How to behave in a conflict situation briefly. Conflict and its phases. How to get out of conflict at work

The language of communication is perhaps the most remarkable invention of mankind in its entire history. It is largely thanks to language that man became what he became. We all constantly communicate, both with acquaintances and with strangers. At the same time, each of us from time to time has to communicate with difficult, conflicting people. How to behave with them so that they don’t ruin your mood? Below are 15 simple tips, which will help you respond optimally to conflict situations.

1. Keep calm. Don't give in to provocations. Conflict can be prevented if you are confident and behave accordingly. Respond to attacks politely, calmly and confidently. A calm response to aggression will thwart any attack. If the interlocutor, despite your efforts, continues the dialogue in a raised voice, do not hesitate to remind him of mutual respect.
2. Don't stoop to the level of those who are trying to provoke you. You should not take the offensive words of aggressive people to heart.
3. Formulate your arguments in a dispute clearly and clearly. Try to say only what you are sure of. Strive to explain your position to your interlocutor in a language that is understandable to your interlocutor.
4. Don't be afraid to say no. Do this tactfully and firmly.
5. Improve your appearance. (Read more about this in our article). This will improve your opponent’s perception of you and, as a result, reduce his desire to conflict with you.
6. If someone's behavior annoys you, ignore them, especially if their actions do not affect you. In such cases, you need to mentally say to yourself: “I’m not interested in this” or “So what.”
7. During a conflict discussion, do not be indignant and, especially, do not make excuses. Try to shift the emotional conversation to a calm and logical discussion of the problem that has arisen.
8. Before a difficult conversation, mentally set yourself up for the positive.
9. Everyone has their own truth. This must be accepted. Your interlocutor may not listen to you, may not agree, or, finally, may not understand. In a dispute, you need to look for common points, and this can only be done in a calm state.
10. Treat your interlocutor with respect when you think that he is clearly wrong. You should remember that everyone makes mistakes, including you. They learn from mistakes, and often from their own.
11. After some time, analyze important dialogues regarding your behavior in them: what was said correctly and what was not.
12. Try to conduct the dialogue measuredly. Both you and your interlocutor need time to think about the information received. Feel free to ask again.
13. If the dialogue turns into an argument, try to defuse the tense situation with humor.
14. Avoid discussing personal qualities in dialogue; use only facts and events. Judging someone often comes from powerlessness, like last argument in a dispute.
15. Completing the dialogue is of great importance. The words “goodbye”, “I wish you a good day” and in general any words spoken sincerely will be useful.

Good and pleasant interlocutors for you.

To resolve a dispute and know how to behave correctly in conflict situation, it is necessary to choose a behavior model that suits a particular situation. There are several methods for getting out of conflict, each of which brings certain benefits to the participants.

Many people do not know how to behave in a conflict situation. According to experts, conflict is easier to prevent at the initial stage. For example, if at the beginning of the discussion, the interlocutor began to behave inappropriately - he raised his voice, changed his tone, “notes” of rudeness and unfounded claims appeared, you should calm down and give your opponent the opportunity to speak out. As a rule, remaining calm in a conflict situation is quite difficult. But this must be done so that the person speaks out, and one can understand his dissatisfaction in order to prepare arguments that will defeat the opponent’s position. In addition, it is very important to understand the need for this. After all, if the “rival” person is a close friend or relative, rash behavior in a conflict situation can lead to grievances that will cause damaged relationships.

There are situations when a person drags his interlocutor into a conflict, expecting a similar reaction. IN in this case When discussing how to get out of a conflict situation, you should take this into account and respond to your opponent with calmness and a smile. You can also try to correct the situation with jokes, but only in moderation. In addition, it is important to make it clear to the interlocutor that you are interested in a peaceful resolution of the issue.

There are practically no families who do not know what quarrels are. It is very annoying when there is a conflict with a loved one. Psychologists have found a number of reasons why family quarrels occur:

1. Lack of respect for each other. Without noticing it themselves, partners insult and humiliate each other. As a result, there is a lack of trust. Hence the baseless jealousy and scandals.
2. Lack of romance in relationships. After a while, the mystery disappears. And monotony and boring life appears.
3. Unjustified expectation of performance from family life.
4. Lack of attention, tenderness, care and understanding.
5. Excessive demands of spouses on each other.

If a quarrel arises in the family, you need to try to turn it into an argument. You can't resort to personal insults. After all, then main goal will humiliate your partner. There will be no winners in such a fight. You need to try to speak out, and not hoard everything inside yourself. According to psychologists, those spouses who are frank with each other are much happier than those who are silent.

Once you find yourself in a conflict situation, you need to understand that the outcome of the conflict depends only on the chosen strategy for resolving it. The most positive strategies are compromise and consensus. Compromise implies mutual concessions by the parties, and consensus implies mutual gain. To achieve the second option, Cooperation should be given preference, even in very difficult issues.

You can resolve a conflict situation by taking a break, no matter how difficult it may seem at first glance. In addition, you cannot convince your opponent that his opinion is false. It is necessary to understand that each person will try to prove his truth and will not want to listen to other versions and arguments. During a discussion, sometimes it is better to let the interlocutor remain unconvinced.

IN real life It is quite rare to avoid conflicts. This must be accepted and if controversial situations arise, try to find the right way out from similar phenomena.

Conflict is always a tense situation for both parties. To maintain your mental health and not bring yourself to stress, it is recommended to adhere to certain rules in a dispute. You need to seek advice from psychologists on how to behave in a conflict situation.

Analysis of the situation

First, it is necessary to analyze what happened and understand what reasons could lead to such a development of events. In addition, you must understand the degree of danger that threatens you at the moment.

There is no need to think that what happened was provoked only by the need to prove the truth or by the circumstances that arose at that moment, since the problem could be much deeper. Your opponent could have harbored a grudge against you much earlier or been storing up his discontent for a long time, which led to arguing between you. Having understood the causes of the conflict, you can move on to the next step.

Opponent Analysis

When a conflict arises, you must clearly understand what kind of person you are dealing with.

1. If he is not confident in himself, then in such a situation he will try to hide as far and better as possible, without denying that he is right and insisting on his principles.
2. A confident person will be able to fight back in a verbal duel, since she is not used to retreating, including from a showdown.
3. The most difficult situation can be considered an argument with an overly stubborn and narrow-minded person who, due to his position in society, tries by all means to impose his position only because he considers himself the “master of life.”
4. It is also necessary to beware of conflicts with people who have mental disorders or low level intelligence. The main reasons why you should not associate with such individuals are the presence aggressive behavior and the lack of a reasonable ending. In addition, there is a possibility that the conflict could escalate into a physical clash, in which you could get hurt due to an unshared opinion.

Which behavior strategy to choose?

If you have already identified which category your opponent can be classified into, then it is recommended to move on to selecting a behavioral style and understand how to behave in a conflict situation.

Psychologists say that there are five main types of strategies for behavior in conflict. Why do you need to know these strategies? As a rule, a person usually uses one of them - it depends on his character and position in the team. However, it is possible that under certain conditions he may use another strategy. To destroy dynamic stereotypes in this way means to develop as a person.

Avoiding a dispute

Using this strategy can be considered advisable if you do not have time to solve the problem. The showdown should be postponed, since the situation must be more carefully analyzed. It is recommended to use it for controversial issues with management. The choice of this style of behavior is reasonable when:

• you don't see a solution to the problem now)
• During the negotiation process, you begin to doubt that you are right)
• defending your point of view is more important for the interlocutor, not for you)
• there is a lack of time to resolve the conflict)
• it is more expedient to agree with the opponent’s opinion)
• you do not consider the subject of disagreement quite serious)
• dispute may cause more complex problems for you)
• there is a possibility that the situation will worsen due to the openness of discussions.

Rivalry

This strategy involves openly defending your position. It is applicable in situations where solving a problem is important for both parties to the conflict. The possibility of losing the dispute cannot be ruled out. The selection of this style of behavior should be determined by the following circumstances:

• high importance of solving the problem specifically for you)
• you have no other choice)
• publicity of the discussion, when the opinions of others are not indifferent to you)
• you have great power or authority over a person and are confident in the outcome of the dispute)
• you represent authority for your opponent)
• a quick solution to the problem is needed.

Cooperation

This style of behavior is characterized by a long process of resolving the situation that has arisen, the outcome of which should lead to the satisfaction of both parties. In this case, the participation of all disputants and strict consideration of their interests is necessary. This strategy can be used when:

• desire to remain on good terms with your opponent, since he is a close person, friend or colleague for you)
• equality of the parties)
• sufficient time to resolve the conflict)
• the need to find a mutually beneficial solution to the issue.

This is the most constructive way out of the conflict. As a result, a new product appears, new idea, new team.

Device

Often people are faced with situations when they simply need to make concessions to their interlocutor. Psychologists call this behavior in conflicts adaptation. To prevent the dispute from becoming more serious, you should accept your opponent’s opinion, at least outwardly.

This strategy is best chosen when the issue is not fundamental to you. This may be a conflict with management in which it is simply vital to give in, unless, of course, you want to worsen your situation. Using this approach, you will not only save a good relationship with a person, but you can also gain a significant amount of time by adopting a common position.

Compromise

Here you can defend your point of view on the problem, which is positive thing. But you will also have to accept the other side's opinion, albeit partially. This strategy allows you to avoid serious development of the conflict and make a decision that satisfies not only you, but also your interlocutor.

This method of behavior is advisable to use when both parties are equal disputants and put forward equally reasonable arguments in their favor. If changing your opinion to suit your opponent's needs is not such a serious problem, then this method is ideal. The compromise obtained during the discussion will give you the opportunity to get at least part of what you want, as well as save friendly relations with an opponent.

The second stage of resolving the controversial issue

This stage involves resolving a conflict situation. This must be done in accordance with the style of behavior you have chosen. In this case, you and your opponent will need to set your own limits, which each party will have to accept. At this stage, you will have to very quickly rebuild your judgment and maneuver the situation quite skillfully.

Among other things, you should wait a little time with your response to your opponent’s opinion. All his demands or phrases should be ignored, and periodic pauses should be made in the conversation.

It is not at all necessary to immediately answer all the questions of the disputant - it is best to distract him from this through other questions that do not correspond to the given topic. This will allow you to more carefully consider the style of your behavior to resolve conflict.

When the other side calms down a little and stops arguing its position, you are advised to evaluate its opinion, but in such a way that it understands its importance too. Here you can suggest making some adjustments to the interlocutor’s idea, which will help in solving the problem. Fulfilling this requirement in any situation leaves the most negatively minded opponent unarmed.

“Difficult people” can raise our hopes and then act contrary to our expectations. Their behavior undermines the foundations of people's trust in each other, which should soften human relationships. They may give conflicting hopes or express contradictory desires, and at the same time expect their partner (in communication, in joint affairs) to satisfy them. Sometimes they can ask this person for something, and then they themselves create an environment in which fulfilling the request becomes impossible for him, and it turns out that their partner, albeit involuntarily, cannot keep his word. Each person may have his own typology of “difficult people”, which differs to one degree or another from those outlined above. But classifying a person as a certain type(identifying him) is not enough: you need to know how to most productively behave with them. But this requires understanding psychological mechanisms, triggering destructive behavior characteristic of different types"difficult people"

S.Yu. Klyuchnikov believes that each person has his own weakly protected psychological zones. The main reasons for their appearance, which determine human vulnerability in the face of aggression, and which subsequently lead to the formation of a “difficult” personality, in his opinion, are the following:

• painful attachment to oneself, egocentrism;
• increased aggressiveness;
• excessive compliance, weakness, humility;
• readiness to meet only good attitude towards oneself in life;
• painful psychological sensitivity and thin skin;
• psychological trauma suffered in childhood or adolescence;
• lack of purpose, manifested as chaotic behavior, devoid of clear logic and aspiration;
• taking oneself too seriously, being overly sensitive to other people’s attitudes towards one’s own personality, lacking a sense of humor;
• stereotypical perception of life, a tendency to see the world, people and human conflicts in a standardized way;
• insufficient communication skills, lack of secularism and practical experience contact with confident people, ignorance of the rules by which contacts are built.

When faced with difficult people, we can generally choose one of four behavior options:

1. Nothing to do. In this case, you will have to tolerate “difficult” people. But then the harm from them will not decrease; resentment and grief will accumulate, and there will be no need to talk about normal work.
2. Avoid communication. A method called “voting with your feet.” Not all situations have a way out, so it is simply useless to try to resolve some. You should “vote with your feet” when everything you do and say only makes the situation worse, and there is no point in continuing to deal with the “difficult” person.
3. Change your attitude towards “difficult” people: try to look at them with different eyes, listen to them differently. By changing ourselves, we thereby change our attitude towards the “difficult”.
4. Change your own behavior: by changing your manner of communicating with “difficult” people, force them to treat themselves differently.

Good general principle Dealing with difficult people of any type is to be aware of the existence of some hidden interests or needs that they satisfy by acting in this way. For example, a “over-aggressive” person may act like a tank because deep down he is afraid of dealing with other people or because he does not want to experience the fear of making a mistake; a “calm silent person” may withdraw into himself, afraid to open up to other people; An “eternal pessimist” can always predict failures, because it is more convenient for him to live with the certainty of failure than with the certainty of success. Therefore, if you need to communicate with a “difficult” person, you should identify his hidden needs and interests, and also think about how to satisfy them.

Contact with a “difficult” person can cause grief, anger, confusion, depression, and other unsettling feelings. Such a person himself carries an emotional charge (“dynamite”), which “explodes” when something happens against his wishes. That's why the most important condition interaction with “difficult” people is to overcome negative emotions that arise in the process of communication.

One of the first steps in solving this problem is to take control of your emotions or give vent to the emotions of the other person if it is necessary to continue communication with him in order to resolve the conflict. Let's look at some settings recommended by interpersonal communication experts:

• Try not to take the words and behavior of another person personally. To satisfy his needs, a difficult person behaves in this way with everyone. It is worth remembering this to avoid negative emotions.
• Determine whether you have classified this person as difficult simply because he reminds you of someone with whom you have had difficulty communicating in the past (for example, if this person reminds you of your oppressive mother or an older brother who always gained the upper hand over you, etc.). If this is the case, then try to separate your perception of this person from the feelings you had for the person he reminds you of.
• Use creative visualization or another calming technique to master the emotions you are experiencing.
• Use those communication techniques that allow you to give vent to the emotions of another person without causing any harm to your emotional state.
• If you feel like you are becoming more and more influenced difficult person(for example, when communicating with an “eternal pessimist”, you yourself begin to lose hope of success or begin to feel hostility when contacting an “aggressive” person, etc.), then note this fact, and then you can stop. Remind yourself that you allowed yourself to look at the situation from another person's point of view only in order to understand this point of view, but in fact you are a completely different person, and you have a completely different position. In this way you can separate yourself from this person; Repeat to yourself over and over: “I am not that person. I have my own own view to the world" or something similar. Then exhale and mentally wave your hand at it. You will get rid of the other person's point of view and regain your own.

It is worth reflecting on why this or that person is difficult to communicate with. First of all, it is necessary to understand what desires and interests of a person make him “difficult” in communication. What are his goals and how can I help him achieve them? By assessing the person's motives and needs, it will be easier for you to decide whether to engage with him or not. It may turn out that you cannot avoid this because he occupies a higher position in relation to you (for example, he is your boss), and you do not want to move away from your own position at the present time. Or this assessment of his needs and interests may discourage you from being involved in a conflict situation. Then you can consciously walk away from the conflict.

Imagine, for example, that you had a conflict with a “quiet silent person” with whom you were friends, but suddenly you felt alienated on his part. You feel that something has happened, but you don't know what it is. When you meet, it seems like the person doesn't want to talk to you. But why? You don't know this and you begin to feel more and more irritated. One option may be to reduce the intensity of contact with this person and not become involved in the conflict. If he doesn't talk about what happened, then so much the worse for him. You are not going to become a telepath to guess his thoughts from a distance, and you can just move on and live your life.

But what should you do if you value your friendship with this person? It’s worth thinking: “Perhaps this person is doing this because he is offended or embarrassed by something that I did not attach importance to?” Or, “Is this person simply afraid to confront me about something that really bothers him because he feels that it will be difficult for him to cope with the anger or other feelings that will accompany the explanation?” You need to try to identify his hidden needs, showing that you are ready to provide support and will not judge him in anything, and encourage him to speak out. This does not guarantee that the person will open up. However, this approach is quite reasonable.

In general, this approach can be useful when communicating with anyone, but it is especially effective when dealing with difficult people. Still, what makes a person “difficult” is his special (specific, inherent) needs and motives. Of course, ordinary people also have hidden motives that lead to conflicts. But most often these motives are situational, related to a specific situation and actualized in this situation by considerations of prestige, social affiliation, financial gain, etc. In the case of difficult people, ulterior motives are usually more related to past losses and disappointments (for example, a “super-aggressive” person tries to suppress his own timidity and cowardice with his aggressiveness). But if you listen carefully and kindly to such a person, you can understand his motives, and as a result, you can even suddenly discover that this person has ceased to be difficult, having found support and understanding in you.

Jeanie Scott believes that the only way to understand why this person is a “difficult” person is to communicate with him. Often people are “difficult” because lack of communication with them creates misconceptions and misunderstandings. Such problems also arise among “ordinary” people who avoid communication. For “difficult people,” communication problems are even more serious. But establishing communication with a “difficult” person can be a very difficult task. Will need to attach more effort than when interacting with “regular” people (for example, you will need to be more assertive, level-headed, or respectful). However, if you really want to resolve the conflict, and not avoid it by drowning it out for a while, then it’s worth a try. You may find that you are able to break through the armor of emotions, mistrust and fear. As a result, it may turn out that this person is no longer “difficult” for you.

Difficult people tend to be particularly sensitive to issues of guilt and responsibility. Some try to blame their partners, while expressing their accusations in a harsh manner. Others, on the contrary, go into deep defense, feeling that someone is blaming them. They may act this way because they feel they are wrong and do not want to admit it to other people or to themselves. Therefore, it is important to structure your communication in such a way as to avoid falling into the “responsibility trap” that is often set by “difficult” people of various types.

People who can be classified as “chronic accusers” always look for the mistakes of others and expose the guilty. It's as if they think blaming them can solve the problem. But in fact, the accusation can humiliate the person - the alleged culprit, and create an atmosphere of mental discomfort for him. In response to an accusation, a person begins to make excuses: “I didn’t do it” or: “Maybe I did it, but I was only following orders.”

A person classified as a “martyr” (there are such people) wants to be blamed for everything. By accepting blame for things he didn't do, or by making his mistakes look bad, the martyr acts as if his self-deprecation can smooth over or solve the problem. Perhaps he hopes that he will not only be pitied, but will also be loved and respected more for his voluntarily accepted role as a “scapegoat.” However, this does not help solve the problem at all.

The difficulty of communicating with both “martyrs” and “chronic accusers” is that they try to dramatize and, therefore, cause an escalation of the conflict. For example, the “accuser” usually believes that he is always right, creating during the conflict the impression that others are wrong. The “martyr,” on the contrary, desperately wants to please people, for which he takes on the role of a “scapegoat,” believing that by doing so he will make life easier for others, and they will be grateful to him for this. It should be borne in mind that such people also combine other qualities that make communication with them difficult. For example, a hostile-aggressive “tank” can easily become an “accuser,” and a “calm silent person” can turn into a sufferer (“martyr”), taking undeserved (which is obvious to others) blame on himself, but at the same time shifting responsibility to someone else.

Thus, when dealing with a “difficult” person, it is especially important not to fall into the “responsibility trap.” Therefore, your efforts should be directed at preventing the discussion from focusing on the issue of responsibility for a particular problem. This can be done by moving the discussion away from the past and focusing on the future to resolve the conflict. You can say: “Yes, this happened and you (or another person, or someone else) bear some responsibility for what happened. But this is not the main thing now. IN currently what matters is what you need to do to solve the problem.” In other words, you should neutralize the difficult person's concerns about past responsibilities and take the initiative to organize a process towards resolving the conflict for the future. The focus should be on what to do now with problematic situation, and not on who is to blame for its occurrence.

“Conflicts are born at points of intersection of vectors of interests” Yuri Tatarkin

Often we find ourselves in difficult situation when it is necessary to solve the problem of a conflict that has arisen. How to behave in a conflict situation? What strategy should you follow to choose the best option for a given situation?

How to resolve the conflict? Strategies for winning and avoiding defeat

1. Conflict and avoidance

Japanese Navy Marshal Isoroku Yamamoto stated: “ a wise man will always find a way not to start a war.” The strategy of avoiding conflict is often useful. It allows you not to waste extra energy on stupid quarrels, helps you save face and postpone the clarification for a more appropriate time. When is it better to avoid conflict without eliminating the causes?

You can avoid conflict when you are not interested in defending your position and sorting things out. It can be used when you want to postpone the resolution of a dispute to another time, when you are more prepared. If you are wrong or more weak position It is also better to avoid conflict in order to minimize losses. Avoidance of conflict should be due to the hopelessness of defending a point of view or hypothetically large losses from a quarrel. When the price of victory is not worth the price of war.

2. Conflict and adjustment to the enemy

The problem is not fundamental to you, but you want to maintain a good relationship with the person? Do you want to gain time or “give in” in order to “win” your interlocutor? Show that you share the position of your interlocutor, are ready to smooth out contradictions and resolve the conflict peacefully. Adapting to your interlocutor may be a defeat in a battle, but a victory in a war.

3. Conflict and cooperation with the enemy

Are you equal with your opponent, do not want to offend each other, but the problem requires a joint solution? Often a conflict can be resolved through cooperation and finding a compromise that suits both parties. Cooperation will allow you not to waste energy on bickering and take into account the interests of both parties. Better bad world, how good war. As a psychotherapist and author of 30 books on popular psychology Mikhail Litvak: “Don’t conflict: make an agreement with a smart person, deceive a fool.”

4. Conflict, rivalry and confrontation

This is an open clash to defend your interests and your position. In case of conflict, this strategy should be chosen extremely thoughtfully and carefully. This is a dangerous strategy, because there is a clear risk of defeat or loss of face.

You can choose confrontation if you are confident in your strength, authority and victory. When there is no time for other strategies, but you need to resolve the conflict. When there is nothing to lose or the cost of loss is high. When it is important to defend your opinion and not fall in the eyes of others. When you really want to win a conflict.

When conflict is inevitable and victory is important, then engage in combat. Rule #1: Never start a fight, but always end it with victory.