additionally; then, having spoken out, the person will calm down and be able to communicate normally. At the same time, you should not be silent at all, because deaf silence causes irritation in any person, and in an excited person this irritation will be intensified.

Listening techniques at such a moment are usually the following: positive reactions: - assent (“so”, “yes-yes”, “well”, nodding your head); - “echo reaction” (repetition of the interlocutor’s last word); - “mirror” (repetition of the interlocutor’s last phrase with a change in word order); - “paraphrase” (transmission of partner’s statements in other words); - motivation (“Well and...”, “And what next?”); - emotions (“wow”, “ah”, “great”, “laughter”, “mournful face”); - clarifying questions (“Repeat what you said?”); negative reactions: - continuation or interruption of the speaker (when the listener intervenes in the speech and tries to complete the phrase, suggests words); - logical consequences from the partner’s statements, for example, assumptions about the cause of the event, assessments, advice; - “rude reaction” (statements like: “nonsense”, “all this is nonsense”); - questioning (question follows question without specifying the purpose); - disdain for the partner (the listener does not pay attention to his words, ignores the partner and what he wants to say).

A negative reaction during unreflective listening should not be used; you should also not ask clarifying questions and say: “Calm down, don’t worry, everything will work out,” - this can cause an outburst of indignation or frustration in the partner; in this state, the interlocutor cannot adequately understand these words, they outrage him, it seems to him that his problem is underestimated, that he is not understood. If your partner’s emotions are directed directly at you, then the main task is not to become infected with them, not to fall into the same state of anger, which can lead to a violent conflict or “showdown.”

Active reflective listening. The type of listening in which reflection of information comes to the fore is called active reflective listening. Reflective listening involves analyzing the information received during the listening process and immediately responding to it with questions or remarks. Reflection (from Lat ge/1ex!o - reflection) is the process of self-knowledge by the subject of internal mental acts and states; the process of a person thinking about what is happening in his own mind; tendency towards introspection. This type of listening in communication is considered the most constructive.

The most common techniques that characterize active listening are constant clarification of the correct understanding of the information that the interlocutor wants to convey to you, by asking questions like “Did I understand you correctly?..”, paraphrases “So, you want to say...” or “In other words, you meant...”.

The use of such simple communication techniques allows you to achieve two goals at once: 1) adequate feedback is provided, which allows you to eliminate obstacles, distortions of information, demonstrate empathy, compassion, a desire to help, and there is confidence that the information conveyed by the interlocutor is correctly understood; 2) indirectly the interlocutor is informed that in front of him is an equal partner.

Taking an equal partner position means that both interlocutors must be responsible for every word they say. This goal is usually achieved faster than the first, especially in cases where you are dealing with an authoritarian, tough interlocutor who is accustomed to communicating from a position “on a pedestal.” Using active listening skills will greatly help someone who has a “victim” position: in this way, it not only knocks the authoritarian interlocutor out of their usual position, but also raises them to the level of an equal conversation with a partner, making it possible to focus on the essential points of the conversation, and not on one’s own experiences and fears.

In communication, not only words, but also gestures can have several meanings, and accordingly can be understood differently by listeners. There are situations when a speaker, especially an excited one, gets confused in his words, gives too much vent to feelings, which are expressed in confused gestures - all this can distort the meaning of statements so much that the speaker himself ceases to understand what he actually wanted to communicate.

In order to ensure understanding, the listener, using verbal and non-verbal means, must let the transmitter of information (speaker) know what is accurately perceived and what is distorted, so that he can adjust his message and make it even more understandable. It is this exchange of feed-forward and feedback signals that constitutes the process of active reflective listening.

Let's look at two types of listening: unreflective and reflective. Non-reflective listening is the simplest. Here you just need to use such simple techniques as interested silence and a minimal verbal reaction like “hmm-hmm” or “aha.” It's good if this happens without interruptions. Moreover, even a nod of the head can inspire the speaker to go on a rather lengthy tirade. Reaction signals can be very different, as long as they do not contain evaluation or judgment. (For example: “Huh?”, “So-so”, “Move on”, “Yes?”, “I understand”, “Really?”.)

Non-reflective listening is especially valuable when you need to express a painful issue, as is often the case between, say, colleagues or close friends.

However, listening carefully to your partner is not always sufficient. If the interlocutor mistakes your silence for agreement, you need to enter into a conversation - i.e. move to reflective listening.

At reflective listening we enter into a feedback relationship with the speaker, which does not exclude elements of evaluation or judgment. This lets nervous and anxious people know that they are understood, sympathized with, and want to help.

In this case, it is useful to remember that during communication there is a process of encoding and decoding messages. The speaker “encodes” facts and his attitude towards them into socially significant verbal formulas and non-verbal behavior. The problem is that both words and gestures have many meanings and can be decoded differently by the listener. Sometimes speakers get confused in their words or give too much vent to their feelings, expressing them with strange gestures - both of which can distort the meaning of statements.

To ensure understanding, the listener must let the speaker know what exactly he “got” so that he can quickly adjust his message. It is this exchange of forward and feedback signals that is called reflective listening.

Examples of phrases typical for such a hearing include the following:

“Could you please explain this (with an example)?”;

"What do you have in mind?";

“Unfortunately, I didn’t understand everything”;

"Would you please repeat that?";

“Perhaps you could formulate this differently?”

Retelling what we heard is a step forward. In this case, we return the essence of his message to the speaker so that he can evaluate whether we understood it correctly. It is important to retell what you heard in your own words, without trying to mechanically copy what was said, otherwise the meaning will remain unrevealed. The following phrases are appropriate here: “do you mean...”;

“as far as I could understand you...”;

“So, from your point of view...”;

“so, you believe...”;

“in other words, you think...”

Generalization helps to connect the parts of a message into a meaningful whole. In this way, you let the speaker know that you understood the entire message, and not just the part that you expected to hear. A generalization of what has been said is especially appropriate during discussions during collective resolution of issues, when their discussion has dragged on and the essence of the dispute begins to slip away.

The generalization reaction (summary) can be introduced by the following phrases:

“summarizing what you said...”;

“until now we have considered...”;

“So, your main idea, if I understand you correctly, comes down to...”

The listener's response to the speaker's feelings must take into account the feeling of his intonation. In other words, we seem to mirror the feelings of the interlocutor, his personal coloring of this issue. The meaning of such a reaction is important for the speaker, so it is worth not only reflecting his feelings, but also expressing sympathy for him. You just shouldn’t say: “I know how you feel” - this can only upset the interlocutor. Instead, phrases such as: “you feel irritated (offended, upset, etc.)” are appropriate; “You seem upset...”;

“are you worried...”;

“I can imagine how hard it is for you...”;

“You got it so much...”

In the process of mastering this technique, it may seem to us that everything turns out artificially, clumsily. However, you need to patiently practice and accustom yourself to this way of responding so that it organically becomes part of your everyday communication style.

By following these recommendations, an attentive listener will be able not only to find out the opinion and position of his partner, which will greatly facilitate the conduct of a business conversation. A partner who has talked, thanks to the opportunity given to him to express himself, will become more accommodating at the decision-making stage and will be willing to compromise. And finally, as a reward for attentive listening, you will receive the “open heart” of a faithful partner, which in the future can result in long-term and effective cooperation.

Business conversations are characterized by the purposefulness of the process and the need to achieve a certain result, for example, summing up or making a decision. Therefore, as a rule, a leader (leader, chairperson, coordinator, manager) is appointed to conduct them, developing a plan-scenario for the meeting, which determines the order and sequence of speeches of the participants. If a business conversation takes place face to face, then the role of the host is assigned to the receiving party.

reflective listening). According to its content, R. s. includes the ability to respond to another person by developing empathy. Rogers (Rogers S. R.) and other authors view empathy as an important element of psychotherapeutic interaction, as a complex way of perceiving that one person is close to another, as a human ability, based on the most late involved part of the brain and acting as a balancing force. pronounced egocentric aspirations. The approach to studying empathy is based on the analysis or recording of verbal expression, and there is no direct way to measure how deeply a person feels the experiences of another. Despite the importance of the bodily sensations that arise, they are, however, difficult to measure. Some similarities have been noted between empathic relationships and those states that arise during meditation. Rogers provides evidence that the ability to empathize is not related to professional academic or practical training.

R.s. studied and taught not only in the context of psychotherapy. Parents were taught this as a means of maintaining an open and trusting relationship with their own children. It is noted that with a more empathic teacher, students are more involved in the learning process. Listening always includes experiencing a special relationship with the speaker, accepting the content that the speaker is trying to comprehend and understand. The listener supports the speaker in his desire to consider, analyze the situation from all sides and make a decision, but he himself is in no hurry to give advice and suggestions on how and what to do in certain situations and situations. As Rogers has repeatedly said, the listener does not diagnose or evaluate. The purpose of R. s. - to be in the world of another’s feelings, and not to involve him in your own world. In other words, it is a way of being with another person that benefits the latter. What is it? It is assumed that the speaker’s feelings and thoughts during the listening process can change in such a way that he can solve his problems, experience insight, relieve internal tension, find answers to his questions and overcome his own inconsistency.

Gendlin's concept of personality change provides some basis for such expectations and assumptions and clarifies the nature of this kind of listening process. His work sheds light on the “object” of listening, not on what exactly the individual listened to, but on the nature of those personal processes that are stimulated in this way. According to Gendlin, "bodily felt sense" is the basic material of personality. This bodily feeling is more complete than what a person perceives consciously. It includes everything that a person feels at the moment, even if it is unclear and sublimated. The speaker's "bodily felt sense" is a constantly changing, rather than static, object to which the listener listens. R.s. involves the perspective of interaction allowing the other person to experience and feel his or her ability to solve problems, identifying his or her own part in the creation of interpersonal difficulties, while strengthening self-esteem and not minimizing the importance of his own experiences and needs. Relationships that include components of assessment, diagnosis and advice tend to produce the opposite effect, that is, they stop the processes described above. Gendlin's work contains a hypothesis according to which the listener helps the other on a personal level, allows him to open up emotionally towards acquiring further internal experience and thus stimulates processes of change rather than fixation of experience.

The term "R.s." is not the most successful metaphor, since it does not fully describe the process of understanding and coming into contact with another person. If empathy arises in the process of interaction, then this should be considered as an event at the center of which is the emergence of an intimate relationship.

Reflective Listening

According to its content, R. s. includes the ability to respond to another person with the occurrence empathy.Rogers(Rogers S.R.) and other authors, empathy is considered as an important element of psychotherapeutic interaction, as a complex way of perceiving that one person is close to another, as a human ability, based on the most lately involved part of the brain and acting as a force that balances the expressed egocentric aspirations. The approach to studying empathy is based on the analysis or recording of verbal expression, and there is no direct way to measure how deeply a person feels the experiences of another. Despite the importance of the bodily sensations that arise, they are, however, difficult to measure. Some similarities have been noted between empathic relationships and those states that arise during meditation. Rogers provides evidence that the ability to empathize is not related to professional academic or practical training.

R.s. studied and taught not only in the context of psychotherapy. Parents were taught this as a means of maintaining an open and trusting relationship with their own children. It is noted that with a more empathic teacher, students are more involved in the learning process. Listening always includes experiencing a special relationship with the speaker, accepting the content that the speaker is trying to comprehend and understand. The listener supports the speaker in his desire to consider, analyze the situation from all sides and make a decision, but he himself is in no hurry to give advice and suggestions on how and what to do in certain situations and situations. As Rogers has repeatedly said, the listener does not diagnose or evaluate. The purpose of R. s. - to be in the world of another’s feelings, and not to involve him in your own world. In other words, it is a way of being with another person that benefits the latter. What is it? It is assumed that the speaker’s feelings and thoughts during the listening process can change in such a way that he can solve his problems, survive insight, relieve internal tension, find answers to your questions and overcome your own inconsistency.

Gendlin's concept of personality change provides some basis for such expectations and assumptions and clarifies the nature of this kind of listening process. His work sheds light on the “object” of listening, not on what exactly the individual listened to, but on the nature of those personal processes that are stimulated in this way. According to Gendlin, “bodily felt sense” is the basic material of personality. This bodily feeling is more complete than what a person perceives consciously. It includes everything that a person feels at the moment, even if it is unclear and sublimated. The speaker's "bodily felt sense" is a constantly changing, rather than static, object to which the listener listens. R.s. involves the perspective of interaction allowing the other person to experience and feel his or her ability to solve problems, identifying his or her own part in the creation of interpersonal difficulties, while strengthening self-esteem and not minimizing the importance of his own experiences and needs. Relationships that include components of assessment, diagnosis and advice tend to produce the opposite effect, that is, they stop the processes described above. Gendlin's work contains a hypothesis according to which the listener helps the other on a personal level, allows him to open up emotionally towards acquiring further internal experience and thus stimulates processes of change rather than fixation of experience.

The term "R. With." is not the most successful metaphor, since it does not fully describe the process of understanding and coming into contact with another person. If empathy arises in the process of interaction, then this should be considered as an event at the center of which is the emergence of an intimate relationship.