Pathological stubbornness. How to get rid of it? How to communicate with a very stubborn person

Show stubbornness, stubbornly disagree with something. They persuade him, but he is stubborn.

Ozhegov's Explanatory Dictionary. S.I. Ozhegov, N.Yu. Shvedova. 1949-1992 .

See what “STIMBER” means in other dictionaries:

To be stubborn, to persist, to resist, to resist, to resist, to stand (insist) on one’s own, to firmly hold one’s own, to remain unconvinced, to be strong, to balk, to be bullish, to grimace, to be fussy, to be fidgety, to be capricious, to squabble... Synonym dictionary

BE OBSTINATE, stubborn, stubborn, imperfect. To stubbornly refuse to agree to something, to be stubborn. “Still stubborn, but there is hope.” Pushkin. “Glasha, don’t be stubborn,” Nikolai Ivanovich begged his wife.” Leukin. Dictionary… … Ushakov's Explanatory Dictionary

be stubborn- to be stubborn, to resist, to resist, to break. 1219 Page 1220 Page 1221 Page 1222 Page 1223… New explanatory dictionary of synonyms of the Russian language

Nesov. nepereh. To stubbornly refuse to agree to something, to be obstinate, to be stubborn. Ephraim's explanatory dictionary. T. F. Efremova. 2000... Modern Dictionary Russian language Efremova

Be stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, stubborn,... ... Forms of words

be stubborn- to resist, to hesitate, to hesitate... Russian spelling dictionary

be stubborn- (II), stubborn, hesitant, hesitant... orthographic dictionary Russian language

I pray, I pray; nsv. Be stubborn, be stubborn. U. answer the question. Long time before sitting down at the table. U. in front of the teacher. / About the animal. The dog was stubborn and did not want to go into the water... encyclopedic Dictionary

be stubborn- stubborn... Dictionary-thesaurus of synonyms of Russian speech

be stubborn- I pray, I pray; nsv. a) Be stubborn, be stubborn. Be stubborn to answer the question. Be stubborn for a long time before sitting down at the table. Be stubborn in front of the teacher. b) ext. About the animal. The dog was stubborn and did not want to go into the water... Dictionary of many expressions

Books

• , Shcherbinina Yulia Vladimirovna. Many books on psychology and pedagogy have been written about disobedience. And what? Children still continue to harass their parents, irritate their teachers, and bully their peers. Let's try...
• A guide to taming little pests. Aggression. Stubbornness. Mischief, Yu.V. Shcherbinina. Many books on psychology and pedagogy have been written about disobedience. And what? Children still continue to harass their parents, irritate their teachers, and bully their peers. Let's try...

Stubbornness is the highest manifestation of the Ego, expressed in the desire to insist on one’s own, often contrary to common sense or necessity.

In late autumn, two mushroom pickers met. “You're lucky this year,” said one. “I see that you have become rich: you have completed your house, your farm, and married off your daughter.” But I’m unlucky: no matter how much I went into the forest, I came back with an empty basket. “Yes, the mushrooms didn’t grow this year,” answered another. - And I went out into the forest and looked: there were no visible berries. I swapped the basket for buckets and became a berry grower. - How could you! - the first one was indignant. - After all, we are not some kind of berry pickers, but hereditary mushroom pickers! - So what? - the second one was surprised. - Next year there will be a good harvest of nuts. Come on, let's go get some nuts together! But the stubborn mushroom picker was already leaving, nervously waving his empty basket.

The ego of a person, strongly attached to his ideas, his way of thinking, to psychological attitudes, stereotypes, prejudices, beliefs and superstitions, makes a person stubborn. Intractability, intransigence and inability to reach not only agreement, but also compromise - distinctive features stubbornness. When they talk about someone in the context of not being able to negotiate, not shaking hands, it means that we are faced with stupid stubbornness. Actively rejecting the demands of others on him, stubbornness is usually motivated by self-affirmation. According to G. Hegel, “If the will clings only to trifles, only to something meaningless, then it turns into stubbornness. This latter has only the form of character, but not its content. In stubbornness - this parody of character - a person’s individuality becomes repulsive, stubbornness prevents his communication with others.”

The truth of these statements is confirmed by children's stubbornness. His main motives in prosperous families serve the need for self-affirmation, and in the rest - a protest against the annoying guardianship and rudeness of parents is added to self-affirmation. Sometimes stubbornness becomes a consequence of permissiveness, when parents indulge their offspring in everything. Beginning to understand yourself as an individual, little man goes against adults in order to achieve recognition of his independence and the right to his own, albeit stupid, in the opinion of adults, point of view. He marks the border of himself, asserts his sovereignty: “You think so, but I think the opposite,” so I ask you to take my opinion into account. If his stubbornness is redirected in another direction - the ability to resist failures, overcome difficulties in achieving a goal, we will get a completely different quality - perseverance.

In contrast to perseverance, which acts expediently and consistently to achieve a goal, easily changing tactics depending on circumstances, stubbornness is intractable and unyielding, it will “pull its horn,” but stand its ground. For the excited Ego, it doesn’t matter what is behind this “own”: an obvious delusion, a stereotype of thinking, a whim, a random word or just stupidity. Stubbornness will fanatically justify any choice, even an absurd one. A stubborn person firmly believes in the unshakable correctness of his choice and is unable to admit mistakes. Where there is a goal that is not antagonistic to the goals of all other people, there is persistence; where there is no goal, there is stubbornness.

There is no persistence in stubbornness. Persistence manifests itself as a determined and firm intention to achieve a goal. This intention is constantly, step by step, steadily implemented in practice in concrete actions. A person, not paying attention to all sorts of obstacles, continues to follow his path to the goal. But the global difference between stubbornness and persistence lies in the presence and absence of fear. Persistence is devoid of fear, it persists out of love for the goal. Stubbornness proves itself right by being afraid of something. For example, sudden changes or what other people will think of him, that they will accuse him of weakness, ignorance or stupidity. Stubbornness lacks perseverance and conviction. C. Helvetius wrote: Stubbornness differs from perseverance. A stubborn person stubbornly defends a lie, but a persistent person defends the truth.” Confidence reveals sincerity, and stubbornness reveals malicious egoism. In other words, when you hear “warm words” addressed to vicious stubbornness, be wary, there is a substitution and confusion of concepts. Instead of stubbornness, they “match” you with some worthy personality trait - perseverance, perseverance, perseverance or conviction. It’s not for nothing that people say: “Stubborn as a bull,” “The stubborn one is ruled by a club, but the hunchback is the grave.”

Take, for example, Emperor Nicholas II. If one word characterizes the reign of this weak-willed, vindictive monarch, then it is stubbornness. Beginning with the coronation on the Khodynka field, during which 1,389 people died and up to four thousand were wounded, the stubborn tsar always inappropriately forced people to carry out his stupid will. He refused the coronation in St. Petersburg only out of stubbornness, due to his dislike of Peter the Great. A stubborn man at the head of a huge empire is a real tragedy for the people. On February 8, 1904, Japanese troops and ships unexpectedly attacked the Russian squadron stationed in the Port Arthur roadstead and destroyed it. Russian troops were also defeated on land. Pal Port Arthur. The stubborn emperor sent the Baltic squadron to Port Arthur to certain death, the campaign of which lasted a long 7.5 months. In the battle of Tsushima on May 15 (28), 1905, the Russian fleet was defeated and destroyed.

The emperor's stubbornness became a reason for discontent not only among the people, but also among his inner circle. On the most crucial days for Russia, he thought about himself, his family, refused to receive ministers and did not want to listen to anyone. He surrendered Russia as a squadron. He was warned thousands of times about the danger, but when the revolution was already raging in the capital, he, having received a telegram from the Chairman of the State Duma, was very annoyed: “Again this fat man Rodzianko has written to me all sorts of nonsense, to which I will not even answer him.”

Fearing that he is wrong, stubbornness rushes passionately into the heat of an argument or openly engages in criticism of others. “Stubbornness and excessive ardor in an argument are the surest sign of stupidity,” wrote M. Montaigne. In a dispute, stubbornness is not looking for an opportunity to find the truth, but to prove its worth. When stubborn people argue, their Egos compete, no one listens to each other, so there is no point in arguing. Dispute is the Ego’s desire to object and prove something. The ego of a stubborn person, being at its apogee, perceives everything around him critically; it is quite clear that the desire to explain and prove something to him will be empty attempts. It’s Monkey’s job to explain something to a person who doesn’t want to listen or accept incoming information. Words don't reach his mind. The ego, with the help of the mind, filters everything that the stubborn person hears, and leaves only what he is pleased to hear. The mind is subordinate to both the mind and the Ego, but when the latter is inflated, the mind is forced to convey to the mind only what the Ego wants. Therefore, stubbornness can be considered as dementia. “Stubbornness is the product of feeblemindedness, ignorance and arrogance,” wrote F. La Rochefoucauld. It is “born of the limitations of our mind: we are reluctant to believe what goes beyond our horizons.” To understand another person's point of view, you need to listen humbly. It is clear that humility and stubbornness are completely incompatible, like water and fire.

If a person has little knowledge, there is no problem. If there is a desire, knowledge can be obtained. But when he doesn’t know and doesn’t want to know, that’s donkey stubbornness. It is impossible to resist this. At the same time, the situation is aggravated, because in the face of stubbornness, high self-esteem, distrust of other people, exorbitant desires, reluctance to admit one’s mistakes, the inability to change tactics of behavior, the lack of desire to look for more acceptable ways to realize one’s desires, and indifference to others are clearly manifested.

Stubbornness, because it is aimless, is the enemy of change. Everything new and emerging causes resistance on his part, that is, it puts a spoke in life’s wheels. The main position of stubbornness: “Everything should be my way.” You won't force me. You can't do anything against my will." Stubbornness sees change as a threat, despite its obvious benefits for it.

Stubbornness consoles itself with the thought of its authority, perseverance and power in the eyes of others. In his constant refusal of demands outside world, an unshakable position and the ability to stop forward movement, stubbornness sees its strength and secretly rejoices in it. Refusal is stubbornness's false ticket to self-assertion. In fact, stubbornness has the same relation to strength as an impotent person has to do with sexual love. Stubbornness imposes its point of view only because it is its point of view; it resists the oncoming movement only to assert its importance.

Stubbornness, like a blockage on a mountain road, having proven that it cannot be avoided, loses the favor of those around it. They pass him by, like a leper, not wanting to deal with thoughtlessness, impenetrability and stupidity. Who would want to have a relationship with a person who can let you down at any moment, becoming an insurmountable obstacle for other people due to his stubbornness? As a result, stubbornness celebrates its imaginary success in all alone. People say: “A stubborn sheep is the wolf’s gain,” that is, a sheep that recoils is doomed to a stupid death.

The antidote to stubbornness is flexibility, the ability to say “yes,” openness, the ability to actively listen to other people, acceptance of authority, positive attitude to change, admitting your own mistakes.

Petr Kovalev 2013

In order to achieve your goals, you need to be confident in yourself and your abilities, be purposeful; but don’t confuse determination with stubbornness. Without such character qualities, it is difficult to achieve the desired success. All efforts and efforts will be in vain if you give up after any failure. Therefore, confidence and assertiveness are necessary to achieve and improve results. But the main thing here is to have a sense of proportion and common sense. After all, excessive confidence can cause harm, because... can develop into excessive narcissism.

Stubbornness - difficult character

When communicating and collaborating with people, it is important to be able to find compromises. And the presence and manifestation of stubbornness in character becomes the cause of conflicts. Generally, stubborn people have a difficult character. They do not want to meet halfway, but confidently stand their ground, not wanting to listen to another point of view. This is followed by whims and stubbornness. Such adults do not endear you, but rather repel them. This can greatly harm and ruin the reputation of a serious person. Then a logical question arises: “How to deal with stubbornness”?

Stubbornness - psychology

To resolve any problem, you need to find out its cause. Basically, “eternally stubborn” people are such because of their reluctance to agree with opinions that differ from their own. The person doesn't notice different options solving the problem. He stops only at his personal point of view and does not see other possible ones. Consequently, the most common reasons for tyranny and stubbornness:

• excessive self-confidence. When one's own “I” exceeds anything else.
• completely opposite to the previous reason - the desire to assert oneself. Insecure people want to do this at the expense of others. Some people succeed. For example, when one person remains stubborn for a long time, the people around him agree with him. And the stubborn person achieves his goal, receiving a feeling of significance and a sense of victory.
• "ordinary stupidity." Sometimes, people who have limited information, have a narrow outlook and narrow-mindedness are not able to hear others and notice the majority of options. They are content with their opinion and confidently defend it.
• need for attention. It often happens not in childhood. This behavior can be seen in work collective when a silent employee begins to sharply dictate his rules.

There is a list of exercises on how to get rid of stubbornness:

How to overcome and defeat stubbornness?

If your interlocutor shows persistence and stubbornness, then:

1. Keep calm! It is very important.
2. Think, maybe you are arguing about the same thing?
3. Do not reciprocate the aggressor. Don't follow the lead of a stubborn person.
4. Let him know that you hear his opinion. Ask him to notice yours. Perhaps an objective assessment will make him look at the situation from a different perspective.

Sometimes you understand: you should agree, retreat. But the demon of stubbornness sitting inside does not allow this! How to deal with it?

As a rule, stubbornness “turns on” as resistance to change, big or small, important or not so important. Stubbornness can be expressed in a persistent reluctance to meet your interlocutor halfway, in a completely illogical insistence on one’s position, in an act “against everyone”, even all this primarily harms yourself.

For example, your mother-in-law, with the best intentions, bought you some pretty pink curtains for your kitchen. You would have bought one yourself, but the fact that “she allowed herself to control my kitchen” leads you to. And you tell your mother-in-law that you don’t like these curtains at all, and that you will never hang them in your house.
Or another example: your boss suggests you switch to new system reporting, but you use the old one until the last moment or declare that these innovations only harm the business.

Where does our stubbornness come from?

Some experts argue that such unmotivated stubbornness is special kind A. It, like many of our shortcomings, comes from childhood. Psychologists are inclined to believe that such stubbornness may arise for such reasons.

• Due to the fact that the parents did not give the child freedom of choice. When a person grows up, she needs to be given a certain degree of freedom, because without this she will be completely unadapted to life. adult life. As a result of infringement of freedom, a child may develop either immaturity or stubbornness. The risk of such a reaction occurring is especially high in the age periods of 3 and 5 years, as well as in adolescence.

• Due to the fact that in childhood the child experienced strong changes for which he was not prepared in advance. For example, when it was registered in kindergarten or when the family moved to a new place of residence without warning the child about it in advance. Involuntarily, the baby begins to resist such changes (not always pleasant for him), and the habit of resisting others is developed.

• Due to the fact that the child’s opinion was never taken into account in the family, even in matters that directly affected him.

Why is stubbornness dangerous?

Stubbornness is a kind of rebellion against everyone. A stubborn person is the complete opposite of a conformist, and with a minus sign: he does not accept any authorities, does not take into account the opinions of others and does everything the opposite, based not on objective reasons, but on an irrational feeling that forces him to be “against everyone.” Agree: it’s not very comfortable to communicate with this type!

However, in addition to making others uncomfortable, a stubborn person also harms himself. Due to the fact that he rarely uses logic, he has no developed critical thinking, which means he uses emotions and feelings more often, even in matters where they are clearly unnecessary. This predominance of right-hemisphere thinking makes it an object of suggestion: it is very easy for a stubborn person to manipulate , although he himself doesn’t think so!

A stubborn person finds it difficult to establish relationships, both personal and business. Sometimes his persistence is perceived as eccentricity, but most often - as stupidity. The persistent desire to be free from other people’s opinions turns against him: along with freedom (a rather dubious quality, frankly speaking), he receives... loneliness .

How to stop being stubborn?

Learn to respect others. Yes, you are a smart, mature and accomplished person, but you are not the only one! There are also quite pleasant and reasonable individuals around you. Show a little interest in those around you: their lives, their interests, their stories of overcoming. Surely many of them will arouse your sympathy, and it is always easier to agree with a nice person than with an unpleasant one.

Learn to agree. First, say the word “yes” as a joke, and in response, not trivial proposals: go for coffee, watch a movie, try on a dress. You may find that agreeing with people is just as enjoyable as arguing with them!

Work with your body.As a rule, they “settle” in our body in the form of muscle clamps. Pay special attention to constant muscle pain: perhaps this is where your stubbornness “lives”? Practice healing massage, dancing, swimming.

Use logic. As soon as you feel like arguing with someone, ask yourself: “What exactly am I trying to achieve?” Answer: “Convince everyone that I’m right” is not accepted! What exactly do you want: to get things done, to solve your problem, to buy something? Does your position help you achieve your goal or hinder you?

Jose Stevens puts stubbornness in a separate category and calls it the most influential dragon. It can be present both as an independent form of human behavior and as a reinforcing element for the manifestation of other dragons: arrogance, self-abasement, impatience, martyrdom, self-destruction, greed. Definitions from various dictionaries only confirm this:

“Stubbornness is a behavioral feature; in stable forms, it is a character trait; acts as a defect in the volitional sphere of the individual, expressed in the desire to certainly act in one’s own way, contrary to reasonable arguments, requests, advice or instructions of other people […]. In this case, behavior moves from the objective plane to the interpersonal one and receives support from the motives of self-affirmation. Can be caused by feelings of resentment, malice, anger, revenge. It is observed primarily in people who are too emotional or rigid, as well as when important needs are frustrated.”

Positive and negative stubbornness

Stubbornness is very deceptive. On the one hand, a person can be eaten by the dragon of stubbornness and push him to commit self-destructive acts, but on the other hand, the people around him see the desire to achieve their goal and admire it.

Because of this dissonance in the perception of the definition of stubbornness, a person can be greatly mistaken and believe that he has strong character. While the dragon of stubbornness will strengthen its position, which can lead to irreparable consequences. If stubbornness becomes a permanent character trait, it becomes increasingly difficult for its owner to realize bad influence on living conditions and relationships with other people. For example, writer Ambrose Bierce gives this example: “Decision: persistence in achieving a goal that you approve of. Stubbornness: persistence in achieving a goal that you do not approve of."

The main problem with separating positive and negative persistence is that goal-oriented person, trying to achieve his goals, is ready to cooperate and compromise, listens to the opinions of others, constantly highlighting for himself what he can use, and is also able to realistically assess in which cases he needs to be persistent and when it is better to give in to circumstances. A stubborn person argues with everyone on any occasion, he does not have a specific goal, he likes the very process of showing stubbornness. He does not think about what result his intractability will lead to.

K. D. Ushinsky believed that stubbornness and perseverance are absolutely different concepts. To overcome difficulties, a person needs to have determination and perseverance, but these personality traits have nothing to do with stubbornness. For example, he wrote that “the soul’s desire for independent activity under the influence of external circumstances it can turn into stubbornness.” It is very easy to cross this fine line when a person begins to lose interest in his goal, getting used to being persistent because he no longer wants to. Thus, persistence can develop into stubbornness.

At the same time, K. D. Ushinsky calls perseverance “a force that can equally do both good and bad, but without which a person is a toy of other people and random influences, a helpless and impersonal creature, unable to declare his existence in the world by any independent means.” business." Stubbornness in this case can be called negative quality character, formed under the influence of unfavorable factors of upbringing.

The emergence of stubbornness in children

Most of the child's character traits are formed under the influence of parents. A certain category of parents do not think about what consequences their actions towards the child will have. These could be parents who themselves suffer from the influence of the dragon of stubbornness, or who are selfish and do not pay any attention to the feelings of their children.

The main reasons for stubbornness:

1. Lack of favorable living conditions: rough treatment with children, ignoring their needs.
2. Fulfilling any demands or whims of the child indiscriminately. In the future, he will begin to show stubbornness in satisfying his desires, even if he does not need it, but those around him must fulfill his demand because he said so.
3. Excessive parental custody of a child for any reason. Parents refuse to recognize the child's independence. As a result, hyperbolic pride is formed, which subsequently prevents a person from admitting his mistakes and conceding in anything.
4. Parents instill in their children a fear of sudden changes. For small child It is very important to feel protected and safe. If parents, without warning, simply not considering it necessary to inform the child, take him to visit, take him to the doctor or change kindergarten, then such children become inflexible in adulthood, unable to agree to even the slightest changes.
5. Authoritarian style education. Parents completely deprive the child of the right to choose, as a result he develops silent stubbornness. Later, as an adult, he perceives any advice from the outside as an encroachment on freedom and independence. Stubbornness shows up in everyone life situations and interferes with the creation good relations with loved ones and colleagues.
6. Parents make important decisions concerning the whole family without the participation of the child, forgetting that he has his own feelings, thoughts and desires. In this case, the child constantly feels that he is being neglected and his initiative is being suppressed. This leads to open disobedience and confrontation with others.

Thus, negative behavior patterns are formed in various situations. For example, resistance to any control, insistence on one’s own at all costs. When stubbornness develops into a permanent quality of character, a person’s boundaries of perception between coercion and a simple sentence from other people. He begins to resist even himself, continues to act in accordance with by decision to your own detriment and contrary to common sense. As a result, stubbornness can lead a person to complete loneliness.

Manifestations of stubbornness in adults

The form in which stubbornness will manifest itself in a person in adulthood depends on his development. At the most low levels Developmental stubbornness leads to constant violation of generally accepted rules, laws, and the commission of petty crimes. This behavior is self-destructive.

Stubborn people with more high level maturity can achieve wealth and power, but again - bypassing the law. These include police officers and politicians who commit corrupt acts.

The dragon of stubbornness can force a person to become a desperate oppositionist to the existing government. But the paradox is that even after the change of government, he will not be happy and will continue to protest.

The greatest harm is caused to themselves by people whose stubbornness ceases to be directed at others and turns to an internal struggle with themselves. In this case, a person commits actions that are contrary to common sense: he does not wear warm clothes in cold weather, he does not go to the doctor, even if he is very ill, he does not comply with the work dress code.

The difficulty in getting rid of stubbornness is that it is easy to accept and as positive quality personality, and confused with self-destruction. But nevertheless, it will have a detrimental effect on human health. Stubbornness leads to teeth grinding at night and spinal problems due to constant tension in the muscles of the upper body. It does not allow the body to relax, even if the situation encourages it.

Stubborn people fail to build harmonious relationships with colleagues or loved ones. Both business, personal, and friendly relationships involve compromise when making decisions, which a stubborn person is not at all ready for. As a result, frequent job changes, lack of personal life, loss of friends.

Ways to overcome the dragon of stubbornness

The main work to get rid of stubbornness should be aimed at learning to relax. Constant tension in the body leads to deterioration of health, inflexible behavior and thinking force one to make decisions that adversely affect the quality of life and relationships with people.

How to overcome stubbornness?

1. If a stubborn person learns to relax his muscles and develop body flexibility, then his thinking will change, and the adequacy of his perception of life changes will increase.
2. Resistance to stubbornness is impossible without the ability to agree to changes and suggestions from other people. An excellent example of this method of struggle was illustrated by Jim Carrey in the film “Always Say Yes.” In it you can see how main character unhappy while he resists any change, and how happy he becomes when he learns to be open to everything new.
3. The main obstacle to building relationships with others is stubborn silence. Therefore, it is necessary to practice active listening interlocutor and open expression of one’s thoughts and feelings.
4. It is necessary to accept the existence of situations in which you will have to obey certain rules that other people set. For example, put on business clothes to work, follow traffic rules, etc. You should start by listening to your inner voice who is always ready to tell you how to do the right thing.
5. Admitting your mistakes is the main weapon in the fight against stubbornness. It is important to understand that stubbornly proving one’s rightness is a manifestation of internal fear, and admitting one’s mistake and being willing to correct it is a manifestation of courage and inner strength spirit.

To defeat the dragon of stubbornness, you need to get rid of the fear of change and submission to situations or another person. Having gotten rid of this monster, you will become free, begin to respond adequately to criticism, stop being lonely and will be able to improve the quality of your life, see the line between the desire of others to harm you or help you.