And you don’t look like a Russian. How do they recognize you as “Russian” abroad?

The other day I went for a walk with my son. There weren't many people on the playground; we sat on the carousel and slowly spun in different directions. A couple of minutes later two children climbed onto the carousel. A boy and a girl, both four years old. Both are dark and brunette. We sit and spin for a minute or two.

The children look at me so intently that the investigator will be jealous. After another minute they can’t stand it and almost blurt out in unison: “Are you Russian?”

I was even taken aback by surprise. "Does it matter?" - I say. The children became embarrassed and fidgeted. “Well, yes, and you don’t look very much like a Russian, you’re even very non-Russian,” they answer.

As soon as I opened my mouth to ask why they were even interested in this, my interlocutors were called by their parents. Also dark-haired and dark-skinned, they obviously arrived in the capital several years ago from somewhere Central Asia.

People ask me about Russianness, not just often, but regularly. Mostly drunk men Slavic appearance who are drawn to patriotic conversations or dashing alcoholic adventures. Their interest is understandable, either to measure their love for the Motherland and birch trees, or to teach non-Russians about life, or to punch the faces of those who have come in large numbers, as it goes.

I know well how to fight them off and what to expect, but now quite sober children, even the most different nationalities. And I don’t understand at all what to do with this.

About a year and a half ago, a little fair-haired boy in a supermarket pointed his finger at me and asked his father: “Dad, is this black...?” An educational conversation was then held with the child’s father in an extremely harsh tone.

What I was most outraged by was the fact that he was teaching a child to categorize people based on hair or eye color. Dad was sincerely perplexed: “What the hell is this, I teach my child to distinguish my own from strangers, so that he doesn’t get into trouble, I do everything right. Well, I’m sorry for calling you names, it’s not immediately clear who you are.”

Yes, it’s not immediately obvious, with the remains of my hair I’m dark, my skin is dark and I’m not a Finist at all - Clear Falcon. At night you could be mistaken for an Arab.

But the point is not the color of body parts and vegetation, but the fact that parents teach their children from an early age to live in a “friend or foe” coordinate system.

Previously, during my Soviet childhood, there was enough nationalism in the country, but it was acquired. By age 25, the average Soviet man hostility was developed, for example, towards the inhabitants of the Caucasus, because they sell flowers and they always have money for a restaurant and girls. Mutual hostility was explained by completely everyday reasons.

Today the situation is different. Russian child A person who has lived in the world for five years cannot hate or love any nation. In general, he still doesn’t understand well what it is; the Nenets, Avars or Uzbeks could not do him any terrible harm.

But his parents convince him that he must hate because they are “strangers.” A mom and dad like that can’t clearly explain why, why, who specifically, they don’t have enough brains. Therefore, a simple algorithm for developing targeted hostility is invented - the notorious hair color, eye color, nose shape. Fortunately, these are not all Russians, but there are very, very many of them.

And this forces first-generation Russians to behave in a certain way. Migrants from Central Asia and Transcaucasia who settled in Moscow, Arab countries teach their children to disguise themselves. Pretending to be “Russian-Russians”, appearing uncomplicated to the untrained ear traditional names, and their Russian counterparts, wear clothes with the Russian flag or some kind of double-headed eagle in a prominent place.

Some even change their surnames, as during the Stalinist struggle against cosmopolitanism, so that God forbid someone would point the finger.

That's how we live. Some learn to hate from birth, others - to disguise themselves. Both of them, by their actions, shape each other’s behavior and the rules for building relationships. The authorities are not involved in all this; they are launching federal programs about tolerance and tolerance, introducing exams for guest workers on knowledge of Russian speech. In short, he lives, as always, in a parallel reality, which in no way intersects with the harsh reality.

And four-year-old children gaze intently at strangers on the street, trying to understand whether it’s yours or someone else’s.

Let's play. I just wondered if I was assessing myself inadequately)
Yana is here today ( miumau ) wrote a post about how to recognize Russians and used me as an illustration of this topic.
A photo from a previous exhibition-fair and I claim (as well as my friends) that this is the worst photo I’ve ever seen of myself))) I laughed a lot at it) They caught me like that, my face is twisted with joy, my hands are locked, I’m hunched over, my eyes unkind, bruises and fatigue on the face. Just an illustration of a typical dissatisfied Russian young lady) Yes, with such a photo you can put it on the topic.

But I naively assumed that I wasn’t very good at speaking Russian. I’m Belarusian, and I always smile, I walk confidently, I don’t quarrel with sellers, I’m not rude, I don’t actively and loudly express my position (for me, dissatisfaction with the world around me is characteristic), I apologize if I push anyone. It all sounds very stereotypical, but I quickly snatch Russians out of the crowd (in Berlin they really stand out quickly, Russian tourists). Faces, behavior, clothes. But this does not apply to everyone, of course. Common features faces can also be seen among people who have lived abroad for a long time. But many change their characteristic behavior (though not all, again).

Mostly when traveling I was mistaken for a French woman or an Italian (nose?), and in Berlin they ask me only in German (they don’t ask me in English, much less in Russian), I usually dress in a loose Berlin style (in Minsk I dressed also): faded jeans, black boots with rivets on a large platform, a bear hat, a parka. But as a Russian, I don’t even remember such a case. Maybe in Barcelona on La Rambla in a souvenir shop where the number of Russians is twice as large as the rest.
True, I did not go to particularly Russian tourist places (Turkey, Egypt). I suppose they would definitely mistake me for a Russian, if only because the sample is large.

I found the only photo from 2015 in full height. I don't take photos often. This photo was taken in Girona during a raid in Catalonia. Tell me what is Russian about me?

I have my own theory, according to which our complexes are equal to our ambitions. Sometimes, trying to analyze my ambitions, I could not find the complexes that would fuel them. I always resorted to standard set: appearance, personal life, career. And there were always enough items in these categories to be satisfied with the search and forget until the next reflection session. That was until today, when the hatred became too much.

In fact, I have a real complex chocks. A stranger.

I think everyone remembers the heightened attacks of tolerance in the 90s. I was born in the north of the country. There were few “persons of Caucasian nationality” in the city where my family lived at that time.
My very first memory of when I was separated based on my ethnicity was back in kindergarten. All the girls in our group, including the teacher’s daughter, applied for the role of Snow White. Contrary to popular belief, my skin is white, so combined with my jet-black hair, I fit perfectly into the Snow White type. No, of course I’m joking, what type is in a kindergarten play? But it was precisely when the hesitations of everyone else forced me to become Snow White that I first heard from the teacher: “these blacks are even turning white here.” Naturally, I didn’t understand anything, but I remembered it forever.

Then at school, when they brought me to form the first class, the teacher looked at my mother with disbelief and asked if I understood Russian. During recess in first grade, I heard the word “khachik” for the first time. To yourself, of course. The girls gave me horns and shouted “khachik, khachik, khachik,” but I fought back and didn’t understand what it was. Then I didn’t know that I would have to hear this for many years to come... I remember coming home in tears and asking my mother what khachik was. Mom couldn’t find an answer to me then.

I remember how in the yard we were playing “rubber band” with the girls and one of them asked me not to play with them. I asked why, to which they clearly answered: “because you are non-Russian.” But I didn’t understand, and asked about Elvira (my sister, fair-haired with blue eyes) - she’s also non-Russian, are you playing with her? “Well... she doesn’t look like a non-Russian, but you do.” My question “why” was not dictated by the desire to play with these particular girls, I had a lot of girlfriends, I just really didn’t understand why they couldn’t play with me?

No, I have never been an outcast in the yard or in class. I've always had beautiful dresses, I studied well, was cheerful, participated in all the activities. But I had to do much more than other children. You always had to be better to be at least equal.

And it was scary.

It’s scary when your neighbor at your desk draws a swastika, and the teacher says with a smile that such things cannot be drawn on notebooks. It’s scary when your neighbor, with whom you return home from school every day, says to you: “Siyan, I made friends with the skins, you understand that now we can’t be friends?” It’s scary when you take tests in class where half of the answers contain the definition of “person of Caucasian nationality.” It's scary when your math teacher directly says: "You good girl, but you are stupid on your own, you cannot be the same as the Russians." Indeed, in her subject I could not, and the only C in the algebra certificate was corrected only by the Unified State Examination, which I passed with an A. It’s scary when in my Norilsk school, which was still relatively tolerant, on the day of the tragedy at the Beslan school, classmates said: “Just think, they shot the khachas, even though there will be fewer of them.” And all this was always accompanied by the phrase “Siyan, you understand that this is not you concerns, we are not talking about you, you are good, but here They..."

No, I never understood, because it concerned me specifically, it was specifically about me.

After school I came to Dagestan. It’s strange, but people still ask me, even just on the streets, if I’m local... I always say “yes.” If only simply because I really forget that I haven’t lived here my whole life.

I know that I cannot live in Russia. They won't accept me. And what difference does it make that I think in Russian, grew up on Russian literature, was brought up in Russian culture... I will always be chock. And I will never stop taking this hatred, hatred of my people, personally.

The first and main advice concerns hair and is addressed to beautiful blondes and brown-haired women. Since this appearance (as it seems) is completely opposite to the eastern one. Do not break yourself under the yoke of stereotypes, protect your extraordinary data like the rarest diamond. If shades of dark do not suit you at all, do not torture your hair, do not try to become a burning brunette just for the sake of the dream of becoming like an oriental beauty. In appearance really beautiful woman everything should be harmonious, without cruel violence against nature. It is better to take care of the health and beauty of your hair. This is what you really need to spend energy on. Remember Alexandra Anastasia Lisowska from the series " Magnificent century". A white-skinned, brown-haired woman who, with the help of oriental outfits, jewelry and an appropriate lifestyle, began to outwardly surpass everyone in the palace.

Raise your head proudly and play up the appearance given to you by nature with elements of oriental attire, Arabic jewelry, makeup, perfume, and of course, lifestyle. The result is an incredibly captivating and unique mixture that looks doubly attractive and interesting to Oriental men than just a classic Oriental appearance. This is truly something that others don't have. Demonstrate it well.

Above I briefly mentioned an appropriate lifestyle. This is incredibly important and interesting. It includes all aspects, from cosmetics to a pinch of spice with which you season the dish. All this will immediately affect your appearance. Feel free to let the east into your life in all its glory.

Music. Modern songs of Arab countries are very different from ours; they are very emotional, they contain the whole soul of the inhabitants of these countries. You will definitely soak in this. Arabic, temperament... Oriental melodies greatly transform the space around us. Learn a few basic movements from the lessons oriental dances and dance at home to your favorite songs. Gestures, posture, and gait will change. Without noticing it, you will become more graceful.

Perfumes, incense, essential oils. You can bring them from vacation, order them in online stores, or choose from the assortment of oriental perfume lines that are presented in our perfume boutiques. These exciting, passionate aromas will definitely affect your attitude and your beauty.

Surround yourself at home with luxurious oriental interior items - bed sheets, candles, dishes, furniture. Buy cosmetics from Arabic brands. Gradually introduce beautiful oriental dresses, tunics made of noble materials, jewelry, costume jewelry, and shoes into your wardrobe. You will develop your own unique taste.

Prepare oriental cuisine, fill the shelves with oriental spices, olives, prunes, mint... Do mehendi, visit the hammam and oriental body, face and hair care treatments. If salons in your city do not provide such services - maybe it’s for the better - by doing self-care yourself, filling the shelves in the bathroom with argon oil, natural aromatic scrubs, creams and rose water, you will get to know the culture and magical life of Arab women much more deeply.

In such a fascinating way, you will inevitably change your life, feel like a real oriental beauty and, of course, you will look the part. This transformation cannot be called work at all. It's an incredible pleasure to feel a real woman and a real dream.

Hello. If you allow me, I would also like to ask you for help.

In principle, I can’t call myself ugly and unattractive. I have a good figure and quite a pretty face. BUT. The problem is that I am dark-skinned and have slightly oriental features. All this is not in on a global scale, but still... I don’t understand at all why I have such an appearance, my family are all Russian. And this aspect of my appearance just kills me. Occasionally I hear “she looks like a non-Russian” and so on. And after such words I really don’t want to live. Like a knife to the heart. But I heard such words even from relatives, as if by chance.

There was also a year of hell in my life. At the age of 15, I moved to another school, and there it began... I've heard a lot of things. And “Black... pie”, and “Black”, and “Ugly” and much more. Moreover, everything happened even in class, with teachers who didn’t care. And what horror and humiliation I felt when in the middle of the lesson the teacher left and everyone attacked me with insults... It cannot be expressed in words. I even tried to commit suicide and was miraculously saved. There was no strength to endure the terrible humiliation.

Now I’m 22. There was no pronounced orientalism in my appearance, and now there is even less. I pluck my black eyebrows and use whitening creams. But still, it’s there... Maybe it can be corrected at least a little with cosmetics? (Now I don’t wear makeup at all - mascara and shadows only add darkness). I’m tired of living in constant fear that someone will say “You look like a non-Russian”... It really hurts me.

Anastasia