Having worked for more than one year in the IT field, namely, serving clients, solving their needs with phones, computers, home honey servers, video surveillance, I faced completely different tasks. Today a small note in the section humor just about clients, bosses and specialists who perform everything.

It is not uncommon for clients to set tasks that are practically impossible. Yes, just in the field of IT technologies there are practically no impossible tasks, but there are impossible tasks within a certain framework. For example:

• I want AppleTV-based media server software in a week. The software component must be written in AppleScript. The staff of programmers is 2, and those who 80% of the time are engaged in other, no less important matters.
• Make video surveillance from five cameras for $ 100
• I want fast internet outside the city, I don't want to pay a lot for satellite internet.

The video that I found on the Internet is the best description of this request. It has everything:

1. A guide that cannot understand why the project cannot be implemented. Also, the management puts pressure on the specialist, because he thinks that he is stupid.
2. A client who wants the impossible and insists on it, thinking, like the management, that the specialist is stupid.
3. A specialist who is trying with all his might to convey to both the first and the second that this is, in principle, impossible.

Happy viewing.

For those who watched the video, noted such a game of actors, I can offer a design selection that supposedly solves the problems set out by the client.

In this version, everything is fine, of course, but not all lines are perpendicular to each other. There are parallel ones, but again, there is a funny kitten 🙂

In this variant it is not clear what is meant by "Transparent lines". 3 lines are perpendicular to 4 other lines. those. the condition that all lines are perpendicular to each other are not met. And as in the first option, there is no kitten 🙂

The solution is very interesting for its unconventional nature, because the condition does not say that the lines should not bend. But here's the problem with green ...

This is the best option for me. Much prettier and clearer than the previous one, and it seems that all conditions are met.

As always, I will be glad to hear your opinion in the comments.

Petrov came to the meeting on Tuesday. They took out his brain, put it on saucers and began to eat, smacking his lips and generally expressing all kinds of approval. Petrov's boss, Nedozaitsev, prudently distributed dessert spoons to those present. And so it began.

“Colleagues,” says Morkovieva, “our organization is faced with a large-scale task. We received a project for implementation, within the framework of which we need to depict several red lines. Are you ready to take on this challenge?

- Of course, - says Nedozaytsev. He is a director, and is always ready to take on a problem that someone from the team will have to bear. However, he immediately clarifies: - We can do it?

The head of the drawing department, Sidoryakhin, hastily nods.

- Yes of course. Here is Petrov sitting here, he is our best specialist in drawing red lines. We specially invited him to the meeting so that he could express his competent opinion.

- Very nice, - says Morkovieva. - Well, you all know me. And this is Helen, she is a design specialist in our organization.

Helen turns paint and smiles shyly. She recently graduated from economics, and has as much to do with design as the platypus is with designing airships.

- So, - says Morkovieva. - We need to draw seven red lines. All of them should be strictly perpendicular, and in addition, some should be painted in green, and some others should be transparent. Do you think this is real?

“No,” says Petrov.

“Let's not rush to answer, Petrov,” Sidoryakhin says. - The task has been set, and it needs to be solved. You are a professional, Petrov. Don't give us any reason to believe that you are not a professional.

“You see,” Petrov explains, “the term“ red line ”means that the color of the line is red. Drawing a red line in green is not impossible, but very close to impossible ...

- Petrov, what do you mean "impossible"? - asks Sidoryakhin.

- I'm just describing the situation. There may be people who are color blind for whom the color of the line really won't matter, but I'm not sure if the target audience of your project is solely such people.

- That is, in principle, it is possible, do we understand you correctly, Petrov? - Morkovieva asks.

Petrov realizes that he has gone too far with imagery.

“Let's put it simply,” he says. - The line, as such, can be drawn in absolutely any color. But to get a red line, you should only use red.

- Petrov, do not confuse us, please. You just said that this is possible.

Petrov silently curses his talkativeness.

- No, you misunderstood me. I just wanted to say that in some extremely rare situations, the color of the line will not matter, but even then - the line will still not be red. You see, it won't be red! It will be green. And you need red.

There is a short silence, in which the quiet tense hum of synapses is clearly heard.

- And what if, - overshadowed by the idea, says Nedozaytsev, - draw them in blue?

- All the same it will not work, - Petrov shakes his head. - If you draw it in blue, you get blue lines.

Silence again. This time he is interrupted by Petrov himself.

- And I still do not understand ... What did you mean when you talked about the lines of a transparent color?

Morkovieva looks at him condescendingly, like a kind teacher at a lagging student.

- Well, how can I explain to you? .. Petrov, don't you know what "transparent" is?

- And what is the "red line", I hope you also do not need to explain?

“No, don’t.

- Well. You will draw us red lines with a transparent color.

Petrov freezes for a second, pondering the situation.

- And how should the result look like, please describe? How do you imagine that?

- Well-o-o-ov, Petro-o-ov! - Sidoryakhin says. - Well, let's not ... Do we have a kindergarten? Who is the specialist in red lines here, Morkovieva or you?

- I'm just trying to clarify for myself the details of the assignment ...

- Well, what's not clear here? .. - Nedozaytsev interjects into the conversation. - You know what a red line is?

- Yes, but ...

- And what is "transparent", is it clear to you too?

- Of course, but ...

- So what to explain to you? Petrov, well, let's not stoop to unproductive arguments. The task has been set, the task is clear and precise. If you have specific questions, please ask.

“You’re a professional,” adds Sidoryakhin.

- Okay, - Petrov surrenders. - God is with him, with color. But do you have something else with perpendicularity there? ..

“Yes,” Morkovieva readily confirms. - Seven lines, all strictly perpendicular.

- Perpendicular to what? - clarifies Petrov.

Morkovieva begins to look through her papers.

“Uh-uh,” she says finally. - Well, how would ... Everything. Between themselves. Well, or whatever ... I don't know. I thought you knew what perpendicular lines are - at last she is.

- Yes, of course he knows, - Sidoryakhin waves his hands. - Are we professionals here, or not professionals? ..

“Two lines can be perpendicular,” Petrov explains patiently. - All seven at the same time cannot be perpendicular to each other. This is geometry, grade 6.

Morkoveva shakes her head, chasing away the looming ghost of a long-forgotten school education. Nedozaytsev slaps his hand on the table:

- Petrov, let's go without this: "Grade 6, Grade 6". Let's be mutually polite. We will not make hints and slide down to insults. Let's maintain a constructive dialogue. There are no idiots gathered here.

“I think so too,” Sidoryakhin says.

Petrov pulls a piece of paper towards him.

“Okay,” he says. - Come on, I'll draw you. Here is the line. So?

Morkovieva nods her head in the affirmative.

- We draw another ... - says Petrov. - Is it perpendicular to the first one?

- Yes, it is perpendicular.

- Well, you see! - Morkovieva exclaims happily.

- Wait, that's not all. Now we draw the third ... Is it perpendicular to the first line? ..

Thoughtful silence. Without waiting for an answer, Petrov answers himself:

- Yes, it is perpendicular to the first line. But it does not intersect with the second line. They are parallel with the second line.

There is silence. Then Morkovieva gets up from her seat and, rounding the table, walks into Petrov from the rear, looking over his shoulder.

“Well…” she says hesitantly. - Maybe yes.

- This is the point, - says Petrov, trying to consolidate the achieved success. - While there are two lines, they can be perpendicular. As soon as there are more of them ...

- Can I have a pen? - asks Morkoviev.

Petrov gives the pen. Morkovieva carefully draws several uncertain lines.

- And if so?..

Petrov sighs.

- It's called a triangle. No, these are not perpendicular lines. Moreover, there are three of them, not seven.

Morkoveva purses her lips.

- Why are they blue? - suddenly asks Nedozaytsev.

- Yes, by the way, - Sidoryakhin supports. - I wanted to ask myself.

Petrov blinks several times, examining the drawing.

“I have a blue pen,” he says finally. - I'm just to demonstrate ...

- It will turn out the same, - says Petrov confidently.

- Well, how is it the same? - says Nedozaytsev. - How can you be sure if you haven't even tried it? Draw red ones and we'll see.

“I don’t have a red pen with me,” Petrov admits. “But I can absolutely ...

“Why didn't you prepare,” Sidoryakhin says reproachfully. - They knew that there would be a meeting ...

“I can absolutely tell you,” Petrov says in despair, “that the red color will turn out exactly the same.

“You yourself told us last time,” Sidoryakhin retorts, “that you need to draw red lines in red. Here, I even wrote it down for myself. And you yourself draw them with a blue pen. Are these red lines in your opinion?

- By the way, yes, - notes Nedozaytsev. - I also asked you about the blue color. What did you answer me?

Petrov is suddenly saved by Lenochka, who is studying his drawing with interest from her seat.

“I think I understand,” she says. - You're not talking about color right now, are you? This is about this one, what do you call it? Perper-something-there?

- The perpendicularity of the lines, yes, - Petrov responds gratefully. - It has nothing to do with the color of the lines.

“That's it, you have completely confused me,” says Nedozaytsev, shifting his gaze from one participant in the meeting to another. - So what are the problems with us? Color or perpendicular?

Morkoveva makes confused sounds and shakes her head. She got confused too.

- And with that, and with the other, - says Petrov quietly.

“I can’t understand anything,” says Nedozaytsev, examining his fingers clasped in the lock. - Here is a task. All you need is seven red lines. I understand, there would be twenty! .. But then there are only seven. The task is simple. Our customers want seven perpendicular lines. Right?

Morkovieva nods.

“And Sidoryakhin doesn't see a problem either,” says Nedozaytsev. - Am I right, Sidoryakhin? .. Well. So what's stopping us from completing the task?

“Geometry,” Petrov says with a sigh.

- Well, you just don't pay attention to her, that's all! - says Morkovieva.

Petrov is silent, gathering his thoughts. In his brain, one after another, colorful metaphors are born that would allow to convey the surrealism of what is happening to others, but as luck would have it, all of them, clothed in words, invariably begin with the word "Fuck!", Completely inappropriate in a business conversation.

Tired of waiting for an answer, Nedozaytsev says:

- Petrov, your answer is simple - can you do it or you can not? I understand that you are a narrow specialist and do not see the big picture. But it’s not difficult - to draw some seven lines? We have been discussing some nonsense for two hours already, we can not come to a decision in any way.

- Yes, - says Sidoryakhin. - You just criticize and say: “Impossible! Impossible!" You will offer us your solution to the problem! And then a fool can criticize, forgive the expression. You are a professional!

Petrov wearily utters:

- Good. Let me draw you two guaranteed perpendicular red lines and the rest with a transparent color. They will be transparent and not visible, but I will draw them. Will this suit you?

- Will that suit us? - Morkovieva turns to Lenochka. - Yes, it will suit us.

- Only at least a couple more - in green, - adds Helen. - And I also have such a question, can I?

- Can you draw one line in the form of a kitten?

Petrov is silent for a few seconds, and then asks:

- Well, in the form of a kitten. Kitten. Our users love the animals. It would be great…

“No,” says Petrov.

- And why?

- No, of course I can draw you a cat. I'm not an artist, but I can try. Only it will no longer be a line. It will be a cat. The line and the cat are different things.

- Kitten, - Morkovieva clarifies. - Not a cat, but a kitten, so small, cute. Cats, they ...

- It's all the same, - Petrov shakes his head.

- Not at all, right? .. - Helen asks disappointedly.

“Petrov, you would at least listen to the end,” Nedozaytsev says irritably. - Do not listen to the end, but already say "No".

- I understood the idea, - Petrov says without looking up from the table. - It is impossible to draw a line in the form of a kitten.

- Well, don't then, - Lenochka permits. - And the bird won't work either?

Petrov silently looks up at her and Lenochka understands everything.

“Well, don’t then,” she repeats again.

Nedozaytsev slaps his hand on the table.

- So where did we stop? What are we doing?

“Seven red lines,” says Morkovieva. - Two in red, and two in green, and the rest are transparent. Yes? Did I understand correctly?

“Yes,” Sidoryakhin confirms before Petrov can open his mouth.

Nedozaytsev nods with satisfaction.

- That's great ... Well, then everyone, colleagues? .. Are we disagreeing? .. Any other questions? ..

- Oh, - recalls Helen. - We still have a red balloon! Tell me, can you cheat him?

- Yes, by the way, - says Morkovieva. - Let's discuss this at once, so as not to get together twice.

- Petrov, - Nedozaytsev turns to Petrov. - Can we do it?

- What does the ball have to do with me? - Petrov asks in surprise.

“It's red,” Lenochka explains.

Petrov is stupidly silent, trembling with his fingertips.

“Petrov,” Nedozaytsev asks nervously. - So you can or can not? It's a simple question.

- Well, - Petrov says carefully, - in principle, I certainly can, but ...

- Good, - Nedozaytsev nods. - Go to them, cheat. We will write out the travel allowances, if necessary.

- Tomorrow can be? - Morkovieva asks.

- Of course, - Nedozaytsev answers. - I think there will be no problems ... Well, now we have everything? .. Excellent. We worked productively ... Thank you all and goodbye!

Petrov blinks several times to return to objective reality, then gets up and slowly wanders towards the exit. At the very exit, Lenochka catches up with him.

- Can I ask you more? - Blushing, says Helen. - When will you inflate the balloon ... can you inflate it in the shape of a kitten? ..

Petrov sighs.

“I can do anything,” he says. - I can do absolutely everything. I'm professional.

At a meeting on Tuesday, employee Petrov had his brain removed. Then it was divided into portions and put on plates. After the procedure was completed, everyone sat down at the table and began to eat it, while showing their approval. And it began:

We received an offer to implement the project. The goal of the project is to present several red lines. This project means a lot for our organization. Are you ready to take on such loads? - the employee Markovieva turned to her colleagues.

Of course, - Nedozaytsev answered quickly. This was the director who at any moment can take on the burden of solving a problem of any complexity. After all, some of the employees will have to deal with it. And he continues: After all, we can?

In response to the director's question, the head of the drawing department Sidoryakhin quickly nods his head:

Of course! We have a smart red line drawing specialist. His name is Petrov. He is just now among us. He was invited specifically on this issue to express his opinion.

Here again Markovieva takes over the baton, starting to introduce another employee: You know me, of course. But we have a design specialist among us. Her name is Helen.

The girl Lenochka begins to blush and get embarrassed. She graduated from economics not so long ago. And it has nothing to do with design.

So, - Markovieva continued, - this order is as follows: you need to draw 7 red lines perpendicular to each other. In addition, there should also be several transparent and green lines among them. Is it doable, do you think?

No, - answered the specialist Petrov.

Let's not rush to a conclusion. A task has been set before us, and we must solve it! ”Sidoryakhin interrupted him. - After all, you are a professional, so don't give us a reason to doubt it.

Understand that red lines should only be drawn in red, not green or any other color. It's just impossible, - explains Petrov.

How to understand you, Petrov? Why is it impossible? - Sidoryakhin asks indignantly.

There is a possibility that some part of the audience of this project will consist of people who suffer from color blindness. It will not matter to them what color the lines are depicted in. But I'm not sure that the main part of our project consists of such people. - Petrov answers.

But from your words, we understand that this is possible, right? - Markovieva asks.

Here Petrov realizes that he exaggerated a little with the description.

Understand that a line can be depicted in absolutely any color. But to get a red line, you need to use exclusively red colors, - he replies.

Are you confusing us? You just said the opposite, didn't you?

Petrov mentally begins to punish himself for his talkativeness.

You misunderstand me. There are times when the color of the line doesn't matter. But such cases are extremely rare. Do you understand? But even in such situations, the line will not be exactly red. You see, it won't! It will have a different color, but not red. This is what I wanted to explain to you.

There was a pause after Petrov's explanations. A tense and nervous atmosphere was clearly felt in her.

Suddenly, the director comes up with an idea.

What if we draw these lines in blue?

Nothing will come of it, - replies Petrov. - Then the lines will be blue.

There is another pause in the conversation, but Petrov decides to interrupt her and asks.

I have a question. You said something about transparent lines. What did you mean?

Markovieva looked at Petrov as a teacher at a weak student.

What do you not understand? You have no idea about the concept of "transparent"?

Of course I have.

And the concept - "red line"?

You see. If you know everything, so what's the problem? Draw us these red lines with a transparent color only.

Here Petrov froze. After considering the situation, he asks a question.

Okay, now can you tell me what the result will be? Can you describe it to me?

Petrov, don't forget! You are our red line specialist, not Markovieva. Let's not run a kindergarten here.

I'm trying to figure out some of the details of this assignment ...

Here he is interrupted by the director Nedozaytsev ...

What do you not understand? After all, you know the concept of a "red line"?

What about "transparent"?

Of course, but ...

So what more explanations do you need? Let's not get down to useless arguments. The task is simple and straightforward. If anyone has specific questions, then ask them.

After all, you are a professional, - says Sidoryakhin.

Okay, - agrees Petrov, - we figured out the color. What other conditions?

According to the assignment, all lines must be perpendicular, - Markovieva answers.

What are they perpendicular to? - asks Petrov.

Here Markovieva begins to review the documents.

How do you say? ... Well ... Probably perpendicular to everything and to each other. I understand that you should know, because you are an expert in this matter.

Of course, he knows, - Sidoryakhin interjects. Are we professionals or not?

How is this possible? After all, only two lines can be perpendicular to each other, but not seven. The proof of this rule is in the 6th grade geometry course.

Markovieva shakes her head, not paying attention to Petrov's remark. And Nedozaytsev hits the table with his hand:

How do you understand this, Petrov? What does "grade 6" mean? Let's not bring our dialogue to the point of humiliation. We have to be polite to each other in order to get results. After all, we are not stupid people.

I subscribe to your opinion, - says Sidoryakhin.

Petrov takes a sheet of paper and says:

Let's try to draw these lines now? Let's draw one line. Now another one. Is the second line perpendicular to the first?

Yes, it is perpendicular to the first.

Well! - says Markovieva happily.

Take your time, I'm not done yet. Here is the third line. Is it perpendicular to the first one? ..

Silence in the room, but Petrov decided to answer himself:

Of course it is perpendicular to the first line, but not the second. The third line is parallel to the second.

The room is completely silent. Markovieva gets up and approaches Petrov from the back. She looks at the drawing over his shoulder and says uncertainly:

Probably yes. You're right.

This is the problem. Only two lines can be perpendicular. But if their number increases ...

Not having time to finish her story, Petrova interrupts Markoviev and asks for a pen. Uncertainly draws three lines and asks:

Is this option possible?

Sighing heavily, Petrov replies:

This is a triangle. It has only three lines, not seven. And they are not perpendicular.

Markovieva ponders, and Nedozaytsev asks the question:

Tell me, why are the lines blue?

Indeed, why are they blue? - connects to the director Sidoryakhin.

So I just demonstrated the drawing with a blue pen, - replies Petrov.

It will be the same, - Petrov answers confidently.

But why? How can you be sure that you have not tried to do it yet? Try it and then we'll see.

I didn’t take a red pen with me, ”Petrov said. - But I'm sure ...

You knew where you were going. Why didn't you prepare? - Sidoryakhin asks Petrov indignantly.

I can tell you with confidence that the same thing will turn out with the red pen, - Petrov says disappointedly.

No, Petrov, you yourself told us that the red lines should be depicted exclusively in red, but not otherwise. Now, I even wrote down your words. Do you paint in blue, or do you think it is red?

That's right, - emphasizes Nedozaytsev. - I also asked you about this. What did you answer me?

Suddenly, Lenochka intervenes in the conversation. She examined the drawing with interest from the spot.

I think I understand what you want to say, - says Helen. - After all, now we are not talking about color, right? And about this perpen-something-there?

Quite right, the perpendicularity of the lines, says Petrov. - In this matter, the color of the lines does not matter.

Now I’m completely confused, ”says Nedozaytsev, looking at both employees. - So what's the problem after all? With color or with lines?

Markovieva shakes her head, thereby showing her confused state.

And with that, and with that, - says Petrov quietly.

I don't understand anything, - says Nedozaytsev, examining his hands and fingers clasped in the lock. - We have a task. It consists in drawing only seven red lines. Not twenty, but only seven. It's easy. Customers requested a total of seven perpendicular lines. So?

The head nods to Markoviev.

So the head of the department does not see the problem either, - continues Nedozaytsev. - Really, Sidoryakhin? So what's the problem? What prevents us from fulfilling the order?

Geometry - Petrov answers.

And you try not to pay attention to it! - says Markovieva.

Petrov stands silently and gathers his thoughts. But there is no way to collect them in a heap. Vivid metaphors appear in his head. With their help, of course, it was possible to convey the essence of what was happening, but alas, they all begin with the word "Fuck!" Unfortunately, it will be out of place in this conversation.

Petrov, why are you silent? Just answer the question before you - will you complete the order or not? I get the impression that you are not a professional in your field. We have been discussing the same issue for two hours and cannot come to a conclusion.

Indeed, Sidoryakhin adds. - So far you have only criticized and said "Impossible!" Any fool can criticize! And you will offer us some solutions to the problem. Show what a professional you are, sorry for the expression.

Let's try this, - says Petrov, - I will draw two perpendicular lines in red, and the other five will be transparent. They won't be visible, but I'll draw them. Will this option suit you?

Helen, will this option suit us? - Markovieva asks, - Yes, it will.

And it would be possible to make a couple of lines green, - says Helen. - I have a question, can I?

Yes, - Petrov answers.

Is it possible to draw one line in the form of a kitten?

What? - asks Petrov after a short pause.

In the form of a kitten. The fact is that our users really like animals. It would be very ...

No, says Petrov.

But why?

Of course, I am not an artist, but I can try to draw a cat. But this is not a line. This is a cat. These are completely different things.

Markovieva intervenes in the conversation.

Not a cat, but a small, pretty kitten. Cats, they ...

There is no difference, says Petrov.

Can't you? - asks the disappointed Lenochka.

You didn't even listen to the end, ”the irritated director intervenes. - And say no right away.

I understood the idea, - says Petrov, bowing his head. - It is not possible to draw a kitten as a line.

No, no, no, - says Helen. - And the bird is not allowed?

Petrov said nothing, and silently looked up at her. Helen understood everything.

No, no, no, Lenochka repeated.

So where did we come to? What are we solving? - asks Nedozaytsev.

It is necessary to depict this red lines. Of these: two are green, two are red and three are transparent. Am I right?

That's right, - confirms Sidoryakhin, even before Petrov tried to open his mouth.

Great, says the director. - That's all? Maybe someone else has questions?

Oh, another question, - recalls Lenochka. - And we have a red balloon! Can you inflate it?

Nedozaytsev turns to Petrov and asks:

Can we do it, Petrov?

Does the ball have anything to do with me? - asks Petrov with a surprised face.

But it’s red, ”says Helen.

Petrov stupidly silently sits at the table and trembles with his fingertips.

So you answer the question, Petrov? - Nedozaytsev is nervous. - Can you do it or not?

In principle, I can do it, but ... - Petrov says neatly.

Agreed, - said Nedozaytsev. - Go to them and inflate the balloon. If you need business travel for this, we will issue it.

Will it be possible to do it tomorrow? - Markovieva asks.

Of course, no problem, the director replied. - That's it? Wonderful. Well done. Everybody's Free. Goodbye!

Petrov sat for a few more seconds to return to reality. He gets up from the table and walks slowly towards the exit. But Lenochka catches up with him and asks:

I have one request for you, - says Helen, blushing at the same time. - Can you inflate a balloon in the shape of a kitten?

Taking a deep breath, Petrov replies:

I'm a professional! I can do anything! - answered Petrov.

Meeting or Seven Red Lines

Petrov came to the meeting on Tuesday. They took out his brain, put it on saucers and began to eat, smacking his lips and generally expressing all kinds of approval. Petrov's boss, Nedozaitsev, prudently distributed dessert spoons to those present. And so it began.

Colleagues, says Morkovieva, our organization is faced with a large-scale task. We received a project for implementation, within the framework of which we need to depict several red lines. Are you ready to take on this challenge?

Of course, - says Nedozaytsev. He is a director, and is always ready to take on a problem that someone from the team will have to bear. However, he immediately clarifies: - We can do it?

The head of the drawing department, Sidoryakhin, hastily nods.

Yes of course. Here is Petrov sitting here, he is our best specialist in drawing red lines. We specially invited him to the meeting so that he could express his competent opinion.

Very nice, - says Morkovieva. - Well, you all know me. And this is Helen, she is a design specialist in our organization.

Helen turns paint and smiles shyly. She recently graduated from economics, and has as much to do with design as the platypus is with designing airships.

So, - says Morkovieva. - We need to draw seven red lines. All of them should be strictly perpendicular, and in addition, some should be painted in green, and some others should be transparent. Do you think this is real?

No, says Petrov.

Let's not rush to answer, Petrov, says Sidoryakhin. - The task has been set, and it needs to be solved. You are a professional, Petrov. Don't give us any reason to believe that you are not a professional.

You see, - explains Petrov, - the term "red line" means that the color of the line is red. Drawing a red line in green is not impossible, but very close to impossible ...

Petrov, what do you mean "impossible"? - asks Sidoryakhin.

I'm just sketching the situation. There may be people who are color blind for whom the color of the line really won't matter, but I'm not sure if the target audience of your project is solely such people.

That is, in principle, it is possible, do we understand you correctly, Petrov? - Morkovieva asks.

Petrov realizes that he has gone too far with imagery.

Let's put it simply, - he says. - The line, as such, can be drawn in absolutely any color. But to get a red line, you should only use red.

Petrov, don't confuse us, please. You just said that this is possible.

Petrov silently curses his talkativeness.

No, you misunderstood me. I just wanted to say that in some extremely rare situations, the color of the line will not matter, but even then - the line will still not be red. You see, it won't be red! It will be green. And you need red.

There is a short silence, in which the quiet tense hum of synapses is clearly heard.

And what if, - overshadowed by an idea, says Nedozaytsev, - draw them in blue?

All the same it will not work, - Petrov shakes his head. - If you draw it in blue, you get blue lines.

Silence again. This time he is interrupted by Petrov himself.

And I still don't understand ... What did you mean when you talked about transparent lines?

Morkovieva looks at him condescendingly, like a kind teacher at a lagging student.

Well, how can I explain to you? .. Petrov, don't you know what "transparent" is?

And what is the “red line”, I hope you don’t need to explain it either?

No, don’t.

Well. You will draw us red lines with a transparent color.

Petrov freezes for a second, pondering the situation.

And how should the result look like, please describe? How do you imagine that?

Well-o-o-o, Petro-o-ov! - Sidoryakhin says. - Well, let's not ... Do we have a kindergarten? Who is the specialist in red lines here, Morkovieva or you?

I'm just trying to clarify for myself the details of the assignment ...

Well, what's not clear here? .. - Nedozaytsev interjects into the conversation. - You know what a red line is?

And what is "transparent", is it clear to you too?

Of course, but ...

So what can I explain to you? Petrov, well, let's not stoop to unproductive arguments. The task has been set, the task is clear and precise. If you have specific questions, please ask.

You are a professional, - adds Sidoryakhin.

Okay, - Petrov gives up. - God is with him, with color. But do you have something else with perpendicularity there? ..

Yes, - Morkovieva readily confirms. - Seven lines, all strictly perpendicular.

Perpendicular to what? - clarifies Petrov.

Morkovieva begins to look through her papers.

Uh-uh, she says finally. - Well, how would ... Everything. Between themselves. Well, or whatever ... I don't know. I thought you knew what perpendicular lines are - at last she is.

Yes, of course he knows, ”Sidoryakhin waves his hands. - Are we professionals here, or not professionals? ..

Two lines can be perpendicular, - Petrov explains patiently. - All seven at the same time cannot be perpendicular to each other. This is geometry, grade 6.

Morkoveva shakes her head, chasing away the looming ghost of a long-forgotten school education. Nedozaytsev slaps his hand on the table:

Petrov, let's go without this: "Grade 6, Grade 6." Let's be mutually polite. We will not make hints and slide down to insults. Let's maintain a constructive dialogue. There are no idiots gathered here.

I think so too, - says Sidoryakhin.

Petrov pulls a piece of paper towards him.

Okay, he says. - Come on, I'll draw you. Here is the line. So?

Morkovieva nods her head in the affirmative.

We draw another ... - says Petrov. - Is it perpendicular to the first one?

Yes, it is perpendicular.

Well, you see! - Morkovieva exclaims happily.

Wait, that's not all. Now we draw the third ... Is it perpendicular to the first line? ..

Thoughtful silence. Without waiting for an answer, Petrov answers himself:

Yes, it is perpendicular to the first line. But it does not intersect with the second line. They are parallel with the second line.

There is silence. Then Morkovieva gets up from her seat and, rounding the table, walks into Petrov from the rear, looking over his shoulder.

Well ... - she says hesitantly. - Maybe yes.

This is the point, - says Petrov, trying to consolidate the achieved success. - While there are two lines, they can be perpendicular. As soon as there are more of them ...

Can I have a pen? - asks Morkoviev.

Petrov gives the pen. Morkovieva carefully draws several uncertain lines.

And if so?..

Petrov sighs.

This is called a triangle. No, these are not perpendicular lines. Moreover, there are three of them, not seven.

Morkoveva purses her lips.

Why are they blue? - suddenly asks Nedozaytsev.

By the way, - Sidoryakhin supports. - I wanted to ask myself.

Petrov blinks several times, examining the drawing.

I have a blue pen, ”he finally says. - I'm just to demonstrate ...

It will turn out the same, - says Petrov confidently.

Well, how is it the same? - says Nedozaytsev. - How can you be sure if you haven't even tried it? Draw red ones and we'll see.

I don't have a red pen with me, - Petrov admits. “But I can absolutely ...

Why didn't you prepare, ”Sidoryakhin says reproachfully. - They knew that there would be a meeting ...

I can absolutely tell you, - Petrov says in despair, - that the red color will turn out exactly the same.

You yourself told us last time, ”Sidoryakhin retorts,“ that you need to draw red lines in red. Here, I even wrote it down for myself. And you yourself draw them with a blue pen. Are these red lines in your opinion?

By the way, yes, - notes Nedozaytsev. - I also asked you about the blue color. What did you answer me?

Petrov is suddenly saved by Lenochka, who is studying his drawing with interest from her seat.

I think I understand, she says. - You're not talking about color right now, are you? This is about this one, what do you call it? Perper-something-there?

The perpendicularity of the lines, yes, says Petrov gratefully. - It has nothing to do with the color of the lines.

That's it, you have completely confused me, - says Nedozaytsev, shifting his gaze from one participant of the meeting to another. - So what are the problems with us? Color or perpendicular?

Morkoveva makes confused sounds and shakes her head. She got confused too.

And with that, and with the other, - says Petrov quietly.

I can’t understand anything, ”says Nedozaytsev, examining his fingers clasped in the lock. - Here is a task. All you need is seven red lines. I understand, there would be twenty! .. But then there are only seven. The task is simple. Our customers want seven perpendicular lines. Right?

Morkovieva nods.

And Sidoryakhin doesn't see the problem either, - says Nedozaytsev. - Am I right, Sidoryakhin? .. Well. So what's stopping us from completing the task?

Geometry, says Petrov with a sigh.

Well, you just ignore her, that's all! - says Morkovieva.

Petrov is silent, gathering his thoughts. In his brain, one after another, colorful metaphors are born that would allow to convey the surrealism of what is happening to others, but as luck would have it, all of them, clothed in words, invariably begin with the word "Fuck!", Completely inappropriate in a business conversation.

Tired of waiting for an answer, Nedozaytsev says:

Petrov, your answer is simple - can you do it or you can not? I understand that you are a narrow specialist and do not see the big picture. But it’s not difficult - to draw some seven lines? We have been discussing some nonsense for two hours already, we can not come to a decision in any way.

Yes, says Sidoryakhin. - You just criticize and say: “Impossible! Impossible!" You will offer us your solution to the problem! And then a fool can criticize, forgive the expression. You are a professional!

Petrov wearily utters:

Good. Let me draw you two guaranteed perpendicular red lines and the rest with a transparent color. They will be transparent and not visible, but I will draw them. Will this suit you?

Is that okay for us? - Morkovieva turns to Lenochka. - Yes, it will suit us.

Only at least a couple more - in green, - adds Helen. - And I also have such a question, can I?

Can you draw one line in the form of a kitten?

Petrov is silent for a few seconds, and then asks:

Well, in the form of a kitten. Kitten. Our users love the animals. It would be great…

No, says Petrov.

And why?

No, of course I can draw you a cat. I'm not an artist, but I can try. Only it will no longer be a line. It will be a cat. The line and the cat are different things.

Kitten, - specifies Morkovieva. - Not a cat, but a kitten, so small, cute. Cats, they ...

It's all the same, - Petrov shakes his head.

Not at all, right? .. - Helen asks disappointedly.

Petrov, you would at least listen to the end, - says Nedozaytsev irritably. - Do not listen to the end, but already say "No".

I understood the idea, - Petrov says without looking up from the table. - It is impossible to draw a line in the form of a kitten.

Well, don't then, - Lenochka permits. - And the bird won't work either?

Petrov silently looks up at her and Lenochka understands everything.

Well, don't then, ”she repeats again.

Nedozaytsev slaps his hand on the table.

So where did we stop? What are we doing?

Seven red lines, says Morkovieva. - Two in red, and two in green, and the rest are transparent. Yes? Did I understand correctly?

Yes, Sidoryakhin confirms before Petrov can open his mouth.

Nedozaytsev nods with satisfaction.

That's great ... Well, then everyone, colleagues? .. Are we disagreeing? .. Do you have any more questions? ..

Oh, - recalls Helen. - We still have a red balloon! Tell me, can you cheat him?

By the way, - says Morkovieva. - Let's discuss this at once, so as not to get together twice.

Petrov, - Nedozaytsev turns to Petrov. - Can we do it?

What does the ball have to do with me? - Petrov asks in surprise.

It is red, - explains Helen.

Petrov is stupidly silent, trembling with his fingertips.

Petrov, - Nedozaytsev asks nervously. - So you can or can not? It's a simple question.

Well, - Petrov says carefully, - in principle, I certainly can, but ...

Okay, - Nedozaytsev nods. - Go to them, cheat. We will write out the travel allowances, if necessary.

Tomorrow can be? - Morkovieva asks.

Of course, - Nedozaytsev answers. - I think there will be no problems ... Well, now we have everything? .. Excellent. We worked productively ... Thank you all and goodbye!

Petrov blinks several times to return to objective reality, then gets up and slowly wanders towards the exit. At the very exit, Lenochka catches up with him.

Can I ask you more? - Blushing, says Helen. - When will you inflate the balloon ... can you inflate it in the shape of a kitten? ..

Petrov sighs.

I can do anything, ”he says. - I can do absolutely everything. I'm professional.