From Mass Effect to Jade Empire: the best BioWare games, in our subjective opinion. A game your kids shouldn't play

Family friendly games, that is, suitable for the whole family - for some, this is a lifestyle. The same Nintendo adhered to the principle of sterile cleanliness for decades, and you could safely run any games on their systems even in front of your grandmother. And only recently they even appeared on Switch blood baths like Wolfenstein and Doom - to please the masses. It's no secret that the modern jaded gamer sometimes wants to try something strange and exotic, and even an ordinary meat grinder does not fall into this category. Gmbox is not going to act as a moral arbiter and say what is good and what is bad. We will only advise which 10 games should NOT be played in front of your parents (or an overly strict girlfriend) if you don’t want them to have doubts about your normality.

10. Dead or Alive 5

You can foam at the mouth as much as you want to prove to your family and friends that the DoA franchise is serious fighting games, in terms of the number of techniques, variety of fighters and complexity of combos not inferior to such giants as Tekken or Street Fighter. However, relatives will quickly notice that all the girls in the game are dressed very scantily, have a breast size of at least 3, and the physics of the behavior of these secondary sexual characteristics is so different from the real one that a “normal” person will immediately suspect that this is not for the Japanese. perverts created it!?

9. South Park (Stick of Truth, Fractured but Whole)

If you watched the animated series, then everything is clear. But we decided to remind you, just in case: the games of this franchise are also not a model of morality and morality. You don't even know where to start. Domestic violence? Uncensored intimate scenes? 8 year old girls in Hooters waitress uniforms? No, perhaps the most taboo thing is Catholic priests with not very normal inclinations and other “flirtings” with the topic of religion. If your grandma remembers Good times and will report where it should be, you can sit down. For God's sake, be careful!

8. Who's Your Daddy?

Firstly, this is indirect propaganda of suicide, which is almost as dangerous as the previous point. Secondly, have pity on your parents! After all, this game will remind you of their real fears, because you are a baby in it, and your goal is to find own death. Household appliances, cleaning products, tablets, sockets, a filled bath: there are a lot of resources, with a minimum of imagination. You're having fun, but for your ancestors this will definitely become a painful psychological trigger. You can, of course, play as a father whose goal is to prevent suicide. But in case of failure...

7. Wolfenstein (New Order, New Colossus)

Yeah, Nintendo clearly let us down in its pursuit of the long dollar. What about family friendly? In both parts of the reboot there is no smell of this. Once upon a time, the Japanese did not want to let the innocent robot Adolf with two six-guns on their console, but now this is the case. In New Order, Blaskowitz, after a stress test for being an Aryan, decides to “relax” with his girlfriend. In New Colossus it’s even worse: in the background there’s a “romantic” love story between a black athlete and an incredibly fat... oh God, no, of course a body positive German woman. Not only that: as an Easter egg, you can stumble upon a scene of already carnal love. Be careful. Those close to you may like this a little less than the brutal kills from two automatic shotguns.

6. Hatoful Boyfriend

It's better not to play dating sims at all. And if you play, then alone. And certainly never - under any circumstances! - don’t even think about launching Hatoful Boyfriend in front of your parents, even just for fun. Mom will be heartbroken. Not only do you sit at the computer all day and cannot go outside to meet a girl - it turns out that you are interested in pigeons! Moreover, these pigeons are boys, which suggests not only excessive reclusiveness, but also an abnormal orientation.

5. My Horse Prince

However, “Love and Doves” is still so, seeds compared to this point. Because My Horse Prince is a mega mess even for a girl gamer. Admitting that you dream of a horse is a way out of the closet. You need to be brave enough to practice it in front of your friends before shocking your parents. The only “excuse” is that Yuma - the man/horse/prince - has a humanoid face. But is this an excuse, or an indication of even more serious mental problems of the player? You can argue here, but definitely don't involve your relatives in this.

4. Stayin' Alive

A few points ago we talked about Who's Your Daddy and the suicidal baby. So, Stayin’ Alive also exploits the fears of adults, but slightly different. Fear of impending death. In this game, a team of pensioners in a nursing home fights for their right to euthanasia: not only forks, knives, fire extinguishers, lighters and pills, but even toothbrushes can become tools for ending life. The team of nurses accordingly tries to stop them. The spectacle is cynical, not for the faint of heart in the 45+ age category.

3. Bayonetta 1 & 2

This game has absolutely brutal fan service, not for parents' eyes. The thousand-year-old witch is too well preserved, all the curves are with her, and the idea of ​​​​hair, which is both clothing and a superweapon, will trigger any over-aged owner of an overly correct moral compass. The fact is that Bayonetta performs some of her powerful blows with the help of her hair (which is woven, for example, into a giant heel), and at some point her body is completely exposed. And in the second part there is general disgrace and shame: an ancient deity in the guise of a 13-year-old boy flirts with a housewife witch. After this, your mother will never believe that you are capable of being interested in normal girls your age.

2.Persona 5

In general, the games from our rating can scare mainly mothers, grandmothers and delicate fathers. But Persona 5 is especially for the stern dad who served near Pskov, jumped with a parachute, broke bricks on his head and knows all the capital’s fountains by heart. His reaction to Persona 5 will be unequivocal: “What, kid, anime!?” Japanese schoolchildren study at school, and in their free time they save the world from invasions from a parallel universe, in which evil is the embodiment of real human sins. What's on!? Seeing Ann Takamaki in a red latex cat suit, dad will finally understand everything and become sad: his son, a scion of the glorious loins of the Airborne Forces, is unable to find such a woman in real life, so it sticks behind the screen. Don't disappoint your father, play on the sly.

1. Catherine

In fact, this is a philosophical story about so-called “love” and the concept of “loyalty” imposed by society, but you can’t explain this to your relatives so easily. They will only see what is on the surface: an unemployed goofball, approaching 30, engaged to a serious girl, Katya. Instead of coming to his senses, finding a job and finally linking his fate with it, he begins to drag himself after someone who has come from nowhere... Katya, but through the English C. Then it turns out that Catherine is a hellish succubus who subjects unfaithful men to severe trials. In general, all this is extremely interesting, but get rid of this complicated story parents. And most importantly - a girl, if one is available.

The work is different. Some work hard like Papa Carlo, others come to the office just for show, and languish first in anticipation of the lunch break, and then 6 pm. It is precisely this category of citizens who are often tempted to open something like that in a third window, after a fake table in Excel and no less meaningless Word document. Tired office workers can be understood, and especially for them, Gmbox provides a list of 10 games that under no circumstances should you play at work, because the picture or accidentally released sounds will greatly confuse your colleagues. Well, what you do at home should not worry anyone.

1. Sakura Clicker

In this masterpiece of game design, it’s not even the sound or image that will give you away, but the overzealous clicking of the mouse - it’s unlikely that anyone can solve office tasks so energetically. Well, if Klavdia Petrovna from the accounting department sees what exactly you are clicking on, she may well take the initiative to deprive you of your quarterly bonus. Because in Sakura Clicker you need to click exclusively on the protruding parts of pretty girls, and success is directly proportional to speed.

Oddly enough, this is a game for intellectuals. Intricate maps of a huge scientific complex that must be memorized, and riddles that sometimes almost reach the level of Portal, will remind you of this masterpiece from Valve. And the visual style is very similar. However, the problem is that main character games - not the modest Chell and not the cheerful egg-shaped robot, but an android girl with the proportions of Nicki Minaj. Moreover, the camera is from the 3rd person. Colleagues are unlikely to believe that this moment you develop intelligence.

3. House Party

All famous YouTubers, including PewdiePie himself, managed to play this sensational quest. Their feelings are mixed. Just think - in our progressive age of female strength and independence, someone dared to make a game in which a woman is perceived solely as a sexual object. Ugliness! At the same time, this quest has decent 3D graphics and an abundance of intimate scenes that will make anyone Mass Effect will blush. Don’t even think about running it at work - they will call you a retrograde, a dinosaur and a misogynist.

4. Porno Studio Tycoon

This option is not so bad for office work, especially if you approach the matter skillfully. In Porno Studio Tycoon, despite the obvious name, its second part is much more important. As in any serious tycoon simulator, at least 60% of your time will be spent studying pivot tables and graphs, indistinguishable from real-life work activities. Just don’t even think about opening the actresses’ files when Klavdia Petrovna is walking behind her to the coffee machine - she will quickly understand that this is not a quarterly report.

5. Dragon Spear

We highly recommend it to a narrow circle of fans of George Kamitani’s work (Odin Sphere, Muramasa, Dragon’s Crown). This talented Japanese works exclusively on console projects, and his imitators made a similar game for the PC for the first time. Be sure to play, but not at work! Even if you have a progressive team, and a couple of tens of minutes a day are allotted for entertainment, you will never explain that this is a full-fledged RPG and you need to grind the raid bosses a little. Colleagues will only pay attention to the unrealistic volumes of the main characters’ breasts, hips and buttocks, and will forever brand you as a dirty pervert.

6. Nier Automata

Exactly the same applies to Nier Automata. You can prove with foam at the mouth that this is a serious story, filled with high meaning, and the leitmotif of the story is the search for true humanity, and not at all the space between the top of the stockings and the bottom of a revealing miniskirt 2B, which hides almost nothing. Issues of self-awareness of robots were raised by the generally recognized author Philip K. Dick, but an inexorably hypocritical group of colleagues will say that you are just a concerned dick.

7. VR Kanojo

Some real estate and architectural offices today have VR headsets to show clients their future real estate, and companies working with computer graphics, this is no longer a curiosity. So, under no circumstances - hear, under no circumstances! - don’t even think about launching VR Kanojo in such conditions. If a “flat” game can always be turned off, then here, with the effect of immersion and isolation from outside world, you will probably be caught off guard. It will be very awkward, especially if you forgot to turn off the picture output to the monitor. Little of: main character VR Kanojo has a well-developed figure and an unknown age. A dangerous combination in which you can hear the barking of the Cerberus of Roskomnadzor.

8. Conan Exiles

Perhaps the only game in the world that, without a shadow of embarrassment, shows not only female, but also male primary sexual characteristics. That is, in common parlance, genitals. And sometimes he doesn’t just show them, but literally shoves them in his face: teabagging in Conan takes on a completely different, much more realistic coloring. If you absolutely want to survive a little at work, it’s better to launch an innocent Ark with dinosaurs - if you get caught, the scale of the scandal will be even smaller.

9. Senran Kagura Estival Versus

This is the fate of many Japanese games: outside of their native Japan, they begin to seem, to put it mildly, strange. Senran Kagura Estival Versus is exactly in this category. This is not a dating sim, not a visual novel, or even a puzzle with explicit pictures - in general, not a genre that can be immediately suspected of something “like that.” This is your average 3rd person slasher. But with two features: firstly, the gradual wear and tear of the costumes of the girls you control. Secondly, breast physics taken to the point of absurdity. We are not talking about the age of these lollies at all. In general, if you are interested in something like this, it is better for your colleagues not to know about it.

10. Sakura Dungeon

And finally, one more warning regarding the Sakura series - this is an absolute ban! If with dangers visual novels and clickers everything is clear, the very word Dungeon gives faint hope - maybe at least everything here is within the bounds of decency? In terms of gameplay mechanics, yes. If you abstract from the visual images, the action itself will remind you of the noble RPGs of the era of early Wizardry or even Eye of The Beholder. But the trouble is that you won’t be able to abstract from the visual images, because they completely correspond to the Sakura style. Such an experience is welcome somewhere at home, in a secluded corner with a laptop, but obviously not in a team.

Very often, children ask their parents to play some games on the computer for them. And usually the answer they hear is “no.” The fact is that many adults are sure that games and children are simply incompatible. Therefore, they try not to allow children to play games, even educational ones, but prefer to keep them occupied with other things. For example, they use books Board games, various toys and so on. Of course, this is correct and commendable. But still, now there are a lot of useful online games for boys and girls that can really teach children a lot. Let's take, for example, NUR games, among which only best projects, which will be useful and interesting not only for adults, but also for children.

Now let's take a closer look at why simple and bright Online Games, should not be included in the list of parental prohibitions.

Let's start with the most important thing - games can teach and develop children. If you choose the right set of games, your child will not only have fun. At the same time, he will learn something new, make discoveries and explore the world. So little by little, he will develop a complete picture of the world and different interesting things, phenomena, etc. In addition, during games, children develop attention, memory, thinking, and they begin to plan their actions in advance. And this is not fiction; scientists have already conducted a number of experiments during which they observed several groups of children. Some had access to simple games, but others do not. As a result, the participants of the first group demonstrated more good results when performing various tasks.

Of course, not all games can teach, or rather not games of all genres. For these purposes, it is best to choose logic, strategy or quest games. Various races and shooting games can also be useful, as they can develop reaction speed and concentration on performing actions.

Next useful property games is that they can teach children to be more responsible. After all, in any game there is some goal, to achieve which the child must complete the game to the end. And when the child plays, he will strive to do everything to pass it. And this will have a positive effect on him later life when he has to make decisions on his own.

Games can also develop well Creative skills children. To do this, it is better to choose games in which you need to draw, compose melodies, dress up virtual characters, decorate rooms, things, and so on. Such games will develop a child's sense of style and creative skills. Let us note right away that this applies not only to creative skills. Games also have a positive effect on academic performance different subjects school curriculum. This has also been proven by scientists and psychologists.

When looking for a game for your child, it is important to remember that the child’s psyche is not fully formed. A child perceives information much more difficult than a teenager or adult. So, let's begin…

1. Wii Sports Club

As with all physical activities, with young children there is always the possibility that your child may harm himself or others, they simply lack coordination.

Of course, sport is good, but for children it is dangerous. Their body has not yet formed and cannot control movements. Children can hurt themselves and others.

2. Rainbow Six Siege

Rainbow Six Siege is one of the most dynamic and complex shooters. The main point is played by surveillance cameras and bullet penetration through several walls and surfaces. This game can cause your children to become extremely aggressive.

3. Slender series of games

Games based on horror films are the most popular and have the most special effects. Children perceive game heroes as supernatural beings who prefer to stalk and kidnap children. All these horror games destroy the already unformed psyche of the child.

4. Assassin's Creed series of games

In terms of content, this game is not the most graphically out of place compared to its contemporaries. The game is based on historical events, but it also contains motives for murder and aggression. If the child plays under the supervision of an adult, then it may not harm psychological health your child.

5. Hitman series

Game of the murder simulator series. Perhaps this game is the most dangerous for your child - the main task is to beat or kill people. You can create the image of your character yourself, down to the accessories.