Trust is the basis of relationships

A person gradually learns to trust from childhood, observing the example of relationships between his parents and people close to him. A pleasant home atmosphere, harmonious and trusting relationships between family members cultivate the inner core in the child, forming a self-sufficient and holistic personality.

Growing up in an environment of distrust and reproach makes a person distrustful and difficult to open up and trust in others.

Trust has its extreme degree of expression - gullibility and distrust. People who are too open and trusting often become victims in relationships. After which they are afraid that they will be deceived, trying to avoid unnecessary manifestations of feelings and emotions.

It then becomes extremely difficult for such people to create healthy relationships based on trust. They become distrustful. It is difficult to trust people who are extremely gullible, and it is even more difficult to trust distrustful people. Therefore, it is so important to learn internal trust, which will be the key to creating the right and healthy relationships based on trust.

Trust in relationships can be found in couples where everyone knows how to trust not only their partner, but also themselves. Internal mistrust gives rise to such negative feelings and emotions such as reproaches, suspicions, and even jealousy.

Relationships without trust

When mistrust appears in a relationship, the feeling of love often dulls due to frequent quarrels, misunderstandings and reproaches. For strong relationships, it is necessary to identify the main reasons that generate uncertainty and mistrust.

Often people do not notice how little attention they pay to their partner, in turn demanding excessive attention to themselves. Making claims contributes to the first manifestation of distrust in a partner.

Obsessive suspicious thoughts only aggravate the situation, and eventually conflict arises. The reason for this mistrust is the far-fetched thoughts, actions and feelings that partners attribute to each other. Therefore, you should not get hung up on little things and not beat yourself up.

Another source of mistrust in relationships can be unjustified expectations. This happens when love first appears not for another person, but for one’s own feeling of love. This often happens in couples in which one partner long time loved another unrequitedly. Dreams and dreams about a loved one absorb a person so much that already in a relationship with him (when love for another comes) he tries to realize all his dreams. This is what leads to distrust of the authenticity of the partner’s feelings.

When starting a new relationship, a person strives for harmony. Only often the euphoria of first meetings is replaced by sadness, alienation, lack of mutual understanding, constant suspicions and doubts.

What are the true causes of doubt and mistrust?

1. The most common cause of doubt is, most often, unsuccessful past experiences. Try to forget the past, start, as they say, with a clean slate.
2. Your partner's questionable behavior or superficial attitude towards you can also cause suspicion, doubt and mistrust.
3. Internal complexes and lack of healthy self-esteem are fertile ground for the emergence of distrust in a partner.
4. Doubts and suspicion can also arise without reason. If, for example, a partner suffers from pathological jealousy. The reason for which may be internal self-doubt, improper upbringing, etc.
5. Your own lies, betrayals and dishonest behavior. Paradoxically, it is precisely such reasons that can make a person doubt the integrity of another.

Permanent nervous tension invariably leads to stress, which has a negative impact on overall health, causing insomnia and a host of other troubles. And relationships themselves without trust end quite quickly and not always peacefully. Sometimes mistrust makes a partner very difficult in everyday communication; he becomes overly suspicious and grumpy, which is also a common reason for the breakup of stable couples.

How to restore trust in a relationship?

• First, learn to trust in little things. Stop testing your partner for honesty. Think about whether you yourself are completely honest. Leave your partner and yourself the right to omissions.
• Understand the reasons for your mistrust. Are you annoyed by certain behavior of your partner? I don't like looking away a certain person? Are you embarrassed by late returns home? Discuss everything with your loved one in a positive way. Perhaps all your doubts about your partner’s feelings will have a completely objective explanation.
• Understand that love is a free decision and has nothing to do with slavery.
• All troubles have their solution - this is the main principle, even if the worst suspicions are confirmed.
• Talk openly about your doubts with your partner. He will probably easily dispel all accumulated suspicions.
• A positive attitude helps to find mutual understanding, and a good sense of humor will help defuse the situation.

To trust or not to trust a person? If you trust, then who? How not to make mistakes when trusting? Similar questions concern everyone. It is not psychologists, sociologists, or political scientists who discuss what trust is. The topic is relevant. It is difficult to find a ready-made recipe for trust, but it is worth listening to the opinion of psychologists.

The concept of “trust” is defined as faith in the honesty, sincerity of the deeds and actions of another. They deserve trust. The power of trust is tested by time and circumstances. Lies, insincerity, betrayal, and hypocrisy can completely destroy trust. And loyalty this word, the ability to deliver what was promised, and sincere participation allow you to trust even more.

Reasons for mistrust

One of the reasons for human mistrust goes back to childhood. The adults promised - and didn’t deliver. Forgot or some urgent matters came up. This is repeated periodically. The child begins to not believe promises, he no longer trusts. He feels the duality of actions and words. Distrust of those closest to you becomes the reason for distrust of others. Then this feeling intensifies. The person stops trusting altogether.

Distrust can also form in an adult, accomplished person when his faith in the honesty and sincerity of the actions of another collapses. Betrayal, betrayal, a partner’s thirst for personal gain in a joint business, falling for the bait of scammers... Depression, disappointment - everyone experiences such emotions. Distrust begins to interfere with establishing new connections and contacts. Weak people. Pessimists stop trusting altogether, believing that everyone is betraying them. And the one who is purposeful, with a strong will, an optimist, analyzes the situation and takes new steps. He understands: everyone cannot lie. You just need to be more prudent.

Trust in people can be restored

• Remember as an axiom that trusting people means living together, not next to each other.
• Realize the real reason emerging mistrust. Often what is on the surface is only a consequence.
• Understand: not everyone was offended at once, but only one person or a small group of people.
• Recall positive points when friends, relatives, colleagues provided help and support. This means that the person is not alone.
• Pay attention to people, their actions, giving own assessment. Don't live by the opinions of others.
• Remember: good people much more than bad ones.
• Never lose the trust of others. A person will not learn to trust if he himself is capable of deceiving or not keeping his word.

It is impossible to live without trusting people. And if suddenly someone caused mistrust, The best way understand the reason for mistrust - straight Talk. Public opinion often gives a biased assessment. You have to believe. Before you start distrusting, you need to ask yourself: am I trustworthy? A person who is trusted is more successful in society.

The content of the article:

Distrust of people is constant doubts that concern others and the veracity of their statements. This condition does not allow you to enjoy life to the fullest. It can give rise to even more problems, both psychological and even physiological. IN modern world deception cannot be avoided. This means that following this rule, people, to one degree or another, experience a feeling of distrust of others or even of what is happening to them. However, from excessive suspicion better to get rid of it. And we need to start from the beginning.

The main reasons for distrust of people

The word “mistrust” is known and used by all people. However, few people think about its meaning. So, distrust is doubt about reliability, truthfulness, as well as a suspicious attitude towards something or someone.

Of course, any feeling must have a basis. Psychologists talk about several reasons for distrust of people. It’s interesting that most people don’t even know about some options.

Let's find out where mistrust begins:

• Laid down with early years . As a child, a person did not receive adequate quality maternal care. The fact is that the foundations of self-confidence and trust in the world around us are laid in the first year of a child’s life. And if the mother did not pay due attention to the baby during this period for some reason, the level of trust will subsequently be very low. Moreover, at older ages psychological development influenced by such factors as parents’ lack of confidence in their educational abilities, the opposite in the method of education (mom “leads” in one direction, and dad in the other, or parents and grandparents, so to speak, pull in different directions), differences between cultures and the lifestyles of parents and so on. All this becomes a guarantee that the child develops fear for his well-being in the future, fear of the world around him in general and of individual people surrounding the person in particular. And with age, these trends will only intensify. Although no longer a child, a person is lost in the world around him. He doesn't understand where to go correctly. But most importantly, he doesn’t feel supported. As you know, everyone needs a strong rear.
• Upbringing. Based on reproaches and focusing on the child’s shortcomings, it is also the cause of distrust in people and a person’s general isolation. Most of problems take their origins from childhood, and this one is no exception. Unfortunately, many parents, busy with the need to earn money for a living, forget that education is not only about beautiful things, good school And proper nutrition. Children left to their own devices often get burned when communicating with peers and older friends. Their childhood dreams, kindness and openness are gradually replaced by mistrust and the expectation of trickery from others. The process is especially acute for those who differ in some way from other children. Exactly special child More often than not, children are boycotted and ignored by their peers, and without proper parental support, only a few cope with the situation correctly. Childhood grievances always find echoes in adult life.
• Features of the profession. It has long been known that fulfilling work responsibilities leaves its mark on a person’s personality. And in many cases the effect is negative. For example, employees law enforcement, security services, intelligence officers even in Everyday life They don’t trust the people around them, they expect a catch everywhere and check the incoming information several times.
• Experienced psychological shocks. It's about about those cases when in certain situations a person was betrayed or let down by close people or simply those around him, even when he himself no longer remembers such situations. Divorce can cause irreparable trauma. This happens when one of the partners believed that everything was fine in the family, and the second fell in love with a new person and left. After such distrust opposite sex undermined, create new family becomes very problematic.
• Fear of one's own vulnerability. This feeling also forces you to keep your eyes open, as they say. Usually people with low self-esteem, quiet and calm in life, fall into this category.
• Boomerang effect. A person himself treats others in such a way that he does not deserve trust: he deceives, steals, betrays, and cheats. He expects others to do the same as himself.
• The desire to show oneself to people better, more successful than one really is. In this case, there is an effect of, so to speak, two sides of the same coin. A person willingly demonstrates one side, but tries to hide the other with all his might and is afraid that anyone will find out about it. This fear gives rise to additional suspicion and a feeling of mistrust towards people.

Since betrayal was named as one of the reasons for the closed state, it is worth dwelling on it in more detail.

How does betrayal affect the feeling of mistrust in people?

People who have tried to understand the nature of their distrust of others, first of all, find an explanation reduced to two words - “I was betrayed.” And immediately after this, mental torment begins “for what and why.” But first, it’s worth figuring out what actions can be considered betrayal.

This can be called a violation of obligations given to someone or a person’s failure to fulfill his duty to someone or something. Thus, not all situations and actions fall under this definition.

By and large, the following actions can be considered true betrayal:

1. Treason. Often this can be done by government officials, agents, or military personnel.
2. Adultery. Unfortunately, statistics show that more often a man leaves the family, but sometimes a woman can betray.
3. Parents abandoning their children. This can be either entrusting the issues of upbringing to grandparents, or completely abandoning the child and placing him in Orphanage. Age does not play a role in this case. Children remember the hurt caused throughout their lives.
4. Religious apostasy. Many people are extremely sensitive to the need to change their beliefs. However, they take this step if their loved one belongs to a different religion.
5. Failure to fulfill professional duty. Often the consequence is distrust of oneself and hatred of work. Doctors who have lost a patient, police officers who were unable to protect loved ones or a partner, etc. are susceptible to this. In this case, aggression, distrust of oneself and one’s abilities, loss of faith in justice and fear of a repetition of the situation arise.

Moreover, we must not forget that the person who committed these actions, condemned in any society, may have a completely justified reason for acting in this way. And it is quite possible that she will be the so-called lesser evil.

The main reasons for betrayal:

• Selfishness. In principle, healthy egoism is not only a normal phenomenon, but even useful for an individual. And in this case, a person almost always calculates in advance the consequences of his actions. We are talking about when an egoist cares about satisfying his desires and is not particularly worried if he can harm someone else. Almost every person has ever committed selfish acts, because of which even distrust of a loved one arose, as they say, for a long time and seriously.
• Weakness. We are talking not only and not so much about its physical manifestation, but about its moral, volitional and spiritual. In this case, people tend to solve their problems by following the path of least resistance, that is, by betraying others. They are unable to take responsibility and be responsible for their actions. It is easier for them to set others up than to tarnish their reputation and name.
• Unawareness of oneself, one's personality. In this case, people act in obedience to momentary impulses, without realizing it and without bothering to calculate even a little possible consequences of your actions.

As is already clear, only excessive selfishness can push a person to purposeful, conscious betrayal. In all other cases, a traitor can commit an act without even realizing it, and then repent of his momentary weakness.

Why is it necessary to understand all of the above? It will help you overcome the habit of suspecting everyone and everything. After all, it often does not so much save a person from troubles as reward him with new ones. A state in which you constantly have to wait for a trick and suspect everyone around you of wanting to deceive or cause harm cannot pass without leaving a mark on the psyche.

The main consequences of a closed state

Because of distrust of others, problems may arise in relationships between husband and wife, partners, cohabitants, work colleagues, and friends. The most common consequences are jealousy, the desire to control all aspects of the life of your significant other. Lack of control or resistance to it breeds fear and aggression.

The desire to monitor personal life and subjugate others may also arise among lonely people. With all the ensuing consequences, even serious ones mental disorders. Phobias and manias arise that interfere with the normal life of not only the carrier himself, but also those around him. The disease paranoia can serve as a clear example of the severe consequences of distrust of people, when a person is constantly looking for enemies, “revealing” plans for conspiracies against himself.

The hardest thing is for those who have gone through betrayal. If these were parents, then the person will, in principle, have difficulty building a personal life and making friends. He can be called a hermit, since he is so afraid of experiencing the sensations again that he prefers to simply refuse communication in general. Among the devoted hermits, whose problems stem from childhood, you can find programmers, computer geniuses and gamers.

If the closest and most beloved betrayed, and the person was left alone with his problem, in most cases he will generally refuse to build a new family, giving preference to animals. As an example, we can cite charming women who live with cats all their lives. They are beautiful, smart, have an extraordinary mind and a sense of humor. But they are afraid to build new relationships on their own, and there are only a few brave men who are ready to drown the ice wall on the way to their heart, step by step to win trust.

And although in many cases and in many areas of human relationships, excessive openness and trust can only do harm, excessive distrust is a hindrance and should be gotten rid of.

How to get rid of mistrust in people

In especially severe cases, you may need the help of a psychologist or psychotherapist. However, many people can figure out the problem themselves by following the advice of experts. Of course, we should not forget that in each case there is individual characteristics.

The following steps will help you cope with your lack of trust in people:

1. Understand the cause of the problem. Of course, in the first part of the article it was said that often the reason lies in early childhood. However, in many cases, the main part of the problem is formed under the influence of factors at a more conscious age. Perhaps the impression from one particular episode, for example, a corresponding action on the part of a particular person, lies at the basis of distrust of other people.
2. Find the positives. Against the background of establishing the cause, it will be very useful to recall the opposite, positive experience in the past or in real life. The more examples we can give of when trust was justified, the better. In most cases, unless, of course, a person’s life is influenced by such powerful factors as, for example, profession, positive examples there will be much more than negative evidence of the habit of treating everything with suspicion.
3. Try to understand other people's motives. Including those who had or have reasons not to trust. It is possible that the feeling for them will only be the result of some unreasonable or inflated expectations. This leads to another piece of advice.
4. Think realistically. Don’t place high hopes on others, don’t make excessive demands. It is necessary to be able to soberly assess the abilities and personal qualities of people so as not to experience disappointment later. This is especially true for your own children. This refers to those cases when parents want to see their child as someone they themselves have not become for some reason. And therefore, it is necessary to understand in time when feelings and dreams take precedence over a sober assessment of the situation.
5. Talk openly. Sometimes, in order to get rid of mistrust in people, it is worth openly discussing particularly slippery, controversial and incomprehensible issues with them. After all, sometimes the basis of the current problem is just a different point of view and interpretation of certain facts and events.
6. Change your environment. If there are always people around a person with positive attitude and thinking, then there will be practically no reasons for the emergence of omissions and, as a result, suspicions.
7. Realize the action and forgive. This is especially difficult for abandoned children. Nevertheless, for their own good, it is worth accepting the parents’ act, realizing that perhaps at that moment they did not see any other way out, could not do otherwise. But also understand that not everyone is like that.

As can be seen from everything that was written above, it is very easy to begin to experience excessive distrust and suspicion in the current conditions. And anything that is in excess is already abnormal and can cause harm. However, you can find a way out of any condition if you only want it and act consciously and decisively. It is important to let go of the past and learn to live in the future.

How to get rid of mistrust in people - watch the video:

Getting rid of distrust in people is not only possible, but also necessary if a person wants to lead normal life in society and values ​​his mental and physical health. This is not always easy to do, but it is quite possible. However, first you need to realize two things: firstly, that the problem exists, and secondly, that it always has reasons, which can sometimes have very long roots. And the most important thing is that by realizing and learning to trust others, a person can learn to behave in such a way as to inspire trust in others. In particularly severe cases, it is better to seek help from a psychologist.

How to deal with jealousy and mistrust of your partner?

If there is strong mistrust in a relationship, turning into paranoia or obsession, then there are certain factors that could be the cause. It is very important to understand where these feelings come from, otherwise you risk losing the relationship by blaming your partner, demanding the impossible from him and groundlessly suspecting him of deception. Such actions will not only destroy his self-confidence and self-esteem, but will also ultimately lead to him feeling that it is impossible to please or make you happy in any way.

When a person becomes deeply distrustful (or deeply apprehensive, suspicious, and jealous) and begins to impose more and more restrictions on their partner or demand more and more information about everything they do, this is often the beginning of the end.

Loving another person does not mean owning them or simply keeping them around for your own pleasure. This approach does not take into account the needs of the other. And to love means to accept people as they are.

In every relationship, every person needs to spend some time alone, some time with friends and, of course, with their loved one. If we deny a person's individuality and his right to freedom to enjoy all aspects of Life and Development, then such behavior is not normal and acceptable for a loved one. Sooner or later the person will feel this and will feel trapped, misunderstood or falsely accused. Naturally, as a result of this, a person will begin to think about how to break off this kind of relationship.

If a person demands from his partner to take away the pain that his partner feels, then soon the former will feel a sense of disappointment. They are both on the wrong path. No matter how much people love each other, no matter how strong their relationship, neither of them can carry or take away the pain and confusion that the other partner feels inside. We must take responsibility for our feelings and deal with them ourselves.

There are many ways to develop a sense of self-respect and dignity. These are the “tools” we use every day to become strong. Just like we do in gym Every day, we need to work on our emotionality in order to develop the strength to fight fear and indecisiveness. There is one exercise that is used to gain confidence in yourself and your partner. When you find yourself in difficult situations and are indecisive, take a step back, take a deep breath, and consciously focus on the positive and truthful things that you have with your partner. Below is a way to look at things from a different perspective.

Release from guilt

1. Who or what do you blame for the difficulties you are facing? What are you blaming yourself for? Make a list.

2. Now notice how accusations act as a canvas, a veil that prevents you from seeing full picture everything that happens.

3. Stop blaming everyone. Look at the top of your list, and completely dismiss any blame on a particular person or unimportant circumstance.

4. Breathe deeply, as you always do. Wish this person something good. Look at the situation the way you look at a thunderstorm. Let the storm pass and create a clear and welcoming environment in which to actually talk.

Distrust of people is a natural psychological phenomenon for any person. Most often caused by betrayal loved one, or the experience of other people, which was observed, and gave rise to one’s own distrust of people.

This topic would be irrelevant if paranoid mistrust were not so inflated. Chronic mistrust often leads to a mild degree of social phobia, and then to more serious consequences.

People tend to lie, and it is difficult to imagine a person who has never lied in his life. We lie, deceive, deceive, flatter: this is our nature. Lies can be found at every step, but only a severe shock can cause distrust of people in general. Can't be trusted specific people or groups of people, but when you stop trusting all people, you realize that the reason is in the past.

Why are people ready to betray at any suitable opportunity? It's all about awareness. No, not awareness of the situation a person may find himself in, but awareness of himself. I will give an example for complete understanding: if a person is not capable of deceiving and betraying, then he is completely conscious, but if not, then he is unconscious.

In this case, it can be assumed that, in essence, you are the only person who can be trusted. Trust completely. Only to yourself.

Reasons for distrust of people

Now let's move on to the details of the reasons for pathological distrust of people. Of course, these are events of the past, shocks, betrayal, but what next? This happened, and you have already continued to live, what then does not allow us to trust? Fear. Internal state our consciousness, awareness of danger, instinct of self-preservation, call it whatever you want, but fear will remain fear.

What are we afraid of? The answer to this question is very simple. We are afraid of being deceived again, afraid of losing something dear, something dear, afraid of losing part of ourselves, or completely.

And when we have found out the cause of our fear, namely fear, because mistrust comes from here, we can move on to the investigation.

You do not trust people, everyone and everyone, loved ones and acquaintances, friends and strangers, loved ones and relatives. Remember, what happened was supposed to happen, don’t be afraid of people, they will deceive, betray, but you will be ready for it. Be realistic, don't put on rose-colored glasses, but don't look at the world in gray color. Yes, the world is not ideal, and people even more so. But you, you are the world in which you live. Everyone creates for themselves the world.

I'm not saying you should start trusting people again, just be prepared, trust every person at different levels, do not expose your back. Walk level. And all will be well.

If you can't trust people yet, even to some extent, well, you're just not ready for it yet, but don't despair, everything will come in time.

In conclusion, I want to say that there are situations when we have to trust people, but before that, think carefully, calculate every scenario that may develop after this or that choice. And maybe someday you will be grateful to those people whom you decided to entrust yourself to.