Selective perception: why do people see the world differently? Such a pain! Why do people react differently to it?

Why men and women think so differently One of the most painful causes of stress in the modern world is quarrels and conflicts between lovers, husbands and wives, brothers and sisters, fathers and daughters... and all because of what? Due to the completely different

Why do we get sick so differently. Departure into illness and flight from illness Everyone, of course, gets sick - no one is immune from either a cold or an accident. However, here's the paradox: for some of us, any, even the most trifling illness, is a heavy blow,

Our life depends on many different factors, many of which we cannot change. For example, karma is like a certain set of past “merits” that we are forced to work out. But there is something that is subject only to ourselves, and on which our tomorrow depends.

It is said that being determines consciousness. This is true. From where and how we live, our system, our mood is formed. Forms itself, naturally. But still, in the life of a reasonable person, this saying works the other way around - consciousness determines being. That is, how we live depends on what we have in our heads.

Human consciousness is either a garbage dump or a flower bed. Some see everywhere only bad, difficulties, differences, contradictions, dirt. Others see good, joyful and kind.

In fact, in this world there is both. In excess. Approximately equal. In any person you can find a lot of good or a lot of bad smelling. In any religion there are holy people and purity, but there are those who dishonor it. Every country has its strengths and its weaknesses. The only question is what we focus on. Because this is how our life will be.

When I post about India on my Instagram (and I love this country very much, and spend a couple of months here every year), the reaction is different. In the same photos, some see simplicity and lightness, others see poverty and wretchedness, some see cleanliness, others see dirt. And everyone seems to be right, because in India you can find everything at once. But on the other hand, it is worth considering, if I see only this, then what is happening in me? What am I focused on? On shortcomings, problems, ugliness? Or can I see beauty and purity in everything? And this is not only about India, India is just an example.

If we do not know how to see the good and concentrate on it, then our whole life will be joyless. After all, we won’t see virtues in our husband either, we won’t be able to thank, and we will see flaws in children and fight them, and even in ourselves - instead of “good morning, sunshine!” in front of a mirror, we would rather think: “well, hello, old toad!”. Sometimes women who have everything cannot be happy, because there is garbage in their minds. And everything seems to be there - the husband does not drink and does not cheat, but he spreads his socks. Not noticing anything good in her husband, because of some socks, the wife is ready to divorce. There are children - you can rejoice, millions of women dream about it day and night. But if you see only sleepless nights and whims, ignoring the smiles and new skills of the baby, then motherhood will not bring any joy. At all.

Habits are stronger than us. We always value everything. They saw a person - and immediately hung some kind of label. Which? Depends on what we focus on, what we have in our head. For some, a person will be worthy of respect, but for someone, on the contrary, an object of rejection.

Different women will receive the same gift in different ways. For some, even a small souvenir is primarily a manifestation of love, and for some, a diamond will be too small.

We (especially women) are mostly tuned in to looking for flaws. We always see flaws in everything, we know what and how to improve. And we sincerely believe that this is right - after all, you can’t only talk about the good, notice only the good! This is not the real picture! You can't wear rose-colored glasses! We were taught this in childhood so that we would not be arrogant, we would definitely put emphasis on shortcomings. Yes, and ordinary life is set up in such a way that while you behave well, they don’t pay attention to you, they don’t praise you, they don’t reward you. But as soon as you do something wrong, there are a whole bunch of consequences - fines, problems, lectures, courts, investigations. Mistakes are noticed immediately, but good deeds pass by.

We do not know how to give compliments - and accept them from others. But we are very good at criticizing, making fun of others, using sarcasm, humiliating and poking at flaws. It is given to us simply - it is so striking!

I remember that two of my friends, after meeting a young man, tried to convince each other that they were wrong. One screamed that he had a hole in his socks, which means he was a slob. Another spoke of how courteous and caring he was. The first considered him an unworthy candidate for communication, and the second considered him a promising gentleman. The man is the same. They all talked together in a common company. But the conclusions are different. And yes, the first is still not married, looking for the perfect in all respects, and the second is happily married. Yes, her husband does not have enough stars from the sky, but he takes care of his family and loves his children and his wife very much.

Every time I write notes about , I only write about good things. Because there are many good things everywhere. Various good things. And every time some people write, they say, what kind of idealizations, but you know that in India there is dirt, poverty and wretchedness, Muslims beat their wives to death, Balinese women work for a penny and cannot get a divorce, Europeans are ugly, in the States all fat… And so on and so forth. Although it often happens that these people have often never been to India or Muslim countries, they draw their conclusions from some news and stories of "a distant acquaintance." They didn't see anything with their own eyes, they didn't live the experience with their hearts, but they have such an opinion, and it's very firm. Negative.

I do not idealize any country in this world. I know that there are cons everywhere, and there are excesses in many traditional cultures. As in our lack of culture and Western feminism.

But I prefer to see everywhere the good that is not found elsewhere. What you can learn - again, there are such things anywhere in the world.

Something that can enrich my inner world. Something that can help me become happier. Therefore, I prefer to talk about the good. And in general, and with their readers. Because I want to be happy - and so that you can be happy too.

Washouts are contagious. Garbage dumps are sometimes much more attractive. All sorts of reality shows where people go down and down are becoming incredibly popular. The TV has channels on which scandals-murders-investigations-nightmares-dirt are on around the clock. And people watch all this, get infected, stain their minds with all this filth, and then they can’t stop - and they also begin to carry it to the outside world. But why? Stop, look what is happening inside you. Do you really want to live like this, in all this?

Our consciousness determines our being. If consciousness is a garbage dump, then life is a garbage dump. If consciousness is a flower bed (even if in very hard external data, but still a flower bed), then life will be like a flower bed.

The only question is what we focus on and what we collect - in our head, in our heart. What they are used to seeing, what to focus on and what to attach more importance to.

It's easy to have garbage in your head. To do this, you do not need to do anything with yourself, everyone around will be to blame, the world will be unfair and terrible. After all, it is easier to consider men as goats than to learn to understand and accept them. It’s easier to live alone than to adapt to your husband, his parents, while trying not to lose yourself.

And instead of balancing like a tightrope walker, many women consciously choose to be alone. It's easier to work in a hated office than to look for yourself and - well, it's scary, risky, and they will also peck. It’s easier to believe that children are spinognabers, to twist their face and make a sufferer at their every whim. Or not to give birth at all, but to look at them with disgust. Well, it's really easier! It’s easier to believe that everything will grow together than to learn to fulfill your duties and love. It is easier to live like everyone else than to go your own way, which still needs to be found. It's easier to collect around the garbage dump and spread them around. No overreach. True, there is no happiness, and the aromas are so-so.

But to grow flowers - you already need to try. Learn to be grateful and celebrate the good. Even in a husband who spreads his socks, you can find a million good qualities, some of them are still in their infancy, and without food and support they can die. Even in someone who does not love you, you can find good things. For example, she gave birth and raised your beloved husband. In any most difficult situation, there is always something for which you can thank God. At a minimum, for the fact that you are alive, that you have a family, there is a place to live and what to eat.

That's what I call - "create your own flower bed" in the mind. It is more difficult, but in the future it is more pleasant and joyful. Want to try?

Have you ever wondered why people see the world differently? In fact, this is a fundamental question, by answering which we can understand why what we see around us happens on earth.

By the way, what do you see around you? Someone living in the center of a metropolis sees the beauty of sunsets and sunrises, sees cheerful, kind people, sees love, affection and care from others. And someone, living in, in the bosom of nature, sees only slush on the road, cold in the mornings in an unheated house, lack of living conditions and other troubles.

Why do Ukrainians see the Russians, led by Putin, as their main obstacle to prosperity? Why do Russians, for the most part, see in Putin the salvation of not only Russia, but of all thinking humanity?

The answer lies on the surface. It turns out that people do not see with their eyes, people see with knowledge!

It is the knowledge that everything will be fine that allows an optimist to look at gray clouds and rain with a smile.

It is knowledge that allows us to see in an unpleasant person not a bastard that must either be destroyed or made so that we never meet again, but a teacher who shows us our own shortcomings.

As he said, at one of his lectures, addressing the audience in the hall - “what do you see in the hall? Me, the curtains, the table, those sitting next to me, etc. And let the dog in here, what will he see? She will look for and see only the bone or her master.” Why? Because she doesn't care about anything else. She is not interested in high knowledge. Her life, her interests are focused on food and serving her master. Everything else eludes her awareness.

If we consider the issue only in the plane of people, then everything is also very clear. You will never drag your neighbor, a turner by profession, to a ballet. There is no place for ballet in his life. His knowledge (as well as mine) does not contain the beauty of this art.

My wife will never understand SEO as much as I do. When I start to tell her about my work, her eyes express anything but understanding. The same thing happens to me when she tries to tell me about essential oils. We live with her in the same apartment, but what a different world we have!

We see the world through the prism of our knowledge, through the prism of what we feed our brains with. She, looking at a site that talks about essential oils, admires the quality of the manufacturer, at the same time, looking at the same site, I see how much more can be corrected in it in order to increase the conversion!

And all this within the same family. At the same time, our knowledge and beliefs do not prevent us from coexisting peacefully, because there are common fundamental values ​​- knowledge that holds together and allows two different worlds to exist peacefully.

But what if you were brought up from birth, instilling in you a love of white and a dislike of red? And nearby, across the road, a generation is growing up, which, from birth, was also instilled with love for red and hatred for white. They made this knowledge fundamental, basic, through the prism of which all other information comes to consciousness.

Try to combine two such people. Can you do it? Never! They love and hate their fantasies, the opinion imposed on them, and this results in hatred for quite certain people who think differently.

What can unite such people? Only love! But this is from the realm of fantasy. Not a single soldier on the battlefield will go to hug the enemy.

But if initially we invest in the young growth not a sense of one's own exclusivity and inferiority of the rest, but such fundamental concepts as love for one's neighbor, respect for elders, love and respect for nature, then all other knowledge - beliefs superimposed on these, would give rise to a huge number of interesting creative worlds - individuals who could quite peacefully resolve their differences based on universal human values.

Why is this not being done now? Because those who now rule the world were instilled in childhood with completely different values, which they actively impose on the whole world.

On this, perhaps, I will end my reflections on why people see the world differently. I will be glad to your thoughts and additions, if someone has them.

Writes about interesting and useful things. He studies Adizes and not only. He believes that everyone can do the thing that brings him pleasure. You just have to really want it.

Once Adizes was asked: " Why do people perceive information differently? "

Itzhak Adizes

I learned about perceptions from my own when they were just learning to walk. One day, the eldest of them, Topaz, was sitting on a chair, waving his spoon and scattering the contents of his plate around him. Suddenly, he pointed to something and shouted, "Mine." I was surprised that my son began to show capitalistic tendencies at such an early age. Why did he turn out to be such a materialist, such a lover of private property? What happens to his upbringing? Why weren't his first words "love" or "give"? Then, about fifteen months later, my second son, Shoham, behaved the same way at about the same age.

A few years later, when I was lecturing all over the world, I learned that children cry "my" at about the same age in all countries and in all languages. I wanted to find out why this is happening.

Having gained many years of experience working in different companies, I realized that adults are just grown-up children. They also constantly shout "mine". After several years of observation, I made the following discovery. A situation can be perceived in three different ways, or through any combination of them.

The first perception of reality is defined by the word "is" (exists). This is today's. It exists now. For example, you are listening to me at the moment, but "is" is not necessarily "should be", which corresponds to the second perception. Perhaps, as you listen to me, it occurs to you that you "should" be working or doing something else at the moment.

Perhaps you "should" be with your children. Some faint voice deep inside you says what you "should" do instead of what you are doing now.

The third perception is determined by what you "want" to do. While you are listening to me and thinking that you should be in the office, in reality you "want" to be on vacation. This is very similar to an internal conflict. It is a conflict between what you "do", what you think you "should" do, and what you "want" to do. And it causes pain.

In history, you can find many examples of wars started as a result. For example, Hitler's actions at the end of World War II. He led the war in Europe, measuring distances on a map with his fingers, ignoring reality, and mercilessly executing people who gave him bad news.

People with different styles perceive reality differently. For example, what trend is Entrepreneurs E showing? What determines their actions: “I want”, “should be” or “is”? They are guided by their desires. They confuse "want" and "eat". Their style is defined by the following formula: “Because I “want” this, then this “is”. That's why a typical E might say, "We've sold a million dollars worth of goods." If A asks to show him the contract, then E will answer: "We have to meet with the client next week to make a final decision."

Do you understand what is happening here? E confuses "want" and "eat". “Since I “want” this, then this “is”. E may also state, "We are leaders in our industry." But what does he mean? That we already "are" leaders, that we "should" be leaders or do we "want" to be?

Yes you are right. It reminds me of one who said in a meeting, "We're the best company in the industry." Since these words caused bewilderment of those present, he quickly corrected himself: "We have everything we need in order to become the best."

And who perceives what should be as if it really is? Of course, Administrator (A). If you ask him, "Do we have a solution to this problem?" - then he can answer you: “Of course, there is. We spent a million dollars on it, didn't we?" You may question his statement: “Wait a minute. I know that we “should” have a solution because we spent a million dollars on it, but that is not the point. Do we really have a solution?" After all, in fact, we have a solution only when it works.

What type of manager takes what "is" for granted? Producers (P). For them, there is only what is. Whatever they want and what should be.

And who constantly beats around the bush, so that you cannot understand whether what they believe "is", whether what "is" is what they "want", or what, according to their opinion, "should be"? Integrator (I). He is able to understand differences and what different people say because they do not have the exclusive process by which he arrives at the real state of affairs. At the same time, he does not reveal his thoughts, because they want to read yours first. He understands what "is" otherwise. This can create serious confusion. The confusion stems from the fact that different people perceive the world differently.

Some people are firmly convinced that after seeing a TV show or reading a book, they understood the meaning of the author. They are convinced of this for many reasons, one of the main ones is the myth of universal equality. In nature, there is no equality, never was, and never will be! All people are different. This is the beauty of the world! An erroneous opinion about the equality of people leads to a misunderstanding of others. After all, if you consider everyone equal to yourself, how can you explain the differences in the behavior and actions of people?

Yes, nothing, except - "If everyone is equal, then any deviation from the norm is a marriage, a defect!"

That is why, some people consider everyone who behaves differently from them - "fools, sick, scoundrels, etc ..."

We are with you, from now on, we will understand the reasons for the difference in perception. And we will begin the analysis with the realization that ALL PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT!

All people, from birth, have a different potential for development. different genetic make-up. Raised by different people. They live in different habitats. The saying is right - “what is good for Rus, then death for the German!”

And since all people are different, they understand the world around them in different ways. One, at the sight of a dog, feels fear - the other joy. In a bearded man, one sees: a terrorist, the other an Old Believer.

So in any film, in any book, people understand only that WHAT YOU ARE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND TO THE MEASUREMENT OF YOUR DEVELOPMENT. The events taking place around, natural or man-made phenomena, people also understand differently.

Moreover, some people simply do not see 90% of the world around them ...

Let us recall the famous saying of Saltykov-Shchedrin - “And he had two eyes: dormant and not dormant.

With his slumbering eye he saw absolutely nothing, but with his awake eye he saw trifles.

Remember! A person understands only what he is able to understand to the best of his life experience, knowledge and skills.

The more a person can do, the more information he is able to understand. The wider the range of his skills and abilities, the greater the range of knowledge he is able to take out of this or that event or phenomenon.

Only a versatile developed Person is able to perceive the full amount of information transmitted in a book, article or film. In a unilaterally developed personality, the brain is “sharpened”, like a biorobot, for only one task.

Therefore, “mindful of his own business” and nothing else is doomed to misunderstanding of others, misunderstanding of himself and, ultimately, degradation…