How to learn to switch your emotions and feelings. How to calm yourself down with the usual procedure. How Emotion Management Is Different from Emotion Suppression

For many people, regardless of gender, they can often get the better of their minds. This usually happens when it is not at all appropriate. It can be quite difficult to cope with oneself, especially if a person is by nature emotional and sensitive. Emotions are a complex and. directly affect well-being, and well-being, in turn, affects thoughts. Learning to keep your mind under control is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. In this article, we will figure out how to learn how to control your emotions and, relying on the psychology and knowledge of experienced specialists.

Pause

In stressful situations, you need to accustom yourself to pause. Do not overwhelm yourself with constant reflections on the topic of what upset you. Such a process will not only not get rid of the problem, but also will not allow you to look at it from a different angle.

It is imperative to take a break so that the streams of thoughts go in a different direction, more enjoyable for. Can get distracted by any of your hobbies: read an interesting or just an article on the Internet, watch a movie (positive, not dramatic) or funny, entertaining videos on YouTube.

Additionally, you can have a tasty drink with or sweets, or chat with loved ones on abstract topics. Now it is important to distract yourself with positive and pleasant actions for yourself, which will allow you to leave you for a certain time.

Did you know? Nature has endowed man with 43 muscles that are responsible for facial expressions. They help to express the full range of emotions.

Watch your breath

Remember that emotions are a combination of physical reactions and thinking. reacts to physical stimuli first and then transforms them into emotions. For example, if you remember the sensations that a person experiences during, then this will necessarily be an increased heart rate, dry mouth, etc. If you start to control your breathing, it becomes possible to resist such physiological reactions.

First of all, you need to find a place where there are no external ones. It should be comfortable to be there. Breathe in deeply through your nose slowly. In the process of filling the lungs with air, the chest must also be expanded. Then you need to hold your breath for a moment, after which you also slowly exhale. Having made 6-10 such inhalations and exhalations within one minute, you can noticeably improve your condition.

Laugh

At first glance, this advice may seem rather strange. It would seem how you can force yourself if the problem is overflowing and it will be much easier. Regardless, the reception works very well. In almost every situation, you can find something silly, funny and funny. It is humor that will help a person to at least a little abstract from negative emotions, to feel more comfortable, and also to change the attitude towards emotions.

For example, if the cause of the frustration lies in an accidentally made slip of the tongue during an important presentation, then think of it not as a problem, but as a "funny glitch."

If the stress was caused by resentment and anger at your boss, whom you mentally call a "donkey", you can try to imagine your words literally, bringing the situation to the point of absurdity. Imagine a donkey with a briefcase, a suit, shirt and tie. This is strange, illogical and somewhat silly, but it will certainly amuse you and control your anger will be much easier.

Important! Humor is one of the most rewarding ways. This is due to the fact that funny words and objects require more work from the brain, as a result of which the resources for processing negative emotions simply do not remain.

Go in for sports

Another recommendation on how to learn to control your emotions and not get nervous is execution. Many people who are actively exercising or just doing, notice an improvement in mood and a boost of vivacity for the whole day.

The fact is that with physical exertion, the body begins to produce endorphins and they, in turn, contribute. Going in for sports, you can additionally set yourself some specific goal. For example, the number of kilometers that you want to cover, or the number of approaches per.

Thus, having achieved what you want, you can increase your self-esteem. If you think that active sports are not for you, you can just go to the park, or do some work on your garden plot, if there is one.

It is important that this is not a burden, you do not need to force yourself. During physical activity, the body temperature rises slightly, and this has a calming effect on the body of most people.

Important! If you imitate this or that emotion for a long time, a person will be seized by these feelings for real. This applies to both negative emotions (anger, disgust) and positive ones.

Work with your imagination

During an argument, you may want to raise your voice or even hit your opponent. The main reason for such negative manifestations is the accumulation of emotions within oneself. Play with your imagination. Imagine everything that you would like to say and do with the interlocutor in your head.

For example, if you are a woman and are very offended by your spouse, it is not at all necessary to be angry all day and be ready to pounce on your husband as soon as he crosses the threshold. Play an entire movie in your mind. What would you say to him, what would you hear in response? Imagine how you throw a crystal vase at him, it flies two centimeters from him, dodges.

Think over all the smallest details... So you can kill two birds with one stone. Firstly, in your mind you will already throw out all your negativity on your spouse, and he will not suffer from this. Most likely, after that you will not want to quarrel with him "the second time" when he comes home. And secondly, imagining such an absurd situation in your head, you may just feel funny and the negativity that tortures you will come to naught.

Did you know? A person feels this or that emotion for a time from a split second to several minutes. Unfortunately, negative emotions can last much longer.

Another way to work with your imagination is to imagine that you are surrounded by an impenetrable fence, a wall. And all the negativity that is directed in your direction is broken, hitting this obstacle. It doesn't matter how this wall will look and what material it will be made of.

Perhaps it will be transparent and airy. The main thing is that behind this wall you feel completely calm and safe. You can also imagine that you have a lightning rod, with the help of which you, like a thunderstorm, divert any negative actions from yourself.

Write on paper

How quickly you can learn to control yourself and not get angry, and not get nervous about any reason, directly depends on whether you can identify your emotional stimuli... People are all different, and each person can be upset and upset for different reasons. First of all, you need to understand what exactly causes such unpleasant emotions in you.

Keeping a journal can help. There you need to not only write down that you are upset, but indicate the specific circumstances that upset you. What exactly happened? How did you feel at a particular moment? How did you react? How would you like to react differently? This way of keeping a diary will teach you to analyze your emotions and control them in the future.

In case you are offended by your loved one, try to write to him. Of course, it is not necessary to send it, but it is worth writing. Describe in as much detail as possible what exactly does not suit you, what upsets, what you would like to change. Such an exercise will help to put your thoughts in order and release emotions outward, without harming either loved ones or your body.

For those who love to draw, we recommend splashing out their feelings on paper. There you can draw whatever bothers you... Draw a funny cartoon of a subject that annoys you. Draw the circumstances that will relieve you of frustration and make you happy.

Follow your thoughts

A person's thoughts have a huge impact on his condition and well-being, so it is very important to monitor them. Thinking constantly about problems and negative aspects, you can attract only negative emotions to yourself all your life.

As you can see, learning to control emotions is not so difficult. It is important to accept the existence of the problem and use at least some of the proposed methods to solve it.

You can not restrain your emotions, get angry, shout, laugh, cry bitterly and loudly resent. Do you think anyone likes this sincerity? Only your enemies are pleased to watch this performance. Learning to manage emotions!

Sometimes, succumbing to emotions or allowing ourselves to be led by false feelings, we commit acts of which we subsequently repent. At the same time, we make excuses that we have lost control over ourselves, so emotions prevailed over reason. That is, it was not we who controlled our emotions, but they controlled us.

Is it really that bad? Perhaps there is nothing good in the absence of self-control. People who do not know how to control themselves, maintain composure and subjugate feelings to their will, as a rule, do not achieve success either in their personal lives or in the professional sphere.

They do not think about the future, and their expenses often far exceed their income.

Intemperate people flare up like a match in any quarrel, not being able to stop in time and compromise, which deserves the reputation of a conflicted person. At the same time, they also destroy their health: doctors say that many diseases have a direct connection with such negative emotions as anger, etc. They are preferred to avoid by people for whom their own peace and nerves are dear.

People who are not used to limiting themselves spend too much free time in empty entertainment and useless conversations. If they make promises, they themselves are not sure whether they can keep them. It is not surprising that in whatever field they work, they are rarely professionals in their field. And the reason for this is the lack of self-control.

A developed sense of self-control allows you to keep a cool head, sober thoughts and an understanding that feelings can turn out to be false and lead to a dead end in any situation.

There are also situations when we need to hide our emotions in our own interests. “Sometimes I am a fox, sometimes I am a lion,” said the French commander. "The secret ... is to understand when to be one, when to be different!"

Self-controlled people deserve respect and authority. On the other hand, to many, they seem callous, heartless, "insensitive blockheads" and ... incomprehensible. Much more understandable to us are those who from time to time "indulge in all serious", "break down", lose control over themselves and commit unpredictable actions! Looking at them, and we do not seem so weak to ourselves. Moreover, it is not so easy to become restrained and strong-willed. So we ourselves and reassure ourselves that the life of people who are guided by reason, and not by feelings, is joyless, and therefore unhappy.

The fact that this is not so is evidenced by an experiment conducted by psychologists, as a result of which they came to the conclusion: people who can overcome themselves and resist the temptation of the moment are more successful and happy than those who are unable to cope with emotions.

The experiment is named after Michel Walter, a psychologist at Stanford University. It is also known as the "marshmallow test" because one of its main "characters" is an ordinary marshmallow.

The experiment, conducted in the 60s of the last century, involved 653 4-year-old children. They were taken one by one into a room where one marshmallow lay on a plate on the table. Each child was told that he could eat it right now, but if he waited 15 minutes, he would get another one, and then he could eat both. Michelle Walter left the child alone for a few minutes and then returned. 70% of children ate one marshmallow before his return, and only 30 waited for it and received a second. Curiously, the same percentage was observed during a similar experiment in two more countries where it was carried out.

Michelle Walter followed the fate of his charges and 15 years later came to the conclusion that those who at one time did not succumb to the temptation to get "everything and now", but were able to control themselves, turned out to be more educated and successful in their chosen areas of knowledge and interests. Thus, it was concluded that the ability to self-control significantly improves the quality of human life.

Yitzhak Pintosevich, who is called the “coach of success,” argues that those who have no control over themselves and their actions should forget about efficiency forever.

How to learn to manage yourself

1. Let's remember the "marshmallow dough"

30% of 4-year-olds already knew how. This character trait came to them "by nature" or their parents brought up this skill in them.

Someone said: “Do not bring up your children, they will still be like you. Educate yourself. " Indeed, we want to see our children restrained, and we ourselves arrange hysterics in front of their eyes. We tell them that they must cultivate willpower in themselves, and we ourselves show weakness. We remind you that they must be punctual and we are late for work every morning.

Therefore, we begin to learn to control ourselves by carefully analyzing our behavior and identifying "weak points" - where exactly we allow ourselves to "dissolve."

2. Components of control

The aforementioned Yitzhak Pintosevich believes that in order for control to be effective, it must include 3 components:

1. Be honest with yourself and have no illusions about yourself;
2. You should control yourself systematically, and not from case to case;
3. Control should be not only internal (when we control ourselves), but also external. For example, we promised to solve the problem at such and such a time. And, in order not to leave ourselves a loophole for retreat, we announce this among our colleagues. If we do not meet the announced time, we pay them a fine. The danger of losing a decent amount will serve as a good incentive not to be distracted by extraneous matters.

3. We write down the main goals facing us on a sheet and put (or hang) it in a prominent place

Every day we control how much we have managed to progress towards their implementation.

4. Putting things in order in our financial affairs

We keep credits under control, remember if we have debts that urgently need to be repaid, we reduce debit with credit. Our emotional state is quite dependent on the state of our finances. Therefore, the less confusion and problems in this area, the less we will have reasons to “lose our temper”.

5. We observe our reactions to events that cause strong emotions in us, and analyze whether they are worth our experiences

We imagine the worst option and understand that it is not as terrible as the consequences of our inappropriate and thoughtless behavior.

6. Doing the opposite

We are angry with a colleague, and we are tempted to say "a couple of warm words" to him. Instead, we smile and compliment. If we feel offended that another employee was sent to the conference instead of us, do not get angry, but rejoice for him and wish him a happy journey.

From the very morning we were overwhelmed by laziness, and - we turn on the music, and we take up some business. In short, we act contrary to what the emotion tells us.

7. A well-known phrase says: we cannot change circumstances, but we can change our attitude towards them

We are surrounded by different people, and not all of them are friendly and fair to us. We cannot be upset and indignant every time we meet with someone else's envy, anger, rudeness. It is necessary to come to terms with what we cannot influence.

8. The best assistant in mastering the science of self-control is meditation

Just as physical exercise develops the body, so meditation trains the mind. Through daily meditation sessions, you can learn to avoid negative emotions, not to succumb to passions that interfere with a sober view of circumstances and can ruin your life. With the help of meditation, a person plunges into a state of calmness and attains harmony with himself.

The fair sex is by nature much more emotional than men. That is why it is quite difficult for them to control their emotions. This often prevents women from achieving harmony with the world around them, including in a relationship with a loved one. But sometimes there are situations in life when control over feelings is simply necessary, but it is not possible to achieve the desired result. In this case, you need to think about how to learn how to control your emotions.

Control in daily life

Controlling emotions is one of the most important aspects of human life. Everyday reality is impossible without certain psychological stress. And if you do not work to strengthen your psyche and do not learn to restrain the outburst of feelings, a person can become a hostage of their emotions.

World experts in the field of psychology have developed several simple rules to help a person control his emotional background:

1. 1. Determine the reasons for the appearance of negative emotions. The outburst of feelings on others cannot happen just like that, so it is necessary to analyze the situation and find an annoying factor. Perhaps the anger and negative reactions are caused by the behavior of others. In this case, you should talk to the object of irritation and try to find a common language.
2. 2. Avoid stressful situations. Try not to do or say anything that can get maddening. Spend more time in a pleasant company, which gives a positive charge and allows you not to be nervous in vain.
3. 3. Don't do work that you don't like. If the field of activity in which a person works causes only dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction, you should think about changing the profession.
4. 4. Develop willpower. This quality will help keep yourself in check. Instead of saying “I can’t” at every trouble, it’s worth repeating “I will do it”. Very soon, this phrase will become a habit and it will become much easier to manage your feelings.
5. 5. Use the methods of auto-training. Before venting your anger out, you need to count to 10 or several times, take deep breaths. These exercises will relieve unnecessary stress and provide an opportunity to rethink your actions.
6. 6. Step back. At the moment when feelings begin to prevail over the mind, it is necessary to divert consciousness to everyday actions. Listen to music, watch TV, do long-planned things. This simple method will relieve anxiety and allow you to calm down.
7. 7. Go in for sports. Jogging in the morning or going to the gym will help release negative energy, bring thoughts and feelings into harmony.

To get rid of excessive emotionality, you need to set yourself a life goal and systematically try to achieve it. Awareness of priorities is a great tool in controlling negative feelings.

How to understand yourself

Emotions during pregnancy

During pregnancy, a woman becomes the most vulnerable and nervous. Emotions are overwhelming. During this period, you need to try to be as calm and confident as possible. Do not take on unnecessary worries, try to ask for help from relatives and friends. The expectant mother must accept and understand her new state.

Psychologists say that excessive irritability in pregnant women is a signal that you need to learn to relax. Every day you need to give yourself a break from everyday worries, listen to calm music, read aloud, or just lie on the bed.

Relationship with a loved one

Relationships with a guy or with a husband often come to a standstill precisely because of the excessive female emotionality. The inability to contain your feelings in time leads to a major scandal or even to leaving the family. By learning to control her anger and resentment, a woman can successfully maintain a relationship. To do this, you just need to follow a few guidelines:

1. 1. Don't dramatize. The fair sex tend to exaggerate the significance of the situation and inflate their discontent to unprecedented proportions. In this case, you need to try to think positively: "He does not call me because he is busy, and not because he forgot about me", etc.
2. 2. Analyze the situation. Shouting never decided anything, so before raising your voice to a loved one, you need to think about the negative consequences of such behavior.
3. 3. Give an outlet to the negative. If a woman is so annoyed that she is ready to break on her husband, but at the same time realizes that he is not to blame for anything, she can simply go to the next room and beat the pillow. This simple method will release negative energy, and the anger will go away, as if it did not exist. Many stores sell anti-stress pillows specifically designed for this purpose.

Irritation, resentment, anger are some of the most destructive feelings. All these sensations negatively affect health. Therefore, learning to control oneself in any situation is important not only for good mental, but also physical well-being.

Why is it important to be able to control your emotions? They play an important role in our life, one might say, fateful. Emotions allow you to reach heights or fall into the abyss. At the same time, it is better to learn how to manage not only your own emotions, but also the emotions of those around you.

Almost every step a person takes is determined by one emotion or another. Most people are guided by the heart, not the mind, in making decisions. It is worth replacing one emotion with another and the person will immediately change his mind. Knowing and knowing this, you can achieve a lot.

The ability to evoke the necessary emotions in the interlocutor or pacify your own is an extremely useful skill.

Emotions are especially important in a career. Take business, for example. Any business is, first of all, the interaction of people. And success here will directly depend on how well you understand people's emotions.

Most people who are "marking time" cannot move up the career ladder or even find a suitable job, they are guilty of this themselves, since they do not control emotions. By recognizing this, many manage to break out of the vicious circle.

Of course, managing your emotions is not the absolute key to success, but it is a very important factor.

A few tips for managing your emotions:

Always be cheerful. It is always more pleasant to communicate with a person who radiates joy, he disposes people to himself.

Don't let your negative emotions run wild. Anger, anger, sadness, fear - they all push people away. But it is not worth holding back the negative either. Therefore, either avoid irritants, or only express these emotions in private.

Study people. Knowing their strengths and weaknesses, it will be easier for you to manage the situation. Perhaps the example is not entirely correct, but it will not harm anyone, and it will only benefit you.

Emotions are the kind of thing that you don't seem to notice and consider it useless, but only until it helps to make your life much better.

Anger and irritation are some of the most powerful and unpleasant emotions. How to learn to control yourself when everything around, it seems, is only happening in order to piss us off? We can not always control our mood, and also the state of other people and the events that take place do not depend on us. Irritation is a normal reaction to something that a person would not like to face.

It can be both physiological, for example, the reaction of the skin to unpleasant tissue, and emotional, when we are irritated by someone's manner of speaking. How can we learn to restrain our emotions when we are forced not to show our true feelings? Let's consider several ways.

Use deep breathing to overcome your anger.

This will help you take your mind off strong emotions and will be the first step in getting back on track. After the most intense emotions have subsided, try not to think about the reasons for the irritation. Between the moment when you have recovered a little from the overwhelming passions and complete tranquility, there is a small buffer. During this time, angry thoughts may still return. Therefore, try not to be distracted by them and do the breathing exercises and relaxation again.

For believers, a method such as prayer is suitable.

If you are in adversity, reciting even the simplest prayers will quickly help you feel secure. You can memorize your favorite prayer in advance. Meditation can also be an alternative to prayer. However, it must be remembered that these spiritual practices are still different from each other.

Meditation is a technique aimed at calming the mind, withdrawing from the situation. It has a much greater effect when practiced for a long time. But focusing on something in a state of strong emotion also has a good effect. The mind switches, and with it negative thoughts gradually go away.

To control your emotions, take a break from your worries.

When feelings begin to manifest themselves in full force, it's time to turn on soothing music in your headphones or pay attention to some unfinished work project. You can pause and play your favorite computer game. Or call an old friend who always knew how to cheer you up. Humor is also a reliable way to remove negative emotions.

Work on developing willpower.

This quality will be useful to you in other areas of life. But in regards to control over the emotional state, it is simply irreplaceable. Remove the phrase "I can't" from your vocabulary. Whenever you face difficulties, say to yourself the accusatory "I don't." By doing this each time, you will gradually be able to regain control over your own life. Including, over the experiences of anger and irritation.

For example, if you are angry about an employee’s inappropriate behavior at work, turn your worries to your advantage. Instead of drowning endlessly in thoughts of what he is doing, transfer the energy of your emotions to work on your skills and abilities. In a normal state, it is not easy to budge and start working on yourself, and the potential of negative emotions is so great that it will serve as a good impetus for development.

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Show respect.

If the reason for the resentment is a person, especially a close relative or work colleague, do not rush to show your ego. Try to treat this person with respect and courtesy. Not all people who annoy and anger us may be completely incapable of making a sound assessment of the situation. When you approach them with a sincere desire to improve the situation, there is a chance to open the door to new communication, cooperation and even trust.

Determine the reasons.

An emotional response cannot come out of nowhere. Analyze what specifically triggers your experience. If the anger is caused by the behavior of another person, try to calmly talk to him, find out the reasons for the situation. Allow yourself and others to be heard and understood.

Plan your vacation.

This point is mandatory, since learning to control anger and irritation is impossible if you do not periodically give yourself a break. In this case, the nervous system may simply not be able to withstand the overload. Rest is a must for her to deal productively with her daily stress. Spend at least one day a week practicing your favorite hobby. If you are an outgoing person, arrange a meeting with friends. In general, organize your schedule so that there is time in it for those activities from which you can draw strength of mind.

Anger is one of the most difficult emotions, because it can affect both health and the world that surrounds us. To prevent its destructive effect, use the described methods, and sooner or later you will be able to gain complete control over your feelings.