assertive rights. Make illogical decisions. Beliefs that interfere with the development of assertive behavior in a person prone to a passive model of behavior

assertiveness

Assertiveness is the ability of a person not to depend on external influences and assessments, to independently regulate their own behavior and be responsible for it. In ordinary life, the behavioral pattern of most people tends to one of two extremes: passivity or aggression. In the first case, a person who voluntarily assumes the role of a victim is driven by self-doubt, fear in the face of change, or, conversely, fear of losing what has already been acquired. In the second - an explicit or veiled desire to manipulate others, subordinating them to their own interests. The aggressor is guided by the principle "you owe me because I am stronger", the victim - "you owe me because I am weak, and the weak must be supported." In contrast to these two common types of communication, assertiveness is based on a radically different principle: “I don’t owe you anything, and you don’t owe me anything, we are partners.”

Principles of assertive behavior

• Taking responsibility for your own behavior. At its core, assertiveness is a philosophy of personal responsibility. That is, we are talking about the fact that we are responsible for our own behavior and have no right to blame other people for their reaction to our behavior.
• Demonstration of self-respect and respect for other people. The main component of assertiveness is the presence of self-respect and respect for other people. If you don't respect yourself, then who will respect you?
• Effective communication. In this case, the following three qualities are the main ones - honesty, openness and directness in conversation, but not at the expense of the emotional state of the other person. It's about being able to say what you think or feel about an issue without upsetting your communication partner.
• Demonstration of confidence and positive attitude. Assertive behavior involves developing confidence and a positive attitude. Self-confidence is related to two parameters: self-respect and the knowledge that we are professionals who are good at our craft.
• Ability to listen carefully and understand. Assertiveness requires the ability to listen carefully and the desire to understand the point of view of another person. We all consider ourselves good listeners, but the question arises, how often do we, when listening to another person, move from facts to assumptions, and how often do we interrupt others in order to quickly state our point of view?
• Negotiations and reaching a working compromise. The desire to achieve a working compromise is a very useful quality. Sometimes there is a need to find a way out of the current situation, which would suit all the parties involved in it.

You also have the right:

• Express feelings;
• express opinions and beliefs;
• say "yes" or "no";
• change your mind;
• say "I don't understand";
• be yourself and not adapt to others;
• do not take on someone else's responsibility;
• ask for something;
• set your own priorities;
• expect to be listened to and taken seriously;
• make mistakes;
• be illogical when making decisions;
• say "I don't care".

Beliefs that interfere with the development of assertive behavior in a person prone to a passive model of behavior

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Synonyms:

See what "Assertiveness" is in other dictionaries:

assertiveness- Self-affirmation without boasting or false modesty. Confidently defending one's interests or one's point of view, taking into account the opinions of other people. Brief explanatory psychological and psychiatric dictionary. Ed. igisheva. 2008. ASSERTIVE… Great Psychological Encyclopedia

Exist., number of synonyms: 1 self-confidence (1) ASIS synonym dictionary. V.N. Trishin. 2013 ... Synonym dictionary

A personality trait that can be defined as autonomy, independence from external influences and assessments, the ability to independently regulate one's own behavior Dictionary of business terms. Akademik.ru. 2001 ... Glossary of business terms

assertiveness- assertiveness, and ... Russian spelling dictionary

assertiveness- the social quality of the individual, manifested in an orientation towards compromise and cooperation as the leading strategies for interaction ... Modern educational process: basic concepts and terms

ASSERTIVITY- - self-promotion or promotion of one's will. The author of the methodology is the American scientist A. Salter, who gave A. the following definition: "to be able to insist on one's own, to convince." The development of A. requires training in spontaneous reactions corresponding to the manifestation ... ... Encyclopedic Dictionary of Psychology and Pedagogy

assertiveness- (assertiveness). Standing up and defending your rights... Psychology of development. Dictionary by book

assertiveness- Self-affirmation without boasting or false modesty. Confidently defending your interests or your point of view, taking into account the opinions of other people ... Dictionary of Gestalt Therapy

Assertiveness or assertive behavior- - behavior and ideas that are based on the desire to defend their own interests or the interests of other people. Many people are familiar with social situations that are caused by a lack of assertiveness. Situations where a person ... ... Social Work Dictionary

T. a. designed by Andrew Salter and popularized by Joseph Wolpe and Arnold Lazarus. TA most often forms one aspect of a broader therapeutic program. Its goals include: a) raising awareness of personal rights; b) distinction ... ... Psychological Encyclopedia

Dependence on the opinions of people makes it difficult to live a full and vibrant life. It is unlikely that anyone will like it if outsiders dictate to him how to act, what decisions to make, what to wear, what to eat, how to look, and so on. But it so happens that every day we unwittingly expose the freedom of our choice to the danger of being infringed. How to remain a full-fledged free person and at the same time not violate the rights and freedom of other people?

There is a concept of "assertiveness" in psychology, it very accurately describes the correct behavior of an adult, self-confident person. Let's start with the fact that assertiveness is a style of behavior, a quality of character that allows a person to defend the boundaries of his personality without aggressiveness and protect his goals and interests, while showing tolerance and respect for his opponent. What manifestations of character and behavior are characteristic of assertive people?

Lack of aggression

First of all, a person with this quality of character does not show aggression.
It is important to note that expressing and feeling are two different things. There are people who know how to control their emotions well so that they are not visible externally. But the outward expression on the face does not mean that a person does not have a storm inside. An assertive person will feel calm both externally and internally.

Adequate perception of oneself and others

This characteristic also indicates the presence of assertiveness in a person. When a self-confident, non-aggressive person responds to various provocations from others, he does not make maximum demands on his opponent, nor does he relieve him of responsibility for an unpleasant conversation, and tells him about it. Along with such an attitude towards the interlocutor, the person himself adequately relates to his role in the conversation - in no case does he take full responsibility for unpleasant moments on himself, and also does not completely relieve himself of it.

Constant awareness of behavior

This characteristic includes the acceptance and awareness of the mistakes made and the absence of conflict. Assertiveness is a person's correct assessment of his actions. The main thing here is the awareness of the time spent and the effectiveness of their actions. Based on this, an assertive person can abandon the planned plan, even if the opinion of others around him deteriorates.

Conflict or assertiveness?

Assertiveness in psychology is also understood as the absence of conflict. You can immediately say that this does not happen, if there is no conflict, then there is no upholding your opinion. Unfortunately, many people think so - their interests and rights can be defended only through conflict. Then you need to turn to the concept of "conflict". This is a sharp and emotional contradiction, a clash of opposing interests, goals and opinions. In this definition, it is important to see that the clash that is called conflict is necessarily emotional, acute and affective. These three signs completely contradict the main signs of assertiveness - awareness of behavior, lack of aggression and an adequate assessment of the participants in communication and the situation as a whole. It can be said that you remain an assertive person until you are involved in a conflict. Naturally, the behavior described above is given to some with great difficulty, there must be not only personal responsibility, but also proper upbringing from childhood.

assertiveness is the ability to say "no"

Very often we are faced with such situations when we need to say “no” to a person, but we cannot do this for various reasons, and then we ourselves suffer from this. To learn to respect yourself, your values, to defend your interests, it is important to be able to give up something in time. Assertiveness is the ability to say "no". For example, the situation: you are standing in a full bus, with a bag in one hand, with the other hand, hold on to the handrail. The conductor at one end of the minibus asks you to transfer money for the passage of passengers at the other end. You have the right not to transfer this money, firstly, because your hands are busy and you can fall on the turn, and secondly, you would not want to get your hands dirty on other people's money. If in this situation you refuse, protecting your interests, you will become bad for the passengers and the conductor, but still transferring the money, you will be left with a feeling of dissatisfaction and violated interests. What to do? You decide!

Rules for saying "no"

1. First of all, you need to be brief. If you start to explain the reason in detail, it will be like an excuse.
2. It is important to show respect for the interlocutor. You can praise or support without taking on the burden of responsibility for a person’s actions.
3. Sometimes you just need to say no. We are often afraid of this word, thinking that we will lose the favor of a person. But a firm "no" is much better and clearer than a vague "I don't know."
4. You have to be honest. You have the right to any decision, because you are wasting your time. You don't need to make excuses.
5. Hardness. If a persistent interlocutor is caught and he wants to persuade you to his solution to the issue, you need to firmly repeat “no” several times.
6. Absence It is not necessary to say that you are uncomfortable or regret your refusal. If you are unable to lift a rock, why apologize to it? So it is with responsibility.
7. Take care of yourself. First of all, you need to think about your mental and spiritual state. If to say “yes” means to trample on your aspirations and interests, then you need to take the opposite position. It's not about sacrifice. After all, sometimes for the sake of our loved ones, we sacrifice something important for ourselves. Here the question of priorities and personal responsibility comes to the fore.

What kind of a non-assertive person is he?

In order to have the principle of personal responsibility as a priority in your behavior, you need to understand that there is another side to the coin - non-assertive behavior. It can be described as excessive softness, perhaps laziness, conformity - extreme dependence on others. Consider situations in which this behavior can occur:

A person takes a passive position in a conversation in a group of people;

Allows you to make decisions for him;

There is a constant avoidance of responsibility for seemingly good reasons;

Afraid to start friendships, because he does not want to spend effort;

Low self-esteem manifests itself - a person considers himself weaker and worse than the rest;

Avoiding the attention of others;

Slowness in behavior based on avoidance of problems and responsibility;

Outwardly agrees with others, without taking into account their own feelings and desires;

ASSERTIVITY - WHAT IS IT?
It is worth starting with a definition. What is it, assertiveness and assertive human behavior.
Translated from English, "to assert" means to insist. The term "assertiveness" refers to the ability of a person to insist on his own and defend his point of view. The ability in difficult life situations, to solve problems, not to resort to an aggressive or passive way of solving them.

In everyday life, we most often encounter two behavioral models: passive and aggressive.
Passive problem solving is a way in which a person plays the role of a victim. This type of people lives according to the principle “I am weak, I need help and support, therefore, you owe me”. These people are not self-confident, if they have their own point of view, they are unlikely to be able to openly state it.

Aggressive way of problem solving- this is a way of a real manipulator, trying in any way to subjugate the people around him. These people always feel their superiority and their life principle, "I am stronger than you, so you owe me."

With an aggressive way of solving problems, you will be able to defend your needs, while the needs of other people (perhaps not indifferent to you) will be ignored.

With the passive method, you will give the right to choose to others, and their interests will be higher than yours, and your own sense of dignity, self-respect, will once again remain unclaimed.

An alternative to aggressive and passive behavior is the Assertive behavior model, (you defend your interests, while maintaining the needs of others) “I don’t owe you anything, and you don’t owe me anything either, WE ARE PARTNERS.”
It is important to understand that assertiveness and assertive behavior is not a removal of responsibility for one’s actions and not an extreme measure of selfishness, just because the main principle of assertiveness says “I don’t owe you anything, but you owe me.” Assertive behavior is a positive attitude that develops self-confidence, self-respect and respect for others. This is a way of solving the problem that will suit both sides of the conflict.

PRINCIPLES AND RULES OF ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR:

Don't be afraid to express your feelings;
Stand up for your opinion;
If the situation calls for it, don't be afraid to say "NO";
If your point of view has changed, to the opposite, say so (a person has the right to be wrong);
Do not be afraid to look stupid, admitting that you don’t understand something (we cannot know absolutely everything);
No need to adapt to others, losing your individuality (be yourself);
Do not shift your responsibility to others, but you should not take someone else's responsibility on yourself either;
When you need someone's help, don't be afraid to ask for it.

ASSERTIVE TEST:

1) Can you absolutely sincerely, without internal stress, tell people what you really think and feel, while in no way reducing the self-esteem of your interlocutor?

2) Is it possible for you to express anger or anger in a way that does not offend others?

3) Can you say firmly "no" if you don't want to do something?
4) If during a heated argument you suddenly realized that you were mistaken, would you be able to admit it?

If you answered “no” to at least one of the four questions, then you should work on improving your assertive behavior.

ASSERTIVITY. EXAMPLES OF ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR:

Assertiveness and assertive behavior method: "Mr. Calm"
This method is very good for extremely aggressive behavior of your opponent. Try to be consistent and rational, and most importantly, calm. Do not answer the aggressor in the same way, do not allow yourself to be drawn into his game. Your calm appearance and calm intonations of your voice will soon extinguish the excessive aggression of your interlocutor.

Assertiveness and assertive behavior method: "Spoiled record"
There are situations when it is too difficult to defend your point of view, under the onslaught of a too persistent person. No reasonable arguments can make him stop putting pressure on you.
In such a situation, this method is quite effective.
Find one phrase that will become your "broken record", and in any case, do not change it. Repeat it harder and harder each time. In the end, the annoying interlocutor will understand that it is not possible to persuade you to his point of view.
For example: to the request "Give me a loan"
You can answer: “I would be glad, but I have no money” and further to any arguments and attempts to convince you to “loan”, you answer with only one phrase “I would be glad, but I have no money”

Assertiveness and assertive behavior crab method
If you were incorrectly and very rudely made a remark, sometimes it is better to answer evasively, without giving the opportunity to ignite a conflict. For example, to the question: "Couldn't you have noticed such a simple mistake?"
You can answer: “Maybe I made a mistake, but to answer your question, I have to analyze the situation”
And sometimes it’s better to remain silent altogether, giving your opponent a meaningful look.

Assertiveness and assertive behavior: answering the wrong questions correctly.
It happens that the questions that people ask us make us want to answer quite aggressively. Given the tactlessness and irrelevance of the question, aggression would be quite understandable. But, there are other ways to deal with "rudeness".
Let's start with the fact that you are not at all obliged to answer the question, just because "one very smart person" had the intelligence, conscience and impudence to ask you. Another option is to answer a question with a question.

From all of the above, we can conclude that:
Assertiveness and assertive behavior this is not an innate, but an acquired quality, and with sufficient work on yourself, you can achieve excellent results.

and assertive behavior. What are their principles and characteristics, and which one is better?

Aggression and passivity

The activity of a passive person is limited by a framework that does not allow any initiative. This is an ideal performer who acts on command and never chooses on his own, and is usually not heard or seen. A person who adheres to an aggressive demeanor, on the contrary, is always in sight and in the center of events, that is, scandals. Accusing, insulting and intimidating, he persistently achieves his goals - satisfies his ambitions or simply inflicts objectionable people.

Manipulative types of behavior

The aggressor may seem very active, but there is one caveat. Like a passive person, he is not responsible for anything: he only actively blames others for his problems. Thus, it is a clear manipulator. Passivity is also fraught with manipulation, because in the troubles of someone who does not decide anything himself, someone else is always to blame.

assertive behavior

Aggression and passivity are two apparent opposites, but in reality they are one and the same phenomenon. But people do not always manipulate their own kind. When they behave naturally, do not depend on external assessments and influences, act openly and are responsible for their assertive behavior. Its name comes from the English verb assert - to assert, to defend one's rights.

Basic principles

Responsibility that an assertive person recognizes for himself. He acts of his own free will, and also understands that he has no right to blame other people for how he himself reacts to their behavior.

Self respect and respect for others. These two things are directly interconnected: a person who does not respect himself will not be respected by other people either.

Effective communication. It is defined by three qualities: truthfulness, openness and sincerity in expressing one's opinions, feelings and thoughts on any issue. Directness, however, has reasonable limits: you should not offend, upset or insult the interlocutor.

Self confidence. It is based on the already mentioned self-respect, as well as on the knowledge of one's own merits, professional qualities and skills.

The desire to listen and understand the opponent. Assertive behavior means that a person knows how to listen and tries to understand someone else's point of view, and also recognizes its right to exist, even if it differs from his own.

Negotiations and compromises. This point follows from the previous one: although opinions on some issue may differ, it is necessary to agree in order to live or work together comfortably, and it is necessary to take into account the interests of each of the parties involved.

Finding simple answers to complex questions. Manipulators, both passive and aggressive, like to confuse everything and put a shadow on the fence. In contrast, the assertive person does not complicate things where possible.

In this article, in an accessible language for ordinary users, the basic concepts of assertive behavior and its effective application in team management are disclosed. This information will be useful not only for leaders and psychologists, but also for every person to reassess their own behavior and the ability to achieve success through changing it in a more positive direction.

What is assertiveness - definition

Assertiveness is:

• The ability to express oneself in contacts with others, as well as to protect one's psychological territory;
• Positive realization of one's goals without aggression, but also without compliance;
• Assertive Behavior: direct, polite, assertive, and based on rational premises.

Examples of assertive behavior

Expressing one's own opinion without attacking the opinions of others;

• Rejection without offending others;
• Protecting your rights in a strong but not aggressive manner;
• Praise the critic while maintaining respect for the other person;
• Open expression of feelings and beliefs.

Benefits that come from assertive leadership of people:

• Reduces the risk of conflict between superiors and subordinates;
• All misunderstandings can be resolved immediately, since the communication here is open and direct;
• More specificity and honesty in communication with subordinates;
• Better atmosphere at work, mutual trust;
• The leader's self-confidence increases, as well as his authority in the eyes of subordinates;
• The risk of manipulation and aggression in official relations is reduced.

assertiveness techniques. Assertive issuance of orders

4 elements of assertive disposition:

• Specify who exactly is the sender of the order;
• We address directly to the addressee of the order;
• We say who exactly it concerns;
• Determine when exactly it should be done.

Issuance of orders - examples

Nonassertive Behavior

“Let someone do it”, “It would be nice if you finished this report ...”, “It would be necessary to write this report”, “Only someone as capable as you can complete this task”, “Do it immediately and don't ask any questions."

assertive behavior

“Ivan Ivanovich, I expect you to prepare material for training by the end of this week. Please bring it to me when it's ready."

assertiveness technique. Assertive criticism

Principles for providing critical information:

• Evaluate the behavior of this person and its consequences, and not the person himself;
• Be specific, don't generalize, don't use words: "always", "never";
• Separate facts from interpretation;
• Be objective, do not be guided by your prejudices;
• Tell me how to do the right thing;
• Do not convey non-verbal aggression (do not make a face, speak calmly);
• Approve what was positive in the assessed behavior;
• Criticize to provoke a change in behavior, not to defuse your negative emotions;
• Provide critical information immediately after the act being evaluated, do not remind about mistakes after a long time;
• If you are expressing your own opinion, use "I-expressions", for example, In my opinion ..., I think that ...;
• Do not criticize in front of third parties.

An example of assertive criticism: “I found several errors in your report. They lead to the fact that everything else is not credible. I highlighted them in red. I expect you to fix them by tomorrow. If you have doubts, we can discuss them."

REMEMBER! Your ability to criticize determines the effectiveness of criticism!

Non-Assertive Criticism - Examples

• “I don’t like this table, you could try.” Subjective opinion, no specific claims.
• “As always, your behavior is different from accepted norms, you will never learn it.” Generalization.
• "You are not dynamic enough and you have too outdated view of things." Assessed personal qualities.
• “Damn it, what have you done again? Get out of my sight." Aggressive criticism.
• "Because of your mistake, all my efforts were in vain." Guilt is evoked.

assertiveness technique. Assertive refusal

Assertive refusal procedure:

• We say "No"; we say what we will not do, we justify the refusal (specifically, for example, the inconsistency of the expressed request with the existing provisions);
• Broken record technique - repeating the same thing if the interlocutor does not concede;
• Ending the conversation if we continue to be pressured.

Assertive Behavior and Refusal - Examples

Non-assertive refusal

• “As usual, you come to me at the wrong time and want something from me. I would be ashamed to ask for it!”
• “Actually, I can’t deal with this right now, but if you really need it… Maybe we can settle it very quickly…”

Assertive Denial

“No, I do not agree to increase your salary. This is inconsistent with the rules that we have pre-determined, as well as the current procedures. If you insist on this, I will be forced to interrupt this unconstructive conversation.

assertiveness technique. Boundary response

4-step procedure for responding to the violation of our rights and psychological boundaries:

• information about what we do not like (problem definition);
• expressing one's opinion and related emotions;
• presenting psychological rears or suggesting change;
• using the home front if the harmful behavior continues.

Assertive reaction to violation of boundaries - example:

“You talk on the office phone all the time. It's distracting and unnerving to me, and besides, you're blocking other connections. Mind your own business after work."

Or: "If you gossip on the phone for hours, I will be forced to find myself another secretary."

Assertiveness training, to summarize

• Conflicts and problem situations can hinder the development of a department or institution;
• Conflict management is about finding it and finding solutions;
• One of the conflict resolution tools is assertive behavior;
• Assertiveness, like any other behavior, is a matter of choice;
• The use of alternative behavior in relation to assertive behavior leads to a deepening of the conflict situation.

Video: developing assertiveness

Video: Assertiveness training, exercises