How not to ruin a long distance relationship. The best tips on how to save a long-distance relationship. Why is this necessary?

More and less happy relationships are based on certain components, such as: compatibility (psychological, physiological, emotional, etc.), a common worldview, and preferably a common geography. But it often happens that a couple has to live in two cities or countries, or a guy and a girl meet at a distance and this relationship begins to develop.

How do relationships develop at a distance?

Psychologists identify 4 main stages of long-distance relationships.

The period of falling in love in a long distance relationship

When a wave of emotional euphoria and a feeling of lightness comes over you, all thoughts are about the person you like. You call or write to this person, communicate with him, there is a feeling as if this person reads all your thoughts, feels you and your mood. This is a time of spiritual inspiration, getting to know each other, showing mutual interest in everything that happens in the life of another person.

At the beginning of a long-distance relationship, for example, dating and falling in love over the Internet or telephone, people make the mistake of falling in love with an image they have invented, and not with a real person. But the image and the real person can be radically different. There may be a gap between your expectations and the actual person.

At the stage of dating and further development of long-distance relationships, try to study the person’s personality from all possible sides. To do this, start conversation topics with him where you could get the most detailed opinion about his views on life.

Ask questions that will help you form an opinion about his worldview. Pay attention to his subjective assessment of a particular action or situation described by him or you.

In order not to be disappointed in a long-distance relationship, try not to trust too much the words of a person whom you have not seen before and do not know how this person actually lives. This will protect you a little from mental and other traumas that may arise in a long-distance relationship.

Long-distance relationships often test mutual expectations.

Here the foundation of future relationships is laid and the grinding of characters begins. The main goal of this stage of a long-distance relationship is the coincidence of intimate instincts and the emergence of an emotional spiritual connection.

It’s good if at this stage of the relationship you can spend maximum of your time together. Then you will be able to get to know each other for real, and not based on some invented images, and find out all your intentions for the future. At this stage of a long-distance relationship, either the image of a happy future together is laid down, or it is not laid down at all.

Difficulties at this stage of a long distance relationship

In any relationship, people receive 70-80% of information non-verbally, reading some information about a person from “body language”, and not based on words.

In a long-distance relationship, it turns out that you lose up to 80% of information about each other and “know” each other only 20%. Not recognizing each other due to emotional closeness that may manifest itself when you meet. The reasons for such closeness may be unsuccessful past experiences in relationships or if the invented image did not coincide with the real person

Excessive expectations or mismatch of expectations. An example of such beyond expectations could be your idea of ​​the emergence of magical love at first sight, and marriage proposals, without really understanding your feelings.

Even at this stage of a long-distance relationship, there is always a fear of uncertainty, when everything is fine now, but what will happen next when we separate? After the first time together, a long-distance relationship developed and became established in a certain form, for example, a man goes to see a woman once a month in her city, sometimes once every half a year.

Or long-distance relationships did not work out due to psychological, sexual, emotional, cultural incompatibility and a crisis in the relationship has already begun.

But it also happens that it is at this stage that a couple can get married. If the concept of a joint future appears and at first everything is really good, there is absolute fidelity, there is deep trust, there is an understanding of each other’s emotional needs, love, care, tenderness and attention. But the couple continues to live in two cities and their meetings are rare.

During the first year of such long-distance relationships, love is supported by psychological inertia and the relationship is still very strong, but after a year, internal conflict begins to grow in such long-distance relationships.

Long-distance relationships and the inevitable increase in internal conflict

Long-distance relationships are torn apart from the inside by the very nature of these relationships. Both partners drag their feet on resolving the issue of a joint geographical location and, as a result, the problematic nature of their relationship grows and intensifies, and internal discontent begins to accumulate in the couple.

The concept of a shared future begins to gradually be undermined by time, weakened and destroyed.

Some couples solve almost all problems by having sex. In a long-distance relationship, this is simply impossible, so all mutual conflicts do not receive emotional release. The internal problematic nature of these relations is growing.

The main principles of any relationship, especially marital relationships, are value and community. In a long-distance relationship, the value of your loved one gradually begins to fade (after all, there are many others around you), and your once huge psychological community also begins to gradually weaken.

In long-distance relationships, distrust of the partner often arises. This mistrust is reinforced by mutual monitoring and attempts to track the location of a loved one.

Cooling and crisis in long distance relationships

A crisis in a long-distance relationship could arise in the second and third stages of this relationship. However, at the fourth stage this crisis is almost inevitable, namely in 95% of cases a crisis occurs. The crisis accumulates gradually over three years of a long-distance relationship.

The quality of this crisis depends on the psychological literacy of the man and woman, on the number of psychological mistakes made by both partners and on the degree of sexual tension that gradually increases in a long-distance relationship.

Mistakes of lovers in long-distance relationships

Couples often make typical mistakes during the crisis stage of a long-distance relationship. Instead of coming together to solve the problems that have arisen in the relationship in order to be happier in the future, the most severe criticism of the other person’s personality is turned on.

Both partners do not understand that in this situation it is not you personally or the other person who is to blame, but the very logic of developing long-distance relationships, which leads most couples to exactly this scenario.

Basically, it is not your individual actions or misdeeds that are criticized, but your entire personality. The classic phrases are heard: “You have always been like this, are and will be!”, In addition to this, mutual absurd, delusional accusations are heard.

Of course, sexual betrayal is not accidental here either. When meeting, partners do not feel the desire to hug each other, but an unnatural feeling of constraint, emotional instability, body language becomes “cold”, that is, closed postures appear.

Don't get too hopeful about the exclusivity of your long-distance relationship. The vast majority of long-distance relationships, if the man and woman do not move in together and start living together within 2-3 years, are doomed to collapse.

Over the course of three years of a long-distance relationship, you come to understand that such a relationship is wrong, at least you understand that it cannot be like this all your life.

The very logic of long-distance relationships leads most couples to separation. Therefore, in order to maintain a long-distance relationship, it is necessary to make these relationships as short-term as possible.

You should try to preserve long-distance relationships in cases where your husband leaves for a short period of time on a business trip, for example. To preserve your feelings when your relationship is at a distance for some time, communicate more often, share everything that is happening in your life, and emotions too, be patient and tune in to wait.

The mindset that your separation should only be beneficial for your relationship will help you with this. But if you are already in a long-distance relationship, and both understand that you are made for each other, then don’t waste your time, start living together and be happy!

Many couples have to go through such a test as a long-distance relationship. The situation of forced long-term separation requires lovers to make efforts so that the spiritual and emotional connection between them is not interrupted. Being away from each other makes it much more difficult for partners to remain united. In this article we will tell you how to maintain a long-distance relationship.

From this article you will learn:

• For what reasons do loving people stay at a distance?
• What are the pros and cons of long distance relationships?
• Why you should take penpal love seriously
• How loving hearts should behave when apart
• How to preserve and maintain feelings at a distance

Love at a distance - what is it like?

Long distance relationships can be of two types:

1. forced;
2. voluntary.

We are talking about forced ones when one of the partners, due to external circumstances, must leave the other for a long time. This could be a long business trip, contract work abroad, studying in another city, or serving in the armed forces. In addition, there are a number of professions associated with long periods of absence from home. Sailors, geologists, fishermen can work for several months, sometimes without even being able to communicate. They are well aware of what a long distance relationship is. They know how to preserve love if a loved one is not around for a long time.

It is very difficult for both partners in a situation where there is no opportunity to constantly communicate with a loved one, to feel his warmth and support. The first weeks of separation are especially difficult, but over time people get used to living in new circumstances. At this moment, it is very important not to let feelings cool down; the relationship must continue, just taking into account the new realities.

Voluntary long-distance relationships are a special case. We are talking about those partners who met in absentia; their communication takes place exclusively through correspondence, video calls or telephone conversations. Social networks, dating sites, online games - these are just the most common ways to find a like-minded person with whom you want to discuss common topics and find out their point of view on various issues.

Whether such long-distance relationships can develop into real communication and life together depends only on the interlocutors themselves. If there is complete mutual understanding between them, spiritual closeness, and agreement on many life issues, it is likely that they will be completely satisfied with each other in real life. You can date long distance and save the relationship by meeting in real life. In the end, it is simply stupid to deny love that has arisen online: today people living thousands of kilometers from each other have every opportunity to maintain constant communication, share news and emotions the very second they appear. This helps to establish contact, get closer spiritually, and understand the position of a potential partner on the most important topics.

Disadvantages of long distance relationships

People who want to maintain long-distance relationships face certain challenges. This does not mean that the couple’s life will turn into constant overcoming difficulties, but some efforts will have to be made to maintain feelings, and both partners equally. Let's talk about the most difficult thing in a long-distance relationship.

• No contact

Communication always rests on contact between people. It can manifest itself in different ways; there are several types:

1. emotional;
2. physical;
3. spiritual.

The most important of these, of course, is physical contact. It is this that serves as the basis for normal relationships. Partners can be close in spirit and experience similar emotions, but if they do not have the opportunity to touch each other, look into each other’s eyes, or feel their breath, such communication cannot be called complete.

The importance of tactile sensations has been proven by scientists: without touch and physical contact, the strongest spiritual connection weakens over time, without receiving support. There is only one way out - try to meet with your partner as often as possible, because even short-term communication in person gives a powerful charge for further maintaining relationships at a distance.

• Personal life

Another danger that awaits lovers during a long separation is the emergence of interests in which the second partner is not involved in any way. We are not talking about intimate relationships on the side, but about the desire to find an interesting activity, acquire new knowledge and skills and, as a result, form a new circle of acquaintances. Let’s say that a wife, in the absence of her husband, started going to the gym, began to actively participate in the child’s school life, or paid more attention to growing flowers in her summer cottage. Naturally, her social circle was replenished with people whom her husband did not know. The spouse, while on a long business trip abroad, also gains new experience - professional, everyday, cultural. He gains knowledge from foreign colleagues, visits museums, and tries new dishes.

When spouses finally meet, they may feel strange at first. On the one hand, this is still the same dear person, on the other hand, he has changed, become somehow unusual, he is interested in new topics unknown to his partner.

During the separation, everyone’s personal life did not stand still; common interests were replaced by personal ones. This does not mean that a gap has arisen between them; on the contrary, each has been enriched with new knowledge and skills that can now be exchanged with each other.

• Lack of attention

To maintain feelings, it is necessary to constantly exchange compliments and signs of caring for each other. Any show of attention to your partner helps him feel needed and loved. At a distance, it becomes more difficult to follow this simple rule: being in different time zones, people do not always live in the same rhythm.

The lack of attention experienced by one of the participants in the relationship can lead to a feeling of uselessness and push him to cheat. This will be the most natural way to fill the void.

Fortunately, modern technologies provide every opportunity to constantly show attention to your soul mate. Sending a message in the messenger, a cute picture or an emoticon will take seconds, and the recipient will feel the love and care of his partner even from a distance.

• Uncertain future

This risk applies more to people who communicate exclusively at a distance and have never met in real life. Making plans in this case is a thankless task; the situation can change in any direction. An absentee acquaintance is equally likely to interrupt communication and take a decisive step forward. It’s a different matter when we are talking about a married couple who is forced to live in different cities or countries for some time. Spouses are connected by common affairs, relatives, children, so they cannot do without planning the future.

• Independent life

Left alone for a while, each partner gets used to relying only on himself and solving all problems that arise on his own. On the one hand, this is good, but the danger for relationships is that the need to wait for outside help gradually disappears. A woman who is accustomed to dealing with everyday troubles in her husband’s absence will no longer bother him with requests to fix a faucet or hang a mirror, but will call a specialist. For a man, such behavior of his wife may seem insulting, because he himself can do this work.

• Attitude of others

The seriousness of long-distance relationships often causes skepticism among friends, relatives and acquaintances. The prevailing opinion in society that true mutual understanding is possible only through direct, live communication makes others doubt the authenticity of the feelings of absentee partners. Of course, there is some truth in this, but if people experience mutual attraction, it is likely that their relationship will work out in real life.

• Risk of betrayal

Even the strongest emotional and spiritual connection may not withstand the onslaught of possible physical attraction to a stranger. The risk of betrayal increases if the separation lasts a very long time and is also accompanied by mutual claims and misunderstanding between partners. Any quarrel can become an impetus for seeking sympathy on the side.

• Suspicion

Realistically assessing the likelihood of betrayal, partners begin to experience constant fear and a desire to control all the actions of their partner. A missed call or a message not read right away gives plenty of room for imagination. Jealousy makes you constantly think that your partner is infatuated with someone else, his loyalty is called into question, and the inability to be close brings the situation to a fever pitch.

• Lack of proper support

Life is rich in a variety of events, both pleasant and not so pleasant. Close people get used to being happy and sad together, supporting each other in any situation. Deprived of this opportunity, partners experience serious discomfort.

• Difficulty of encounters

Large distances between lovers usually do not allow them to meet as often as they would like. There are usually two reasons: lack of free time and the need for large financial expenses. Some couples get out of the situation by organizing meetings on neutral territory - in a place located at an equal distance from both.

Pros of temporary separation

No one can predict whether relationships between partners who are forced to spend a long time away from each other will survive. The decisive role in this is played by the personal qualities of both and the strength of the feelings they experience for each other.

Lovers separated by circumstances can survive this life test without any problems and even benefit from it. Let's talk about the benefits of long-distance relationships.

How to keep love at a distance

• Eliminate external irritants

We are talking about those factors that the partner perceives as a threat to the relationship. It is quite understandable if a man is against a girl maintaining a relationship with her ex or happily responding to calls from her friends to relax with strangers. Of course, everything should be in moderation: demands to lock yourself at home and stop communicating with everyone around you should at least arouse suspicion.

• Don't try to seem like someone you're not

This applies to a greater extent to those relationships that begin in absentia. There is always a temptation to embellish yourself, to attribute non-existent qualities to yourself, to exaggerate your virtues. If the meeting takes place in real life, the pen pal will be unpleasantly surprised that his expectations do not correspond to reality.

• Don't lose contact

Unanswered calls and messages will make the partner worry and suspect the other half that feelings have cooled down. At the first opportunity, you should get in touch to reassure him and let him know that everything is okay. Fortunately, today it is very easy to maintain contact with a person, no matter where he is.

• Be friendly and open

Anyone can be in a bad mood; there are too many factors in everyday life that can cause irritation and frustration. Sharing your negative mood with your partner is not a good idea, especially if the relationship is just beginning.

• Do not throw hysterics and scandals

Don't think that only women are capable of this. Some representatives of the stronger sex are also not averse to sorting things out in a raised voice. This manner of communication at a distance is especially dangerous: living nearby, partners will make peace after some time, but hundreds of kilometers away from each other it is much more difficult to do this.

• Delight with pleasant little things

Both men and women will be equally delighted with a cute little thing that will remind them of their loved one when they are apart. A bouquet of flowers delivered by a courier will make a girl feel loved, even when her boyfriend is very far away. He, in turn, will be pleased to receive a scarf knitted by a friend or a jar of jam, which she will pass on to her friends.

• Don't be shy about revelations

Long-distance relationships should not completely move into the realm of platonic ones. Partners will only benefit if they openly discuss their desires and maintain interest in each other physically.

• Share experiences and emotions

TOP 17 rules for maintaining long-distance relationships

1. Avoid communicating too often. Many couples believe that forced separation should be compensated by constant phone or video calls. This is partly explained by the desire to control the partner, to exclude the very possibility of his communication with other people. Such relationships tire both of them and force them to live in tension. Partners who are confident in each other do not see the need for every minute exchange of messages. It is better to talk once a day at a time convenient for both, to calmly discuss the latest events, than to distract your spouse from work or leisure, demanding constant reporting. Sincere words of support and care are valued much higher than formal expressions of attention.
2. Make the most of your separation. At first glance, this advice looks strange. Close people, due to circumstances, find themselves very far from each other, what could be useful in this? However, the ability to live at a distance and maintain a strong relationship at the same time speaks of the maturity of feelings; such couples are not afraid of more serious trials. When a loved one is hundreds of kilometers away, he does not cease to be dear and desired. Separation makes partners feel more acutely how much they need each other.
   

   Don’t think that a long breakup is detrimental to a relationship. Rather, this is a good way to test their strength, to make sure of the loyalty of their partners and their desire to save the family.

3. Develop rules that are binding for both. Relationships within each couple are built according to different principles, which depend on upbringing, cultural and religious environment, and even the age of the partners. The upcoming separation should be perceived as a difficult period when both participants in the relationship will have to sacrifice something, so it is better if the limits of what is permissible are outlined in advance. For example, it is worth stipulating whether the partners can separately visit each other, visit clubs, or go on trips with friends . Men and women can have completely different points of view on the same subject: what seems like innocent fun to one may be considered cheating for another.
4. Introduce an element of creativity into your daily communication. Wishing good morning and good night is natural for loved ones. However, you should not require your partner to constantly be in the access zone and instantly answer video calls. You can’t turn the desire to communicate with your loved one into a heavy duty. Sharing interesting videos, photos and music, playing joint online games will be a more pleasant pastime than sighing in front of the monitor. There is no need to retell your day minute by minute; it is enough to convey the most important and interesting information.
5. Don't be afraid to talk about sexual topics. Physical attraction is a completely natural part of relationships between people; in many cases, it is sexual understanding that is the reliable “cement” responsible for their strength.
   When there are huge distances between partners, satisfying both physiological desire and emotional intimacy is equally impossible. But this does not mean at all that the topic of sexual intimacy should be taboo. On the contrary, two close people discussing their sexual desires helps them maintain interest in each other.

   Thanks to modern means of communication, the confidential exchange of explicit photos and immodest messages is possible. All this will help keep a man's interest. If you wish, you can even use video chat. Of course, this will not replace full-fledged sex, but it will keep partners on their toes.

6. Avoid provocative situations. The agreement between the participants in the relationship regarding what can and cannot be done while apart was discussed above. If you are going to break the rules, you need to be aware that the consequences can be very serious. If a girl promised not to accept her friends’ offers to visit a nightclub, she should understand that the man will not like it if the word given to him is broken. Hiding your action is also not a good idea: deception may be discovered, and then the trust between partners will be seriously undermined.
   You should not take hostility to the request to refrain from going to entertainment venues. It is likely that we are talking about basic care and the desire to protect from possible negative consequences. In any case, it’s worth thinking about what is more important – gatherings with unfamiliar people or the peace of mind of a loved one.
7. Do something together. It's no secret that joint activities bring people together. Thanks to modern technologies, even at a distance you can find space for mutual pastime. Choosing holiday gifts for relatives, playing an online game, watching a concert of your favorite band – there are a lot of options. If, upon your husband’s return from a business trip, you plan to renovate your apartment, you can start developing a design, selecting building materials, plumbing fixtures and tiles. This activity will not allow the head of the family to remain on the sidelines, and all important decisions will be made jointly.
8. Do similar things. To maintain common interests and always have topics for discussion, it is useful to watch the same films, read the same books, listen to similar music. As a result, partners can speak the same language, based on images and themes that both understand.
9. Visit each other. Take every opportunity to meet your loved one. Even very rare dates will give you strength for further life at a distance and will be a good incentive to maintain relationships.
   What is commonplace for couples who constantly live nearby, takes on enormous value for people who meet after a long separation. For the sake of hugs, kisses, the opportunity to smell a loved one, they are ready to overcome distances, endure inconvenience and incur financial expenses.

   Every minute of a long-awaited meeting is perceived as a gift of fate, and every rare date is perceived as an unforgettable holiday, for which it is worth patiently waiting for the next date in order to eventually be reunited with your partner forever.

10. Set a common goal. People living together are constantly planning their immediate future: what to do on weekends, where to go on vacation, when to renovate their apartment. To maintain a long-distance relationship, you should adhere to the same principle. The fact that partners are separated by hundreds of kilometers should not be an obstacle to jointly discussing goals. The separation will end sooner or later, but the experience of creating common plans will remain.

    Discuss important points: when you will be able to communicate via video call, and on what day you will have to limit yourself to correspondence in the messenger. Rare meetings also require advance planning and careful preparation.

11. Don't isolate yourself. The habit of constantly being with a partner can lead to the fact that forced separation will be very difficult to bear. If your whole life is focused on one person, his absence will be perceived as a tragedy.
    You should not limit your circle of communication to one person, even one who is very dear to you. Relatives, friends, parents of the child's classmates - there are many people around each of us for whom we usually do not have enough time. While the partner is away, they will help fill this difficult period with new events and impressions.
12. Be honest. Very often, participants in a relationship try to protect each other from negative emotions and hide the troubles that have occurred, do not talk about their concerns, experiences, and fears. However, such behavior alienates close people, creates a gap between them, which will later be very difficult to overcome. All this will ultimately make it difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship. The advice of psychologists in this case boils down to one thing: don’t be shy to talk about your problems. By hiding them from your partner, you thereby limit his ability to help you with advice, provide moral support, and simply be aware of what is bothering you.
13. Be aware of each other's daily routine. Due to circumstances, people can be in different time zones for a long time, which inevitably entails a discrepancy between periods of sleep and wakefulness. In order not to cause your partner problems at work and not to wake him up in the middle of the night, you need to know what kind of routine he lives by. To maintain a long-distance relationship with your loved one, regular communication is necessary. But it’s even more important that he receives calls and messages at a convenient time, and not during important negotiations or in the middle of a night’s sleep. It is quite understandable if such an appeal remains unanswered.

    Keep each other informed about what your plans are for the near future. This will help avoid misunderstandings and insults, and will allow loved ones to feel close, even when there are thousands of kilometers between them.

14. Monitor your partner's activity on social networks. The forced separation lasts for months, and it is difficult for both of them to bear. Fortunately, today the life of lovers living far from each other is greatly simplified thanks to modern means of communication. There is no need to wait for weeks for a letter or run to a meeting point, just go to the social network and make sure that everything is okay with a loved one. Moreover, users have an excellent opportunity to communicate not only in words, but also exchange photos, videos and favorite music. You can send a link to a movie you like or an anniversary gift you like for your parents to find out your partner’s opinion.
15. Give something as a keepsake. You should not ignore small souvenirs that do not require large financial expenses, but are expensive for your other half. Any little thing that is necessary in everyday life will remind you of your love and care. A keychain, wallet, lighter will be a clear symbol of how you strive to maintain a long-distance relationship.
    Women are especially likely to attach importance to such gifts. Due to greater sentimentality, they remember their loved one every time they use the perfume presented to them or wear a pendant.
16. Share news about your parents, relatives and friends. Any couple is surrounded by people who make up their social circle - parents, brothers and sisters, their families, as well as friends and acquaintances. The exchange of news about the joyful and sad events of their lives unites spouses who are forced to live far from each other. At the same time, there is absolutely no need to reproach yourself for washing the bones of friends or distant relatives. There is nothing reprehensible in this, and it will help you maintain a long-distance relationship and get through a difficult period of separation.
17. Maintain a positive attitude. When a loved one is away for a long time, maintaining an optimistic approach to life is not as easy as it seems. Forced loneliness, the inability to see and feel a partner can plunge even the most positively-minded lover into despondency. Still, you should not give in to the desire to constantly suffer from the fact that you are separated by huge distances. Learn to find the positives in the fact that you are not together yet, use this time for self-improvement, acquiring new knowledge and useful skills.
    

    Think about how many people cannot find their soul mate, and feel grateful to the world that gave you the opportunity to love, be loved and happy, even from a distance. Sooner or later, the separation will end, so often dream about the day when you will finally be together.

Is long distance relationships even possible?

Thank you for reading this article to the end.

Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.

More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.

My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!

Long-distance relationships are a difficult test for love. It depends only on you whether your connection will become stronger or break completely. Separation is not only pain, but also a lot of positive moments. You and your loved one will not bother each other, and kilometers and time zones will help you test your feelings for strength. The editors of the site offer excellent ways to maintain and strengthen long-distance relationships, advice from psychologists and people who managed to preserve their love despite the circumstances.

Features of love relationships in long separation

It is difficult for lovers to endure separation, because they cannot touch each other or hug each other. Shows of affection are only possible over the phone and the Internet. This is very little, because tactile contact is so necessary. Being nearby, loving people can spend evenings and weekends together, have fun, and share impressions.

At a distance, everyone has their own busy life, and moments of communication are rare and short. Because of this, love is overshadowed by negativity. No matter how much people trust each other, they are faced with periodic “unavailability” of partners. At such moments, mistrust, jealousy, and resentment are born.

When psychologists look at long-distance relationships, advice begins by asking lovers to discuss the main thing: how they perceive their connection. It's the most important. For one of the partners, this may be a serious relationship in which he is counting on a future family. And the second one can treat them as a connection without any special obligations.

It makes sense to maintain a relationship only if both partners have the same plans for the future, otherwise disappointments are inevitable.

Lovers need to agree on what they plan in the future: moving in together, getting married, or dating as good friends and sexual partners. At the same time, you should understand that life makes its own adjustments, and not be afraid of changes, but adapt your plans to them. To keep your love alive, follow a few simple rules.

1. Stop suffering, learn to enjoy separation

It sounds blasphemous, but it was this advice that helped many couples maintain love, despite kilometers and years. There are many benefits to being in a long distance relationship. You don’t have to deal with everyday routine, quarrel over little things and tolerate each other’s unpleasant habits. Essentially, your love blossoms in hothouse conditions. So enjoy it!

Build your schedule so that the whole day is filled with events. Be sure to find out what gives you a surge of happiness hormones, and do everything every day to get maximum pleasure. This will help you not to concentrate on separation and not to create negative thoughts.

Another positive point: when you communicate with your loved one, a wave of joy, positivity, energy, and lightness will emanate from you. Hearing a warm, happy voice from the phone, watching an involuntary smile over a video call, your partner will fall in love even more and will look forward to every meeting.

2. Talk to each other as often as possible

Stay in touch at any opportunity, preferably in such a way that you can see each other. Written messages cannot convey your feelings; more reliable contact is needed.

Talk about everything without specifically selecting topics. Don’t be afraid to ask about everyday little things, to report small joys and troubles. This will help you stay in touch with reality.

3. Never conduct interrogations with bias

Be attentive to each other's lives, but do not allow conversations to turn into mutual interrogations. If a person hasn’t called, don’t jealously inquire where he was and what he did. Decide for yourself that you believe your loved one, do not doubt his feelings for a second and are not jealous.

Your suspicion can destroy a fragile connection. You shouldn't look for signs of cheating, but if it becomes obvious that your partner is lying, don't close your eyes to it. Consider whether you are ready to accept this. Live life to the fullest, have fun with friends, love, but always balance your expectations with reality.

4. Improve yourself, improve with your partner in mind

Sign up for a gym, cooking class, or dance class. Choose what you like and let your hobby help you improve yourself. Think about how new skills will help you strengthen your relationships and become more attractive. This will be a great motivation for both. A useful hobby will redirect your attention. You will miss your loved one less and at the same time be inspired by your love for him.

5. Meet more often, give each other gifts

Meet as often as possible. Never put off your next date, even if you had an argument during the previous one. Personal meetings are very important, otherwise you risk falling in love with an invented virtual image instead of a real person. Then, having decided to live together, you will be deeply disappointed.

Give each other gifts. When choosing gifts, proceed from your financial capabilities. You shouldn't go broke every time you meet, but a little pleasant surprise is a must. When parting, you will leave behind not only impressions, but also quite material things that are associated with them.

In the modern information age, love on the Internet is not uncommon. There are even statistics on such couples. For example, 4.3% of all lovers in the United States are at a distance from each other, and in Russia there are slightly fewer of them - 3.7%.

Therefore, to the question of whether long-distance relationships are possible, the answer is clear. Of course yes!

But this is in theory, but in practice everything depends on people. If there is true love between a man and a woman, they will overcome all obstacles.

But it must be necessary for both . Only then will such relationships make sense.

Reasons for long distance relationships

Some romances begin right on the Internet, between people who have never met each other. Some couples must separate due to circumstances. The most common reasons for long distance relationships:

• the guy goes into the army;
• moving of one of the lovers to another city or country for permanent residence;
• admission to an educational institution that is located far from home;
• the consequence of a holiday romance.

These are the most popular reasons, but there are many others besides them. The main thing is to understand how to overcome all obstacles and stay with your loved one, even while being far away from him. How can you find the strength to decide on such a relationship? Remember the following advantages:

Why is this necessary?

This is actually an extremely important question. If you don’t feel the strength to wait for your loved one, then maybe there are no feelings between you? Then it will really be wiser to let the person go in order to find new love and new feelings for both you and him. You should not continue the relationship out of pity or because you are afraid of condemnation from the outside. This is your life in which you should be happy. If you constantly lack someone’s presence nearby and thoughts appear in your head about replacing him, you need to be honest with your partner. It's not so scary to fail the feelings test, how to deceive someone who trusts you infinitely.

If life without a soulmate is not possible and you don’t want to imagine anyone else in his place, then let’s look at ways to maintain a long-distance relationship.

Psychologists are doctors for the soul who know how to nourish love at a distance. So what advice do they give on how to cope with temporary separation?

Maintain regular communication

Without communication, love at a distance is indeed, if possible, very difficult. There were cases when a husband, who disappeared in the war and did not have the opportunity to send news to his wife that he was alive, returned years later, and his wife was waiting for him all this time. These amazing stories of selfless love are known to all of us.

But in the modern world there are thousands of ways to communicate at any distance. A huge number of instant messengers such as WhatsApp, Viber, Telegram and so on, make it possible to be in touch 24 hours a day. Of course, it is also not necessary, and even impossible, to devote so much time to each other, but your conversations should be regular. Ideally, you need to communicate (and you would like to, you love each other!) every day, but you can keep in touch several times a week.

Just don't limit yourself to SMS alone.. There must also be a telephone conversation in which a native voice can be heard. And it’s even better if it’s Skype, with which you can not only hear each other, but also see each other. This will feed your feelings well and not let you forget each other. With its help you can even bring a little intimacy into your life. These will be thrills, after which the relationship will sparkle with new colors. Also, if you have a trusting relationship, you can send each other beautiful erotic photos and videos.

Don't worry about topics of conversation

If you are waiting and loving a loved one at a distance, you don’t need to constrain yourself with constant worries about what you should talk about in the evening. This is a loved one who will understand and support in any situation, be relaxed with him. Otherwise, each communication session will be accompanied by stress, and this will not have the best effect on the relationship. Just tell your loved one about it, what made you happy or sad this day, consult with him on important issues. Say the same things as if you were sitting in the kitchen together having dinner. This will help create the illusion of presence and ease the sadness of separation.

Just by chatting about your problems, you must not forget about the affairs of your loved one. You definitely need to ask how he is doing, how he spent his day. It will be very disappointing if you forget that he is sick and do not ask about his well-being. You need to constantly think about how to support a man from a distance if he has problems. It could just be a pleasant conversation with him, or unexpected news that will please him, or even just sincerely expressed complicity. When a person realizes that there is someone to support him, all problems become not so scary.

Do something together

Find something you can do at the same time. This will create a feeling of the real presence of your partner. Such things could be:

• cooking identical dishes followed by dinner via Skype;
• reading the same book or watching a movie and TV series, which can then be discussed;
• using video chat while you are doing something or even going to bed.

This is just a small part of what lovers can do together. Surely you can come up with your own cool ideas that will help strengthen your feelings.

Do not be sad

If every conversation you have is accompanied by whining about how bad and painful you are without your loved one, it may get boring . Yes, it might be cute at first., but then it will only be annoying. And not only the second person, but also the one who complains. Constant suffering harms the psyche, as a result of which you want to remove everything bad from your life. And the bad thing in this case is long-distance relationships. In order not to grow cold towards your loved one and not receive the same feeling of indifference in return, you need to take measures.

Talk about good things. Tell us what interesting things happened during the day, what book you read or movie you watched. Make good use of your alone time. Now there will be an opportunity to learn something new, take care of yourself, or find an interesting job in order to surprise your soulmate with new talents or knowledge when you meet.

If you spend your time fun and usefully, then you will have something to talk about during a conversation with your loved one. He will understand that you are a cheerful and cheerful person, he will be proud of this and strive even more to meet you.

Express love

If you follow the previous advice It's important not to overdo it. If you constantly chase an interesting life, you may not have time left for your loved one. Or your significant other will feel unwanted. To prevent this from happening, do not forget to tell her how much you love and miss her. Let good morning and good night wishes become your good tradition. It is not necessary to write long letters - just a couple of nice words, but every day.

In addition, you can send parcels. A guy can order flowers to be delivered to his beloved’s home or send her a teddy bear as a gift. A girl can send her favorite sweets to a young man or find on the Internet a recipe for cookies that can be stored for a long time, prepare them and send them first class or EMS so that the package arrives faster.

And, of course, you can write letters to each other! This may seem funny and old-fashioned, but once you receive a message from your loved one, written in his hand and containing the smell of his perfume, you will immediately change your mind. Therefore, you can write letters, poems, draw pictures and send them to someone who is still separated from you. Carefully stored letters and cards can eventually become your family heirlooms.

Find an opportunity to see each other

For whatever reason, your relationship goes long distance, you can always find an opportunity to see each other at least once every six months.

There are layoffs in the army, vacations are provided in the educational institution, and there is a transport connection between neighboring cities, with the help of which one of you can get to the other. Or it might be more interesting to choose an intermediate city to which you both fly.

What can I say, even in prison, visits are possible; will you really not be able to get out with your loved one for a long-awaited meeting?

Plan for it and strive for it. Talk about your feelings as the cherished date approaches, dream together.

The waiting time can be sweetened with a countdown to the cherished meeting date. For example, if there is a month left before it, write 30 small line letters, put them in envelopes along with some small sweets, sign what date you need to open each of them, and send them by parcel, taking into account the time it will take for delivery. Thanks to this, your partner will have a pleasant memory of you every day.

And when you do see each other, try to have the best time possible. Avoid quarrels, conflicts and mutual reproaches. Do something unusual and interesting. Let the date leave only pleasant memories that you will want to repeat again and again.

Forget about deception

How great is the temptation sometimes to do something that your loved one would not approve of, but you really want to. For example, if he is worried about you and won’t let you go to a late-night movie, just say that you’re going to bed and fly off to wherever you were going. Of course, your partner is unlikely to ever find out about this, but is it worth betraying his trust like that?

The problem with long-distance love is that a certain permissiveness is felt due to the lack of full-fledged communication and dates. But it's not right. Think about the possibility of someone doing this to you. Would you like this? Surely not. Which means don’t do it yourself. Otherwise, it will turn into a bad habit that will remain with you even after the separation is over. If you want something, but your loved one is against it, try to find a compromise. You need these relationships.

Don't think about bad things

Some people consider jealousy a sign of love, some consider it a sign of mistrust, but, one way or another, each of us has once encountered this destructive feeling. Of course, it is very difficult not to be jealous when your loved one is far away and it is unknown how and with whom he spends his time. But there is nothing left to do but trust.

There is no need to be afraid of being deceived. Sooner or later all lies, if it exists, it comes out. Just trust the one you chose. Understand that there would be no point in maintaining a difficult long-distance relationship if he did not need it. Of course, when there is reasonable suspicion, you need to take action, but before you talk about infidelity, make sure that these are not just your fears. Otherwise, such a serious accusation can greatly offend and shake the relationship.

Deliberate separation

If you don't want to get completely lost forever, sometimes you will need to see each other. This, of course, is not a full-fledged relationship, but in a sense, it is also love at a distance. In this case, in order not to complicate a difficult situation even more, psychologists recommend holding meetings on neutral territory.

First of all, it will be more convenient and psychologically comfortable. The fact that one of the couple will have to wait for the other is very pressing and puts them in an awkward position. At the same time, the one who comes to visit will also have to feel uncomfortable, since the relationship has ceased to be the same as before.

In addition, a familiar environment can inspire romantic thoughts and feelings in you, which will not allow you to soberly assess the situation. It will be easier to find out whether you need such a relationship on neutral territory that is not associated with places of past meetings. In this case, you can definitely decide for yourself whether you need this person.

So, building a long-distance relationship means going through a serious test of feelings. Never known in advance how they will end, but if there is mutual love and a desire to be together, you are simply guaranteed a happy ending.

Attention, TODAY only!

Much has been written about long-distance relationships: some believe that it is impossible, others calmly manage to maintain love on different continents. So, let's try to understand what the difficulties are?

The main problem is constant separation and the inability to control the life of a partner. After all, it is never clear whether he is being faithful or having fun on the side. Much depends on how ready you are to forgive a casual relationship. If you are capable of forgiving this, then you will only be pleased to know that nothing of the kind happened to her while you were apart.

Another problem is the impossibility of physical contact, which is so important in a relationship, especially for a man. But does this mean that maintaining a long-distance relationship is impossible? So, let's try to figure it out.

Is love possible between a man and a woman at a distance?

Quite possible. It all depends on you. If you are by nature ready for difficulties for the sake of love and are ready to endure separation, lack of physical contact and abstinence, then there are chances. In love, physical contact is only one of the components. But it’s not for nothing that they say that men love with their eyes. Today there are so many means of communication, Skype and various instant messengers with built-in video chats, that “loving with your eyes” is always available. And it won’t be like Pushkin’s in his message to Anna Kern, and the image won’t fade, and the sweet features won’t be erased in memories. You can also appear on the screen of a computer or gadget. And it helps so much!

Advantages and disadvantages

• The first problem with long-distance relationships is, of course, occasional meetings. After all, sooner or later it will come to this. And it’s good if the distances are small, but what if there are thousands of kilometers between you? It’s hard, but on the other hand, it’s a reason to increase income and look for opportunities for a physical meeting. Unless your chosen one has flown to Australia or Oceania for an internship while you remain in Russia. Or maybe you are currently serving in the army or have gone on an expedition, and a clear dove is waiting at home? A lot depends on the time of separation and on the events that may happen to each of you.
• A long separation will depress you almost every single day. Especially if there is someone nearby with whom there is an opportunity to brighten up loneliness. This may encourage one of you to start a new relationship. At first, they were innocent and friendly. But what then? They can develop into a serious romance. And what is the fault of the person who became the “alternate airfield”. There is nothing surprising in the fact that sooner or later he will want to become a “primary landing site.”
• Very often, after you get back together, it turns out that you no longer have anything in common. After all, it is impossible to understand the fullness of a person’s character only by correspondence. If you had an ordinary relationship before, you actually dated, then even in this situation, a long separation will leave a special imprint on the character of each of you. And the more dramatic events that happen in your or her life, the stronger the changes in character will be. There are so many conversations about how the girl didn’t wait for the guy from the army. And for some reason, they are bashfully silent about the fact that guys often come from their place of service with their fiancées, often already expecting a child. But there are also more subtle cases: a young man returns from the army or expedition, not burdened with a newly made bride. He even returns to his girlfriend and then leaves her. He understands that there are really no points of contact left. Yes, and she can ask herself: “What is this that appeared instead of my cheerful guy? Some kind of rude vulgar? Of course, the emerging rudeness is only one reason for rejection. But there are also more serious ones: a real red tape may awaken in a guy, although previously he was a completely faithful friend of life.
• What can we say about those relationships that were started from afar? A chance acquaintance, several days spent together, and then long distance communication. At the same time, you don’t really recognize the person. On social networks, everyone can show off, put on a mask of innocence or, conversely, accessibility - as you like. A girl may show herself to be an extraordinary person, and then it turns out that all these songs were composed by a friend, the photographs were seriously edited on a computer, and the background to them was generally substituted from Internet libraries.

But there are also positive aspects:

• Who said that a person is not able to remain faithful and love at a distance? Many women wait for their men from the army and they, even if possible, do not cheat on them. How many such examples! There are girls whom their friends call “Decembrists.” These people save money and then come to the guy where he serves. And they do this more than once, not twice. Not only for the oath, but also just for some weekend. And the guy is also waiting for her to rush to him again like crazy, postponing all her affairs for later, spending her last savings. Here is such an example of love at a distance - and it is not at all bookish, but real.
• Rare meetings may be expensive, but the joy from them will simply overwhelm you. It cannot be compared with those feelings when you see your partner every day. You will feel like you are floating in the clouds with joy! The long-awaited meeting will not be just prosaic. You'll probably come up with something to celebrate this. You can go to beautiful places or sit in a cozy restaurant. You can visit an exhibition or concert. The meeting will be a holiday. And the effect of this is amazing. You will separate again for a long time, but the despondency is gone. The meeting seems to continue. It’s your and her emotions that touch somewhere in the distant ether, or noosphere - to each his own. But you are still emotionally together, while the memory of this day is fresh.
• If you don't see each other often, this gives you the opportunity to relax a little in caring for yourself. In fact, daily manicure, pedicure, and hair removal can exhaust anyone. Including your girlfriend. But how will she prepare for the meeting! And you won’t be so annoyed if acne suddenly pops up, or you’re simply not in the best shape.

Psychology of long distance relationships

As mentioned above, the main problem of long-distance relationships is the inability to see each other often. In principle, this is both a plus and a minus - you have plenty of time for yourself and self-development, but melancholy will depress you.

In principle, long-distance relationships, if successful, can become one of the strongest and happiest in your life. How? The point is that once you pass the test of distance, you can survive even more. Separation is the worst enemy for a relationship. Defeat him - your couple will not care about everything else.

11 tips from a psychologist on how to maintain a long-distance relationship

1. Communicate as often as possible. Even ten minutes on Skype or a short text message will look like a reminder to her that you remember her.

2. Find yourself a hobby or activity you enjoy. It’s hard to be constantly in touch, and too frequent communication will depress you with the impossibility of intimacy.

3. Don't "follow" her online activity. If she “likes” guys you don’t know, then this is not a reason for jealousy, although it will cause such a feeling.

4. Try sending her some gift. She will appreciate it and it will definitely help save the relationship.

5. Take every opportunity to see each other. The long-awaited meeting must happen no matter what.

6. There is no need to be afraid to write about your problems, but you should not turn into a desperate whiner. It's normal when a person can sympathize. It brings us closer together. But it’s too much if your partner feels like a vest into which you constantly cry.

7. If a girl wrote about her problems, then support her and help her with advice. But the advice should not be dry. It will look like you're trying to get away. It is not completely clear what women want - just a solution to the problem or, to a greater extent, participation. Words of support, compliments - these are the emotions she expects from you. First comfort, then advise. This is the surest move.

8. The danger of building an ideal while a friend is far away is very great. And you may not morally forgive her if she differs in some way from the image you have built. Remember that she is a living person. Even if it has stopped changing physically, a person is constantly developing spiritually. He sometimes reaches dead ends, sometimes finds the right path, but such psychological growth is the norm. Even if a person’s character has changed, this is stress or conflict for you between the created image and the real person. Accept it as real, discard the ideal, even if this requires spiritual work from you.

9. Don't try to mold a person according to your canons. Don't forget that she has the same right to influence your character. It’s just that during separations this process is suspended, and a desire arises to show one’s selfishness.

10. When communicating, you need to exchange not only “sighs”, but also try to understand how your partner is living at the moment. What makes him a fan, what does he like? Not every person can be “mothballed.” You can get to know each other forever - so do it!

How to make a girl fall in love with you when communicating on the phone and the Internet

You just need to be interesting. It is not necessary to have great wealth or perfect appearance. You shouldn’t put too much pressure on your intellect, or seem like a simpleton. But it is important to understand what exactly interests the girl sincerely. Then there will be a reason to start a relationship. Well, to fall in love, you need not only to discuss something interesting for both of you, but also to put on yourself an aura of romance. Women love riddles. So make her want to know more about you. Intrigue. For example, your friends include her idol. Here you can come up with a whole detective story about how you did it.

And if you yourself are an extraordinary person. Get her interested, but don't get carried away. Post your work on social networks, but without being too pompous. Give her a spiritual dedication: a poem, a painting, music, artistic photography, etc. Such personal attention is always pleasant. But don't overwhelm her with such gifts. Better wait for a response, and then carefully continue.