Ranevskaya's statements about friendship. The best quotes and aphorisms of Faina Ranevskaya

Funny phrases and quotes - The best way cheer up yourself and your friends. Probably every person realizes how important humor is in Everyday life- it is with its help that we learn to look at our anxieties and difficulties more simply. One of the main skills modern man- a sense of humor, and you can develop it by reading funny phrases by Faina Ranevskaya.

Funny and serious, caustic and ironic, wise and sarcastic - this amazing woman had extraordinary strength of character, which helped her joke in almost any situation.

Funny quotes from Faina Ranevskaya are the key Have a good mood. Despite the fact that this amazing actress had to endure many difficulties, she always appreciated humor - and always knew how to accumulate it almost out of the blue. The best quotes are probably familiar to everyone - they were passed on from mouth to mouth, they were found in numerous books that tell about the life of Faina Ranevskaya, and now they can be found in pictures - this is the most convenient way to save them and send them to friends and family.

Ranevskaya herself repeatedly, in conversations with friends and colleagues, emphasized the importance that humor has; in her opinion, this is the only thing that is suitable in all situations, and is always appropriate.

Interesting phrases of Ranevskaya were recorded by her friends and colleagues, which is why today we have idioms And funny quotes about life and man’s place in it.

Sometimes it's hard to find funny words to cheer you up? You know, this probably happens to every person - it seems that a little more, and you can fall into despondency... Here the best will come to the rescue funny phrases by Faina Ranevskaya - just read these wise and caustic words, and your mood will certainly improve.

The fate of Faina Ranevskaya is far from perfect. For example, she, whom we all know as an actress, was not accepted into any popular drama school- according to the teachers, the girl did not shine with either beauty or talent.

But Ranevskaya did not lose heart, and it was then, according to contemporaries, that she began to joke desperately - when she took private lessons acting, when I got a job as an extra for the smallest roles.

Today, Ranevskaya’s funny phrases are used everywhere - with their help you can cheer up and cheer up your friends, it’s easy to meet a girl with them or reconcile with your soulmate after a quarrel, and just a reason to smile - why not use them?

About what catchphrases actress F Ranevskaya? Among her chic and witty statements there are all sorts, but basically three categories for jokes can be distinguished:

• acting skills;
• observations of life;
• own person.

Like any person gifted with a sense of humor, she joked, first of all, about what concerned her personally - for example, with age, hints about failing health increasingly appear in her statements. Of course, Faina Georgievna saw in this only an excuse for sarcastic puns.

A lot of Faina Georgievna’s statements are dedicated to her contemporaries - she joked and laughed, gossiped among actors and led an active social life.

Humor is a great way to gain recognition in any company, but you must admit that it is very difficult to distinguish good humor from bad - not everyone likes modern comedians. That is why it is best to pay attention to the classics; familiar phrases from childhood will help you win first attention and then recognition in any company.

Don't know where to start the conversation? Use catchphrases. Are you constantly embarrassed and don’t know what to answer? Remember a few signature sayings from the queen of humor, and you will never have problems with this again. Sayings in the form of pictures are very convenient to save and use - share the page on in social networks to save it on your wall.

Read witty books, enjoy a great sense of humor and learn to look at life with a positive attitude - this quality will help you stay on top, no matter what happens in life. Experience shows that the ability to laugh at oneself and at others is highly valued at all times. Humor - best weapon in the fight against blues and bad mood, fatigue or illness, as well as simple indifference.

« A real man- this is a man who remembers exactly a woman’s birthday and never knows how old she is. A man who never remembers a woman’s birthday, but knows exactly how old she is, is her husband.”

“Loneliness is when there is a telephone in the house and the alarm clock rings.”

“The family can replace everything. Therefore, before starting a family, think about what is more important to you. Everything or family."

“Think and say whatever you want about me. Where have you seen a cat that was interested in what mice had to say about it?”

“If a person has done EVIL to you, you give him candy, he is EVIL to you, you give him candy... And so on until this creature develops diabetes mellitus.”

"It's very hard to be a genius among boogers."

“Can’t figure out if you like a young man? Spend the evening with him. When you return home, undress. Throw your panties up to the ceiling. Stuck? So I like it."

“Why are all women such fools? »

What is baldness?
- This is a slow but progressive transformation of the head into the butt. First in form, and then in content.

“I am amused by people’s excitement over trifles; I was just as stupid myself. Now, before the finish line, I understand clearly that everything is empty. All you need is kindness and compassion."

Faina Georgievna, are you sick again?! What is your temperature?
- Normal, room temperature, plus eighteen degrees...

In the carriage compartment, an annoying fellow passenger is trying to get Ranevskaya to talk,
- Let me introduce myself to you. I am Smirnova.
- But not me.

Old age, Ranevskaya said, is the time when candles on a birthday cake cost more than the cake itself, and half of the urine goes for tests.

I adore nature.
- And this after what she did to you? - Ranevskaya answered.

Which women do you think are more likely to be faithful, brunettes or blondes?”
- Without hesitation, she answered: “Gray hairs!”

Faina Georgievna, what does a woman look like if she is placed upside down?
- For the piggy bank.
- And the man?
- On the hanger.

A fan asks for Ranevskaya’s home phone number. She:
- Honey, how do I know him? I never call myself.

Where would you like to go, Faina Georgievna - heaven or hell? - they asked Ranevskaya.
- Of course, heaven is preferable because of the climate, but I would have more fun in hell - because of the company.

Ranevskaya was asked: what is the most difficult thing for her?
“Oh, I do the hardest part before breakfast,” she said.
- And what is it?
- I get out of bed.

“The fairy tale is when he married a frog, and she turned out to be a princess. But reality is when it’s the other way around.”

“A Russian person doesn’t want to do anything on an empty stomach, but he can’t do anything on a full stomach.”

“Animals that are few in number are included in the Red Book, and animals that are numerous are included in the Book of Tasty and Healthy Food.”

“We are all time killers. But it is what truly and ultimately kills us.”

“I can’t live without the printed word. However, without the unprintable too.”

“Today’s youth are like nothing else. Previously, I simply didn’t know how to answer their questions, but now I don’t even understand what they’re talking about
they ask."

“- Write: “A girl with a dowry, really wants to get married, agrees to any age and appearance, except for lepers and crazy people. If only there was money.”
- They don’t write like that!
“They don’t write like that, they think like that, my dear.”

“There are people whom you just want to approach and ask if it’s difficult to live without a brain.”

“God created women beautiful so that men could love them, and stupid so that they could love men. »

And this is where I will end it. Having read it, there is something to think about, something to laugh at.

Faina Ranevskaya is spoken of as an outstanding actress of the 20th century. Moreover, it is known that she was an extraordinary person. Difficult fate, hard work, loneliness, nothing broke this woman, who approached everything with humor and sarcasm.

Ranevskaya lived a long life, leaving us with her sparkling phrases that can lift our spirits and charge us with positivity for the whole day.

The best phrases and quotes from Faina Ranevskaya

• I don't know how to express strong feelings, although I can express myself strongly.
• Family replaces everything. Therefore, before you get one, you should think about what is more important to you: everything or family.
• I noticed that if you don’t eat bread, sugar, fatty meat, or drink beer with fish, your face becomes smaller, but sadder.
• My favorite disease is scabies: I scratch it and want more. And the most hated thing is hemorrhoids: you can’t see it for yourself, you can’t show it to people.
• Ladies, don't lose weight. Do you need it? It’s better to be a ruddy donut in old age than a dried-up monkey!
• Loneliness is when there is a telephone in the house and the alarm clock rings.
• I've been swimming in the toilet butterfly style my whole life.
• The soul is not an ass, it can’t take a shit.
• In old age, the main thing is a sense of dignity, and I was deprived of it.
• I was smart enough to live my life stupidly. I live only by myself - what self-restraint.
• We have been accustomed to single-cell words, scant thoughts, play Ostrovsky after this!
• A Russian person doesn’t want to do or think anything on an empty stomach, but on a full stomach he can’t.
• If the patient really wants to live, doctors are powerless.
• It's very hard to be a genius among boogers.
• Horseradish, based on the opinions of others, ensures a calm and happy life.
• 85 years with diabetes is not sugar.
• I wish I had her legs - she had lovely legs! It's a shame - now they'll disappear.
• The fairy tale is when he married a frog, and she turned out to be a princess. But reality is when it’s the other way around.
• Tolstoy said that there is no death, but there is love and memory of the heart. The memory of the heart is so painful, it would be better if it did not exist... It would be better to kill the memory forever.
• Let go of idiots and clowns from your life. The circus must tour.
• The companion of fame is loneliness.

• Getting old is boring, but... the only way live long.
• Nothing but despair from the inability to change anything in my destiny.
• Under the most beautiful peacock tail hides the most ordinary chicken ass. So less pathos, gentlemen.
• I hate it when whores pretend to be innocent!
• Is my shallow thought clear?
• You have to live in such a way that even the bastards remember you.
• Who would know my loneliness? Damn him, this very talent that made me unhappy...
• All my life I have been terribly afraid of stupid people. Especially women. You never know how to talk to them without sinking to their level.
• Understand once and for all that the character of your woman is a reflection of your attitude towards her. For those who don’t understand: it’s not her who’s a bitch, it’s you who’s an asshole.
• I'm like eggs: I participate, but I don't enter.
• I hate cynicism for its general availability.
• Why are all women such fools?
• Eating alone is as unnatural as shitting together!
• To help us see how much we are overeating, our stomach is located on the same side as our eyes.
• Talent is like a wart - either it is there or it is not.
• What kind of world is this? There are so many idiots around, how much fun they make!
• It has always been unclear to me that people are ashamed of poverty and not ashamed of wealth.
• A woman must have two qualities to succeed in life. She must be smart enough to please stupid men, and stupid enough to please smart men.
• If a woman tells a man that he is the smartest, it means she understands that she will not find another such fool.
• God created women beautiful so that men could love them, and stupid so that they could love men.
• Life goes by without bowing like an angry neighbor.
• Pioneers, go to hell.
• Many people complain about their appearance, but no one complains about their brains.
• My life is terribly sad... and you want me to stick a lilac bush in my ass and do a striptease in front of you!
• God seems to love those who suffer. Have you ever seen a happy genius? No, everyone was tossed about by life, like a blade of grass in the wind. Happiness is a concept for average citizens in all respects, and there is no justice here.
• Loneliness as a condition cannot be treated.
• Animals, which are few in number, are included in the Red Book, and those that are numerous are included in the Book of Tasty and Healthy Food.
• In my old head there are two, at most three, thoughts, but at times they create such a fuss that it seems like there are thousands of them.
• You can't learn to be an artist. You can develop your talent, learn to speak, express yourself, but not shock. To do this, you need to be born with the nature of an actor.
• Do you know what it's like to act in a movie? Imagine that you are washing in a bathhouse, and they take you on a tour there.
• Success is the only unforgivable sin towards your loved one.
• Life is a long leap from the ass to the grave.
• Starring in a bad movie is like spitting into eternity!
• Honey, if you want to lose weight, eat naked and in front of a mirror.
• There is such love that it is better to immediately replace it with execution.
• For a number of reasons, I cannot now answer you in the words you use. But I sincerely hope that when you return home, your mother will jump out of the gateway and bite you properly.
• I’m like an old palm tree at a train station - no one needs it, but it’s a shame to throw it away.
• No one except dead leaders wants to tolerate my breasts dangling idly.
• I spoke for a long time and unconvincingly, as if I was talking about the friendship of peoples.
• Women are not the weaker sex, the weaker sex are rotten boards.
• There are no disadvantages for an actress if it is necessary for the role.
• If I often looked into Gioconda’s eyes, I would go crazy: she knows everything about me, but I know nothing about her.
• I can't eat meat. It walked, loved, looked... Maybe I'm a psychopath? No, I consider myself a normal psychopath. But I can't eat meat. I keep meat for people.
• The brain, the ass and the pill have a soul mate. And I was initially whole.
• A child from the first grade of school should be taught the science of loneliness.
• Loneliness is a condition that you have no one to tell about.
• When I start writing my memoirs, beyond the phrase: “I was born into the family of a poor oil industrialist...”, I can’t do anything.
• Spelling errors in writing are like a bug on a white blouse.
• Sclerosis cannot be cured, but it can be forgotten.
• Thoughts are drawn to the beginning of life - which means life is coming to an end.
• To gain recognition one must, even must, die.
• Lesbianism, homosexuality, masochism, sadism are not perversions. Actually, there are only two perversions: field hockey and ice ballet.
• Beautiful people shit too.
• There are people whom you just want to approach and ask if it’s difficult to live without a brain.
• Just now I looked at the photo for a long time - the dog’s eyes are surprisingly human. I love them, they are smart and kind, but people make them evil.
• My God, how old I am - I still remember decent people!
• Women die later than men because they are always late.
• I don't recognize the word "play". You can play cards, horse races, checkers. You need to live on stage.
• I'm tired of pretending to be healthy.
• Do you know, honey, what shit is? So it’s like jam compared to my life.
• It's been a long time since anyone told me that I'm a whore. I'm losing popularity.
• Everything pleasant in this world is either harmful, immoral, or leads to obesity.
• Life is too short to waste it on diets greedy men and bad mood.
• The main thing is to live a living life, and not rummage through the recesses of memory.
• My God, a miserable country where a person cannot control his ass.
• From the beginning of their days to their end, men are drawn to boobs.
• I hate you. Wherever I go, everyone looks around and says: “Look, it’s Mulya, don’t make me nervous, she’s coming.”
• You can't fart happily with a sad ass.
• Everyone is free to dispose of their ass as they please. So I pick mine up and fuck off.
• There are no fat women, only small clothes.
• When I die, bury me and write on the monument: “Died of disgust.”
• Either I’m getting old and stupid, or the youth of today are like nothing else! Previously, I simply did not know how to answer their questions, but now I don’t even understand what they are asking.
• I don’t get along with everyday life! Money bothers me both when it is not there and when it is there.
• I receive letters: “Help me become an actor.” I answer: “God will help!”
• The cinema is a tramp establishment.
• How I envy the brainless!
• Old age is a time when the candles on a birthday cake cost more than the cake itself, and half of the urine goes for testing.
• There are a million fans, but there is no one to go to the pharmacy.
• There are people in whom God lives; There are people in whom the devil lives; And there are people that live only worms.
• When a jumper's legs hurt, she jumps while sitting.
• Women, of course, are smarter. Have you ever heard of a woman who would lose her head just because a man has beautiful legs?
• Pee-wee on the tram is all he did in art.
• I feel well, but not well.
• Health is when you have pain in a different place every day.
• His voice sounds like he's pissing in a zinc bucket.
• Talent is self-doubt and painful dissatisfaction with oneself and one’s shortcomings, which I have never encountered in mediocrity.
• This is the fourth time I’ve watched this film and I must tell you that today the actors played like never before.
• I'm a provincial actress. Wherever I served! Only in the city of Vezdesransk she didn’t serve!..
• If you have a person to whom you can tell your dreams, you have no right to consider yourself lonely...
• Damn nineteenth century, damned upbringing: I can’t stand when men are sitting.
• Oh, those obnoxious journalists! Half the lies they spread about me are not true.
• People are like candles: they either burn or fuck them.
• Let this be a small gossip that must disappear between us.
• He will die from the expansion of his imagination.
• I lived with many theaters, but never enjoyed it.
• Life is a short walk before eternal sleep.
• Old age is when you don't bother bad dreams, but a bad reality.
• It's better to be a good man, “swearing” than a quiet, well-mannered creature.
• I am already so old that I have begun to forget my own memoirs.
• In the theater the talented people loved me, the untalented people hated me, the mongrels bit me and tore me to pieces.
• March 8th is my personal disaster. With every card with flowers and bows, I tear out a clump of hair from grief that I was not born a man.
• Everything will come true, you just have to stop wanting...
• Don’t have a hundred rubles, but have two breasts!
• Old age is just disgusting. I believe that it is ignorance of God when he allows people to live to old age. Lord, everyone has already left, but I still live. Birman died too, and I never expected this from her. It’s scary when you’re eighteen inside, when you admire beautiful music, poetry, painting, but it’s time for you, you haven’t managed to do anything, you’re just starting to live!
• A person's passport is his misfortune, because a person should always be eighteen, and a passport only reminds you that you can live like an eighteen-year-old.
• The union of a stupid man and a stupid woman gives birth to a heroine mother. The union of a stupid woman and a smart man gives birth to a single mother. Union smart woman and gives birth to a stupid man an ordinary family. The union of a smart man and a smart woman gives rise to easy flirting.

The brain, the ass and the pill have a soul mate. And I was initially whole.

Beautiful people shit too.

Think and say whatever you want about me. Where have you seen a cat that was interested in what mice had to say about it?

If the patient really wants to live, doctors are powerless.

It’s better to be a good person who “swears” than a quiet, well-mannered creature.

Women, of course, are smarter. Have you ever heard of a woman who would lose her head just because a man has beautiful legs?

Eating alone is as unnatural as shitting together!

Ranevskaya was asked if she knew the reasons for the divorce of a couple she knew. Faina Georgievna replied:
- They had different tastes: she loved men, and he loved women.

Everything pleasant in this world is either harmful, immoral, or leads to obesity.

Even the most beautiful peacock tail hides the most ordinary chicken ass. So less pathos, gentlemen.

When a jumper's legs hurt, she jumps while sitting.

There is such love that it is better to immediately replace it with execution.

My wealth is obviously that I don't need it.

Horseradish, based on the opinions of others, ensures a calm and happy life.

There are people in whom God lives; There are people in whom the devil lives; And there are people that live only worms.

A real man is a man who remembers exactly a woman's birthday and never knows how old she is. A man who never remembers a woman's birthday, but knows exactly how old she is, is her husband.

Why do women devote so much time and money to their appearance, and not the development of intelligence? - Because there are much fewer blind men than smart ones.

A woman must have two qualities to succeed in life. She must be smart enough to please stupid men, and stupid enough to please smart men.

If you expect someone to accept you “as you are,” then you are just a lazy idiot. Because, as a rule, “the way it is” is a sad sight. Change, you bastard. Work on yourself. Or die alone.

Today's youth are terrible. But what is even more terrible is that we do not belong to it.

The worst thing is when a person no longer belongs to himself, but to his decay.

People make their own problems - no one forces them to choose boring professions, marry the wrong people or buy uncomfortable shoes.

Faina Georgievna, how are you? - Do you know, my dear, what shit is? So it’s like jam compared to my life.
When Faina Georgievna was asked which women, in her opinion, are prone to greater fidelity - brunettes or blondes, she answered without hesitation: “Grey-haired!”

I was smart enough to live my life stupidly.

It is very difficult to reach the level of a genius among all sorts of boogers.

Life is too short to waste it on diets, greedy men and bad moods.

Many people complain about their appearance, but no one complains about their brains.

The union of a stupid man and a stupid woman gives birth to a heroine mother. The union of a stupid woman and a smart man gives birth to a single mother. The union of a smart woman and a stupid man gives rise to an ordinary family. The union of a smart man and a smart woman gives rise to light flirting.

What kind of world surrounds us? There are so many crazy people around... but what fun it is to be with them!

Women are not the weaker sex, the weaker sex are rotten boards

Family replaces everything. Therefore, before you get one, you should think about what is more important to you: everything or family.

I don't recognize the word "play". You can play cards, horse races, checkers. You need to live on stage.

Catch phrases of Faina Ranevskaya. Golden collection: ‣ When they brought it to Moscow" Sistine Madonna", everyone went to look at her. Faina Georgievna overheard a conversation between two officials from the Ministry of Culture. One claimed that the picture did not make an impression on him. Ranevskaya remarked: - This lady has made an impression on such people for so many centuries that now she herself has the right choose who she should impress and who not! ‣ God created women beautiful so that men could love them, and stupid so that they could love men. ‣ Why are all women such fools? ‣ Women, of course, are smarter. You Have you ever heard of a woman who would lose her head just because a man has beautiful legs? ‣ Nothing can hold back the pressure of beauty! (Looking at the hole in her skirt) ‣ Ranevskaya has invented a new remedy for insomnia and shares with Rina Zelena: - You have to count to three. Maximum - until half past four. - You won’t believe it, Faina Georgievna, but no one has ever kissed me except the groom. - Are you bragging, my dear, or are you complaining? ‣ Ranevskaya once said that, according to the results of a study conducted among two thousand modern women , it turned out that twenty percent, that is, one in five, does not wear panties. - For goodness sake, Faina Georgievna, where could they have printed this here? - Nowhere. I received the data personally from a salesperson in a shoe store. ‣ Ranevskaya stood in her makeup room completely naked. And she smoked. Suddenly, the managing director of the Mossovet Theater, Valentin Shkolnikov, entered her without knocking. And he froze in shock. Faina Georgievna calmly asked: “Aren’t you shocked that I smoke?” - What I do? I feign health. About health - Faina, her old friend asks, do you think medicine is making progress? - But what about it? When I was young, I had to take off my clothes every time I visited the doctor, but now it’s enough to show my tongue. ‣ To the question: “Are you sick, Faina Georgievna?” - she usually answered: “No, I just look like that.” ‣ I feel, but not well. ‣ Health is when you have pain in a different place every day. ‣ If the patient really wants to live, doctors are powerless. ‣ Sclerosis cannot be cured, but you can forget about it. About old age ‣ Old age is when you are disturbed not by bad dreams, but by bad reality. ‣ I’m like an old palm tree at a train station - no one needs me, but it’s a shame to throw it away. ‣ Old age is just disgusting. I believe it is ignorance of God when he allows people to live to old age. ‣ It’s scary when you’re eighteen inside, when you admire beautiful music, poetry, painting, but it’s time for you, you haven’t managed to do anything, you’re just starting to live! ‣ Thoughts are drawn to the beginning of life - which means life is coming to an end. ‣Growing old is boring, but it's the only way to live long. About work ‣ The money is eaten up, but the shame remains. (About his work in cinema) ‣ Starring in a bad film is like spitting into eternity. ‣ When I’m not given a role, I feel like a pianist whose hands were cut off. ‣ I lived with many theaters, but never enjoyed it. ‣ I’m watching this film for the fourth time and I must tell you that today the actors played like never before! ‣ Success is the only unforgivable sin towards your loved one. ‣ I receive letters: “Help me become an actor.” I answer: “God will help!” ‣ I do not recognize the word “play”. You can play cards, horse races, checkers. You need to live on stage. “The pearls that I will wear in the first act must be real,” demands the capricious young actress. “Everything will be real,” Ranevskaya reassures her. - That's it: pearls in the first act, and poison in the last. ‣ In general, I noticed that talent is always drawn to talent and only mediocrity remains indifferent, and sometimes even hostile, to talent. About myself and life ‣ Life is too short to waste it on diets, greedy men and bad mood. ‣ There is a very slender woman sitting in my obese body, but she just can’t get out. And given my appetite, it looks like it's a life sentence for her. ‣ Everything pleasant in this world is either harmful, immoral, or leads to obesity. ‣ I don’t drink, I don’t smoke anymore, and I never cheated on my husband because I never had one, Ranevskaya said, anticipating possible questions from the journalist. - So, if the journalist is keeping up, it means you don’t have any shortcomings at all? - In general, no, Ranevskaya answered modestly, but with dignity. And after a short pause she added: “True, I have a big ass and sometimes I lie a little!” ‣ Surprising, Ranevskaya said thoughtfully. - When I was 20 years old, I only thought about love. Now I only like to think. - When I retire, I will do absolutely nothing. The first months I will just sit in a rocking chair. - And then? - And then I’ll start swinging. ‣ You have to live in such a way that even the bastards remember you. ‣ In Moscow, you can go out into the street dressed as God willing, and no one will pay attention. In Odessa, my cotton dresses cause widespread confusion - this is discussed in hairdressing salons, dental clinics, trams, and private homes. Everyone is upset by my monstrous “stinginess” - because no one believes in poverty. ‣ Loneliness as a condition cannot be treated. ‣ Damn nineteenth century, damned upbringing: I can’t stand when men are sitting. ‣ Life goes by without bowing like an angry neighbor. ‣ My life is terribly sad. And you want me to stick a lilac bush in my ass and do a striptease in front of you... On different topics‣ The fairy tale is when he married a frog, and she turned out to be a princess. But reality is when it’s the other way around. ‣ If a woman walks with her head held high, it means she has a lover. If a woman walks with her head down, she has a lover. If a woman has a head, she has a lover! ‣ Family replaces everything. Therefore, before you get one, you should think about what is more important to you: everything or family. ‣ Once you get married, Alyoshenka, then you will understand what happiness is. But it will be too late. ‣ Optimism is a lack of information. ‣ So that we can see how much we overeat, our stomach is located on the same side as our eyes. ‣ Is my shallow thought clear? ‣ Once Ranevskaya was asked: Why beautiful women enjoy greater success than smart people? - This is obvious, because there are very few blind men, and stupid ones are a dime a dozen. ‣ The union of a stupid man and a stupid woman gives birth to a heroine mother. The union of a stupid woman and a smart man gives birth to a single mother. The union of a smart woman and a stupid man gives rise to an ordinary family. The union of a smart man and a smart woman gives rise to light flirting. ‣ How many times does a woman blush in her life? - Four times: on the wedding night, when she cheats on her husband for the first time, when she takes money for the first time, when she gives money for the first time. And the man? - Twice: the first time when the second cannot, the second when the first cannot. - Today I killed 5 flies: two males and three females. - How did you determine this? “Two were sitting on a beer bottle, and three were on a mirror,” explained Faina Georgievna. ‣ Some man pushed Ranevskaya walking down the street and cursed her with dirty words. Faina Georgievna told him: “For a number of reasons, I cannot now answer you in the words you use.” But I sincerely hope that when you return home, your mother will jump out of the gateway and bite you properly. ‣ At a troupe meeting, the actors are discussing a comrade who is accused of homosexuality: “This is the corruption of youth, this is a crime.” My God, an unfortunate country where a person cannot dispose of his ass, Ranevskaya sighed. ‣ “Lesbianism, homosexuality, masochism, sadism are not perversions,” Ranevskaya sternly explains: “Actually, there are only two perversions: field hockey and ice ballet.” ‣ Explaining to someone why the condom is white, Ranevskaya said: “Because White color makes you look fat." ‣ Ranevskaya invites you to visit and warns that the bell does not work: - When you arrive, knock with your feet. - Why with your feet, Faina Georgievna? - But you are not going to come empty-handed! - Where would you like to go, Faina Georgievna - to heaven or to hell?" Ranevskaya was asked. "Of course, heaven is preferable because of the climate, but I would have more fun in hell - because of the company," reasoned Faina Georgievna.