Alter ego - what is it, good and positive traits, vivid examples

Some of the most important and original figures in history have created alter egos for a wide range of purposes. A good alter ego can keep your true identity under wraps or help you mentally separate difficult opinions or actions. Whether you're an amateur superhero trying to hide your true meek personality, or a disruptive writer hoping to protect your reputation from the backlash of a society that isn't ready to embrace your vision yet, a good alter ego can be a vital helper in achieving your goals. This guide will help you create a unique alter ego for your unique situation.

Steps

Part 1

1. Determine the purpose of your alter ego. Why are you creating an alter ego? What goal are you trying to achieve? Are you creating an alter ego for pleasure or for a serious purpose? The answers to these questions will influence the decision-making process during the creation of your alter ego. For example, if you are trying to create a literary pseudonym to prevent your name from appearing on a work of art that is considered controversial, you may only need to come up with a fake name. However, if you are a musician looking to expand your creative range by embodying a scandalous new personality, you can develop a detailed story and personality for your character. Measure your ambition against your goals when creating an alter ego.

   • In a general sense, there is no such thing as an alter ego, it is too much carefully thought out. Until you start blurring the psychic line between your alter ego and your true self, feel free to create as detailed an alter ego as you see fit.

2. Give your alter ego a personality and voice. The most important trait of your alter ego is his or her personality - the way he / she speaks and acts. Will this alter ego just replace you - in other words, it will be you, only with a different name? Or will it be a unique character with a different personality from yours? Make your choice based on your goal for your alter ego. If you're writing a semi-autobiographical piece, your self-introduced character should probably speak and act like you do. However, if you are creating a superhero alter ego for yourself, you might want your character to be exaggeratedly dashing and effective - more than any normal person.

   • Alter egos are often endowed with traits that their creators lack. By acquiring this alter ego, the creator can try to overcome the difficulties caused by his personality deficiencies. For example, if you are usually timid and shy, you can transform into your cocky, confident alter ego when you are at a party full of strangers.

3. Give your alter ego a distinctive look. What does your alter ego look like? Does she / he have an unassuming but memorable look, or does she / he stand out in the crowd? Your character's appearance should match or suit your personality - if you've created a character for a slippery used car salesman, you can, for example, dress him in flashy suits, slick his hair back, and stretch a big, insincere smile on his face. If your alter ego is an unrealistic figure, like an alien or a superhero, you may even need to design a stunning costume to reflect his or her superhuman status.

   • If you plan on pretending to be your alter ego in real life, keep your own views in mind when designing your character. Make sure you can simulate your character realistically by changing clothes, using makeup, etc. If you're a 181.44 kg (400 lb) professional sumo wrestler, your skinny computer hacker alter ego may have to stay in the realm of fiction.

4. Come up with a decent backstory for your alter ego. Characters rarely exist in creative vacuums. Giving your alter ego a compelling (but worthy) personal story can lend realism to his or her appearance and personality. She can also help you make decisions about these things if you're having trouble coming up with good ideas. Your character's backstory can be vague or detailed. You can be an ordinary person or extraordinary. There are no “right” options when you create a backstory - only logical options that reflect the personality and appearance of the character. When writing your alter ego story, ask yourself these questions:

   • Where did my alter ego come from?
   • What is his / her life like?
   • What experiences have shaped him / her?
   • Who does she / he know and with whom did she / he have a relationship?

5. Find a suitable name. This is the most fun part of the whole process! A good, catchy name can turn an alter ego from interesting to cult... Make a list of names, including even ideas that you think are stupid or inappropriate, that can lead you to a truly inspiring name. Come up with names that suit your alter ego's purpose. If you are, for example, a foreign spy sent to the US Midwest, a boring, humble name like "Chris Stevens" will suit you. You (obviously) will not choose a stunning name that will draw attention to yourself like "Xavier Rex Riviera de la Cruz" or a mockingly ironic name like "Guy McNormalson" (in English "Guy" means a guy) ...

   • Often times, an alter ego's name will reflect his or her role or personality. Rapper Nes sometimes refers to himself as "Nes Escobar" - a reference to drug lord Pablo Escobar and a reflection of his sinister personality.
   • Another common trick is choosing a name that in some way refers to your name. Your alter ego's name can be an anagram of your own name or some other word or phrase (as in the book series Harry Potter, where the main villain uses his real name, Tom Marvolo Riddle, for the anagram "Lord Voldemort"). This name can also implicitly refer to your real name (Jennifer Lopez, for example, will be J.Lo or Lola).

6. Fill in the small details about your alter ego. Give your character real depth by giving him or her unique, specific traits. Real people have quirks and quirks, so your character will appear more real if he or she has them too. You can choose details that match your character's role or personality - the gray-haired mercenary's alter ego can walk with a slight limp as a result of an old, unexplained trauma. On the other hand, you can choose traits that contrast interestingly with the background chosen by your character. For example, you could give the same mercenary character a childish enthusiasm for playing flea. Good alter egos, like real people, are complex and often contradictory.

   Part 2

   Using your new identity

   1. Start using your alter ego. Now that you've created a distinctive alter ego, it's time to try it out! Practice speaking, acting, and / or writing like your character. Carefully study your actions and your "voice" - for example, think about whether your character will walk or speak in a certain way based on his / her background and personality. Gather materials or clothing and make a costume for your alter ego (thrift stores can be a good choice for their low prices and outdated clothing). Only you can decide how far your alter ego can go - if you're lucky, your character might even become more famous than you!

      • Consider showing your character at the next costume party or fan meeting you attend!

   2. Stay in character. Your alter ego will appear more "real" and authentic if you give yourself completely to your work. As you rush between your new identity and your old one, people will see you as a person in a suit, not as a completely new person. Resist any urge to act as you normally would. It's easier to do this if you spend hours (or even days) in your character role before you just have to wander around the house or do business as your alter ego. You will easily get used to your new image if you can do simple tasks. And more complex performances, in turn, will look more natural.

      • Try changing your daily habits and routines to match your alter ego. For example, if your character looks after himself differently than you do, make those changes in your own life. Respected Stanislavsky actors like Daniel Day-Lewis are known for adopting their character's habits. To prepare for your role in the film The age of innocence, Lewis doused himself with cologne and donned 1870s clothes to carry out his daily errands!

   3. Seek inspiration from famous alter egos. Hundreds of people throughout history have had alter egos. If you are lacking inspiration, look in the history books for examples of how to reincarnate into a new personality. Many alter egos, like musician David Bowie's famous character "Ziggy Stardust," have become cultural benchmarks for music, fashion, and other arts. Others, like the characters of actor Sasha Baron Cohen (Borat, Bruno, etc.), eclipsed their creator in terms of fame and recognition. Become aware of your historical context - your alter ego, knowingly or unknowingly, is probably influenced by the latest alter ego.

      • Feel free to pay homage to past alter egos through small links, details, etc., but as with any piece of art, don't completely plagiarize other people's creations.
      • It is also helpful to look for examples of alter ego that not worked. For example, the country music star of the 90s. Garth Brooks has been widely ridiculed for his grim "Chris Gaines" persona. His alter ego, a serious, uncertain future alternative rock musician, turned out to be ridiculous and unnatural compared to his relatively serious work in country music up to that point. Try to make lists of what has historically worked and failed based on the alter ego in your field - literature, music, etc.
   • Make sure your alter ego has flaws.
   • If there are flaws that you would like to overcome, let your alter ego strive for that too.
   • Try to write a book or comic strip about the life of your alter ego.
   • Enjoy!
   • Be creative but true to yourself.

   Warnings

   • If your character is too flawless, it can lower your self-esteem.
   • Don't go headlong into the life of your alter ego, remember that you, your life and your friends are much more important than your alter ego.

Emerging as a result of a mental disorder.

The term is sometimes used in literature and other creative works to describe characters that are psychologically similar to each other or to the author. For example, the character of several films Antoine Doinel is the alter ego of its creator, director and screenwriter François Truffaut.

Expression alter ego became widespread thanks to the custom adopted in some European states in the past: when the king transferred all his power to some governor, he awarded him the title of "royal second self" - "alter ego regis".

This custom is believed to have originated in Sicily. The first to pronounce these words was the Greek philosopher Zeno of Kitia, who lived in the III-IV centuries BC. NS.

see also

Links

• // Encyclopedic Dictionary of Brockhaus and Efron: In 86 volumes (82 volumes and 4 additional). - SPb. , 1890-1907.

Wikimedia Foundation. 2010.

See what "Alter ego" is in other dictionaries:

alter ego- ● alter ego nom masculin invariable (mots latins signifiant un autre moi même) Personne qui a toute la confiance d une autre et peut la remplacer en toutes circonstances. ● alter ego (synonymes) nom masculin invariable (mots latins signifiant un…… Encyclopédie Universelle

alter ego- al · ter ego / ȯl tər ē gō / n: second self; esp: a person or entity vicariously liable for another (as an agent) had the officer been the alter ego of the corporation J. J. White and R. S. Summers compare ... ... Law dictionary

Alter ego- (lat.anderes Ich) ist ein geflügeltes Wort. Herkunft Die Bezeichnung geht auf den römischen Politiker und Philosophen Cicero zurück, der um 44 v. Chr. in Laelius de amicitia 21, 80 schrieb: verus amicus […] est […] tamquam alter idem (Ein wahrer… Deutsch Wikipedia

alter ego- alter egos 1) N COUNT: usu with supp Your alter ego is the other side of your personality from the one which people normally see. 2) N COUNT: usu with supp You can describe the character that an actor usually plays on television or in films as ... ... English dictionary

álter ego- Loc. lat. que significa literalmente ‘el otro yo’. Se emplea, como locución nominal masculina, con el sentido de ‘persona en quien otra tiene absoluta confianza y, por ello, puede hacer sus veces sin restricción alguna’: “El propio Chubais y su ... ... Diccionario panhispánico de dudas

alter ego- 1530s, from Latin phrase (used by Cicero), a second self, a trusted friend (Cf. Gk.allos ego); see ALTER (Cf. alter) and EGO (Cf. ego)… Etymology dictionary

alter \ ego- [altɛrego] n. m. inv. 1825; mots lat. "Un second moi même" ♦ Personne de confiance qu on peut charger de tout faire à sa place (cf. Bras droit). "Dumay, devenu l alter ego de l armateur" (Balzac). Loc. Mon alter ego: un autre moi même,…… Encyclopédie Universelle

alter ego- (izg. ȁlter ȅgo) m DEFINICIJA 1.psih. oznaka za podsvjesni i nesvjesni dio u osobi 2. prisni prijatelj, dvojnik 3. zastupnik, opunomoćenik ETIMOLOGIJA lat .: drugo "ja"; prvi izrekao Ciceron, vjerojatno prijevod iz grč. állos egṓ, héteros egṓ:…… Hrvatski jezični portal

alter ego- | é | s. m. 1. Outro eu. 2. Pessoa em que se deposita a máxima confiança. ‣ Etimologia: locução latina, do latim alter, altera, alterum, outro + ego, eu ... Dicionário da Língua Portuguesa

alter ego- An alter ego is a very close and intimate friend. It is a Latin phrase that literally means other self ... The small dictionary of idiomes

Many people who ask the question: "Who am I?" Find hidden traits and qualities in themselves. Psychologists around the world understand the topic of what an alter ego is and how to deal with it. On the one hand, there is nothing wrong with the appearance of a double who exhibits positive qualities that are inaccessible to their "owner". In case the alter ego is a negative person, it is important not to cross the fine line between play and reality.

Alter ego - what is it in psychology?

Each person has his own ego, and this word is translated as "second self". “Alter ego” in Latin, and in Russian “alter ego” is a split personality. This definition can be called some character traits that in ordinary life people skillfully hide from others. In the history of mankind, there are many cases when the rulers of countries in Western Europe appointed an alter ego, in fact, their deputy. An example of this is the King of Naples in 1820.

Female alter ego

It is not uncommon to meet men who are happy to do women's affairs: they go shopping, discuss new fashion items, and look after their appearance. Often such men consider themselves to be transvestites and even change their sex. They feel comfortable in a female guise. Inspired by the theme of the "second self" photographer Leland Bobbé has released a series of male photographs that reveal the female alter ego, this is created using professional makeup. Bobbé divided the faces of the models into two parts, covering the right side with his hand, and not to think that there is a man in front of you.

Male alter ego

Many women consider their "second self" to be a man. They think that if they were born in a male form, they would be decisive, unflappable, passionate. In the alter ego, such women find those qualities that they are afraid to show in real life. Asking the question, what is a male alter ego, it is worth remembering famous women with a masculine "second self".

Alter ego in adolescents

The adolescent period is a time of formation, not only physiologically, but also mentally. Just at this time, growing up, children ask themselves questions: "Who am I?", "Why do I live?" etc. Not everyone can liberate themselves and discard complexes in a cruel teenage environment. Alter ego, or "other self" helps many to understand their inner desires. For example, a well-bred excellent student can transform into a cheeky bully with bright makeup. A bully and a poor student from the last desk show the wonders of possession of the ball on the football field, presenting himself as Zinedine Zidane.

Dark alter ego

There are no perfect people, because everyone has good and bad qualities. It is very important to turn flaws into features, and not let them get the better of the person. Understanding what an alter ego is, one cannot but recall the dark side of the “second self”. Bad habits, bad temper, selfishness are traits inherent in the dark side. It is within the power of each person to release her in exceptional cases in order to discharge, relax, but she cannot be allowed to control life all the time.

Is the alter ego good or bad?

The appearance of a "second self" in a person's life does not always promise pleasant changes. Often doctors find symptoms of multiple personality disorder in the alter ego, schizophrenia is one of the complications of this condition. The following signs indicate the need for urgent medical advice:

• sweating;
• inability to fall asleep;
• headache;
• a sharp change in mood.

Alter ego - examples

Many public figures, especially artists, use the alter ego to diversify their stage images. Both foreign and domestic performers "indulge in this".

How to create an alter ego?

Public figures often have to create an alter ego on purpose. Some are not limited to one double, and come up with a second alter ego, followed by a third. If you need to create a unique "second self", you should follow certain rules.

1. Determine the goal, think about what the alter ego is for, what the double will do, what benefit it will be.
2. Endow the "second self" with character traits, think over his appearance, facial expressions and voice. Choose a memorable and original name.
3. To compose a biography of a double - where he grew up, how he became what he is now, what he is currently doing.
4. Go to practice, get into the image, change the voice and gait, presenting yourself as your alter ego.

How to get rid of an alter ego?

Two entities: an angel and a demon, good and bad, live in every person. People openly demonstrate positive qualities, and often skillfully hide negative ones. The dark side of the alter ego can harm the "owner" by appearing at the most inopportune moment. Often, the alter ego brings doubts into affairs, interferes with bringing what has been begun to the end, and sometimes destroys all the efforts of a person. Such an alter ego must be gotten rid of. This can be done in two ways.

The alter ego theme has found widespread use in the film industry. Positive personalities, whose alter ego wakes up at an unexpected moment, are the heroes of many cult films.

I apologize in advance for the verbosity. Perhaps I will start from the very beginning, namely, from my alier ego, which received the name Zion. So one of my old acquaintances christened him, and the name became boring, but that's not the point. I myself am quite kind and sympathetic, quite compassionate, have not a small part of compassion, reasonable, and for the most part cheerful. I have friends with whom I have a warm relationship since school, there is a girl I love and who loves me. But, unfortunately, they have to get along not only with me. From time to time he "comes", Zion. He appeared in my life 3 years ago. I do not know what influenced his arrival, since at that moment there were no significant events, shocks and other things. My life was exactly the same. I went to a job where I really enjoyed working, I went out in nature with my friends and my girlfriend every weekend, I didn't quarrel with anyone. Everything was amazing. But one day I started having the same dream every night. In this dream, I wandered through an old abandoned mansion with two or three floors. It was made mostly of wood, the architecture resembled the beginning of the 20th century. It was destroyed, holes in the walls, in the floor, collapsed stairs and roofs. Outside it was dark and foggy, and it was winter (I started dreaming in October). I looked into all the rooms and always went through the same door. In a small room on the floor, "in Turkish", sat a man in a deep hood, because of which his eyes were not visible, a brown leather jacket, black cropped gloves (knitted). He sat by the fire, looking at him, and when I entered, I slowly looked up at me and slowly got up. I was always seized by indescribable horror at this moment of sleep, he seemed to crawl into my soul with his gaze, even in a dream I felt my knees shaking with fear. When he straightened up to his full height, I recognized myself in him. It was me. Definitely! And he started chasing me. All the dreams, and there were at least eight of them, I ran away from myself, and always woke up uncaught. That alarm clock, then something else woke me up. But when I dreamed about him for the last time, the hooded figure nevertheless caught up with me, sharply turned to itself and hit me in the face. It was at this moment that I woke up "in a cold sweat." The dream stopped abruptly. I never dreamed of him again, and I soon forgot about him and never remembered him again, did not even tell almost anyone, because I simply forgot. It's been about a week since my last sleep. Every morning a feeling of anxiety began to overwhelm me. I could not understand what was shaking me in any way. I, my family, friends, colleagues, began to notice that I periodically "fall", that is, I look at one point and think about something of my own, not hearing anything around. Everyone noticed that I became nervous, more aggressive, and from time to time I get lost in trifles. I also began to pay attention to this. And I remember that even my thoughts were as if not mine. For some reason, people suddenly became disgusting to me, I always saw something bad in them. Hypocrisy, greed, unjustified cruelty, all the qualities that I never liked in people. And most interestingly, I was often right. It was as if I began to look at people with the same look that the person from my dream, that is, me, looked at me with. Then it went away. And after another week, it began to alternate. I thought I was back to normal. Blamed everything on light stress, overwork. My “split” began to progress over time. That is, if, for example, for a month I was in the state of good-natured Alexei, who adores everyone and everyone likes it, then for 2-3 days of them I was an angry and aggressive uncle who could not stand people and much connected with them. Thus, the beginning of the days of "Zion" becomes more, and the days of Alexei less. On this basis, conflicts began with a family, with a girl, with friends. Various kinds of misunderstandings. And every divine morning, a feeling of anxiety that does not recede, year after year, regardless of the activity of this or that "personality". I have been in this state for the fourth year already. A year ago, Zion not only began to eat my brain, he began to commit extremely reckless acts, as I myself believe. I would not like to voice them, but I assure you, everyone is safe and sound. Simply, he seemed to begin to declare himself. Do not think that I am talking about him as a separate person, I am just expressing myself now so that it is more understandable. I am not a drinker. The most I can afford is a couple of glasses of whiskey or wine for a big day. (But this does not affect him in any way, I assure you). I do not smoke tobacco, I do not use drugs or any other psychotropic substances, including medicinal ones, as I rarely get sick. I tried not to pay attention to this, I thought it would pass, I was looking for some reasons for this. But nothing came of it. For the past 3 months, Zion has kept me from collecting my thoughts. His thoughts fill my head, as if he is trying to persuade me to do something. It sows doubts about my life choice in my head, sows anxiety, for some time I was overcome by a persecution mania. I began to prefer loneliness more often, to withdraw into myself, more often I began to visit negative thoughts. But what is most terrible, in any of my conditions, the visor falls, if suddenly, God forbid, I witnessed cruelty to a person or an animal. Atrocities in any form. And you don't even have to be present. A story told by a colleague or news heard on television. Even a scene in the film with elements of cruelty. Seeing or hearing something like this, I cease to control myself. The hellish flames of anger begin to burn my chest, my eyes are filled with blood, and I do not feel any other desires, except for one - to punish. The thought immediately comes to how insignificant people are sometimes in their low deeds, how disgusting and disgusting they are, I want to pull a person out of the crowd and start choking him with my bare hands, shouting all the abominations that he has committed in his face. And there is also an ode to the feature that I missed. In summer, during the warm season, Zion does not come. Never. For now, at least. I have never visited psychologists. I talked about my problem with the closest people, but they assured me that there was nothing to worry about. And I wanted to think so, but he came and ruined all my peace of mind. I have a wonderful relationship with my parents and all my immediate family. Despite the fact that my parents have been divorced for a long time, I am not at all angry with my father. I understand everything clearly. I have a mother, grandmother and god-aunt. There are two cousins ​​and we all get along great. At work, I also have not bad relations with both colleagues and with the authorities, up to the director of the restaurant, with whom I go to the same gym. I have no enemies, as I myself at least think. Tell me, please, how can I get rid of this, or how can I learn to live with it, without harming others and myself? Thank you in advance!

Ego and selfishness

What does ego mean?

When pronouncing this word, the majority immediately have negative associations associated with selfishness, selfishness, pride, etc., however, what this is, in essence, rarely anyone tried to understand. However, no one will deny that no person can exist without his ego, because the synonym for ego is the inner self.

Ego is the ability of the dual perception of the world, where “I” and “mine” are opposed to “not me” and “not mine”. The ego gives its own essence a certain form, brings self-awareness to a specific object of its "I". Moreover, "I" is always evaluated positively, and "not I" can be both attractive and hostile.

The ego makes it possible to realize oneself as a separate person with all the inherent attributes of a given reality, such as belonging to human nature, gender, age, temperament ... The ego world is the entire Universe through the eyes of a person standing in the center of it. Awareness of their selfhood is not only in humans, but also in many animals that have different characters and inclinations, however, a person, unlike animals, can himself influence his ego, work on it, transform it in different directions, that is, self-education of their personality. Usually the word "ego" is used as a synonym for "I" or the concept of "personality". In the religious and psychological literature, many books have been written on this issue, both philosophers and sages, as well as doctors and teachers, talk about the ego. In this article we will try to consider the place and role of the ego in human life, its evolution, functions and structure, and also approach the solution of such an issue as the struggle with the ego. And let's start with egoism - a concept akin to the ego.

The term egoism usually means the size of the ego, the power of the ego's influence on a person's life. In the classical definition, egoism is a life position in which the satisfaction of personal interests is put above all, regardless of the methods of achievement and the needs of others. This is self-defense and life support of one's "I". Selfishness is a natural instinct for survival, without it we would not be able to win our "place in the sun", in animals it is expressed very clearly. However, people, by virtue of their rationality and spirituality, have given egoism new functions, forcing them to serve not a specific individual, but a collective, society, nation.

The connection between ego and egoism lies in the fact that egoism, as a devoted priest, serves its god “I”. On how developed the ego, how widely and in what form the interests of our inner “I” spread to the world around us, the needs satisfied by egoism and the orders that the ego gives to it will depend. From one individual, his "I" requires all kinds of pleasures, and from another - the well-being of his environment. Some will say: “What kind of selfishness is it to serve the interests of society? This is altruism. " But if you look closely, then service to society is a personal need of the inner "I". The only difference is that in the first case the ego perceives itself separately from society, but dependent on it, and for the sake of its own well-being is forced to take care of it, and altruists do not separate their “I” from the environment, serving the general in the same way as the ego serves itself yourself. Altruists, in contrast to egoists, have developed the so-called collective consciousness, which spreads the individual ego to the level of the entire community.

In the era of the Enlightenment, the theory of "reasonable egoism" arose, suggesting that a person, while remaining selfish in his actions and aspirations, nevertheless, takes into account the needs of society, with the aim of self-preservation within it and acquiring common goods. An egoist in society is doomed to mutually beneficial cooperation. The founder of this theory was A. Smith and K.A. Helvetius, Feuerbach and G. Chernyshevsky continued to develop this theory. The opposite of rational egoism is hedonism, when personal interests are always and everywhere put higher, despite possible conflicts and obvious harm to others. As a result, such a person has serious problems, namely: the loss of friends, discord in the family, a narrowing of the circle of friends, up to loneliness.

American researcher J. Rawls in his book "The Theory of Justice" identified three types of selfishness:

• A dictator where everyone serves the personal interests of one individual;
• Exceptional, where someone has the right to violate moral and ethical standards for personal gain;
• General, in which each member of society acts in their own interests.

Also, egoism can be explicit and hidden, it can be constant or manifested from time to time (or relative to certain phenomena), in relation to a group, egoism can be family, clan, state, national (nationalism), economic, religious, class (leading to genocide or apartheid).

In relation to a specific personality, egoism, as a rule, manifests itself in the form of vanity, pride, aggressive rivalry, lust for power and self-interest, egoists do not tolerate criticism, are touchy, jealous and envious. Sometimes selfishness manifests itself passively in the form of cowardice, laziness, deceit and total hostility towards others.

In accordance with esoteric teachings, a defective ego in a person can be located in a certain place - a chakra - creating defilement there and leading to egoism in one form or another.

For example:

• The ego, located in the lower Muladhara chakra, binds a person to dominance due to material support. Such egoists identify people who are materially dependent on them with things and consider it legitimate to dispose of their lives at their own discretion. These are parents who control the lives of their already grown children, or other guardians who dictate the rules of behavior to their dependents. And also creditors treating debtors as eternally indebted slaves.
• The ego, located in the Svadhisthana chakra, makes a person a "slave of love", inflating his natural desire to please others to an animal attraction. Such people are obsessed with sex and their appearance, they strive to become sex symbols and seduce as many partners as possible.
• The ego, located in the Manipura chakra, seeks to suppress others with a rough pressure, wanting to weaken their will. Such people use their energy and charisma to assert themselves and impose their opinions. These people wear the image of arrogant and bold, weasels and boors sticking their nose everywhere.
• The ego, located in the Anahata chakra, longs for universal adoration, but this is not an image of a sex symbol, but a claim to the title of an idol. These people strive to be at the center of any company, trying to attract more attention, they are intrusive and feigned. Such people are morbidly jealous, vindictive, suffer from "star fever".
• The ego, located in the Vishuddha chakra, boasts of its intelligence. These people love to "crush with their brains", to make others look like fools, they are cunning and insidious schemers.

In the Vedic epic Mahabharata 64 signs of pride and selfishness are indicated. Working out and eliminating these signs leads to getting rid of illusions and objective perception of reality.

These are the signs:

• Confidence in one's own constant righteousness (infallibility).
• A patronizing attitude towards others, an attitude of condescension.
• A sense of your own exclusivity.
• Feeling like a victim. Touchiness.
• Boasting.
• Attributing to oneself the labors and merits of other people.
• Ability to put an opponent at a disadvantage, managing people to achieve what you want.
• Control over the situation, but without taking responsibility for the situation.
• Vanity, the desire to often look in the mirror.
• Flaunting wealth, clothing, etc.
• Not allowing others to help themselves and not willing to work with others.
• Drawing attention to your personality with your voice, manners, behavior.
• Chatty or constant talk about their problems and biography.
• Excessive impressionability or insensitivity. Haste to draw conclusions or unwillingness to admit facts.
• Excessive preoccupation with oneself, introversion.
• Focus on what others think or say about you.
• Using words that the listener does not understand, and you know about it.
• Feeling worthless.
• Refusal to change or thinking that you will not succeed.
• Unforgiving yourself and others.
• Dividing people into hierarchical levels according to the type "who is better or more important", then behavior in accordance with this hierarchy. Reluctance to acknowledge seniority.
• The feeling that you become important when you do a specific job.
• Take on overwhelming work, and also find pleasure in idleness.
• Suspicion of people, God, Messengers.
• A state of concern about the impression you make on others.
• The thought that you are above the ordinary law and carry out a special mission.
• Unwillingness to take the risk of being committed to an important, inspiring cause. There is no higher purpose and creativity.
• Creation of an idol from oneself and from others.
• Lack of free time for self-discovery and communication due to worry about money.
• Changing your demeanor depending on who you are dealing with. Lack of simplicity in the relationship.
• Superficiality in gratitude.
• Ignoring "small" people. Taking advantage of your position.
• Inattention to what you are in contact with at the moment.
• Unawareness of how each of the listed components of pride manifests itself in you.
• Underestimating the power of illusion.
• The presence of an irritable tone, intolerance to the manifestations of mistakes and shortcomings. In general, merging with negative and positive states of the psyche.
• “I am body and mind. I am doomed to live in the material world. "
• Fear to show your emotional state and attitude, to speak with your heart.
• The thought of teaching someone a lesson.
• Unaware of prejudices and unwillingness to clarify them.
• Spreading rumors and gossip.
• Disobedience to the will of God and elders, dependence on their own desires.
• Dependence on everything that gratifies the senses, madness.
• Lack of self-esteem based on self-understanding.
• "You have nothing to do with me."
• Recklessness, suppressed sense of proportion.
• The presence of an attitude: "My group is the best", "I will only listen to my own people and serve only them."
• Individualism, unwillingness to be in the family and in society and to be responsible for loved ones in prayer and practical deeds.
• Dishonesty and dishonesty in a relationship.
• Failure to understand others and come to common solutions.
• The desire to always leave the last word for yourself.
• To resort to the statements of authorities in order not to deal with specific situations. Stamped worldview.
• Dependence on advice and opinions, irresponsibility.
• Unwillingness to share your knowledge and information with others in order to be able to control them.
• Inattention to the physical body under the pretext of spirituality or excessive attention to it to the detriment of the soul.
• The thought that you should do it, because no one else can do it better.
• An indication of the other's mistakes in a tone of condemnation or humiliation.
• The thought of the need to save others from their problems (both thought and action).
• Communication and support of others, as a result of which they become intellectually and emotionally dependent on the mentor.
• Changing attitudes towards people depending on their opinions, appearance, etc.
• Disregard for external norms and rules of culture, adopted in their society and family.
• Feeling entitled to dispose of the property of others and ignoring the norms of another family.
• Sarcasm, cynicism and rudeness in statements and feelings.
• Lack of happiness.

Also, according to Vedic sources, there are 18 signs of the ego, manifested in a person's appearance:

• Brisk gait
• Loud speech
• Fast speech
• Gesturing while talking
• Loud laughter
• A lot of facial expressions
• Failure to fulfill their duties
• Having likes and dislikes towards people
• Excessive caring for your body
• Telling others about your illnesses
• Lethargy in performing physical work
• Conviction in your outer beauty
• Attracting attention to yourself with body movements
• Inaction Poor work performance
• Arrogant and authoritative tone
• Interrupting others when talking
• Frequent use in speech "I", "me", "mine"

Alter ego. Ego of personality. The essence of the ego. Ego personality structure

If we consider the ego as a set of ideas about itself, then it turns out that it includes the entire way of life and all spheres of human activity. Dividing the world into “I” and “not I”, our ego uses certain criteria, namely the ability to directly influence objects. If something is in your power, it means that it is subject to your will and is a part of you, a part of your life. It all depends only on how much this influence is wiped off.

The essence of the ego is to spread influence over more objects.

One is content with the physical aspects, saying that he is the body with all its functions and needs. Another sees his essence in the soul, which is contained in the body, as in a vessel, and lives with mental concerns. The other feels the spirit contained in everything that lives, and his concerns are directed primarily towards spiritual needs. And someone identifies his “I” with the universal superconsciousness, which is the essence of all living and nonliving, and such a concept as “not me” is already barely distinguishable. The balance between "I" and "not I" is different for everyone, but in most cases it is dictated by the society where the person lives. It covers the limits from the physical body and psyche to the widest circle of communication in which a person interacts with others, for example, to a group of friends and like-minded people or a nation professing one culture. Much more often you can hear a statement like "I am a representative of such and such a culture, state, country" and less often - "I am a representative of the human form of life on this planet."

The structure of the ego personality is described by Eckhart Tolle in the novel "New Earth", where he called identification the main reason for the emergence and growth of this structure. The function of the ego is to identify objects, events and phenomena with its "I". She creates its structure. Our ideas about the world, our character and inclinations, circle of interests, views, social circle, property - all this is labeled "mine". The content can be very diverse, but what is classified as "mine" is already part of your ego. From birth, starting from the body and the name, this baggage grows and grows. The "basic set" of ego personality for all people is approximately the same:

• aspirations (character, interests, desires)
• experience (knowledge and skills, habits and beliefs)
• psyche (emotions, will, attentiveness, memory, temperament)
• physical data (health, gender, age).

Depending on how far the “I” of a person is spread, the coverage of objects and phenomena will be so extensive. However, our ego, whatever it is made of, can also be of different types. There are many classifications of the ego, consider the most common.

Alter ego. True and false ego. Ego theory

What is an alter ego?

The polarity of these concepts is striking, but the alter ego does not at all mean the absence of the ego, but rather its qualitative opposite. The qualities inherent in a person in the ordinary state of consciousness, sometimes, during stress or other psychic turning points, fade into the background, giving the opportunity to come out with those that are usually hidden deep inside. So, a quiet man can become a rowdy, a shy man - cheeky, a coward - a daredevil, etc. The image of an alter ego is very clearly shown in the comedy "The Mask", where the hero, wearing an old magic mask, released his alter ego, crushed in ordinary life. moral norms and their own complexes. Every person has an alter ego, if only because in childhood we always dreamed of being knights and princesses, just with age, the image of the “ideal self” began to relate more to the real world. For some, this is a “successful businessman” with his inherent business acumen and assertiveness, while for others it is a “talented creator” who does not hesitate to reveal his gift to the public and lives for the sake of creativity, and not material reward.

A humiliated ego and an inflated ego are opposite concepts. In the first case, a person is too self-critical, and biased self-critical. He deliberately underestimates his merits and exaggerates his shortcomings. This happens either because of fear and insecurity in front of real life, a lack of courage to take responsibility or take any action, or because of the desire to enter the role of a victim and cause a feeling of pity. If a person presents himself as a victim, then he is deliberately hypocritical, hoping for help and support from the outside, in order to shift all responsibility onto others' shoulders. With an inflated ego (large, inflated) self-criticism is absent, and a person idealizes all his qualities. Moreover, in case of failures, he will not admit himself guilty for anything, even if it will be obvious. It will be easier for such a person to convince himself of the existence of a real insidious demon with horns and hooves than to believe in his own incompetence.

True and false ego are concepts that come from religions. The difference between them is in the person's correct interpretation of his “I”. The false ego usually refers to the identification of one's essence with the body shell and its inherent desires and needs, that is, with something impermanent, passing, mortal. The false ego causes attachment to material things and events of the material world, forces one to enter into a struggle for possession, and also provokes feelings (fear and pain) of loss. It is customary to call the true ego the immaterial immortal principle - soul, atman, superconsciousness - eternal and unforgotten. The range of his interests, aspirations, life goals will also depend on how a person interprets his “I”. A false ego gives rise to selfishness and sinfulness, while a true ego leads to liberation, immortality and bliss.

Like egoism, the ego can be personal and group, consisting of the personal "I" of the people who enter it.

The ego can be external and internal. The internal is the ego of a person's personality, and the external ego is an image of a person, created artificially for society, a reputation. Of course, there is always a reputation, but it also depends on the internal ego, which may be indifferent to it, or it may go out of its way to sculpt a masterpiece and present it to the public.

There is more than one theory in ego psychology. The classical definition of the ego in psychology is that part of the human personality that is realized as "I" and is in contact with the outside world through perception. The ego is planning, evaluating, memorizing and otherwise responding to the effects of the physical and social environment. The most famous theory of the ego is the theory of Z. Freud, according to which the ego is a part of the individual's personality, which also includes ID (unconscious) and Superego. The unconscious is the totality of all instincts and primary forms of behavior with which a person is already born. The unconscious strives to satisfy needs and get pleasure. According to Freud, the ego is a tool with which the unconscious interacts with reality to satisfy its desires. The superego includes all the norms of morality and restrictions accepted in society, the feeling of "good" and "bad". The superego, in turn, consists of conscience, that is, the recognition of "bad" behavior, and the ego ideal - the recognition of "good" behavior. Thus, the ego here is a buffer between the "wild unconscious" of each person and the "civilized cultural Superego" accepted in society.

E. Erickson's theory considers "I" more than the unconscious, its development and evolution. If Freud was convinced that a person is doomed to fight his instincts, which will prevail without opposition, then Erickson believed that the personality develops morally and prevails over primitive desires. He divided this development into eight stages:

• (up to a year) - “absorbing”, oral need is satisfied in it, trust is formed through the mother. At this stage, the projection of the personality is formed. Psychosocial crisis - basal trust / distrust. The strength of this stage is hope.
• (1-3 years) - the stage of maturation of the musculoskeletal system, which leads to a feeling of confidence and independence. The first stage is destroyed. Psychosocial crisis - autonomy in a positive way, and shame and doubt in a negative way. The strong side is willpower.
• (3-6 years old) - the first socialization of a child in a group of peers, manifests itself in the development of initiative and a sense of guilt. A positive result is the presence of a specific goal.
• (6-12 years old) - there is a struggle for leadership, awareness of their place in society. This is where hard work or feelings of inferiority develop. The main quality that determines success is competence.
• (12-19 years old) - the formation of youth, finding goals, the ability to plan. At this stage, the choice of friends and their place in the future life takes place. A person determines whether he is ready to enter the world, whether he will be accepted as he is. When things go well, loyalty develops.
• (20-25 years) - the stage of early maturity, where a person re-evaluates himself and doubts arise about his place in life. In the positive aspect, the resolution of the situation is expressed in intimacy, and in the negative aspect, in the feeling of isolation. At this age, love is born.
• (26-64 years old) - the stage of average maturity. This is the maturity of the individual, the stability of her interests. At this stage, the person begins to be guided by the norms of the society in which he lives, to realize his need or uselessness. If a person feels useful, then he is full of enthusiasm and productive, and if not, then he is apathetic and lethargic, then stagnation begins in his life. At this stage, behavior such as caring develops.
• (65 years and beyond) - the stage of late maturity. A person looks back and evaluates his life, his goals and ideals achieved and not achieved. This is either satisfaction with one's “I”, or dissatisfaction and a feeling of doom. In the first case, a person is calm and feels himself a worthy member of society, and in the second he is seized by despair because of the inability to fix everything or unwillingness to accept his life as it was. With the awareness of the inevitability of the end and the feeling of peace in the soul comes wisdom.

Thus, according to Erickson, the ego is a changeable system of views, going through a complex evolution throughout life, and not only in the direction from egoism to altruism or vice versa, but as if balancing between them.

In psychology, the phenomenon of splitting the ego is also known, when a person begins to perceive the world in extremes. This case refers to the methods of psychological protection, as it allows you to utterly simplify reality. Dividing everything and everything into "black" and "white" makes the world clearer, but by simplifying, distorts it. A split ego leads to further mental distress.

The founder of transactional analysis, Eric Berne, introduced the concept of "hypertrophied ego", that is, an obsession with some of the social roles. For example, in the role of a child, parent or adult. With hypertrophy of the ego, the role of a child in a person is sharply expressed such qualities as impressionability, eccentricity, unpredictability, spontaneity, creativity and immediacy. Usually such an ego is inherent in bright creative individuals. With hypertrophy in the role of a parent, such qualities as dominance and authority, self-confidence, patronage and control, conservatism, and harshness in judgment prevail in a person. This ego is usually possessed by the military, bosses, political leaders. With hypertrophy of the ego in the role of an adult, such qualities as awareness and non-conflict, calmness, the ability not to go to extremes and live in the present moment, the desire for self-development are distinguished. It is found most rarely, mainly among people engaged in spiritual searches and self-improvement, regardless of profession.

Ego functions

Psychodynamic theories highlight many ego functions, such as reality testing, that is, defining the boundaries between fantasy and reality; development of will and intelligence, i.e. the need to learn to reason, make plans and learn responsibility. Since the ego covers all spheres of life, then its functions are very extensive. Here are the most obvious ones:

Self-determination. The ego makes it possible for a person to compose a holistic image of himself, his personality, including both appearance and a way of thinking, a set of goals, habits, character, etc. n. The ego here answers the question "What am I?"

Social. The ego helps you find your place in the team and define your role among other people. Decide whether "I" will be a leader or a performer, a team player or a loner, etc. The ego also helps in choosing a partner and creating a family. Here the question sounds like "Where is my place?"

Protective. In addition to survival instincts, the ego also creates psychological barriers to keep the mind free of stress and trauma. The ego helps "not to lose oneself" or vice versa - takes the mind into the realm of fantasy, where the person feels safe. Here the ego answers the question "How do I feel?"

Control. The ego is looking for ways to adapt in society in the least painful ways, it does not allow a person by his actions to cross the line of moral and moral restrictions in order to avoid conflict with society. That is, it helps to "keep yourself in hand". Here is the ego question - "What will it be like for me if ...?"

Judgment. Based on personal experience and generally accepted norms, the ego makes judgments about events, phenomena or objects in the outside world. This is how the opinion, habits, beliefs of a person are formed. Here the ego is looking for an answer to the question "How does this (phenomenon, object) affect me?"

Goal setting. The ego constantly creates an image of an ideal self that needs to be achieved, and forms desires and aspirations, various goals. This can be a position in society and some kind of post, level of education, level of income, gaining a desired skill or possession of a certain object, creating a family with a certain partner, achieving a certain result in a chosen field of activity, etc. In this case, the question of the ego is "What should I be?" and, accordingly, "What do I need for this?"

Ego in religions and teachings

The human ego is also closely examined by the world's religions.

In Sufism, the ego, or "nafs", is the driving force and will of man, which makes possible the opposition of the unbridled Animal nature and the good Divine nature. If the ego is polluted, then a person is led by his desires, but if it is purified, then the road to God opens. Sufi ideology calls not to eradicate the ego, but to take control of it with the help of divine instructions.

In bhakti yoga and Hinduism, the ego is seen as a distorted perception of the world in the eyes of the believer. Moreover, the ego itself is not evil, but it can be correctly or incorrectly interpreted. The practitioner, in order to overcome delusion, through prayers and recitation of mantras, unites with the Almighty, gaining a clear vision of both himself and everything around him. The Bhagavad-gita speaks of the ego as the basis of the personality, with which one should not fight, but should be understood and interpreted correctly, identifying one's “I” not with a mortal body, but with an eternal soul, that is, to achieve awareness of the true ego. Where the true ego prevails, there is goodness. Such a person is calm and self-sufficient, full of a sense of contentment, selfless and kind. Where the false ego prevails, ignorance and suffering reign, a constant feeling of dissatisfaction, discontent, the desire to have more. Those in whom the true and false egos are side by side, passion manifests itself.

In the above-described currents, the ego is not destroyed, but "purified", becomes true, in contrast to Christianity, Kabbalah and Buddhism.

In Christianity, the ego is the answer to the question "who am I?" An intelligent animal of flesh and blood that lives in the world of passions, or a divine soul undergoing earthly experience. Moreover, both principles are present in a person in the form of a soul and a body, but the choice remains with the person himself. The wrong choice gives rise to pride - the most difficult of all deadly sins - to hinder the development of love, therefore, the false ego is the cause of man's sinfulness, and should be fought with. Mainly with the help of prayers and the development of love, which Christ spoke of - love for one's neighbor. When the ego is purified, it automatically merges with the Divine principle.

In Kabbalah, ego and egoism are given at birth and lock all sensations inside the body. As a result, instead of feeling the divine and eternal, man feels his desires. The concepts of egoism and desire in Kabbalah are identical. In order to overcome the ego and again become one with the Creator, people must make spiritual growth, which continues for more than one lifetime. Layer by layer, removing the shackles of the ego from oneself and revealing the ability for spiritual feeling, a person approaches his natural state, in which he was before descending into the world.

In Buddhism, the ego - "ahamkara" - is almost the central subject of study, the ego is considered the source of all concepts and criteria for evaluating the existing world. The origin of the ego is ignorance, or in Sanskrit - "avidya". Ignorance that the world around us is built by our mind and is only a part of infinity. It is the ego that tries to give everything a look, form, meaning, to evaluate and to drive it into a frame. And all for the sake of maintaining the existence of this world and the principle "I am". These processes of evaluation and determination generate karma - the causal relationship between events. Thus, the ego is the source of suffering and lack of freedom.

Ahamkara does not act alone, but in conjunction with the mind (manas), senses (chitta) and intuition (buddhi). Buddhi, or pure vision, is aware of events and phenomena as they are, but at the same time does not react to them in any way, simply tracing the fact of their existence. The mind receives information, analyzes it and draws a conclusion. Feelings evaluate the result obtained and generate liking or disliking, approval or censure, addiction or disgust. The ego includes these judgments in its sphere of activity, makes them a part of our life. Buddhism as a teaching aims to eradicate the ego through meditation and stopping the activity of the mind. Purifying his perception of reality, a person leaves only unclouded buddhi; the illusion of the reality of the world becomes unstable, as does the concept of the ego. Unlike Christianity, where a person ultimately merges with God and loses his self, in Buddhism, the enlightened one still perceives a certain personality, but a temporary, illusory personality, created to fulfill a certain mission that has no true basis and eventually dissolves, leaving only unclouded consciousness.

Male ego. The female ego. Ego of a child

In relation to a child, the concept of selfishness is not always acceptable, since his personality is not yet fully formed. The child is egocentric only because he does not see the differences between himself and the world around him; he is not yet able to put himself in the place of another or to treat another person as an equal to himself. Small children are helpless and completely dependent after birth, so all their needs are met automatically or on demand. Accustomed to the fact that after certain signals they give you what you demanded, the child will consider it the norm. Ask and you will receive - this is their picture of the world. When, at the age of three, a child is suddenly faced with a refusal to fulfill his urgent requests, with opposition and restriction, an internal conflict occurs. Childish selfishness is naive and simple, it is devoid of self-interest and cunning. With proper education, this selfishness will become healthy and help in socialization. In some cases, parents may mistake emerging leadership qualities for selfishness, but in any case, it is better to keep the situation under control. Psychologists advise doing the following:

• Become an authority for your child to obey. Do not let him show his selfishness towards you and stop these attempts. If the child realizes that you can be manipulated, you have lost.
• Be not an enemy for the child, but a friend and advisor, support him morally, do not show aggression. Do not scold him or blame him in public, this leads to a drop in self-esteem. Try to correctly understand the motives of his behavior, because sometimes the refusal to do something is caused by fatigue, poor health or fear. Explain to the child the consequences of his actions or your decisive refusals so that your motives are also clear to him.
• Don't pamper or over-praise your child, but reward for real success. Feel free to ask for forgiveness or permission (for example, borrow a toy or leave). Encourage initiative.
• Do not underestimate his strengths, do not fulfill his duties for him, especially when the baby is trying to get rid of them for no good reason.
• Give your child the opportunity to participate in family affairs so that he or she learns that other people also have opinions and desires.
• Teach your child to defend their opinions in civilized ways through dialogue, arguments and truthful justification. Explain that you should not constantly agree with the majority opinion or always do everything your own way, each situation is unique and is waiting for its decision.
• Let your child do housework, not as an additional obligation, but as a privilege of his growing up. Find out what he likes to do best, what is best.

The child's ego and the social world converge a little later. Usually children's egoism, with proper upbringing, passes by itself by the age of ten, flowing into adolescent selfishness. In adolescence, the next transformation of the ego takes place, the system of values ​​and beliefs is updated. For a teenager, his peers are a wolf pack. Either you are a leader, or "your own", or an outcast and a weakling who will be spanked and poisoned. Here, a person no longer struggles for survival, providing himself with the necessary for existence, but competes for a place in society, hones leadership. At this stage, the teenager breaks out of parental control and tries to re-impose his interests on the environment. Hypertrophied egoism at this age can make a lone wolf out of a person, a weak ego will turn him into an outsider, while healthy egoism can not only join the social circle of peers on an equal footing, but also show leadership. For parents, according to psychologists, at this stage it is necessary to move away from the role of a controller and overseer, and take the position of an observer and empathic person. Do not try to break the child and impose your model of behavior on him, so he will not only lose confidence in you, but also lose personal experience, which is very valuable at this stage. This period is somewhat similar to the time when the baby learns to walk - he must take steps himself, otherwise he will crawl on all fours. You can only insure him with your advice and participation. To maintain the child's trust, an adult should create acceptably comfortable conditions in the family, a safety zone. This will reduce tension, the teenager will not feel in a situation "one against the whole world."

As for the female and male egoism, the difference in it consists in the difference in self-determination of the female and male ego. This does not mean the ego of a hypothetical person, but the ego acting in the world as a "man" or "woman". In the classical sense, a healthy male ego is self-sufficient for achieving goals and development, it relies on its strengths, experience, resources and confidence. Of course, it is important for a man to evaluate him in the eyes of a woman, but this is only one of the aspects of his area of ​​interest. The female ego asserts itself through the male. Material provision, raising offspring, decorating and improving one's appearance, spiritual and secular education - all this goes through the man who is nearby. The female ego satisfies its needs by the forces of a man, taking away his funds and limiting his freedom. In the Vedic treatises it is written that on the path of spiritual self-development in the family, the husband plays the role of a teacher, and the wife plays the role of servants, that the husband, as the captain, controls the ship, and the wife, as a boat, provides him with support and everything he needs. That is, the spiritual growth of a man's personality is possible on its own, but the wife, for which he takes responsibility, gives him an additional bonus. As a weighting agent for a runner, more energy is spent, but the training is more successful. The wife, according to the Vedas, improves at the expense and through her husband. In order to preserve family unity, ancient scriptures advised a man to marry that woman who supports his life goal, is interested in achieving it. Having a shared goal fills the relationship with meaning.

Modern education, alas, is not aimed at uniting efforts on the spiritual path of fighting egoism, but, on the contrary, separates a man and a woman, opposes one to the other, almost mutually exclusive. The phrase "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" is a product of modern civilization. In traditional cultures, male and female egos worked together like Yin and Yang, without creating conflict. Now everyone pulls the blanket over himself, a man demands freedom in everything, giving rise to licentiousness and irresponsibility, and a woman - blind service to her, suppressing the will of a man and infringing on his dignity.

If we consider such an element of the ego as the mind, then in men reason and logic prevail, and feelings and intuition are manifested from time to time out of necessity. In a woman, the mind and feelings are constantly balancing, the mind jumps from rational thinking to emotions, only the emotional component of the female ego is many times deeper than that of men. Everyone knows that women's intuition is much stronger. But for masculine ladies and those women who often change partners, the emotional side suffers, their intuitive sensitivity is reduced. These are usually referred to as "cracker" or "bitch".

There is a direct connection between the sensibility of our “I” and freedom from attachments and impulses. The weaker the emotions, the more freedom, the deeper the feelings, the stronger the dependence. Here the balance between intuition and reason can be compared to potential energy and acting, manifested energy. Men have a lot of activity, freedom, but few feelings, women have strong intuition and feelings, but full of habits, attachments, rules, all kinds of "fad", etc. Therefore, men value their freedom, and women are eager to realize their passions ... but by the strength of men, they simply do not have enough of their own for such a "baggage of plans."

So what are the male ego and the female ego?

The ego of a man is the “I” of a person, striving for self-realization, first of all, in accordance with personal standards. The ego of a woman is the “I” of a person, striving for self-realization, first of all, in accordance with social standards. A man is more interested in what he thinks of himself, while a woman needs an outside assessment.

The interaction of the male and female "I" takes place in the family. According to the Vedic concept, family relationships go through several stages. It all starts with falling in love, when the ego says "I want to be with that, he is mine / mine." Feelings and only feelings dominate here. A period of romance and emotional intoxication. It usually lasts two or three years. At the second stage, the mind is satiated with impressions, emotions have subsided, the habit remains. Everything is convenient, the ego seems to be enough for everyone. This continues for another two years. But at the third stage, our ego longs for new impressions, and everyday life presses more and more. If the senses do not saturate the mind, then withdrawal occurs, the mind begins to rage. Then the ego, with the help of the mind, begins to look for flaws in the partner. Little things, trifles, whatever - and clings to them, giving rise to discomfort. Quarrels begin. But there is a positive aspect to fights. Firstly, they allow you to let off steam, and secondly, to identify those very annoying factors and eliminate them. Eliminating this does not mean breaking your partner: making him collect his socks, and her - regularly preparing dinner. It is necessary, first of all, to eliminate your discontent, to digest anger, to change your own behavior, and in your spouse to accept everything as it is, ceasing to react to each other's shortcomings. This is the main meaning of a family union - mutual work on the false ego, its purification and improvement. You can only influence a relationship by changing something on your part. If this stage is passed, if the battle within yourself is won, then the ego is renewed, you go to a new level, and falling in love comes again. New aspects of personality open up, people begin to study each other anew. If, in the midst of a quarrel, humiliation of the partner's ego begins, an insult to the person, then feelings that could be renewed die. Such an alliance can no longer be saved.

The cycle from romance to quarrels can be repeated many times, but if all the minor irregularities are "polished", and the remaining shortcomings cannot be eradicated, then the stage of patience begins. This is a family austerity, when you sacrifice something for the sake of keeping in common. In the modern world, most families fall apart at the stages of quarrels and patience, spouses separate and start all over again with new partners. We didn’t agree, didn’t want to compromise, didn’t want to change. And the point here is not who is to blame and whose ego is greater. After all, over and over again the process of clearing the false ego is interrupted in one place, the proper experience does not work, and the person, not wanting to heal his egoism, again steps on the same rake. In the same case, if patience is worked out, what in Sanskrit sounds like "Dharma" occurs. That is, the spouses discover the very essence of the family union and their mission in it. At this stage, the destruction of the false ego occurs, wisdom and selfless love come to a person. If relations in the family collapse due to constant demands from each side, then when the Dharma is achieved, the husband and wife do not demand anything, but simply give, expecting nothing in return. Sincere friendship and respect grows between such people, partners communicate at a different level, seeing in each other not a “husband” or “wife”, but an equal spiritual person. This stage is followed by divine love, which is spoken of as the highest form of love.

But back to male and female egoism. Even at the very beginning of a relationship, he and she perceive everything differently. A man likes to look at a woman (at any woman), a woman likes to be looked at her (and only at her!). He prefers to be silent, and she prefers to speak. The notorious female talkativeness and habit of advising stems from a simple need to be listened to. If she is allowed to speak out, then the tension will subside. And it doesn't matter what the decision was eventually made, the main thing is that her opinion was given to be heard, which means that she is considered. The ego is satisfied and calmed down. For some time.

Fearing to lose freedom, men often fall into the trap of their false ego, because real freedom for him is not a bachelor life, but a lack of control and supervision on the part of a woman, which infringes upon his male ego. Freedom in marriage is lost by "unclean mind" men who constantly think about how to get rid of her society, look for new impressions on the side. A woman, with her super-intuition, feels everything and begins to suspect, in fear she tries to bind him to herself, that is, to limit freedom. If the husband is not troubled by such fluctuations of feelings, he is calm and balanced, then there will be no reason for suspicion. A wife who trusts her husband will not check and control him.

It is also worth noting that now people are more successful simply living together than living in a legal marriage. This is due to a common feature of the ego - imposed obligations. Legal marriage imposes responsibilities that people at heart do not want to take on voluntarily. If two people live together by mutual agreement, then it makes no sense to demand something for granted. Situations are frequent that after the legalization of relations, they begin to deteriorate, as such beliefs as “you should”, “you should” appear. But the false ego of both is not ready for self-purification and whispers: “But why all of a sudden? Previously, everything was fine, but then suddenly there are some debts? "

Young spouses also experience problems due to their selfishness. The fact is that the rational male ego, having entered into marriage, believes that the process of conquest is over, the job is done, the goal is achieved, and you can rest. The feminine sensual ego requires a constant and continuous affirmation of love. So for the safety of the relationship, the husband will have to remind of his feelings as often as possible.

Summing up, we can say that both male and female egoism stems from a false ego, from a misunderstanding of the nature of women and men, their role in the family union. Confrontation and problems are rooted in ignorance, which is removable. Sincere love for each other will help you overcome obstacles and get rid of selfishness, whatever it may be.

How to beat the ego?

At the moment when someone decides to start a struggle with his own ego and defeat egoism, he mentally puts on the armor of will, arms himself with the spear of asceticism and mounts a horse of determination. But when the enemy appears opposite and the battle begins, it turns out that the person is fighting with his own reflection, with the same determined knight of his “I”. The stronger your pressure, the stronger the resistance. And how can you defeat yourself with your own weapon? Can the ego be conquered at all? Destroy it? What, then, may I ask, will remain? A person is an integral personality, you cannot split him into "good" and "bad", taking out half and leaving it as it is. So how do you defeat the ego?

The secret to defeating egoism lies in the correct understanding of your essence, in understanding which ego is false and which is true. The Indians have such wisdom: two wolves are fighting in a person - a black and a white one, the one whom the person feeds wins. Also with the ego. Find your white wolf, your true ego, and develop it. The development of the ego, the true ego, is the key. The stronger it is, the less it will remain from the false: from selfishness, from delusions, wrong beliefs, bad habits, etc. There are several techniques.

• To begin with, try to label people and things as “mine” as little as possible. Think of your environment not as a playground for your personal games, but as a common field, where you are just one of many players. Loosen control over what is happening, the desire to control everything and everyone is one of the messages of the false ego, instead, pay attention to self-control.
• Do not attach too much importance to your personal judgments and feelings, they are only valid in relation to you. Each person has his own ego and his own set of experiences. At the same time, show more interest in the opinion of others, those around them value their opinion as much as you value yours; and looking at the situation from a larger number of sides will allow you to see it more clearly. Build teamwork skills.
• Getting involved in any activity or struggle, make it clear for yourself that it is important for you - to please your ego as a winner or to achieve a specific result. Is it really necessary to waste energy and work with elbows, if the prize itself is an empty glass.
• Try to give more than you demand. Give more of what will not be lost from you - attention, smiles, good mood, kindness and love. Make small gifts with your own hands. Having received such a gift, loved ones will appreciate not its chic and price, but your care and desire to do something pleasant. Engage in charity, volunteer and social activities whenever possible, do not be afraid to donate your personal funds and time for this. What is given selflessly always stays with you. Selflessness is a great trait, but be sincere with yourself, do not make a list of your “good deeds” in your mind, as if you are going to present it to the Lord as a bill.
• Learn to rejoice for others, rejoice at the successes of colleagues, the well-being of comrades, and the victories of competitors. Do not poison your emotional life with envy and resentment, they will gnaw only at you, gradually moving away from communication. Vindictiveness and rancor will not only leave you alone, but also distort your consciousness, mutilate your “I” with hatred. After all, hating others is like spitting in the mirror: you are aiming far away, but your own face suffers. It is okay to compare yourself and others, to measure strength, especially for the male ego, but do not lose awareness, remember that growth, experience and progress are important, and not a tick on the merit chart.
• Develop a sense of contentment. Rejoice in the simple things and the things that are already there, appreciate them. Live in the here and now, without setting yourself fantastic and absurd goals that will wear you down and lead to disappointment. But this does not mean that you have to forget how to dream. Dreaming and fantasizing are not the same thing.
• Experiencing the euphoric desire to make everyone and everything happy, keep in mind that everyone's happiness is individual, and only your ego will appreciate your heroic deeds. The real practical benefit does not come from imposing happiness; people must themselves accept your offer. Therefore, before rushing to do good and do good, ask if your help is needed?
• It is important to distinguish between bragging and boasting. Boasting is demanding praise from others, and praise is approval of yourself, your act without waiting for a reaction from the outside. When you achieve something and are happy with yourself, that's praise, but if you say, "Hey, look at me, how wonderful I am!" - this is boasting. To be satisfied with yourself is the need of every ego, but precisely with yourself, and not to be extolled by others. Along with this, try not to underestimate your talents and capabilities, self-deprecation is as selfish as self-praise. Respect yourself.
• Respect the dignity of others. In case of quarrels and omissions that happen constantly in our life, never become personal and do not humiliate someone else's "I". The humiliation of the ego kills the reciprocal feeling of love and respect for you, so you run the risk of permanently breaking off relations with the person, and earning yourself a disgusting aftertaste in your soul. For the true ego, someone else's pain is your pain too.
• Have the courage to admit your mistakes, your true ego will only benefit from this. Shielding yourself and ignoring your own shortcomings is tantamount to walking in dirty smelly clothes - it is unpleasant for both you and those around you, who are beginning to avoid you.
• Don't work on your reputation. Reputation is the image of your “I” in the eyes of society, it will be present even without your participation. The more you polish it, the more the layer of hypocrisy. Don't worry if you are not perfect in the eyes of others. They look at you through the prism of their own ego, so your real self and what they see will never be the same. An artificially created reputation is one of the guises of a false ego.
• A great helper in overcoming ego is a healthy sense of humor. It is healthy, not perverse, lowered to sarcasm. Laughter heals the soul. And laughing at oneself dissolves selfishness, like acid eats away rust. An egoist can never laugh at his own stupidity or mistake.
• Develop compassion. There is a great cure for unhappiness. If you feel that you are unhappy, that there is nothing you can do about your misfortune, that you only have to suffer, then just find someone who is just as bad or even worse, and try to help. Not to yourself - to another. By freeing someone from suffering or reducing their grief, you can help relieve both of them. This works because a compassionate soul does not see the difference between his “I” and the “I” of someone else, between “my ego” and “your ego,” perceiving someone else's pain as his own. And by relieving another from such pain, she heals herself. If you want to be happy, make others happy.
• Understand the meaning of true love. Divine love never judges or denies. God loves in a person his soul, and not a changeable "I", he rejoices at spiritual victories and grieves at defeats, but still loves. Try to show this very love to the world, identifying yourself more with the spiritual than with the material. Engage in spiritual practices, communicate with nature. It is noticed that as a person relates to animals, he also relates to people.

Conclusion

The problem of the ego must be sought not in its presence, but in its quality, that is, egoism. If you recognize selfishness in yourself, this is already the first step towards eradicating it. Egoism can be defeated, unlike the ego itself, the death of the ego occurs only with the death of a person. What success you achieve depends on you. The power of the ego is great, but it is entirely your power, you just need to know where and how to direct it. Someone will be pleased to develop altruistic inclinations; someone will work hard on themselves, showing self-control and austerities; and someone will engage in meditation, transforming their consciousness at a deep level. There are a great many ways and techniques of self-improvement. Find a place in your heart not only for yourself. Remember, a big ego is not evil if it is true and pure.