An infantile person is a person who does not want to grow up. Infantility infantile

Infancy- this is a characteristic of a personality that expresses its immaturity psychological development, preservation of features inherent in earlier age stages. A person’s infantilism in everyday understanding is called childishness, which is manifested in immaturity of behavior, inability to make informed decisions, and unwillingness to accept responsibility.

Infantility in psychology is understood as the immaturity of an individual, which is expressed in a delay in the formation of personality when its actions do not meet age requirements. Some people take infantilism of behavior for granted. Life modern man is quite rapid, it is precisely this way of life that pushes a person to such behavior, stopping the growth and development of personality, while maintaining a small and unintelligent child inside the adult. Cult eternal youth and youth, the availability of a wide variety of entertainment modern culture, this is what provokes the development of infantility in a person, relegating the development of an adult personality to the background and allowing him to remain eternal child.

A woman with an infantile character is able to feign resentment when she is actually worried. Among other techniques such women have in their “arms” are sadness, tears, feelings of guilt and fear. Such a woman is capable of pretending to be confused when she doesn’t know what she wants. Best of all, she manages to make a man believe that without him she is nothing and that she will be lost without his support. She will never say what she doesn’t like, she will sulk or cry and be capricious, but serious conversation It's very difficult to get it out.

The true infantilism of a woman leads her life into utter chaos. She always finds herself in some kind of story, extreme situation, from where she needs to be rescued. She has many friends, her appearance far from the image of a lady, she is attracted to jeans, sneakers, and various T-shirts with children's or cartoon prints. She is cheerful, energetic and fickle, her social circle mainly consists of people much younger than her age.

Men love adventure because it gives them an adrenaline rush, so they find an infantile woman with whom they are never bored.

According to the results of one study, it was found that 34% of women behave childishly when they are next to their man, 66% say that these women live in the image of a frivolous girl all the time.

The reasons for a woman's immaturity are that she acts this way because it is easier for her to achieve something from a man, she does not want to be responsible for her personal life, or she dreams of someone taking custody of her, this someone, of course, an adult and wealthy man.

How to get rid of immaturity

Infantility is a persistent personality characteristic in psychology, so it is impossible to get rid of it quickly. To begin to solve the question: how to fight infantilism, you need to understand what is required for this big job. In the fight against infantilism, you need to be very patient, because you will have to go through tears, resentment and anger.

So, how to get rid of immaturity. Most in an effective way occurrence is considered big changes in life, during which a person must find himself in situations and conditions where he will find himself without support and he alone will have to quickly solve problems, and then bear responsibility for the decisions made.

Thus, many people get rid of infantilism. For men, such conditions could be the army, special forces, prison. Women are more suited to moving to a foreign country, where there are absolutely no acquaintances, and they have to survive without relatives and make new friends.

After experiencing severe stressful situations, a person loses his immaturity, for example, having lost material well-being, experiencing dismissal or death loved one, which served as support and support.

For women, the best way to fight infantilism is the birth of a child and the responsibility that comes with it.

Too radical methods are unlikely to suit every person, and the following can happen: due to sudden changes in life, a person may withdraw into himself or, having failed to cope with his responsibilities, begin to regress even more (regression is a protective mechanism of the psyche that returns a person to lower stage of development of his feelings and behavior).

It is better to use more accessible situations, for example, cook dinner yourself and then clean up, do unscheduled general cleaning, go shopping and buy only what you need, go and pay bills, move out from your parents or stop living at their expense. There are a lot of such situations in life, they sometimes seem insignificant, but anyone who knows what infantilism of character is understands how infantile individuals behave in such cases, how burdensome these situations are for them.

Today we will examine a completely controversial topic - infantilism. The term “infantility” comes from the word “infant”.

From Wikipedia:

Infant, female uniform infanta (Spanish infante, port. infant, from Latin infante - child) - the title of all princes and princesses of the royal house in Spain and Portugal (before the liquidation of the Portuguese monarchy in 1910).

Infantilism (from Latin infantilis - childish) - immaturity in development, preservation in physical appearance or behavior of traits inherent in previous age stages.

In a figurative sense, infantilism (as childishness) is a manifestation of a naive approach in everyday life, in politics, in relationships, etc.

For more full picture It should be noted that infantilism can be mental and psychological. And their main difference is not the external manifestation, but the reasons for their occurrence.

The external manifestations of mental and psychological infantilism are similar and are expressed in the manifestation of childish traits in behavior, thinking, and emotional reactions.

To understand the difference between mental and psychological infantilism, it is necessary to understand the causes of its occurrence.

Mental infantilism

It arises due to lag and delay in the child’s psyche. In other words, there is a delay in the formation of personality, caused by a delay in development in the emotional and volitional spheres. The emotional-volitional sphere is the basis on which personality is built. Without such a base, a person, in principle, cannot grow up and at any age remains an “eternal” child.

It should also be noted here that infantile children differ from mentally retarded or autistic children. Their mental sphere may be developed, they may have high level abstract- logical thinking, are able to apply the acquired knowledge, be intellectually developed and independent.

Mental infantilism cannot be identified in early childhood, it can only be noticed when a school-age or teenage child’s play interests begin to prevail over academic ones.

In other words, the child’s interest is limited only to games and fantasies; everything that goes beyond the boundaries of this world is not accepted, not explored and is perceived as something unpleasant, complex, alien imposed from the outside.

Behavior becomes primitive and predictable; from any disciplinary requirements, the child retreats even further into the world of play and fantasy. Over time, this leads to problems of social adaptation.

As an example, a child can play on the computer for hours, sincerely not understanding why he needs to brush his teeth, make his bed, or go to school. Everything outside the game is alien, unnecessary, incomprehensible.

It should be noted that parents may be to blame for the infantilism of a person born normal. A frivolous attitude towards a child in childhood, a ban on a teenager making independent decisions, and a constant restriction of his freedom precisely lead to underdevelopment of the emotional-volitional sphere.

Psychological infantilism

With psychological infantilism, the child has a healthy psyche, without delays. He may well correspond to his developmental age, but in practice this does not happen, because for a number of reasons he chooses the role of a child in his behavior.

In general, the main difference between mental infantilism and psychological infantilism can be expressed as follows:

Mental infantilism: I can’t, even if I want to.

Psychological infantilism: I don’t want to, even if I can.

WITH general theory It's clear. Now more specifically.

How does infantilism appear?

According to psychologists, infantilism is not an innate quality, but acquired through upbringing. So what do parents and educators do that makes a child grow up infantile?

Again, according to psychologists, infantilism develops in the period from 8 to 12 years. Let's not argue, but simply observe how this happens.

In the period from 8 to 12 years, a child can already take responsibility for his actions. But in order for a child to begin to take independent actions, he needs to be trusted. This is where the main “evil” lies, which leads to infantilism.

Here are some examples of education of infantilism:

• “Are you having trouble writing an essay? I’ll help, I used to write essays well,” says my mother.

• “I know better what’s right!”

• “You will listen to your mother, and everything will be fine.”

• “What opinion can you have!”

• “I said so it will be!”

• “Your hands are growing from the wrong place!”

• “Yes, everything is always like no other for you.”

• “Go away, I’ll do it myself.”

• “Well, of course, whatever he doesn’t take on, he’ll break everything!”

This is how parents gradually lay programs into their children. Some children, of course, will go against it and do it their own way, but they may receive such pressure that the desire to do anything will disappear altogether, and forever.

Over the years, a child may believe that his parents are right, that he is a failure, that he cannot do anything right, and that others can do it much better. And if feelings and emotions are still suppressed, the child will never get to know them and then his emotional sphere will not be developed.

• “You’ll still make me cry here!”

• “Why are you yelling? Hurt? You have to be patient."

• "Boys never cry!"

• “Why are you screaming like crazy.”

All this can be characterized by the following phrase: “Child, don’t interfere with our lives.” Unfortunately, this is the main requirement of parents for children to be quiet, obedient and not interfere. So why then be surprised that infantilism is widespread?

By and large, parents unconsciously suppress both the will and feelings in the child.

This is one of the options. But there are others. For example, when a mother raises her son (or daughter) alone. She begins to take care of the child more than he needs. She wants him to grow up to be very famous, to prove to the whole world what a talent he is, so that his mother can be good enough for him.

The key word is that the mother could be proud. IN in this case I don’t even think about a child, the main thing is to satisfy my ambitions. Such a mother will be happy to find for her child an activity that he will like, will put all his strength and money into it, and will take on all the difficulties that may arise during such a hobby.

So talented children grow up, but they are not adapted to anything. It’s good if later there is a woman who wants to serve this talent. And if not? And if it also turns out that there is essentially no talent. Can you guess what awaits such a child in life? And my mother will grieve: “Well, why am I like this! I did so much for him!” Yes, not for him, but FOR HIM, that’s why he is like this.

Another example when parents dote on their child. Since childhood, all he hears is how wonderful he is, how talented, how smart, and everything like that. The child’s self-esteem becomes so high that he is sure that he deserves more and simply will not put in any work to achieve this more.

His parents will do everything for him and will watch with admiration how he breaks toys (he is so inquisitive), how he hurts children in the yard (he is so strong), etc. And when faced with real difficulties in life, he will deflate like a bubble.

Another very shining example the emergence of infantilism, a stormy divorce of parents, when the child feels unwanted. Parents sort out the relationship between themselves, and the child becomes a hostage of this relationship.

All the strength and energy of the parents is directed towards “annoying” the other side. The child does not understand what is really happening and often begins to take responsibility for himself - dad left because of me, I was bad son(daughter).

This burden becomes exorbitant and suppression of the emotional sphere occurs when the child does not understand what is happening to him, and there is no adult nearby who would help him understand himself and what is happening. The child begins to “withdraw into himself,” become isolated and live in own world where he feels comfortable and good. Real world is presented as something frightening, evil and unacceptable.

I think that you yourself can give many such examples, and maybe you even recognize yourself or your parents in some ways. Any result of upbringing that leads to suppression of the emotional-volitional sphere leads to infantilism.

Just don’t rush to blame your parents for everything. This is very convenient and this is also one of the forms of manifestation of immaturity. Better look at what you are doing with your children now.

You see, in order to develop a personality, you yourself need to be a personality. And in order for a conscious child to grow up nearby, the parents must also be conscious. But is this really so?

Do you take out irritation on your children for your unresolved problems (suppression of the emotional sphere)? Are you trying to impose your vision of life on your children (suppression of the volitional sphere)?

We unconsciously make the same mistakes that our parents made, and if we are not aware of them, then our children will make the same mistakes in raising their own children. Alas, this is true.

Once again for understanding:

Mental infantilism is an undeveloped emotional-volitional sphere;

Psychological infantilism is a suppressed emotional-volitional sphere.

How does infantilism manifest?

Manifestations of mental and psychological infantilism are almost the same. The difference between them is that with mental infantilism a person cannot consciously and independently change his behavior, even if he has a motive.

And with psychological infantilism, a person can change his behavior when a motive appears, but most often he does not change out of a desire to leave everything as it is.

let's consider specific examples manifestations of infantilism.

A person has achieved success in science or art, but in everyday life turns out to be completely unsuitable. In his activities, he feels like an adult and competent, but an absolute child in everyday life and in relationships. And he tries to find someone who will take over that area of ​​life in which he can remain a child.

Adult sons and daughters continue to live with their parents and do not start families of their own. With parents everything is familiar and familiar, you can remain an eternal child for whom everything will be decided everyday problems.

Starting your own family means taking responsibility for your life and facing certain difficulties.

Suppose that it becomes unbearable to live with your parents, they also begin to demand something. If someone else appears in a person’s life to whom responsibility can be shifted, then he will leave his parents’ home and will continue to lead the same lifestyle as with his parents - not taking on anything and not being responsible for anything.

Only infantilism can push a man or woman to leave their family, to neglect their obligations in order to try to regain their lost youth.

Constantly changing jobs due to unwillingness to make efforts or acquiring mythical experience.

The search for a “savior” or a “magic pill” are also signs of infantilism.

The main criterion can be called the inability and unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s life, not to mention the lives of loved ones. And as they wrote in the comments: “the worst thing is to be with a person and know that you cannot rely on him at a critical moment! Such people create families, give birth to children and shift responsibility onto other shoulders!”

What does infantilism look like?

It is not always possible to determine at first glance whether the person in front of you is childish or not. Infantility will begin to manifest itself in interaction, and especially at critical moments in life, when a person seems to slow down, does not make any decisions and expects someone to take responsibility for him.

Infantile people can be compared to eternal children who don’t really care about anything. Moreover, not only are they not interested in other people, but they also don’t want to take care of themselves (psychological infantilism) or cannot (mental) take care of themselves.

If we talk about male infantilism, then this is definitely the behavior of a child who needs not a woman, but a mother who takes care of him. Many women fall for this bait, and then begin to be indignant: “Why should I do it all the time? And earn money, and maintain a house, and take care of children, and build relationships. Is there even a man nearby?

The question immediately arises: “A man? Who did you marry? Who initiated the acquaintance and meetings? Who made the decisions on how and where to spend the evening together? Who was always figuring out where to go and what to do?” These questions are endless.

If from the very beginning you took everything upon yourself, invented and did everything yourself, and the man simply obediently did it, then did you really marry an ADULT MAN? It seems to me that you were marrying a CHILD. Only you were so in love that you didn’t notice it right away.

What to do

This is the most main question which arises. Let's first look at it in relation to the child, if you are parents. Then in relation to an adult who continues to remain a child throughout life. And lastly, if you saw traits of infantilism in yourself and decided to change something in yourself, but don’t know how.

1. What to do if you have an infantile child growing up.

Let's think together - what do you want to get as a result of raising a child, what are you doing and what needs to be done to get the desired result?

The task of every parent is to adapt the child as much as possible to independent life without parents and teach him to live in interaction with other people so that he can create his own happy family.

There are several mistakes that result in the development of infantilism. Here are some of them.

Mistake 1. Sacrifice

This mistake manifests itself when parents begin to live for their children, trying to give the child the best, so that he has everything, so that he is dressed no worse than others, so that he studies at the institute, while denying himself everything.

One’s own life seems to become unimportant compared to the child’s life. Parents can work several jobs, be malnourished, lack sleep, not take care of themselves and their health, as long as the child is doing well, as long as he learns and grows up as a human being. Most often, single parents do this.

At first glance, it seems that the parents put their whole soul into the child, but the result is disastrous, the child grows up unable to appreciate his parents and the care they gave.

What's really going on? From an early age, a child gets used to the fact that his parents live and work only for his well-being. He gets used to getting everything ready. The question arises: if a person is used to getting everything ready, will he then be able to do something for himself or will he wait for someone to do it for him?

And at the same time, not just wait, but demand with your behavior that you must, because there is no experience of doing something on your own, and it was the parents who did not give this experience, because everything was always for him and only for his sake. He seriously does not understand why it should be different and how this is even possible.

And the child does not understand why and for what he should be grateful to his parents, if this was how it should have been. Sacrificing yourself means ruining both your life and the life of a child.

What to do. You need to start with yourself, learn to value yourself and your life. If parents do not value their lives, the child will take this for granted and will also not value the lives of their parents, and, consequently, the lives of other people. For him, living for his sake will become the rule in relationships, he will use others and consider this absolutely normal behavior, because that’s how he was taught, he simply doesn’t know how to do it any other way.

Think about it: is your child interested in being with you if you have nothing to give other than taking care of him? If nothing happens in your life, what could attract a child to share your interests, to feel like a member of a community - a family?

And is it worth it then to be surprised if the child finds entertainment on the side such as drinking, drugs, mindless partying, etc., he is used to only receiving what is given to him. And how can he be proud of you and respect you if you are nothing of yourself, if all your interests are only around him?

Mistake 2. “I’ll clear the clouds with my hands” or I’ll solve all the problems for you

This mistake manifests itself in pity when parents decide that the child has enough problems for a lifetime, and at least let him remain a child with them. And in the end, an eternal child. Pity may be caused by mistrust that the child can take care of himself in some way. And mistrust again arises due to the fact that the child has not been taught to take care of himself.

What it looks like:

• “You’re tired, rest, I’ll finish it.”

• “You still have time to work hard! Let me do it for you."

• “You still have homework to do, okay, go, I’ll wash the dishes myself.”

• “We need to agree with Marivanna so that she tells who needs it so that you can go to study without any problems.”

And everything like that.

By and large, parents begin to feel sorry for their child, he is tired, he has huge pressure, he is small, does not know life. And the fact that parents themselves do not rest and their workload is no less, and not everyone themselves once knew, is somehow forgotten about.

All Homework, the arrangement in life falls on the shoulders of the parents. “This is my child, if I don’t take pity on him, don’t do something for him (read: for him), who else will take care of him? And after some time, when the child gets used to the fact that everything will be done for him, the parents wonder why the child is not adapted to anything and they have to do everything themselves. But for him this is already the norm of behavior.

What does this lead to? The child, if it is a boy, will look for the same wife, behind whose back he can settle down warmly and hide from life’s adversities. She will feed you, wash you and earn money; she is warm and reliable.

If the child is a girl, then she will look for a man who will play the role of dad, who will solve all her problems for her, support her and not burden her with anything.

What to do. First, pay attention to what your child is doing and what household chores he performs. If not any, then first of all it is necessary that the child also have his own responsibilities.

It is not so difficult to teach a child to take out the trash, wash the dishes, put away toys and things, and keep his room in order. But responsibilities must not just be assigned, but taught how and what needs to be done and explained why. Under no circumstances should a similar phrase be heard: “The main thing is to study well, this is your responsibility, and I will do everything around the house myself.”

He must be held accountable for his duties. Whether the child is tired or not, it doesn’t matter, in the end, he can rest and fulfill his duties, this is his responsibility. Isn't that what you do yourself? Is someone doing something for you? Your task is to learn not to feel sorry and not to do work for him if you want him not to grow up childish. It is pity and distrust that a child can do something well on his own that does not provide the opportunity to develop the volitional sphere.

Error 3. Excessive love, expressed in constant admiration, affection, elevation above others and permissiveness

What could this lead to? Moreover, he will never learn to love (and therefore give), including his parents. At first glance, it will seem that he knows how to love, but all his love, it is conditional and only in response, and with any remark, doubt about his “genius” or in the absence of admiration, it will “disappear.”

As a result of such upbringing, the child is confident that the whole world should admire and indulge him. And if this does not happen, then everyone around is bad, incapable of love. Although he is the one who is incapable of love, he was not taught this.

As a result, he will choose a defensive phrase: “I am who I am and accept me as I am, if I don’t like it, I won’t accept it.” He will take the love of others calmly, for granted, and, having no response within, will hurt those who love him, including his parents.

This is often perceived as a manifestation of selfishness, but the problem is much deeper; such a child has an underdeveloped emotional sphere. He simply has nothing to love. Being in the spotlight all the time, he did not learn to trust his feelings and the child did not develop a sincere interest in other people.

Another option is when parents “protect” their child who has hit the threshold in this way: “Oh, what a bad threshold, it offended our boy!” From childhood, a child is taught that everyone around him is to blame for his troubles.

What to do. Again, it is necessary to start with the parents, for whom it is also time to grow up and stop seeing their child as a toy, an object of adoration. A child is an independent, autonomous person who, in order to develop, needs to be in the real world, and not the world invented by his parents.

The child must see and experience the whole gamut of feelings and emotions without running away or suppressing them. And the task of parents is to learn to respond adequately to the manifestation of emotions, not to prohibit, not to calm unnecessarily, but to sort out all the situations that caused negative emotions.

It is not at all necessary that someone else is “bad” and that’s why your child is crying, look at the situation as a whole, what your child did wrong, teach him not to focus on himself, but to meet people halfway, showing sincere interest in them and find ways out of difficult situations, without blaming others and yourself. But for this, as I already wrote, parents themselves need to grow up.

Mistake 4. Clear guidelines and rules

Most parents find it very convenient when an obedient child grows up nearby, clearly following the instructions “do this”, “don’t do that”, “don’t be friends with this boy”, “in this case do this”, etc.

They believe that all education is about command and submission. But they don’t think at all that they are depriving the child of the ability to think independently and take responsibility for his actions.

As a result, they raise a soulless and thoughtless robot who needs clear instructions. And then they themselves suffer from the fact that if they didn’t say something, the child didn’t do it. Here, not only the volitional, but also the emotional sphere is suppressed, because the child does not need to notice the emotional states of both his own and other people, and it becomes the norm for him to act only according to instructions. The child lives in constant obsessiveness and complete emotional neglect.

What does this lead to? A person does not learn to think and becomes unable to think on his own, he constantly needs someone who will give him clear instructions on what, how and when to do, he will always have others to blame, those who did not “correct” his behavior, did not say what to do and how to proceed.

Such people will never show initiative and will always wait for clear and specific instructions. They will not be able to solve any complex problems.

What to do in such cases? Learn to trust your child, let him do something wrong, you will just sort out the situation later and find it together correct solution, together, not for him. Talk to your child more, ask him to express his opinion, don’t make fun of him if you don’t like his opinion.

And most importantly, do not criticize, but analyze the situation, what was done wrong and how it could have been done differently, constantly asking for the child’s opinion. In other words, the child must be taught to think and reflect.

Mistake 5. “I myself know what the child needs”

This error is a variation of the fourth error. And it lies in the fact that parents do not listen to the true desires of the child. The child’s wishes are perceived as momentary whims, but this is not quite the same thing.

Whims are fleeting desires, but true desires are what a child dreams of. The purpose of such parental behavior is for the child to realize what the parents themselves could not realize (as options - family traditions, fictional images of the unborn child). By and large, they make a “second self” out of the child.

Once upon a time, in childhood, such parents dreamed of becoming musicians, famous athletes, great mathematicians, and now they are trying to realize their childhood dreams through their child. As a result, the child cannot find for himself favorite hobby, and if it does, then the parents take it with hostility: “I know better what you need, so you will do what I tell you.”

What does this lead to? Moreover, the child will never have a goal at all, he will never learn to understand his desires, and will always be dependent on the desires of others and is unlikely to achieve any success in realizing the desires of his parents. He will always feel “out of place.”

What to do. Learn to listen to your child’s wishes, be interested in what he dreams of, what attracts him, teach him to express his desires out loud. Observe what attracts your child, what he enjoys doing. Never compare your child with others.

Remember, the desire for your child to become a musician, artist, famous athlete, mathematician - these are your desires, not the child's. Trying to instill your desires in a child, you will make him deeply unhappy or achieve the opposite result.

Mistake 6. “Boys don’t cry”

The inability of the parents themselves to express their emotions leads to the fact that the child’s emotions begin to be suppressed. There is a ban on strong experiences of positive and negative emotions corresponding to the real situation, since the parents themselves do not know how to react to them.

And if you don’t know something, then often the choice is made towards leaving or banning it. As a result, by forbidding the child to express his emotions, parents by and large forbid the child to feel, and ultimately, to live life to the fullest.

What does this lead to? Growing up, a child cannot understand himself, and he needs a “guide” who will explain to him what he feels. He will trust this person and completely depend on his opinion. This is where conflicts arise between a man’s mother and wife.

The mother will say one thing, and the wife another, and each will prove that exactly what she says is what the man feels. As a result, the man simply steps aside, giving the women the opportunity to “sort things out” among themselves.

What is really happening to him, he does not know and will follow the decision of the one who wins this war. As a result, he will always live someone else's life, but not his own, and when he does not get to know himself.

What to do. Allow your child to cry, laugh, express himself emotionally, do not rush to reassure him in this way: “Okay, okay, everything will work out,” “boys don’t cry,” etc. When a child is in pain, do not hide from his feelings, make it clear that you would also be in pain in a similar situation, and you understand him.

Show empathy, let the child get acquainted with the whole range of feelings without suppression. If he is happy about something, rejoice with him, if he is sad, listen to what worries him. Show interest in your child's inner life.

Mistake 7. Transferring your emotional state to the child

Often parents transfer their unsettledness and dissatisfaction with life onto the child. This is expressed in constant nagging, raising the voice, and sometimes simply lashing out at the child.

The child becomes hostage to the parent's dissatisfaction and is unable to resist him. This leads to the child “switching off”, suppressing his emotional sphere and choosing psychological protection from the parent “withdrawal”.

What does this lead to? Growing up, the child stops “hearing”, closes down, and often simply forgets what was said to him, perceiving any words addressed to him as an attack. He has to repeat the same thing ten times in order for him to hear or give some kind of feedback. feedback.

From the outside, this looks like indifference or disregard for the words of others. It is difficult to come to an understanding with such a person, because he never expresses his opinion, and more often than not this opinion simply does not exist.

What to do. Remember: it is not your child’s fault that your life is not going the way you want. The fact that you don't get what you want is your problem, not his fault. If you need to let off steam, find more environmentally friendly ways - polish the floors, rearrange the furniture, go to the pool, increase physical activity.

Uncleaned toys and unwashed dishes are not the reason for your breakdown, but only the reason, the reason is within you. In the end, teaching your child to tidy up toys and wash dishes is your responsibility.

I showed only the main errors, but there are many more.

The main condition for your child not to grow up infantile is to recognize him as an independent and free person, show your trust and sincere love (not to be confused with adoration), support, not violence.

Surely there is not a single person who has not heard the expression “infantile person” in his life. Unfortunately, for the most part, this expression has become nothing more than a term that, having passed through word of mouth, entered the everyday lexicon. About the real meaning this definition and how it manifests itself in representatives of different sexes, as well as whether there are ways to combat infantilism, we will talk in this article.

Definition of the term

Infancy is unique characteristic of the individual, which determines the latter’s psychological immaturity and inability on his part to make important decisions.

In psychology there is another, similar term - infantilism. This is already a pathology, which involves delays in the individual’s processes of personality formation and behavior that does not correspond to a specific age.

This is why it is important to know and distinguish between these two terms.

Infantility can occur in both women, men, and adolescents. This state in some sense can be considered defense mechanism body. After all, in fact, being an adult and responsible for your actions is quite difficult. And in some people a certain inhibition occurs, which leads to infantilism.

It's a disease?

A frequently asked question is whether others are interested in whether infantility is a disease.

In fact, an infantile person is a completely healthy individual who simply does not want to complicate himself, since he is comfortable when others do everything for him.

It is most difficult to diagnose infantilism in adolescents, since, in fact, all adolescents behave infantilely. However, diagnosis plays an important role: after all, in fact, such a condition and such a role begins to slowly suit the infantile person, and then it can be very difficult to fight infantilism.

How it all begins

Before you begin to deal with a particular disorder or disease, you must first find out the reasons for its occurrence. After all, until the cause is found out, it will be impossible to get results from treatment or exposure.

The most interesting thing is that psychologists are sure that infantilism in a person develops in childhood.

A study of the reasons that lead to infantilism has led psychologists to the conclusion that today they are as follows:

1. Overprotective parents: Many parents are so overprotective of their children that they simply do not have the opportunity to make decisions, make mistakes and learn the consequences of their mistakes or decisions. This leads to the fact that the child grows up knowing that the main decisions for him must be made either by his parents, or friends, or subsequently his wife/husband. It doesn’t matter who, the main thing is not himself. That is why the most prominent representatives of an infantile person are “mama’s boys”, whom their mother protects until old age.
2. Lack of love and attention in childhood. In cases where the child was deprived of care and attention, did not receive the necessary warmth and care from his parents, when he became an adult, he seeks all this in other ways. That is why, having matured, such people become children whom everyone around them should take care of, love and cherish.
3. Authoritarian parenting style. For example, if a teenager knew that there is control over all his actions and he must report to his parents for every step he takes, then as a rebellion, an expression of his dissatisfaction, he can use the qualities of infantility. In this case, the teenager’s behavior can be interpreted as follows: “Do you want to control everything? Do it, I won’t participate in anything else.” Unfortunately, not all parents realize that the infantile behavior of their offspring is much worse than another type of rebellion. Parents often perceive their child’s immaturity as obedience or correction. And only years later, when everything has gone too far, the parents realize that something irreparable has happened.
4. The reason for the manifestation of infantilism are also those cases when a child, for some reason, had to grow up early and take on the role of guardian of his parents or younger sisters/brothers. In this case, their soul accumulates resentment towards someone or everyone. And even if the parents give him love and care as much as possible, the child will still blame them all his life for what he lost and did not have a fun childhood. In this case, infantilism is in some way revenge; with this behavior he punishes his parents and others for his failed childhood.
5. In rare cases, infantilism can also occur in adulthood due to too much guardianship from a lover. If someone in a couple decides to protect the other from all troubles and adversities, then he may become immature. After all, over and over again the habit of not taking responsibility, not doing anything, and the like is strengthened.

As everyone can see, childhood is the most important period in the life of any person. And it is the duty of parents to protect their children from all possible deviations. AND The best way To do this, of course, is not to go too far and stick to the golden mean, both in the manifestation of care and guardianship, and in love and parenting style.

Manifestations of infantilism

Probably everyone has an acquaintance about whom you can easily say: “He is a child at heart.” This is precisely a manifestation of infantility. Below we will consider the main signs that are inherent in infantile individuals.

Most main feature infantile personalities is the inability and lack of desire to make serious decisions. If, due to work or in the family, such a person needs to quickly make some serious decision, he will shift this heavy burden to someone else. And if he fails to do this, then the infantile person will not do anything at all. He will think to himself: “Come what may.” Or he will make the first decision that comes to mind without thinking through all aspects of the problem.

The most important step in this problem is awareness of the problem itself. Often an infantile person does not understand and does not accept the fact that he has a problem. In his own eyes, such a person is normal, and until his consciousness changes, all attempts to solve the problem will be ineffective.

First of all, remember that if you discover a problem such as infantility, you need to consult a psychologist. After all, as mentioned above, often the roots of problems go far back to childhood, and in order to understand and take the right approach to solve them, you need a specialist.

Below we have collected working methods from specialists for you. What they offer may seem strange at first glance. But don’t forget that everything ingenious is simple. So, what can a professional offer:

• Dramatic changes. We need to make him think about the future and make plans. The ideal solution in this situation would be to change jobs and even change cities. If unsuccessful, you will need to move to another country altogether. How can this help? And here everything is simple: when an infantile person begins to realize that there are no more friends and acquaintances around whom he can rely and who will make decisions for him, then he will change. Under such conditions, an infantile person can no longer help but accept responsibility or not make important and serious decisions.
• Shock. Sometimes it is enough to simply shake an infantile person. This is of course a serious step, but if you know him well enough and are confident in his feelings for you, then you can break up for a while. This will make him think that he might lose you and will force him to change.
• New job: If the above methods are too difficult for you, then you can use a job change. There are many jobs that require responsibility from workers. There is a great choice here, the main thing is to convince the infantile person that all the difficulties that cannot help but arise at the beginning of such work are natural and that very soon this method will bear fruit.
• Independent life. Often, infantile people live with parents who do everything for them: cleaning, cooking, planning the budget. In this case, moving will be useful, then the person will decide all the issues himself. When he has to think about what to eat tomorrow or how to survive until the end of the month, then he will change.
• We set goals and achieve them. It is important to remember that for an infantile person setting even a small goal is a very difficult task. Therefore, at first, let these be some small goals. The taste of the fact that he set a goal for himself and was able to achieve it will become a driving incentive for an infantile person. And now he himself will desire this and strive for global achievements.
• Pet. It sounds quite strange, but one of the working methods for correcting an infantile person is a pet. After all, as soon as a person understands that there is someone in his life who is completely dependent on him, he will begin to change, will take responsibility, and soon it will no longer frighten him.

These are the methods that really work and can bring success in correcting an infantile person. Of course, among these methods there are some that will be difficult for you to decide on.

But remember, infantilism is not a disease, but rather a habit of behavior. And habits, although difficult, can still be changed.

No matter how self-sufficient an infantile person may seem, rest assured: he needs help and is in fact deeply unhappy. It is necessary to help such a person understand that childhood has long passed, and that in adulthood all people must make decisions and take responsibility for their actions.

Infantility is the special properties of a person’s behavior that characterize him as an immature personality, incapable of making thoughtful, informed decisions. As a rule, such childishness and immaturity are a product of upbringing, and not a failure in the process of brain maturation.

An infantile person simply avoids all responsibility - nothing prevents him from “taking life by the tail and changing something in it,” but the very desire for such active actions is absent.

Whereas, infantilism is a pathological condition that implies a delay psychological formation individuals for any objective reason. For example, oxygen starvation of the brain during intrauterine fetal formation. The discrepancy between a person’s behavior and age characteristics becomes especially noticeable by the time he or she enters school. In the future it will only progress.

Causes

The origins of infantilism, according to experts from different countries those dealing with a similar problem should be looked for in a person’s childhood. Of the many reasons they identified, several main ones can be identified:

• overprotection of parents - the child does not have the opportunity to accept independent decisions and learn from his mistakes, he develops the habit of shifting responsibility to other people;
• constant lack of attention and love from close relatives - a situation when the baby most time left to oneself, a kind of pedagogical neglect, in adult life such children strive to compensate for the lost feeling of care;
• total control - if children are forced to account for literally every step they take, then in contrast they begin to express a kind of protest with their infantile behavior, they say, get what you want, I refuse to take responsibility;
• forced rapid maturation - if a child, due to life circumstances, had to face the need to make important decisions too early, then later he may strive to avoid situations where he needs to make a choice.

Sometimes diseases become a platform for infantilism internal organs, for example, when brain cells simply do not have enough energy for full activity. Or the resulting infantilism in women due to underdevelopment of the ovaries - a deficiency in the production of sex hormones leads to a delay in the maturation of the higher nervous activity.

Symptoms

Among the variety of symptoms that can describe the behavior of an infantile person, the following are the most characteristic signs of infantility:

• inability and unwillingness to make important decisions, for which you will then have to bear personal responsibility - in situations where something urgently needs to be resolved, such a person will try to shift the task as much as possible onto the shoulders of a colleague or relative, or will let everything take its course;
• unconscious desire for dependency - infantile people can earn good money, but they are not accustomed to taking care of themselves in everyday life or are simply lazy, trying in every possible way to avoid everyday responsibilities;
• extremely pronounced egocentrism and selfishness - an unfounded belief that the whole world should revolve around them, their requests should be fulfilled immediately, while they themselves will try to find a thousand excuses for their own unfulfilled obligations;
• difficulties in relationships with colleagues, partners, spouses - reluctance to work on relationships leads to the fact that, in the end, such people remain lonely even in their own family;
• an infantile woman can have fun at some event or party, while her apartment will not be cleaned, and the refrigerator will shine with empty shelves;
• frequent job changes - an infantile man justifies himself in every possible way by the fact that they are too nagging at him or are forced to overwork, so they spend their whole lives looking for a place of work where they would be paid more and demanded less.

Human infantas literally live like moths - one day at a time. Often they do not have savings in reserve. They do not strive for self-improvement, because they are sure that they are already good, they are satisfied with everything about themselves.

Types of infantilism

To complete the description of such a disorder as personality immaturity, it should be noted that it can be expressed in various forms. Thus, mental infantilism is the slow growth of a child. There is some delay in the development of the baby’s personality – in the emotional or volitional sphere. Such children can demonstrate a high level of logical thinking. They are intellectually very developed and capable of caring for themselves. However, their gaming interests always prevail over educational and cognitive ones.

Physiological infantilism is excessively slow or impaired bodily development, entailing a failure in the formation of higher nervous activity. More often taken for . Only a thorough differential diagnosis by a highly professional specialist puts everything in its place. The reasons for its appearance may be infections suffered by a pregnant woman or oxygen starvation of the fetus. Signs of infantilism in such a child can be combined with the phrase “I want to express myself, but I can’t.”

Psychological infantilism - a person has a completely physiologically healthy psyche, his development is quite consistent with his age. But they deliberately choose “childish” behavior. For example, because of what was suffered - as a kind of “protection” from aggressive external reality. Then the habit of isolating oneself and shifting responsibility for oneself to others becomes the norm of behavior.

Features in men

The bulk of the differences in the manifestation of infantilism between the sexes lies in the social views accepted in a particular society. If you look at the problem from this point of view, then infantilism in men is a sign of their failure as a protector, a “breadwinner”. This behavior is in most cases social groups condemned.

You can recognize a male infanta by several characteristic features. He has a very close bond with his family, especially his mother. Moreover, the relationship between them may even be conflicting, but they cannot do without each other for a long time.

The parent dominates in such relationships. Therefore, even as an adult, the infant man does not take on any responsibility - for himself, for his family. In many situations he behaves like a child. Infantilism in men quite often manifests itself in avoidance of conflicts, the need to solve problems, escape from reality into fictitious relationships, for example, in.

But such a man is the soul of any company. He sincerely rejoices at any holiday and reason to have fun. He is always ready to become the organizer of a party, but only if someone else finances it. He practically does not know how to handle money and earn it.

They can be most clearly manifested in his competition with his own children. He is sincerely offended if his wife pays less attention to him or buys more things not for him, but for the child. Scandals and quarrels in such a family will occur more and more often if a woman does not learn to find balance in her relationship with her husband and offspring.

Features in women

Society views infantility in women more favorably. Often such “childishness” is even encouraged - many men enjoy pampering their chosen one or raising her sometimes. Some husbands assert their egos in this way.

Women, on the other hand, like the role of dependents - this makes their existence much easier in terms of making important decisions. Shifting one's worries onto “strong male shoulders” has long been encouraged and welcomed in European society. However, the realities of our days are such that such behavior sometimes leads to disaster in relationships - two infants, having collided, are unable to help each other.

Sometimes infantilism is hidden behind vitamin deficiencies, chronic fatigue, severe stressful situations lead to the fact that nervous system can't stand it. In an effort to preserve herself, a woman begins to move away from reality, becoming lethargic and apathetic. After restoring the reserves of vitamins and microelements, as well as energy, the representative of the fair half of humanity will again be active, bright, cheerful and life-affirming.

If the desire to have fun is the predominant character trait of a woman, without the desire to think about the future, to ensure her well-being and comfort on her own, we can talk about psychological infantilism. Encouraging such behavior can result in permissiveness and licentiousness, even in violation of criminal liability. Punishment and “sobering up” are sometimes too harsh and harsh - serving a sentence in prison.

How to get rid of immaturity?

It is quite difficult for an infantile person to realize the problems he has with making decisions. Few find the strength to fight and take steps to improve their lives - gaining independence. Most often, such people need the help of professional psychologists.

Positive results can be achieved faster if seeking help was undertaken in the early stages of the formation of a personality disorder, in the childhood years of a person’s life. Group and individual trainings have proven themselves to be excellent.

To properly organize the process of raising and developing a child, parents can be advised to:

• consult with children more often, ask their opinion on every important life event for them;
• do not try to artificially create overly comfortable conditions for the child - find out about all the difficulties, for example, at school, solve them together, and do not put the problem solely on your shoulders;
• write it down to sports section– this is how responsibility and determination will be formed in him;
• encourage the child to communicate with peers and older people;
• Avoid thinking in terms of “we” - divide yourself and the baby into “I” and “he”.

If intellectual decline was provoked by focal ischemia, then qualified help from a neurologist and drug treatment will be needed.

How to get rid of immaturity for a man - such issues should be resolved by a specialist in individually. Without awareness of the problem, if he himself is not ready to work on himself, all steps taken by his parents, wife, and colleagues will be ineffective.

Experts can only give recommendations on how to get rid of infantilism in adulthood - reconsider your life priorities, try to live separately from your parents, find a job that will require decision-making, but without excessive responsibility. You can try step-by-step planning - set yourself completely achievable goals and strive for them.

Each person is the creator of his own destiny and without internal work It is impossible to achieve harmonious development of your personality over yourself.

Infantility as a personality quality is a tendency in adulthood to show immaturity of development, to maintain a worldview, worldview, character, manners, behavior, etc., characteristic of a child.

“It seems like you’re already an adult, but you’re acting like a child.” - Nothing like that!... Oh! Look, the swing is free!

One day a simple engineer decided to go racing! He collected the money, went and, of course, lost all the money. The next day I visited all my friends, borrowed money and went to recoup. And again I lost every penny and was very upset. I thought about how to pay off my debts, but I couldn’t figure it out and decided to hang myself. I took a large rope and went into the forest. As soon as I threw the rope, Baba Yaga was there. - What are you going to do? “Yes, just like that,” the engineer told her everything, “I have no choice.” “It’s all nonsense,” says Yaga, “I can fix everything!” - What do you ask for this? - says the engineer. - I won’t ask for anything - we’ll have sex once and, as they say, it’s in the bag. Well, the engineer, of course, agreed, fulfilled Yaga’s whim, and said: “Well, the job is done, let’s fix my life, return everything to the way it was.” - And how old are you? - asks Baba Yaga. “Well, it’s already forty-nine,” the engineer answers. “Why are you asking?” - Oh, you’ve lived so much, seen so much, and still believe in fairy tales!!!

Infantility is an ugly manifestation of childhood personality traits in adults. How do they not disguise themselves as male or feminine qualities personality, the ears of a clearly visible infantilism still stick out. Infantility is an unbridled desire to remain in childhood. Who would be against if infantiles were transferred to adult life sincerity, joyfulness, sensitivity to life and people, naturalness and spontaneity? But instead of virtues, they drag behind them the rusty anchors of the past in the form of self-centeredness, dependence, impulsiveness, blame-seeking, fickleness and irresponsibility.

Infantility - dislike for personal growth, development of the mind, improvement of personality, search for one’s life purpose and meaning in life. This life position ostrich - turn a blind eye to emerging problems, ignore life lessons, brush aside the challenges of life that require the manifestation of such personality qualities as determination, perseverance, perseverance, constancy and responsibility. Infantility is the degeneration of a responsible, independent personality, primarily male, with its replacement by an uncle with a “pacifier”. Infantility is the implacable enemy of growing up.

The first thing that an infant drags into adulthood is selfishness, mossy with time. For a child who does not understand what death is, it is quite natural to think that the whole world exists only to bring him joy. He feels like the Center of the Universe. Another thing is an adult who believes that the sun rises only for him to wake up. The infantile believes that those around him exist to take care of him, give him pleasure and pleasure. An adult with a childish consumer psychology, with an overexcited false ego, causes protest moods, irritation and anger among those around him.

Infantility tends to dependency. Children are naturally characterized by the inability to take care of themselves. But when a healthy man (powerful, hairy and smelly) categorically ignores the idea of ​​​​how to help his wife around the house and shows demonstrative helplessness in all ordinary affairs - this is already a clear sign infantilism.

Infantility is a persistent passion for games and fun. How does she treat herself with toys? This and computer games, and endless sprees with friends - drinking buddies, and the purchase of adult toys (technological innovations, motorcycles, cars). Entertainment is the main part of an infant’s life. Psychologists believe that it is good to have fun with infantile people, and this is how they often endear themselves to other people. The soul of the company, the funny joker is often infantile person, found himself in his element. But as soon as the celebration of life ends, it goes out, disappears from view - until new entertainment.

An infantile person runs away from making decisions like a vampire from holy water. Making decisions requires determination, self-confidence, and willpower. But these are the qualities of a mature personality. They are not suitable for immaturity. Adult man of sense acts at the direction of his mind, which operates in the “Right - Wrong” mode. Infancy is not reasonable. She operates in the mode of a chaotic, lustful mind: “I want”, “I like it - I don’t like it.” Following the path of least resistance, infantility declares: - Why do I need these hemorrhoids?!, Scrap.

Qualitative features of infantility - refusal to accept responsibility for own life on oneself and the lack of conscious goals and plans for the future.

For a child, life is endless, he thinks of immortality as a natural fact and is ready to dance forever on the green lawn of life. His parents are thinking about his future. The infantile adult also has no conscious plans for the future. According to the famous Russian psychologist V.N. Druzhinin, “we have been given a moment of time and a particle of freedom in order to dispose of our moment, the spark of consciousness that illuminated the world. Feeling of time as a resource, “ shagreen leather“, decreasing regardless of the satisfaction or dissatisfaction of our desires - this feeling is inherent only in adults who have the opportunity and desire to reflect on life.”

Infantility is a masculine personality quality. Women are many times less likely to display this quality. Family orientation makes a woman practical, prudent and prudent. Most women, even without knowing about Pierre-Augustin Beaumarchais, clearly follow his advice: “Nature said to a woman: be beautiful if you can, wise if you want, but you must certainly be prudent.”

Women's infantilism manifests itself, oddly enough, in the desire to control everything. Psychologist Olga Krasnikova states: “Infantilism is characterized by so-called inadequate responsibility. What can and should a person be responsible for? For what he can control and change: his actions, thoughts, feelings, desires, relationships. This is adequate responsibility. If I shift my responsibility to others or take responsibility for other people's actions, thoughts, etc., this is inadequate responsibility. So, women who control everything are little girls who are afraid, don’t trust the world, and it seems to them, if not them, then who. It is very common for children to feel like they are the cause of everything. Mom and dad are fighting - it’s because of him, which means he can do something so that they don’t fight. Such a powerful, controlling woman does not come to counseling because she admits that she has a problem. She comes for instructions: what she should do to make her loved ones more comfortable for her.”

Often it is in family life The infantilism of the spouses is especially pronounced. Olga Krasnikova: “According to my observations, many spouses like to play “partisans and telepaths”: if you love me, you should guess why I feel bad! And if you haven’t guessed, you are to blame for my mood and don’t love me at all! And the other side, playing “telepath,” does not ask, but tries to guess what’s wrong, and believes that yes, it’s always his fault. bad mood wives. Both spouses playing guessing games instead of talking are acting absolutely childishly.”

Peter Kovalev